Heaven Exists, So Says Colton Burpo

k i can't listen to his commentary right now my broke ass is using the free internet at borders and it's open mic night. however, the u stated the kid said JESUS has sea blue eyes.... mmmkay well jesus was semitic so i'm pretty sure his eyes were brown but whatev

Who knew the AntiChrist would be a Burpo!! and please people do not name your babies Colton that is the worst fukin name on the planet!

Okay, near death experiences are real... They are the chemical reaction to the brain's lack of oxygen. (Yes, I'm a health care professional).

I'm also a parent.

My four year old also told me that my cat talks to him and tells him to eat more cookies.

I know this is not true BASED ON LOGIC.

A FOUR YEAR OLD isn't going to come up with that stuff on his own; especially the idea of Jesus being blond hair and blue eye'd, when Jesus was Jewish, and a middle eastern Jew at that.

This kid is just repeating what gets him a pat on the head from his parents and others in the Christian faith, and it's sad he's being exploited this way.

Submitted by snowpiece on Fri, 11/19/2010 - 1:35pm.

God can fit the whole world in his hands!?!? Wow, did he come up with that on his own?
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Right, becuz God is really just Paul Bunyon with a shave in his bathrobe.

♥ Threadkilla!
9/11 is like Christmas for gay people!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1926079
A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices.~ William James

God can fit the whole world in his hands!?!? Wow, did he come up with that on his own?

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"I'M A VEGETARIAN. I DON'T INGEST SUFFERING"

That little boy is right, "Heaven is for Reals"

I mean shit, God's wang must be HUGE!

I do believe him , I do believe he saw Jesus and he had blue eyes, the beautiful Jesus.because I know deep in my heart Jesus was not typical Jewish man, he was tall white with baby blue eyes and golden locks, wait! maybe he was Linda Carter's(wonder woman) brother, lol, well at least I know somebody is going to have good Christmas he is going to be messed up for the rest of his life , I will blame the father for allowing him to tell all this kind of lies.

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I'm against the death penalty / Look what happened to Jesus

Not that I'm surprised by the amount of cynicism but, really? How is this boys account different than the thousands out there who have had similar near death experiences?

I think most of the vitriol stems from the fact the pair chose Fox News to share their story when instead they should have gone on MSNBC.

I believe the boy saw something.

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http://cocoacritic.net

oh geez, i would have thought with all the vampire rage going on this would be common knowledge. anyways, the original fella to be "vampire" was a recluse whose bro was in the church. he was obsessed with after death and he and his brother experimented with it. he came to the conclusion that what you believe in life is what you get in death. so if you believe in church and believe you are a sinner you go to hell etc. this boy is displaying various dream stages of information he already has. the original un-dead are just folks these people "killed" and brought back to life to see where they went.

Ugh. I don't buy it.

Submitted by Starqz on Fri, 11/19/2010 - 6:18am.
My friend Josh once drank some contaminated water at his house and passed out on his bed due to the poison he consumed. He says he drifted in and out of conciousness and he saw a blinding bright light shining in his bedroom.

****He said he saw the young version of Elvis standing there in his room with Benji the dog and he was holding a cheescake.***

Someone photoshop this PLEASE!!!! Can you imagine how many velvet paintings you could sell with that image!

OMG - what a bunch of cynical assholes on this thread! Holy shit! NOT one person knows if the story is true ... but wouldnt it be nice if it were? Instead of roping him into the category of the fuckin' balloon boy ... why not hear him out or better yet, read the book. Why is it so easy to dismiss that a 4 year old might've actually experienced heaven? They say that children/innocents can see things we can't - b/c apparently their minds are still open. Unlike most close minded idiots that walk the face of the earth.

And maybe the father has allowed the story to be told - to enlighten people. WOW, there's a concept. Amazing how the atheist wont even listen to a word of it and even the Christians/Catholics poo poo it and they are suppose to believe in heaven and God. How the hell do any of YOU know that he's being coached? Just b/c he has a parent standing beside him and supporting his story? It's time for some of you to evolve ...realize that maybe just maybe there's more to life than just your sorry asses.

I am a Christian, but this is all kinds of white trash bullshit. Even if the kid DID just start staying that stuff, as a parent, you keep that private - don't write a DAMN BOOK, and parade the child on TV. There IS a reason I hate people these days. Has EVERYBODY gone stark-raving bonkers?????? Assholes.

Jaysus is blue eyed now, omg lol, now I have heard it all!
Daddy coached that kid, getting dejavu of ballon boy's dad here.
Well, one night in the throes of passion, I screamed, "Oh God, oh God".
Does that count?

Bull fucking shit. So now we're relying on a four year old to tell us that heaven exisits? The little shit was either coached, or he's regurgitating shit he heard before about "heaven." Daddy's working on a reality show after the big book tour.

My friend Josh once drank some contaminated water at his house and passed out on his bed due to the poison he consumed. He says he drifted in and out of conciousness and he saw a blinding bright light shining in his bedroom. He said he saw the young version of Elvis standing there in his room with Benji the dog and he was holding a cheescake.

Elvis said to him "Hey, don't go towards that light son. You want a hunka-hunka cheescake?" and then offered him some. Josh is the straightest edge person I know who NEVER does drugs so if this is what we have to look forward to on the other side..

Okay I'm sorry but this sounds like bullshit. I'm sure that when this kid supposedly died for a short time he saw some things on the other side, its happened to a lot of people. But his answers seem so scripted and rehearsed, especially the part where he was talking about Jesus.
This makes me skeptical..

Submitted by Bjork You on Thu, 11/18/2010 - 8:20pm.

Colton, when you met John the Baptist, did he have his head on or was he holding it by the hair with his hand?
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But does it really matter as long as he isn't OLD!?

When I was a seven year old and waking up from minor surgery the nurses asked me if I dreamed of anything while I was asleep. I told them I rode on the back of a cow and when we jumped "over the moon" I noticed that it was made of cheese, Swiss cheese! They laughed which pleased me.

Although the cynic in me knows better I hope that what the little boy was telling is true. There are some people up there I would love to see again. Having people die on you sucks and I will never get used to it.

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Who are you calling silly cow?

How did God, a guy big enough to fit the world in his hands, squeeze into that little room with his dad? Um, couldn't his could have dreamt about everyday life? his father at church and well, mom just talks on the phone a lot. The rest is the work of daddy's power of suggestion and reinterpretation.

NO DONUTS?!?!?! WTF beakers bitch?!
I was specifically advised that there would be donuts. Sea-blue-eyed Jesus told me himself. That lying sack of *bleeeep*!! How am I ever going to believe anything he says after this. I'm so disillusioned.

Oh my. That was..... frightening. I never saw the video, just heard the song. And now what has been seen can never be un-seen. Between Tina's wig, the little black kids hair, and Mel Gibson's face, I may never sleep again.

Thanks, Bjork. Thanks for the terror that will now course through my veins whenever someone says "Thunderdome".

Submitted by Junebuggy on Fri, 11/19/2010 - 12:09am.

I was having a Floyd moment from Waiting, lol. That part where the cook is showing the new guy around and Floyd (Dane Cook) welcomes him.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUoPWnlnvLQ

But seriously, welcome to Snarkers Anonymous. We've got coffee over there *points*, but I think someone ran off with the donuts....

Submitted by Junebuggy:

I would sing along, but I refuse to acknowledge that "Beyond Thunderdome" was ever made. Too much time wasted on those annoying kids and not enough time in the Thunderdome. And what does he do when he gets there? Kill the severely mentally challenged but perhaps bizarrely hung guy (he had big hands). "Mad Max" rules but "Road Warrior" is genius, still on my Top Ten Desert Island Films.

Remember the music video with Tina Turner?

Remember that little ham in the video? Go to the 3:50/51 mark (the black kid, shaking her[his?] head and smiling like it's Disney instead of the sad, dank, cruel place that Thunderdome is):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F1FPK5-Rm38

Submitted by Bjork You on Thu, 11/18/2010 - 9:34pm.

If only religion was like a penis (like my huge, awesome, great [did I say huge already?], thick, very masculine penis.)

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If religion were like a penis, my ass would be in church EVVVVERY Sunday (and twice on Thursday).

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Submitted by beakers bitch on Thu, 11/18/2010 - 9:45pm.

Welcome to thunderdome, bitch.

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Awwwwwww damn! I knew someone was going to make me break into song! Come on, Neurotic my fellow newbie, sing it with me:

WE DON`T NEED ANOTHER HERO
WE DON`T NEED TO KNOW THE WAY HOME
ALL WE WANT IS LIFE BEYOND
THUNDERDOME

Doesn't everyone know that all Jews in the middle east 2000 years ago had blue eyes??

What a retarded book and interview. That father reminded me of the Balloon Boy father... sketchy as hell. And I despise that ignorant gross Fox News lady... and she looks EXACTLY like Chaka from Land of the Lost. Seriously, Google it.

Submitted by super martian r... on Thu, 11/18/2010 - 9:34pm.

One way to believe is to move into a genuinely haunted home and then you will start believing there is more than evolution behind our existence.

Nah. Ghosts could be energy, not necessarily spiritual stuff.

Submitted by Fucking_Classy on Thu, 11/18/2010 - 8:18pm.

Submitted by shut the smurf up on Thu, 11/18/2010 - 8:14pm.

Submitted by Fucking_Classy on Thu, 11/18/2010 - 7:55pm.

Submitted by shut the smurf up on Thu, 11/18/2010 - 6:58pm.

I agree with you, I didn't take this course because I wanted to be a better person or anything like that, my church approached me and offered to pay for it if I work for them after. you know what? free education is free education so I said yes.
what I tried to say is: I am Catholic, and a lot of people would call me a hardcore one (and it has nothing to do with my character but for the way I defend my faith), and I think this is a complete and utter bullshit. The Kiddo is coached and they are just trying to make a buck.
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If you are a hardcore Catholic, are you also a homophobe and a misogynist? Because if you are a true Catholic, one who is coherent with the religion, you must be anti-gay and anti-woman. Again, not saying this to stir any shit, just trying to plant the seed of doubt here.
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Speaking as a Catholic, I believe in God, Mary, the saints, etc...What I DON'T agree with is the Catholic fan club and the Pope. I am purely disgusted at the Church and don't even attend Church anymore because of it. I'm not going to advocate going to a place that hides sexual abuse scandals.

With that said, I am not a homophobe or anti-woman. I am in no place to judge someone based on their sexuality and I'm in no place to call someone sinner or say they are hellbound because at the end of the day, only God can judge. The jist of it is, I believe in God and I feel if were called to be Christ-like, we are called to treat everyone....even non Christians...the way we all want to be treated and not be judged.

That's kinda my two cents.

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If you shoved a vuvuzela into a dog's ass and asked him to fart into a fan, the sound he produces would be more pleasant to the ears than this shit! - Michael K

sounds like HELL to me...

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slap me silly and call me Sally...

So I wonder if Four Loko is on the forbidden list of dranks that Wheezy or Skeezy or Breezy or whatever the hell Lil Wayne is calling his bad self.

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HOW DAAAAARRRRRREEEE YOU?! Look at my avvie! LOOK AT IT!
Oprah was born to pontificate (and bloviate as well). Her superpowers are located in her hair thankyouverymuch - by But.Seriously.Folks

BURPO!!!! Ah shit, I can't stop laughing!

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HOW DAAAAARRRRRREEEE YOU?! Look at my avvie! LOOK AT IT!
Oprah was born to pontificate (and bloviate as well). Her superpowers are located in her hair thankyouverymuch - by But.Seriously.Folks

Submitted by Junebuggy on Thu, 11/18/2010 - 8:26pm.

Welcome to thunderdome, bitch.

Bjork You, you are cracking me up! =D

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Personally, I think Steven is just one of those natural crackheads. You know, those hos who act strung out, but aren't. They are primarily known as "Born-Again Christians."

Submitted by citizenstrange on Thu, 11/18/2010 - 8:50pm.

Once he gets a publicist they'll make him change his name to Burpo Colton. It Qs better with the all-important 5-9 year-old market....or better yet, Burpo Farton. That's why they call it show BUSINESS!

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Well played, my friend. Well played.

If they want to market him to the children of old money families, they can call him Burpo Farton Buttpoopton Booger III.

Submitted by Junebuggy: "Fourth - even funnier than this creepy kid and his father is a reply vid on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neqZrT-Bobs&feature=player_embedded"

Is this kid a Dlister?

"religion's like a penis, I don't want you walking around shoving it down your throat..."

If only religion was like a penis (like my huge, awesome, great [did I say huge already?], thick, very masculine penis.)

One way to believe is to move into a genuinely haunted home and then you will start believing there is more than evolution behind our existence.

I've read some accounts of near death experiences and there's enough about them that makes me think there's something going on there. That said, an NDE story that contains any of these elements is marked as booshit to me:

* Aryan Jesus or Bearded Male in a White Robe God

* Gentle, loving, female angels (Biblical angels were all male, and they were some smitin' motherfuckers)

* Preaching, as in "Zebediah Mooseknuckle was a sinner and a whoremonger, but after surviving the fires of Hell, he was saved preached the word of Christ for the rest of his days."

* Anything that sounds like it came from a glurgy chain email forwarded to me by my Bible-thumping cousins

That said, I think this kid's mind came up with something beautiful to him to comfort him during a scary experience and his dad (and Faux News) are using that for their own gain, whether it's to sell a book or push an agenda. Not cool, man.

Submitted by mefunigirl on Thu, 11/18/2010 - 8:42pm.

side-eyes Junebuggy for lettin' them steal our rookie booze.

.

In the immortal words of Snoop Diggity Dog: "Ain't no fun, if the homies can't have none."

We rookies have got to share the love. Don't make me break out in song now.......

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Chickenfoot, come back!
You're not a freak!
You're just stupid!
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Once he gets a publicist they'll make him change his name to Burpo Colton. It Qs better with the all-important 5-9 year-old market....or better yet, Burpo Farton. That's why they call it show BUSINESS!

Submitted by shut the smurf up on Thu, 11/18/2010 - 8:34pm.
Submitted by Junebuggy on Thu, 11/18/2010 - 8:26pm

side-eyes Junebuggy for lettin' them steal our rookie booze.

*sobs in relief*

I've been called "bitch".
They like me. They really like me!

*pulls out 2nd bottle of Jacky-D (I've got a case of 'em, homies!)*

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Chickenfoot, come back!
You're not a freak!
You're just stupid!
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Bjork You: You're gonna get me in trouble with that John the Baptist holding his head comment.

"Mom's in the corner laughing hysterically to herself again."
My family is gonna commit me!

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I've written a letter to MK...saying...I...love...youuuuuu.

Submitted by Junebuggy on Thu, 11/18/2010 - 8:26pm.

*waits nervously in front of computer with my bottle of Jacky-D, anxious to see if I have proven myself worthy to be a member of the Almighty Dlisted Community*

*steals bottle of Jack D, runs away, shares with others Dlisters, points and laughs*
WELCOME BITCH!!!!

....But that’s vulgar and gross to me: exploding assholes, exploding brains. And Christian sites are vulgar to me, too. Michael K

Submitted by Junebuggy on Thu, 11/18/2010 - 8:26pm.

*waits nervously in front of computer with my bottle of Jacky-D, anxious to see if I have proven myself worthy to be a member of the Almighty Dlisted Community*
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Welcome.

I'm new here too.

Submitted by Madam Pince on Thu, 11/18/2010 - 8:21pm.

Dear Gretchen: I remember when you had a torrid affair with married Kevin McGraw at WRIC in Richmond. So don't try that Moral Miss act on me.

LOL... BURN!
....But that’s vulgar and gross to me: exploding assholes, exploding brains. And Christian sites are vulgar to me, too. Michael K

Okay, I have been an avid dlisted-reader for a really long time (really really) and this post has prompted me to be brave and jump into the dlister mosh pit. Be gentle with me.

First - Michael K is a god. I worship at the altar of his genius every morning before coffee.
Second - you Dlisters are DA BOMB! (yes, I went old-school-gangsta' on y'all)
Third - this kid and his father are FA-REAKS!!!
Fourth - even funnier than this creepy kid and his father is a reply vid on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neqZrT-Bobs&feature=player_embedded
When he broke out with "Kwanzaanese" and "Kwanzaman" I nearly fell out of my chair laughing.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

*waits nervously in front of computer with my bottle of Jacky-D, anxious to see if I have proven myself worthy to be a member of the Almighty Dlisted Community*

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Chickenfoot, come back!
You're not a freak!
You're just stupid!
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Fucking classy:

Not really, The God I pray and Love, created us all equal and love us all equally. That's the way I try to live my life. I try to love everybody and respect everybody. Believe me; He has more important things to worry than who I have sex with or if I drink or smoke weed.

....But that’s vulgar and gross to me: exploding assholes, exploding brains. And Christian sites are vulgar to me, too. Michael K

Dear Gretchen: I remember when you had a torrid affair with married Kevin McGraw at WRIC in Richmond. So don't try that Moral Miss act on me.

I'm always suspicious of parents who force their spawn onto TV to discuss anything, especially religion.

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"Sometimes the dick is so good you want to put their name on your checking account."