Keith Richards On Mick Jagger's Dick (Not Like That), And Other Things

The rusty aluminum file cabinet drawer marked "memories" in Keith Richards' head is filled with a few dead dragons (yeah, he caught three or four), torn panties and different kinds of ash, but he still managed to put together the pieces to write his life story. Keith, who is what you would get if you dipped Freddy Krueger into sexy sauce (don't deny), writes about Mick Jagger's toddler dick, his drug days and how he thought Johnny Depp was a dealer.

There's a million excerpts at Rolling Stone, but here's a few for now. Keef should really do this more often.

Keef on how Mick has a case of the Cisco Adlers in the nutsack area, but has a case of the Jon Gosselins in the dick area: "Marianne Faithfull had no fun with his tiny todger. I know he's got an enormous pair of balls - but it doesn't quite fill the gap."

Keef on how his friendship with Mick made a sharp turn down "DO I HATE YOU OR NOT?" Road back in the 80s: "I used to love Mick, but I haven't been to his dressing room in 20 years. Sometimes I think, 'I miss my friend'. I wonder, 'Where did he go?'"

Keef on why he thinks Mick brought the bitchery on him: "I've no doubt, in retrospect, that Mick was very jealous of me having other male friends. Maybe his exclusivity is bound up with his own siege mentality. Or maybe he thinks he's trying to protect me: What does that asshole want from Keith?' But quite honestly, I can't put my finger on it."

Keef on how he'll be friends with Mick until the zombie hunters get them: "Because I love the man dearly; I'm still his mate. But he makes it very difficult to be his friend."

Keef on his party days: "Some of my most outrageous nights I can only believe actually happened because of corroborating evidence. No wonder I’m famous for partying! The ultimate party, if it’s any good, you can’t remember it. You get these brief vignettes of what you did. 'Oh, you don’t remember shooting the gun? Pull up the carpet, look at those holes, man.' I feel a bit of shame and embarrassment. 'You can’t remember that? When you got your dick out, swinging from the chandelier, anybody up for grabs, wrap it in a five-pound note?' Nope, don’t remember a thing about it.'"

Keef on why he dropped the bad shit from his daily diet: "I don't want to see my old friend Lucifer just yet. He's the guy I'm gonna see, isn't it? I'm not going to the other place, let's face it. I've given up everything now - which is a trip in itself."

Keef on Johnny Depp: "It took me two years before I realised who he was. He was just one of my son Marlon's mates, hanging around the house playing guitar. I never ask Marlon's mates who they are because, you know, 'I'm a dope dealer." Then one day I was at dinner and I'm like 'Woah, Scissorhands."'

From now on, Johnny Depp should always be introduced as "WOAH, Scissorhands." Always.

Posted by: Michael K

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Keith Richards

Submitted by Starqz on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:51am.

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 12:18pm.
Mick also has the herp. Tiny, sore ladden meat with a giant nutsack is not what I would call a turn on
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Evil_Cupcake- where did you hear that Mick had herpes? Can you give us a link to info if you have one?

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:48am.

Mick also has the herp. Tiny, sore ladden meat with a giant nutsack is not what I would call a turn on.

Submitted by islandgirl on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:48am.

Submitted by Deb on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 12:11pm.
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Cavernous whore-stretched vagina tunnel? AHAHAHA!!

He's the Artful Todger!

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Every time an IKEA wineglass breaks, IG gets her wings. ~~NitWitty a.k.a Tiny Todger

Submitted by Dolly_D on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:47am.

Submitted by Starqz on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 11:58am.

Here's a naked picture of Mick Jagger. Is his weenie really that small or does his ginormous balls just make it look that way?
http://www.omgblog.com/2009/07/omg_hes_naked_mick_jagger.php

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My god, his balls are huge! I think Keef is just jealous that Mick has gotten so much pussy over the years. Mick has been using his todger for a lot of good rogering

Submitted by onthefringe on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:47am.

Submitted by Starqz on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 11:58am.
Here's a naked picture of Mick Jagger. Is his weenie really that small or does his ginormous balls just make it look that way?
http://www.omgblog.com/2009/07/omg_hes_naked_mick_jagger.php

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A strange pic. His low hangers look like another todger pointing in the opposite direction.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
The real life horror of Monsanto: David vs Monsanto
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E42ndfjnP1g

Submitted by das44 on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:46am.

I don't want to see my old friend Lucifer just yet. He's the guy I'm gonna see, isn't it? I'm not going to the other place, let's face it. I've given up everything now - which is a trip in itself."

The thing is he will probably end up in heaven. Think about it..Has this man ever harmed anyone other than himself....His is cool old dude and if anyone deserves to go to heaven he does.

Submitted by snowpiece on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:45am.

TODGER!

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"a cheap teenage whore from the San Gabriel Valley." = MK

Submitted by Raul Duke on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:42am.

So that's why the black girls wanted to get fucked all night, he wasn't lying, he don't have that much jam! *********************************************************************************** Kenny Powers: There’s one image in my life that consistently makes me happy, no matter when I think about it, and that image, that one image is your big tits.

Submitted by Deb on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:41am.

Submitted by islandgirl on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 12:06pm.
Janice Dickinson (!!) just called me, and she had this to say about Mick's todger...

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Be fair, IG. I'm sure most todgers seem like that when facing Janice's cavernous whore-stretched vagina tunnel.

"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson

Submitted by Pearl_Necklace on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:40am.

Never knew this rock dino was so full of TROOF haha! Especially love the Johnny Depp & great party parts.

Optimism is a political act. Those who benefit from the status quo are perfectly happy for us to think nothing is going to get any better. In fact,these days cynicism is obedience. - Alex Steff

Submitted by Goldigga on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:39am.

Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 12:05pm.
Why is his skinny dick pointing to the dude to the left?

Bahahaha! Thats a good thing! I could fuck him from round a corner and not have to look at his weathered face :D

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That big ten-head must give you lots of brain room, huh, Goldigga - Submitted by Vern on Mon, 10/04/2010 - 9:14am

Submitted by Madam Pince on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:39am.

"I don't want to see my old friend Lucifer just yet. He's the guy I'm gonna see, isn't it? I'm not going to the other place, let's face it."

I don't know, Keef; I think honesty and facing your demons goes in your favor. But if you do indeed find yourself facing your old friend, you'll be shaking so many hands you won't have time to worry about the heat.

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"When I look at these pictures, I don't hear music, I hear the creaky sound of the Four Horsemen's stable door slowly opening ..."

Submitted by islandgirl on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:36am.

Janice Dickinson (!!) just called me, and she had this to say about Mick's todger...

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/05_02/janiceKENT2205_468x371.jpg

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Every time an IKEA wineglass breaks, IG gets her wings. ~~NitWitty a.k.a Tiny Todger

Submitted by CindyC on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:36am.

"Now Keef's gonna sing 'appy"

Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:35am.

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 12:01pm.
Submitted by Starqz on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 11:58am.
Here's a naked picture of Mick Jagger. Is his weenie really that small or does his ginormous balls just make it look that way?
http://www.omgblog.com/2009/07/omg_hes_naked_mick_jagger.php

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Why is his skinny dick pointing to the dude to the left?

*confused*

Submitted by Goldigga on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:34am.

He looks like a slug thats had salt sprinkled on it

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That big ten-head must give you lots of brain room, huh, Goldigga - Submitted by Vern on Mon, 10/04/2010 - 9:14am

Submitted by sushi on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:34am.

*off topic* is anyone else as nauseated by "The Talk" commercials? It's the new View wannabee. The commercials all show them laughing like fucking hyenas.

Submitted by Slurpee on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:34am.

I LOVE it when celebs get old and bitchy and start raggin' on other celebs. Priceless!

Submitted by Raul Duke on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:32am.

WOW"""""""""" *********************************************************************************** Kenny Powers: There’s one image in my life that consistently makes me happy, no matter when I think about it, and that image, that one image is your big tits.

Submitted by Starqz on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 11:18am.

Oh yeah I've got naked pictures of Keith Richards too, google Keith Richards nude and one of them comes up. And yes, his todger IS bigger than Jaggers' though not by much..
http://bad-boyz.net/nudestars/images/richards01.jpg
http://fullfrontalfriday.blogspot.com/2008/04/full-frontal-friday_11.htm...

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:31am.

I'm more concerned why his needledick is pointing to the dude next to him... as if to say "I'm with Mr. Big Dick".
_____________________________________________
"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09

"Your appalling choice in women is well-known to us dlisters." Momus

Submitted by Secret Original on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:30am.

Keith isn't exactly spilling a state secret about Mick's todger. There was a story a few years ago about his using bee stings in the Amazon to make it swell, and Janice Dickinson told the BBC he had a little willy.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-456933/Mick-Jagger-used-bee...

Submitted by Deb on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:29am.

I adore Keef, and I understand why he's taking the mick out of Mick. Mick is full of himself. Now, I have adored Mick, and all the Stones since I was a kid. I think that The Glimmer Twins are the perfect Yin and Yang for each other, in a similar way to Paul and John in the Beatles.
Mick had the attitude, was the sexy, androgynous frontman, and the businessman of the band. Keith was and is rock 'n roll. He is a devotee of the blues, embodies the rock star lifestyle, and provides the grit that contrasts with Mick's glitter.
Yeah, they're old now, but they produced some of the best music-rock 'n roll or whatever, of the 20th century.
The remastered "Exile on Mainstreet" is on regular rotation in my truck. LOVE 'EM ALL!

I must disagree with whomever said they've been irrelevant since '76. Their last great album, (IMHO), was "Some Girls" in '78. Their last really good album was "Tattoo You" in '81.

"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson

Submitted by Starqz on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:28am.

Here's a naked picture of Mick Jagger. Is his weenie really that small or does his ginormous balls just make it look that way?
http://www.omgblog.com/2009/07/omg_hes_naked_mick_jagger.php

Submitted by agirl on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:28am.

sorry double post

Submitted by agirl on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:27am.

Keef is a crazy mofo - he has earned the right to say and do anything he wants.

Submitted by caprica six on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:25am.

Submitted by islandgirl on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 11:52am.

HOLD ME CLOSER TINY TODGER!!

Hahaha, stop me!!

__________________--

*on the fking floor and cannot stop cracking up* DAMNIT IG, that Elton song is now looping in my damn brains lololololo

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"DO AS I SAY AND BUY THE MOTHERFUCKING COCK SHIT GODDAMN FIVE POUND BAG OF THE SODDING WHITE FUCKING POTATOES!" - QBK 10.2010

"LEARN. TO. FUCKING. COUNT. YOU JACKHOLE." - Uvy 10.2010

(...still lmfao!)

Submitted by SpiceDong on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:25am.

tiny todger...ROFL

that's a term I never heard...hilarious.
Janice Dickison spilled the beans a while back on Mick's tiny todger too.

And adding Keith swinging with his cock out from the chandelier is something that the producers of Paranormal Activity 3 should consider (if they make another flick) for the most terrifying effect.

Proves that the lightweights and posers we have nowadays have nothing on these old bitches when it comes to real debauchery...I am looking at you Pete Wentz and Adam Levine.

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"The best way to keep your figure is to give your food to the hungry" - Audrey Hepburn

·...¸><((((º>·´¯`·. ¸.><((((º> .·´¯`·..·><((((º>

Submitted by islandgirl on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:22am.

Submitted by caprica six on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 11:49am.
-----------

HOLD ME CLOSER TINY TODGER!!

Hahaha, stop me!!

**************
Every time an IKEA wineglass breaks, IG gets her wings. ~~NitWitty a.k.a Tiny Todger

Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:22am.

I haven't heard Keef speak. But I can only imagine it's somewhere in the same incoherent ramblings of Ozzy Osborne.

Submitted by caprica six on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:19am.

Submitted by islandgirl on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 11:46am.
___________________________

*fking dies laughing*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"DO AS I SAY AND BUY THE MOTHERFUCKING COCK SHIT GODDAMN FIVE POUND BAG OF THE SODDING WHITE FUCKING POTATOES!" - QBK 10.2010

"LEARN. TO. FUCKING. COUNT. YOU JACKHOLE." - Uvy 10.2010

(...still lmfao!)

Submitted by madam s. on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:18am.

Fucking_Classy,

"Now he's telling the press about Mick's tiny dick, I'm sure this will rekindle their friendship!".

Exactly what I was thinking. The only contact I see in their near future is a geriatric slap fight.

Submitted by But.Seriously.Folks on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:18am.

I need David Bowie to weigh in on MickDickGate. They slept together, didn't they? Too bad there were no cameraphones back then or else we'd surely have concrete evidence by now.

Ok, enough pontificating, I need some liquor.
-LOVE ANDERSON

Submitted by caprica six on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:18am.

Submitted by El Bastardo on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 11:42am.

STOP TALKING ABOUT MY WILLY!
__________________________________

EL B,
You won the gottsdang Caption contest! You get a free daypass to shriveled willy or whatever!! Stop your crying!

Besides, us horz have short-term DL memory, so your willy will suffice in about 45 minutes. lollol =P

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"DO AS I SAY AND BUY THE MOTHERFUCKING COCK SHIT GODDAMN FIVE POUND BAG OF THE SODDING WHITE FUCKING POTATOES!" - QBK 10.2010

"LEARN. TO. FUCKING. COUNT. YOU JACKHOLE." - Uvy 10.2010

(...still lmfao!)

Submitted by islandgirl on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:16am.

'When you got your todger out, swinging from the chandelier, anybody up for grabs, wrap it in a five-pound note?'

Gawd, if I had a five-pound note for every time I've done that, I'd have a two-pound note.

TODGER!!!

**************
Every time an IKEA wineglass breaks, IG gets her wings. ~~NitWitty a.k.a Tiny Todger

Submitted by caprica six on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:14am.

Submitted by But.Seriously.Folks on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 11:39am.

Boy, he is the great, great grandpappy of all crackies. He is the author of crack logic (currently employed by Wino and the entire Lohan family). The "yo dick is tiny" comments ain't gonna help the friendship situation with your dearly beloved mate.
____________________________--

Seriously BSF! rflmao at this morning's posts. The "yo dick" comment is a riot. Some people just don't think before they speak. Let's put that brainless comment in the MLohan pile with "ima go off the wagon to be near my daughter".

This is def going to be a doozy of a Friday, huh?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"DO AS I SAY AND BUY THE MOTHERFUCKING COCK SHIT GODDAMN FIVE POUND BAG OF THE SODDING WHITE FUCKING POTATOES!" - QBK 10.2010

"LEARN. TO. FUCKING. COUNT. YOU JACKHOLE." - Uvy 10.2010

(...still lmfao!)

Submitted by badwolf on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:14am.

I'm reading this and imagining his rambling, incoherent voice. lol

He is quite entertaining!

Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:13am.

"I don't want to see my old friend Lucifer just yet. He's the guy I'm gonna see, isn't it? I'm not going to the other place, let's face it. I've given up everything now - which is a trip in itself."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

That has got to be the best comment, ever.

Submitted by moomarse on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:13am.

Fuck.... old Keith is Halloween every fuckin day!

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It sounds like I'll need to be drunk, stoned and suffering from a minor concussion to deal with this fuckery. MK - November 2008

Submitted by El Bastardo on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:12am.

STOP TALKING ABOUT MY WILLY!

Submitted by i_heart_jack on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:10am.

I'd like to know what he has to say about Brian Jones.

Submitted by onthefringe on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:10am.

Submitted by Zonko on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 11:30am.
The Rolling Stones haven't been relevant since 1976, after the "It's Only Rock N' Roll" lp, and when The Tour Of The Americas ended.

After Mick Taylor left, and they brought in the silly Ron Wood sound, it was all over.

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Yup.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
The real life horror of Monsanto: David vs Monsanto
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E42ndfjnP1g

Submitted by A.cotw on Fri, 10/15/2010 - 10:10am.

HAHAHAHAHA
Pre-order this from Amazon, that degenerate old doper is hilarious. No wonder Mick Jagger dances like a spastic with rhythm deficiency anemia-his rig isn't balanced well and every move makes it worse.