Chelsea Handler Has Been Making Fun Of Angelina Jolie's Ass For Centuries
Chelsea Handler probably woke up on Monday morning with a severed Cabbage Patch Doll head ("WHYYYYY GOD WHY?!" - Jennifer Aniston) in her bed, but she doesn't understand why she doesn't wake up with a severed Cabbage Patch Doll head in her bed every morning. Because Chelsea said on her show last night that she's been throwing stank on St. Angie Jo ever since the saint's tongue blessed James Haven's tonsils a million years ago (and his eyeballs haven't recovered since).
Chelsea didn't blurt it out, but I think that was her way of saying that calling Angie Jo a "homewrecking cunt bitch" (in so many words) during her show in NJ over the weekend had nothing to do with her best friend forever Jennifer Aniston. No, they weren't toasting to that "homewrecking cunt bitch" before doing a Thanksgiving shot off of the shaved belly of Jennifer's cat. Here's the video of Chelsea breaking it down for us:
In case you don't feel like playing play on that shit, Chelsea basically said: "I'm been making fun of Angelina Jolie since she made out with her brother.... If I've learned nothing from this, it's to write some new jokes."
All Chelsea has to do is switch out the names. From now on, she should just call Brad Pitt a homewrecking cunt bitch. It freshens up the joke a tiny bit, it keeps the beautiful word "cunt" in place and Chelsea will still get amazingly hilarious e-mails of CAPS-LOCKED hate from the most devoted Brangeloonies (who are locked up in mental facilities with WiFi). You don't ever want to lose that privilege.
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Did Chelsea age 10 years over the weekend or did she always have a haggard face & such a flabby body?
Who cares about the story, this pic of James Haven is the shizz: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-444390/Angelinas-secret-sad...
And the Saint's original face! So much beauty in one photo!!
~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♥~♦¤♦~♥~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lnRDU4LdZE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t56s4dZ1_rs
Hey Maddox, when did you learn to use the internet?
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Submitted by Madonnas Lovely... on Tue, 12/07/2010 - 9:27pm.
Angelina is so far beyond Jennifer and light years ahead of talentless fat bodied, flabby arms and excess skin around her bra-strap Chelsea.
Anglina is a STAR not a want to be movie tv star and not some large girl on a cable show with ratings in the toilet.
Angelina is the creme de la creme. As big as you can get in the entertainment industry and she sleeps with Brad Pitt. The work she has done around the world is much more productive than what Jennifer and Chelsea do when they down shots of vodka.
Angelina is talent and the others not so much.
Angelina is royalty and Jennifer and Chelsea would be considered housekeepers.
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Holy double-donkey punch are you ugly or what?
Angelina is so far beyond Jennifer and light years ahead of talentless fat bodied, flabby arms and excess skin around her bra-strap Chelsea.
Anglina is a STAR not a want to be movie tv star and not some large girl on a cable show with ratings in the toilet.
Angelina is the creme de la creme. As big as you can get in the entertainment industry and she sleeps with Brad Pitt. The work she has done around the world is much more productive than what Jennifer and Chelsea do when they down shots of vodka.
Angelina is talent and the others not so much.
Angelina is royalty and Jennifer and Chelsea would be considered housekeepers.
Not an Angie fan, but CH is one unfunny bitch. Plus, her head looks too small for her body.
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"I was born with glitter on my face
My baby clothes made of leather and lace"
Submitted by redvixen on Tue, 12/07/2010 - 3:45pm
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props to u my fellow smoker, i smoke as well lol but we should both quit forreal. anyways, it's a proven fact that the more melanin in your skin the more protected you are from outside things like the sun and whatnot, but its not 100%. i know there are darker-skinned people who age worse than some fairer-skinned people but in general it does help if your pigmentation is darker, it makes sense if u think about it. and i agree w/ you about the genes, my entire family has great skin as well so that helps w/ the aging but our skin color helps too. the old saying "black don't crack" isn't just some cliche someone made up one day, its actually based on facts. i thought this was common knowledge.
Submitted by chocopuffs on Tue, 12/07/2010 - 4:16pm.
Submitted by dcgirl on Tue, 12/07/2010 - 3:31pm.
Are you all purposely trying to invoke the wrath of Gretchen?
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dcgirl is going to be your fault!! ,lmao
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I better go, run, hide then.
Submitted by dcgirl on Tue, 12/07/2010 - 3:31pm.
Are you all purposely trying to invoke the wrath of Gretchen?
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dcgirl is going to be your fault!! ,lmao
Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her butt.
It is so big. She looks like,
one of those rap guys' girlfriends.
But, you know, who understands those rap guys? They only talk to her, because,
she looks like a total prostitute, 'kay?
I mean, her butt, is just so big.
I can't believe it's just so round, it's like,
out there, I mean - gross. Look!
She's just so ... black!"Baby Got Back"Sir-mix-a-lot
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white people have little to no melanin in their skin so its easier for their skin to show affects of smoking, tanning drinking, etc. and also easier for these things to damage their skin. my aunt has been smoking since she was 10, she's now 54 and she has no wrinkles. she's obviously middle aged when u look at her but no crows feet and shit like that. if she were fairer skinned im sure it would be a different story.
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Not necessarily. I am a natural redhead over 40 who has smoked and has done her share of sun worshiping and partying over the years. I have very few lines around my eyes (barely noticeable) and that's it. Don't have double chin or turkey neck. My whole family is fair skinned, but one thing we all share is that we have excellent skin. It has a lot to do with genes. People never believe my real age and a new hair stylist even checked behind my ears to see if I had surgery done. I have seen friends of mine with darker skin (which has more melanin)that have sagging skin and little elasticity.
Are you all purposely trying to invoke the wrath of Gretchen?
Oh my gawd! The looney tunes over at JJ are losing their sh!t! One would think the world was about to end.
The fact that this story is on just about every "celebrity" blog and some political ones, is crushing them. What i think is all sorts of comical is the fact that JJ (is there such a person?) is probably the ONLY blog that did not post this sh!t. Can you imagine what these loon's would have done. They think Skankalina should sue Handler.....ha! Kind of hard to file a suit against someone that is telling the truth. Handler just said what most of us have been thinking for years!
there are no husband stealers, when a married guy chooses to be with the mistress is because he doesn't like you anymore, anyway who gives a fuck angelina and aniston are just pityful and chelsea should take her ass and do a face peeling because sister doesn't look young , she looks very "vintage" for her age.
men can think by themselves, i have never understand why people always blame "the other"when we know plain and simple he did not want it to be with you/me anymore,
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" Jennifer Aniston is the smartest, most sophisticated person I think I’ve ever met" -
‘I only shag really stupid women.’”JOHN MAYER
WTF happened to Chelsey? She used to be somewhat in shape, but her arms look kinda doughey here. No time for the gym?
I fixed dinner, i get bottom. I called it!!
Girlfriend needs a better makeup crew.
Submitted by moomarse on Tue, 12/07/2010 - 1:09pm.
I would never defend Chelsea... but she does have a point. And this wasn't even during any awards show.... just because we "love" each other...
GROSS.
http://thefemalecelebrity.info/images/cache/www.celebrific.com/wp-conten...
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LOL - that would make a good avie - except I'd be too grossed out by it every time I saw it.
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The real life horror of Monsanto: David vs Monsanto
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E42ndfjnP1g
Angelina was hot in the movie Girl Interrupted but in that picture she looks just plain weird. Her lips look like a grams vagina.
Missy L(oony) T(unes)
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"I've seen Ryan Seacrest in a turtleneck so I should've known that they make turtlenecks in tiny people sizes but now I know it's a for real thing." MK
Chelsea *is* funny. As Hell. And she has a big heart to boot. She's been good to Chuy, and I've seen her tear up during interviews more than once. She's real and doesn't take shit and never backs down.
Plus, good for her for saying what Aniston never could. I think it's great.
http://thefemalecelebrity.info/images/cache/www.celebrific.com/wp-conten...
lmao thats just not right
Hey MissyLT, you need to calm it down. Damn.
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.
I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."
Submitted by DonnaInMichigan on Tue, 12/07/2010 - 10:45am.
OMG, people she is a COMEDIAN...or so they say.
Her claim to fame is downing Celebrities...that is all her show is about...period.
Jolie isn't the only celebrity in the world that Chelsea goes after, yet Jolie is the only one that everyone "gasps" at that Chelsea made remarks about.
What makes Angelina Jolie so special that this has become the "gasp" heard around the world??
What did Chandler state that wasn't true?
Jolie is a bitch, cunt, home-wrecker, and uses those children for PR purposes. Some people just can't handle the truth.
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Oh yeah, it's very entertaining to hear someone making jokes about a mother of six who has a man who dearly loves her. And uses the children for PR purposes? Do you have kids? I hope you don't. Children are not expensive dresses or purses that you can use. You don't use children, period. It's not people who can't handle the truth; it's you who have a problem. Just because you forever stay in middle school doesn't mean everyone else cannot grow up.
Submitted by Rocket on Tue, 12/07/2010 - 10:40am.
What has Chelsea said that hasn't been posted on this board for years?
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Have you been making jokes then? If yes, then why do people pay to hear her jokes when they can come here? At least this site is free and the jokes are much more "entertaining".
I would never defend Chelsea... but she does have a point. And this wasn't even during any awards show.... just because we "love" each other...
GROSS.
http://thefemalecelebrity.info/images/cache/www.celebrific.com/wp-conten...
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It sounds like I'll need to be drunk, stoned and suffering from a minor concussion to deal with this fuckery. MK - November 2008
Submitted by redvixen on Tue, 12/07/2010 - 11:36am
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white people have little to no melanin in their skin so its easier for their skin to show affects of smoking, tanning drinking, etc. and also easier for these things to damage their skin. my aunt has been smoking since she was 10, she's now 54 and she has no wrinkles. she's obviously middle aged when u look at her but no crows feet and shit like that. if she were fairer skinned im sure it would be a different story.
I don't get why people gotta hate on Chelsea's looks. She's a fucking comedian. So laugh and shut the fuck up.
These two (Chelsea and Angelina) are good motivation for my 32-year-old self to not smoke, drink in moderation, wear sunscreen, and eat normally. And not be a monster self-obsessed bitch.
Submitted by El Bastardo on Tue, 12/07/2010 - 11:56am.
Chelsea has HonkyFace.
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That's a good one, I'll to use that some time.
I'm getting tired of this hagged-out, no-talent and her undeserved fame. She's really all nasty and mean.
Hate on Angie all you want Chelsea Handler but know this; You are skaggy and probably fart all throughout the day and you're the kind of women when a guy sticks his dick in you he lifts his head up and screams, "Oh my God - I can't feel the sides!" You guys know what I mean.
Angie on the other hand...Well, there was a time when I would have slid under a glass coffee table for her and then admit to myself I really never wanted the coffee table to be there!
Yeah - Angie used to be that hot.
Hey Chelsea, I know your trainer- you should ask Charles to make you do more push-ups.
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He kissed her then and there, she took his ring, took his babies
It took him minutes, took her no-where
Heaven knows, she'd have taken anything, but
-David Bowie
Why does she always wear a skimpy tank top on her show? Why does she try to look 10-20 years younger than she really is? Not funny 60/40?? Try 75/25.
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It sounds like I'll need to be drunk, stoned and suffering from a minor concussion to deal with this fuckery. MK - November 2008
Angie's not married either, so ....
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"I've seen Ryan Seacrest in a turtleneck so I should've known that they make turtlenecks in tiny people sizes but now I know it's a for real thing." MK
Loooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnn!!!!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Homegirl look 55. BITCH BOOM BYE!
"She should just call Brad Pitt a homewrecking cunt bitch. It freshens up the joke a tiny bit."
I'm not going to comment on the age-old Angie/Jen/Brad affair the media is so in love with because I'm allergic to loonism (from both sides, actually). I'm just going to say THIS to this quote by MK because I can't with women who, when cheated on, go after the homewreckers but give their men a free pass. BITCH, he was the one who had a commitment to you. It's shit like this that makes men think they can get away with all the douchebaggery in the world. You can't steal a man, he cheats on you by his own accord - take it up with HIM, or the very least don't act like it's the sidepiece's only fault. It makes you look like a moron.
About Chelsea, as far as I'm concerned she's annoying 60% of the time and funny 40% of the time. Brangelina is an easy target, especially seeing as Chelsea is friends with Jen Aniston, so that joke falls on the 60% annoying portion.
Ugghh! Angelina didn't steal Brad -- a man can't be "stolen." Obviously he was done with Jennifer because she didn't want a family with him. Angelina is better in EVERY way! I always thought Brad was WAY out of Jennifer's league.
I wouldn't even know who this Chelsea bitch is anyway if it weren't for you MK. I think it says everything that these two unmarried bitches spent Thanksgiving together ripping on people -- they both need to give it up already and move on. 5 years later, and she still hasn't moved on = fucking sad!
She's not funny, that's the main thing. She can't deliver a line to save her life, look how she had to egg her own audience to cheer her on about the brother joke, she had to pause like 10 seconds while the applause signs lit up before people reacted appropriately. lol And another thing, this bitch is aging before my eyes, it's like her face is fossilizing at warped speed.
No way is this bitch five years YOUNGER than I am. No fucking way.
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
No one can steal a person. It's a marriage certificate, not a deed of ownership.
Chelsea just looks rough and I've never been able to watch a whole 30 minutes of her show.
The first time I stumbled across her show I thought she was pretty funny an edgy..But six months later I realize she's just a played out old hag an repeats the same tired shit over an over.. 1..she loves Vodka (and its beginning to show too)2.She's banged everyone an anyone an not ashamed to tell you whether you wanna hear it or not.3.Her kaslopus is always in need of attention.(honestly it must look like a pound of ground chuck hamburger meat by now)..4..She's rude an mean spirited an constitutes that with being funny,which she isn't..Time someone knocked this skag of her pedestal an tell her gettin vodkaloaded an bangin midgets an rappers does not make you cool,funny.or edgy..just pathetic..
Submitted by El Bastardo on Tue, 12/07/2010 - 11:56am
*REPORTED HONKY*
Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid
Chelsea handler is not funny. Her entire act is calling other people bitches & other assorted names. Boring as hell; totally unoriginal, totally unimaginative. Remember, this is the same skank who released a sex video of her getting buttfucked, so she could make money. Totally worthless...
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"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa." - Brit's Tits
texn doc - figures someone from texas would think alan grayson is nothing.
why dont you learn a little more about him? hes way way way more than that half-witted palin could ever hope to be, more than all her kids put together will ever amount to.
of course he's not a real threat - he's SINCERE and KNOWS wtf he's talking about!
palin is a threat because the iq of this fucking country is somewhere down about 80 by now.
and you are part of it, apparently.
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The McCanns Did It
Chelsea has HonkyFace.
*note* I can say that because I am white.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMhO0Kfl5Ck&feature=related
Submitted by yepyepyep on Tue, 12/07/2010 - 11:47am.
what do you guys mean by Israeli face? because i get confused with an Israeli all the time, by Jews etc...
It's not Chelsea Handler, that's for sure. I think of exotic mediterranean features. Mila Kunis looks "isreali," so you should take it as a compliment.
I like how Chelsea used the opportunity to remind everyone about Angie making out with her brother. James Haven has disappeared from the pictures. She was once so close with her brother (verrrry close) but now it's like she's decided to never be seen with him again. She wants people to forget about their lip-lock.
A lot of Brangelina talk on the D the past few days ... Brad was in one of my dreams last night... it wasn't so bad. ;)
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The real life horror of Monsanto: David vs Monsanto
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E42ndfjnP1g
The Isreali is a slot casino in Reno NV. Chelsea's face does fit the profile of one of their cocktail waitresses. So i agree.
what do you guys mean by Israeli face? because i get confused with an Israeli all the time, by Jews etc...
"I will pee myself today and when someone asks, "what is that smell?", I will happily tell them Veluptuous by KK!" Urmomma
"Chelsea Handler Has Been Making Fun Of Angelina Jolie's Ass For Centuries"
What ass?
Submitted by jackie on Tue, 12/07/2010 - 11:30am.
What does being white have anything to do with looking older? Please elaborate.
Isreali's are hot
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"I've seen Ryan Seacrest in a turtleneck so I should've known that they make turtlenecks in tiny people sizes but now I know it's a for real thing." MK
I don't know why Chelsea insists on wearing sleeveless tops when her arms look like batwings. By the way, 35 my fucking ass. That lush is at the very least 10 years older.