This Lasted Long
Kim Kardashian has pushed Gabriel Aubry's peen out of her life and is no longer interested in riding his ride. Life & Style says that Kim is the one who canceled the contract dumped Gabriel onto the overflowing heap filled with her ex-pieces. Cut to Halle Berry doing the "CLEANSED OF THE SKANK" happy dance:
A source who I'm sure is not named Kris Kardashian says that Gabriel's hard-on just wasn't in the right place. Kim is the Snow White of fame fuckers whose heart flutters for genuine love while Gabriel was just grabbing onto the caboose of the Fame Whore Express and expecting a free ride to the spotlight. The source said it like this, "Kim feels like Gabriel was just using her for her fame. [Gabriel] is older than what Kim is looking for. So she's decided to stop seeing him."
If you slipped that source's quote into Babel Fish and translated it into Kardashianese, it would read: THE BITCH AIN'T GOT NO MONEY.
But don't cry for Kim, because her ESPY Award winning cooch is already dribbling on a new athlete dick. Specifically, the athlete dick belonging to 25-year-old Kris Humphries of the New Jersey Nets:
The same source says that Kim and Kris have gone out a few times and things are just casual for now. Well, I guess Kim is getting fucked by two Krises now. NO! It was too easy. But seriously, things are going to get really awkward when Kim screams "KRIS! KRIS! KRIS" while Hump Hump Humphries is hitting it from the back and her mother runs into the room. Actually, maybe it won't. I've seen the show. Mama Kris will just reposition the camera on the tripod and see herself out.
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"Kim feels like Gabriel was just using her for her fame. [Gabriel] is older than what Kim is looking for. So she's decided to stop seeing him."
Ahahaha!! Slap Fail. He used you and left tire tracks on your ass, get used to it.
AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
I totally forgot about BAPS. I'm going right to netflix and rent that shit.
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If I have to come back here it's gonna get fuckin ugly.
Kris looks yummy. I'd like to go a little 'One on One' with him.
Submitted by kndall44: "Ha. White guys aren't interested in this. End of story."
Fuck you, race baitor. And yes, I suppose I'm taking the bait.
Quite a few men would be interested in her because she's pretty (however plastic), famous, rich, and easy. Even if she's not the latter (she is), her "fans" have seen what she can do in bed.
You all need to chill and stop sounding so...provincial. Miscegenation (did I type that?) has been occurring and still does. Why, some people of the same sex have sex! Heavens! Did you know that white girls date black guys, Asian guys, and Latinos? Oh. my. god.
What the fuck am I typing and why am I responding to this jerk?
Good night.
Ha.
White guys aren't interested in this.
End of story.
No way that Kim dumped Gabriel who is so fuckin Hot.Only the Kardashians could get away with telling such a fucking lie I mean every1 was shocked that Gabriel even sat next to that woman who let Ray J pee on her.And now where Gabriel probably is ashamed of being seen with that lemur/alien cross looking bitch,he ended whatever there was.Plus that skank Kim who obviously had the hots for Gabriel and who mostly fucked on not so good looking man would of never dumped such a hot piece of ass.Plus he cant be too old because Kim is noway only 30 with her cheesy knees and her untoned body.
No way that Kim dumped Gabriel who is so fuckin Hot.Only the Kardashians could get away with telling such a fucking lie I mean every1 was shocked that Gabriel even sat next to that woman who let Ray J pee on her.And now where Gabriel probably is ashamed of being seen with that lemur/alien cross looking bitch,he ended whatever there was.Plus that skank Kim who obviously had the hots for Gabriel and who mostly fucked on not so good looking man would of never dumped such a hot piece of ass.Plus he cant be too old because Kim is noway only 30 with her cheesy knees and her untoned body.
AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!
"Kim Kardashian led the list of highest earning reality TV stars with a whopping $6 million. Kim does endorse multiple products, but surprisingly a large amount of her earnings came from her boutique Dash, which she owns with her sisters Kourtney and Khloe.
And of course since every celeb writes a book now, the Kardashian girls had to hop on that train. Kardashian Konfidential sold 13,000 copies in the first week!"
on Pigez.
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He kissed her then and there, she took his ring, took his babies
It took him minutes, took her nowhere
Heaven knows, she'd have taken anything, but
-David Bowie
The rumor is that Halle Berry found out he was dating "the human urinal", and didn't want their children associating with someone who gets off on being pissed on, so she put the kibosh on it. Hilarious that kim "piss on me, baby" will always be known as a shitty lay and a human toilet seat...
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"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa." - Brit's Tits
This Kris Humphries is pretty hot. However, the thought that he likes to pee on trash makes him a lotta less hot.
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I was entirely unaware of how sucky it would get.
- Gautama.
Hotdog, meet hallway.
If anyone still wants to know what sex feels like with Kim Tardashian feels like, stick your cock in a gutted pumpkin. It doesn't stop there! She always looks like she shit herself because she's probably taken so much rectal damage that she now has lost all control of her bowels. Sexay.
I think this one might just be as nasty as Paris Hilton. Bravo!
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"Look inside the executioner's hood, I will show you his grimace!"
-Darzamat (Blackward)
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Haha, these comments are awesome! I think this whore is way too into herself. I was studying at Barnes and Noble today after my lecture and I saw this lady reading her new book, something Kartrashian? Idk well anyway, yeah pretty sad stuff.
Submitted by SpiceDong on Tue, 12/07/2010 - 5:19pm.
Kim always looks like she would smell of onions and garlic masked with some heavy perfume.
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Hahahahaha! I always think her underwear probably smells like old perogies.
"each night I go to bed, I pray like Aretha Franklin"..Scritti Politti's "Wood Beez"
Hahaha! They were not even together! Her family invited him by and he graciously accepted not understanding what a lunatic move it was.
For fuck's sake. This family has these "magazines" wrapped around their fingers.
This. Bitch. Better. Stay. Away. From. My Kris.
I know I am 44. I know I look like Caroline Rhea and he would never have me, but he's a child, an innocent child who would only be tainted by her wicked, evil ways.
Fucking chocolate chasing whore.
Did anyone take this seriously? I didn't!
Christmas in Hollis courtesy of RUN-DMC...
Like all former stews, mama Kris never met a sports uniform she didn't like.
Damn, this girl can use and abuse in a hurry. Maybe he wasn't able to piss on her on demand. He is too old for her??? Bitch please...
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/entertainment/2002812478_dlisted20...
Submitted by yuga on Tue, 12/07/2010 - 4:55pm.
Girls would go ape-shit when he would come into a game for Dallas. I never got it. He isn't as stupid looking as the picture suggests, but I never thought he was the hottest thing. Plus, he looks a lot like my brother, so any positive emotion I had about his looks were squashed completely as soon as they appeared.
it's ok, it's probably not that he looks like your brother...if that picture is what he looks like normally, then he's not all that at all. :P
As much as I hate to admit I care about anything pertaining to Kim K, I have to say I'm hoping this story is true. Something about the two of them together just made my skin crawl. And if Kim really wants to be able to date around in peace, she needs to stop going out with people already well known to the public and settle down with a 'nobody'.
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Remember, the early bird may catch the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese...
hmm I do not know what is better: Halle's salacious BAPs dance or the sweaty guns on that butter face player. Kim always looks like she would smell of onions and garlic masked with some heavy perfume.
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"Arrested for Prostitution!!!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dOLUhHfuCwfeature=related
·...¸><((((º>·´¯`·. ¸.><((((º> .·´¯`·..·><((((º>
Another lying ass liar! Let me guess how this actually played out:
-Kim calls Gabriel's agent and invites him to join her courtside at the game.
-Kim makes sure photogs are on notice to snap her & Gabriel together.
-Kim calls tabloids and plants dating story.
-Kim calls tabloids and plants break-up story.
-Gabriel says, "Huh? I just wanted to watch the damn game courtside!"
-Kim is pleased with herself.
Fuck off desperate slut bucket!!!!
Ok, enough pontificating, I need some liquor.
-LOVE ANDERSON
Note to Kim K: Albert Haynesworth has loads of money and plenty of pissing time on his hand. Come get him, please. You seem like just his type.
Who still wants to fuck this ho? It would be easier (and cheaper and more sanitary) to stick your dick in a vat of hydrocloric acid rather than her mayo drenched vag.
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You're welcome to your opinion unless it differs from mine.
Submitted by ditquoi on Tue, 12/07/2010 - 3:53pm.
question, by the way, how is he of the Nets and wearing a Dallas jersey?
actually two questions, don't the Nets still suck? I'd figure she wouldn't touch him just based on that fact. what, do the Knicks all have girlfriends?
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He used to play for Dallas (thank the fucking Lord he's not here anymore). I guess MK didn't care to find him in the right jersey. Compared to last year, the Nets aren't as bad. But it would be pretty hard for them to get any worse. The Knicks aren't much better, so I guess she figured she'd spend a quick second with the franchise that has a billionaire Russian playboy for its' owner and really doesn't have much to loose.
Girls would go ape-shit when he would come into a game for Dallas. I never got it. He isn't as stupid looking as the picture suggests, but I never thought he was the hottest thing. Plus, he looks a lot like my brother, so any positive emotion I had about his looks were squashed completely as soon as they appeared.
The Gabriel dude is a good looking guy but I DO NOT get all the swooning for him...
* RUNS AWAY*
and I was helping children in Morocco, it wasn't like a vacation...
ahahahahaha! It was so packed that you could barely move! Too claustrophobic for me. Fish was good later, though.
Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid
Submitted by Eileenie McMeanie on Tue, 12/07/2010 - 4:27pm.
ELB, it was! And HARRODS? OMG...way too crowded for me. Did manage to steal a fresh fish, though. ☺
OMG! You were the one? It was on the news. THIEF! >:(
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMhO0Kfl5Ck&feature=related
The only reason I care about this is that it caused MK to post this gif. So, for that: Thank you, skank!
♥ Threadkilla!
If there's anything unsettling to the stomach, it's watching actors on television talk about their personal lives.~Marlon Brando
ELB, it was! And HARRODS? OMG...way too crowded for me. Did manage to steal a fresh fish, though. ☺
Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid
damn gabriel is hot. too hot for kim, thats fo sure. just stick w/ your young athletes kim and good luck w/ that whole marriage thing. and damn gabriel is hot, gotdamn.
@Eileenie, brrrrrr cold aint it!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMhO0Kfl5Ck&feature=related
small honky dick does not appeal to big fat ass... he can't reach the hole
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"Your appalling choice in women is well-known to us dlisters." Momus
I'd never piss on a woman...I'm too much of a gentleman for that. Shit on one, no problem.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMhO0Kfl5Ck&feature=related
Submitted by El Bastardo on Tue, 12/07/2010 - 4:19pm.
I just got back from your homeland. Loved it!
Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid
Submitted by Eileenie McMeanie on Tue, 12/07/2010 - 4:13pm.
Kim, Kris, Kourtney, Kristal, Kaella, Khloe..KRAZY!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMhO0Kfl5Ck&feature=related
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Tue, 12/07/2010 - 3:20pm.
He is prettier than she is- she couldn't stand that. All the attention would go to him when they were together.
I'll also bet Halle threatened he couldn't see Nahla if he continued dating the Urinal.
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I certainly wouldn't want my daughter around Kim Kartrashian.
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
No biggie...Kim has tons of other athletes to date on "peed-dial".
heheheh....
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Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
He wasn't black enough for her (and I'm not being racist, just look at her rap sheet of dicks).
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If you shoved a vuvuzela into a dog's ass and asked him to fart into a fan, the sound he produces would be more pleasant to the ears than this shit! - Michael K
ELB, that is too many KKKs.
Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Tue, 12/07/2010 - 3:31pm.
ahahahahaha! Isn't Garrett Morris dead?
Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid
Submitted by Eileenie McMeanie on Tue, 12/07/2010 - 3:12pm.
I thought she only dated black athletes?
Hes 1/2 black. His dad William owns 5 Guys Burgers Duluth?
He has 2 sisters Kristal and Kaella (sp?) KKKKKKKKKs!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMhO0Kfl5Ck&feature=related
Why can't she come to grips with the fact that she is not 18 years old? She's 30 and due to her horrendus plastic surgery, she looks 40. I just can't get over the fact that this clown is that old and still acts the way she acts, and people actually think it's cute and want to act/look like her. Aubrey is just 4 years older than her, and the source claims that he was too old? Sad. And then she thinks, at 30, that she can still pull early to mid 20 year old athletes and expect them to want to marry her, when said men (or more appropriately "boys) are just as or even more immature as she is and probably aren't looking for marriage to a 30 year old plastic surgery urinal. Yeah, good luck with that genius.
Submitted by stank: "Poor Plastic Barbie. She's the new Carmen Electra. There will always be a couple of guys who will fuck her so they can laugh at her behind her back. And there will always be a couple of men who will fuck her to try to stimulate their own careers. But there will never be a man who will actually love her. She will die a lonely old woman."
Right on. Not too many guys who would marry a woman who's leaked a tape of herself getting pissed on. And Hank Baskett's already taken.
She thinks he was using her for fame? Guess it takes one to know one.
Too old, huh? You ain't no young pure thing, Kim. Anyway, I'm glad this blind item resolved itself. Halle might just take you back now, Gabe!
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"Sometimes the dick is so good you want to put their name on your checking account."
i won't be surprise if she becomes the next mother theresa but the whore type,she is old, and nobody wants her anymore , she has been up and down the road ,more times she can count,I guess she is a golden shower herself.I don't know how many times you can pee in/on that cooch.
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“I love giving the golden shower. I've done it before in the shower. It's, like, so sexy.”ricky martin
I hope she got a good boink out of him before kicking him to the curb.
Because you have to tag that, at least ONCE.
hell I would, and I'm monogomous.
question, by the way, how is he of the Nets and wearing a Dallas jersey?
actually two questions, don't the Nets still suck? I'd figure she wouldn't touch him just based on that fact. what, do the Knicks all have girlfriends?
He's not a wealthy athlete or rapper, so of course she's not seriously interested. She wants someone who is surrounded by fans, fame, and wealth. She screwed up by waiting for Reggie for so long. Now she's got to work double time to nab a rich husband. The clock is ticking.
...My darling can't you see
My heart sounds just for you my dear...