Fun With Taylor & Jakey, Part 3
Because we need to know about every single date this generation's Dick & Jane go on, UsWeekly tells us that on Monday afternoon Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal skipped along the pathway of pink hearts into an ice cream shop in Santa Barbara, CA. So, two weeks ago they went apple picking in New York and this past week they go ice cream picking in Santa Barbara. Watch out next week, because I have a feeling Taylor and Jakey are about to get really serious. I'm talking MAYPOLE-ING DOWN SOUTH! And sadly, that's not a euphemism. Like, they are totally going to skip around the maypole while burping out strawberry-scented giggles. Jakey's already calling the pink ribbon.
Anyways, an employee at McConnell's ice cream shop tells UsWeekly that Taylor and Jakey were all laughs and cuddles as they picked out flavors together, "Taylor laughed at everything Jake said. At one point, she measured herself against Jake on her tiptoes. They looked at all the flavors and couldn't decide, so they asked the counter girls for help. Taylor was very interested in what I was doing in the back making ice cream and said, 'Wow, you guys are legit! They smiled a lot."
The employee said that Jakey picked Swiss chocolate chip and Taylor went with yogurt with rainbow sprinkles on top.
A thick white substance covered with rainbow dingles?! Again, I really really really wish deep down in my no-no that was a euphemism, but it's not! I can't even make up a euphemism for that. You know how I love to spread dirty, filthy nasty shit over every damn story, but these two make it impossible. When Taylor tells one of her friends, "Oh, what's Jakey doing? Well, he's just spreading his coconut frosting all over my bundt cakes," she really means that Jake is frosting two cakes she just baked! Gross. They make my job so hard. I heart them. SEE! They did it again. I meant to write "hate" and I accidentally typed "heart" instead. Ugh.
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She is one "off" looking little girl. And why does she always wear so much fucking makeup? Is she hiding something?
Submitted by Snarf on Wed, 11/03/2010 - 6:35pm.
Virginal? Not after John Mayer.
I'm not buying it either. Obvs, Mama Swift gets a say in who her daughter can date now (the less interested in women, the better - also see Taylor Lautner and Joe Jonas)
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LOL. I don
t buy the whole John Mayer thing. He's a pig that I can't see Mama Swift let get anywhere NEAR her perfect golden cash cow...oops, I mean child.
And yes on all of the above. Gay, Gayer, and gayest. Next she'll be dating Richard Simmons and Ricky Martin.
yeah jakey pulls that cute shit and she is all sweetheart now but in the bedroom she would wear a strap-on and fucks jakey poo's ass until its raw.
couples that sweet always get upto kinky shit, pussy and ass fisting, toe cumming, mouth fisting, dirty sanchez, ass2mouth.
and since taylor looks like a fucking horse, jakey probably rides her like he did on brokeback mountain.
didn't Jaker do the same things with Reese? YAWN *onto the next one*
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"Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing."~ George Carlin
Infinitely BORING!!!! HAHAHA
OMG I hate this giraffe. *LOL*
I feel the same way.
This FUG twig of a branch HAS NO talent or idiom of anything REMOTELY interesting to her.
She is a modern cavewoman for the year 2010!
She looks like one of the Geico cavemen except she's agirl. ROFLMAO!
If he shows up at her door with a picnic basket that's it...he's as gay as an ipod full of show tunes!!
Say what you want about Taylor but her new album just sold over 1 million copies in the first week!!
I can't stand this giraffe, I can't wait until her face blows up.
Nothing in celebrity-land could ever be entertaining without dlisted as its guide.
Okay, so I've loved Jake since Brokeback Mountain and Donnie Darko and The Good Girl. Maybe that makes me a little biased...but I just don't get the gaydar from him. Of course, I don't buy one word of this Swifty bullshit, either. WTF would a guy like Jake see in a virginal, empty-headed twit like this? Nope, sorry, not buying it.
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Virginal? Not after John Mayer.
I'm not buying it either. Obvs, Mama Swift gets a say in who her daughter can date now (the less interested in women, the better - also see Taylor Lautner and Joe Jonas)
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Shiitake happens...
Submitted by thebutlerdidit on Wed, 11/03/2010 - 1:33pm.
You guys can hate on Miley, Demi, and the rest of the Disney hos, I am concentrating all my rage against this fake no talent bitch. I saw her "perform" on DWTS last night, she was off- noting that horrible "I hate John Mayer" tune. It sucked so hard it blew off a few lace front wigs.
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LMAO!
I know someone who worked with her and he said, and I quote, "Her parents did everything they could to make her a star. She's not that talented...And if she doesn't grow up and start writing better songs, her career is going to be over."
Works for me!
Okay, so I've loved Jake since Brokeback Mountain and Donnie Darko and The Good Girl. Maybe that makes me a little biased...but I just don't get the gaydar from him. Of course, I don't buy one word of this Swifty bullshit, either. WTF would a guy like Jake see in a virginal, empty-headed twit like this? Nope, sorry, not buying it.
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
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BYE-BYE, CHRISTINE O'DIPSHIT!
Wait a minute... They needed help picking out ice cream? This is just plain silly. They are not a couple!
"This year Halloween fell on a weekend..." Mind Playing Tricks On Me!
I said it before, I never believed he was gay until this shit came out. First the damn apple orchard, now a frigging ice cream parlor? What, is he taking dating tips from Archie and Betty (even Veronica wouldn't be caught dead in a fucking apple orchard) circa 1956?
ヘ(^_^ヘ)(ノ^_^)ノ
Lu Lu has become a local celebrity in Zhumadian and she can regularly be seen around town stomping glitter into the sidewalk.
Song about how he totally fucked her over because she is the epitome of innocence who has loved him deeply beyond all other loves ever since she was in diapers in 5... 4... 3...
Is Jake Taylor Swift's #2 or #3 gay "boyfriend"?
First Taylor Lautner and now Toothy? I'm embarrassed for her now. Rip Van Winkle had a better beard game.
Submitted by Margaret on Wed, 11/03/2010 - 3:32pm.
Jake's tall, I've actually met him...sort of...more like stood near him at a concert festival. Anyway, he's surprisingly tall. Taylor Swift claims she's 5'10.
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Is he cute in person?
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POOP (nourish the inner asshole)- MK
She seems infinitely boring.
Jake's tall, I've actually met him...sort of...more like stood near him at a concert festival. Anyway, he's surprisingly tall. Taylor Swift claims she's 5'10.
Submitted by kayce. on Wed, 11/03/2010 - 11:54am.
here's why i don't believe one word of this shit: "...she measured herself against jake on her tiptoes." um, pardon me, but isn't she like 6 feet tall? and last i checked, jakey-poo was nowhere near that (he and reese were pretty close in height).
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That was my thought, too. She's giant. 6 feet in bare feet. He claims to be 6 feet which means 5'10 or 5'11. Maybe HE was on tiptoes!
Does someone need my help? I have a bucket right here for you to vomit into.
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kinda off-topic but i totally see her being a fatty one day, like in her 30s or 40s, don't know why.
That picture makes me want to barf.
And I still can't imagine them together. I don't think it will really do anything in favor of *his* image if this is a PR stunt. And if they actually stay together, it will just make him seem progressively more boring. Maybe it will just be like all her other "relationships" and last three months at best.
Oh good Lord. People STILL refuse to see that this "hookup" is a publicist's wet dream. Jake gets to appear het again and Taylor can throw off the John Mayer taint (which was a total publicity misfire - why would she cop to being one of his hos? She's America's Sweetheart!) with some "innocent" dates with someone everyone knows is totally safe for girls. It's a win-win...if only anyone believed it. Face it, this new "relationship" is almost as believable as John Travolta's and Tom Cruise's marriages.
I'm sure everything will be back to normal soon enough. Jake will be trying to get over Reese with another I-can't-believe-I'm-with-Jake giggly girl & Taylor will be singing some awful song about how he broke her heart.
Who gives a shit. Celebrity relationships are revolving doors. It is kinda funny tho' that after Reese Witherspoon dumped his ass Jake is going for a young, dumb country bumpkin who will elevate him to god-like status. Reese must have taken a chunk out of Jake's ego.
You guys can hate on Miley, Demi, and the rest of the Disney hos, I am concentrating all my rage against this fake no talent bitch. I saw her "perform" on DWTS last night, she was off- noting that horrible "I hate John Mayer" tune. It sucked so hard it blew off a few lace front wigs.
These 2 people are vanilla in every sense of the word.
I am not sold on Jake being gay.
That being said, regardless Taylor needs to get her shit together. She has dated one crap guy after another.
Where are her parents to make sure she doesn't end up an anorexic heroin addict before it is too late!?
I cannot even fathom these two sharing bodily fluids!
EPIC FAIL!
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Submitted by WTFOMGLOL on Wed, 11/03/2010 - 11:55am.
she takes it up the @ss. you just know she does.
Reminds me of this:
http://www.thegossipwrapup.com/2010/11/ted-casablanca-blind-item.html
Spicedong...thank you! Well put!
"Toothy Tile....come out, come out wherever you are!!!"
She is so robotic like and it would be kinda sad if she does botox and fillers
Her skin is beyond airbrushed and waxy its kinda creepy in that child beauty pageant way
Like she is so porcelain :/
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Just call me Lola
she takes it up the @ss. you just know she does.
here's why i don't believe one word of this shit: "...she measured herself against jake on her tiptoes." um, pardon me, but isn't she like 6 feet tall? and last i checked, jakey-poo was nowhere near that (he and reese were pretty close in height). that ice cream shoppe just wanted their name in the papers.
I bet she's a closet s&m chick or some shit HAHA
~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♥~♦¤♦~♥~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VP3Q1nOzgR0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t56s4dZ1_rs
this is some serious fake marriage material
I hear what your saying Sexy Pants but it's having the opposite effect on me. Fuck these two.
hahahahahahahaa nipple virgins!!! shit even spicey knows and he has ze gheys!! Thank you, spicey....
oh and it's Ashley Tisdale's. hahahahahahaa
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"Your appalling choice in women is well-known to us dlisters." Momus
their publicists are freaking geniuses. America has been lacking a sweetheart couple for a while, so get these two together and have them frolic about and tug at our heart-strings? Pure genius. People will lap this shit up since it's been all, "Tiger is a dick. Vanilla Gorilla is a dick. Mel Gibson is a dick". Well played.
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"The show will be a mix of serious news stories and pop culture shit. It will also feature a daily cameo by a crazed and foaming at the mouth gay who will storm the set in a bridal tuxedo" MK
MY EYES! Why did I click.
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This is why we can't have nice things!
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-Hat 04/27/2010
OMG HAHAHAHAHAH yes, she does have those
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TASTES LIKE A MILLION DOLLARS!
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 11/03/2010 - 11:01am.
NSFW hahahahaha
http://img.perezhilton.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/ns3__oPt.jpg
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Yep that is it for sure...lol
whose nip is that? I can't recognize the blonde weave.
"It's pathetic how far a gal has to go for a good fuck" - Samantha Jones
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Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 11/03/2010 - 10:59am.
um , Jack WTF are "puberty nipples"?
*reports Jack for pedobearism*
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Oh you must know what he means...hell I even know too..and I am not even into women...lol
"It's pathetic how far a gal has to go for a good fuck" - Samantha Jones
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*hides under desk*
Um, I'm scared of what Jack is about to post.
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This is why we can't have nice things!
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-Hat 04/27/2010
NSFW hahahahaha
http://img.perezhilton.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/ns3__oPt.jpg
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"Your appalling choice in women is well-known to us dlisters." Momus
LOL snowy!!! those big round puffy lookin nips... just one big mound of nip! hangon, I will show you.
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"Your appalling choice in women is well-known to us dlisters." Momus
Looks like this girl is the first graduate of Renee Zellweger's school for professional beards.
She must like dick breath 'cause all her BFs have questionable sexual orientation...And she wears too much make up for her age...she is made up like a 60yo vieja. Seh would be prettier with a "fresher" more natural face...I wonder how much fug is she trying to hide behind the paint just like Xtina.
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"It's pathetic how far a gal has to go for a good fuck" - Samantha Jones
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MAYBE WE SHOULD STOP FOR ICE CREAM IN CASE THERE ARE NO GHEYS!!!!
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"Your appalling choice in women is well-known to us dlisters." Momus