Elton John & David Furnish's Beautiful Christmas Gift: A BABY!!!!!
And no, that baby friend in turquoise leggings is not theirs. Elton John and David Furnish got a new model fresh out of the womb factory! After years of trying to get an adorable slobbering of their very own, Elton and his husband David announced to UsWeekly that their new son was born via a surrogate in California on Christmas Day! Please please please lie to me and tell me the surrogate's name is Mary.
Unfortunately, Elton and David did not name their son Glasses Tiara Furnish-John. They turned it down a bit and gave him the almost normal name of: Zachary Jackson Levon Furnish-John. Yeah, that Levon. If I was Elton and wanted to name my child after one of my songs, I would've went with "The Bitch Is Back" but that's just me. Here's what 62-year-old Elton and 48-year-old David said about their new bundle of slobber and coos:
"We are overwhelmed with happiness and joy at this very special moment. Zachary is healthy and doing really well, and we are very proud and happy parents."
I was reading the comments at another site and many bitches were crying out shit like: "That's selfish! Those old hags are too old to raise a baby!" "When that baby graduates, one of those old bitches is going to be coughing up Benefiber balls in the audience and the other is going to be bothering everyone with his geriatric farts! Blah! Blah! Blah!" "That poor child will have to learn how to jumpstart a Hoveround by the age of 6!"
Give me a fucking break. I can't predict what kind of parents Elton and David will be, but as long as they keep Baby Zachary covered in rhinestones, wigs, glitter and pink tutus, they'll do fine. Besides just because you're of baby chasing age, doesn't mean you're going to make a wonderful parent. The other day I was at the grocery store and some young mother kept barking all kinds of nonsense at her daughter in front of everyone. You know, I'm all for yelling at brats, but this little girl wasn't really doing anything wrong. At one point, the girl started dancing with a loaf of bread and the bitch mom goes, "Put that down, Renee! You look like a little idiotic slut!" Idiotic slut. Nice. The "idiotic" part was WAY over the line. It's not like the loaf of bread she was dancing with was Wonder Bread. It was sourdough or some shit. She obviously made the right decision and her mom still threw hate at her.
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Submitted by GreenFairy on Wed, 12/29/2010 - 1:25pm.
Having old/middle aged parents sucks, it isn't fun at all! Trust me, I could write a book about it.
Everytime I see old parents in their 40s or even over 50s I cringe and shudder (especially first time parents), because I've been that child and it isn't fun!....BRrrrrrr
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You didn't happen to grow up in Stanton, Ca. did you? I had a neighbor and her parents were ancient..only child..Gah..I felt sooo bad for her she always wanted to stay at my house :(
Their house smelled of moth balls and she had to wear these horrendous clothes and act like faux royalty. It was like they were in a time warp and trying to keep her there with them. They would only let her listen to certain music like Glen Miller, while we were discovering Led Z (7th grade) and wetting ourselves over Peter Frampton. I always wondered what happened to her when we moved.
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"Just wait till one of their children disappear. They won't be calling me fake then!" The classy "Medium" Allison DuBois
Having old/middle aged parents sucks, it isn't fun at all! Trust me, I could write a book about it.
Everytime I see old parents in their 40s or even over 50s I cringe and shudder (especially first time parents), because I've been that child and it isn't fun!....BRrrrrrr
Submitted by Stoney on Tue, 12/28/2010 - 9:42am
I am sorry but that is just fucking stupid. No, scratch that, I'm not sorry....it's just fucking stupid. You mean to tell me kids who had parents that abuse and molest them should be thankful to them that they gave them life. GTFOOH with your bull shit. They may as well not have been born. I guess no one every told you how that can fuck a child up for life. Maybe it's just easier to say that when it is not you yourself experiencing it. You see, it is always easier to tell people to do this or do that when it is not you experiencing whatever the fuck it is your going on about. My guess is you fall into one of those categories you list and have a child that hate your ass for it. Whether you do or not, it's still a stupid and fucked up thing to say. Instead of encouraging children not to hate their parents for doing dumb shit. Why not encourage parents to..um, IDK, not do dumb shit?
*throw up hands* Just when I think I have heard it all
*Change is inevitable; progress is optional
*She who conquers herself, conquers all
If Sir Elton wanted something small and fashionable, why didn't he just get a rolex?
Two old gay men paying some woman for the use of her womb, then she schedules an on demand c-section.
Our society is sick that two men like this can BUY a baby. The woman who sold her baby to a couple of homosexuals, one an Ex-Coke junkie who's legendary tantrums will rival that of his newly purchased son.
Sick on every single level. The new world order: “Homosexuals, a mother and father is purely OPTIONAL.”
Submitted by PoppaDaddy on Tue, 12/28/2010 - 12:12pm.
Congrats to Elton for still being a cunt.
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Hahahaha!
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Please get the fuck out ---->
With that being said, I love Elton John's music, but he is a cunt... And I highly doubt he'll be waking up in the am to feed and burp his new born babeh chile....I'm sure they hired nannies and shit for that. Gay man nannies though...gotta keep the child care luxurious....
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Please get the fuck out ---->
Hey! Have people not read the story of the two gay elves that tried to fill all those Christmas orders because kids were sending their christmas list to them for whatever reason....
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Please get the fuck out ---->
Stoney
I made my kid play the clarinet and the recorder..she hates me now
Dammit, why did they not adopt? What is it with wealthy people who don't want to adopt? Shame on you!
Adoption is one of the reasons I am so strongly pro same-sex marriages. There are too many kids out there who need a loving home. Let's stop thinking we're so hot we need to multiply.
THis post is conjuring up lots of *ew* feelings. I think the baby bread dancer sounds adorable, and would have let my daughter tango with a baguette for a minute or two.
I think Elton is kinda old to be a first time parent, never mind the fact that Elton John is a bitch.
And lastly, money does not equal good parenting. Unless, of course, you're paying for your kids therapy.
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And I hear your words that I made up. You say my name like there could be an us. I'd best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love, I'm the only one in love.
Adele, "Heart to Stone"
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Submitted by K2 on Tue, 12/28/2010 - 1:19pm.
Sorry honey, but kids need a mother too !
I'm sure these men are perfectly capable of providing the love ... but this boy will still need a mothers touch along with the love of a woman. There are just some things that one sex alone can't provide. I needed a female perspective in life just as much as a male. Ultimately, that child will go out searching for it when he's older.
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That is why he will be a cougar chaser if he is straight!
Besides just because you're of baby chasing age, doesn't mean you're going to make a wonderful parent.
Very true, look at the moms on '16 and Pregnant' or whatever that show is called. Elton and David seem like a stable couple and can certainly afford to raise a child. Best wishes to the new family.
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"Everytime I lower the bar of expectations, you limbo right under it".
As if Sir Elton is going to spend even 5 minutes a day with this kid. That said, the kid just inherited the keys to the kingdom.
Wasn't elton all boozy and coked-up back in the day? he is in a happy and stanle place and now has time for the kid. I am not mad. MAZEL to the lucky little one. He'll probably be sick of the song Tiny Dancer before he turns 1.
All of the kids I knew growing up with REALLY old parents like this were the ones who threw the great parties and generally didn't show up to school too much. I can think of two who continue to live off of their old ass p's and are too fucking old to be doing such. This kid is lucky to have such funding for his teen years.
"It's my money and I want it now!"
Submitted by OXA on Tue, 12/28/2010 - 11:53am.
Congratulations & much joy to the new family.
All kids need is love and they do not care what gender provides it
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Sorry honey, but kids need a mother too !
I'm sure these men are perfectly capable of providing the love ... but this boy will still need a mothers touch along with the love of a woman. There are just some things that one sex alone can't provide. I needed a female perspective in life just as much as a male. Ultimately, that child will go out searching for it when he's older.
Well, I betcha they use servants!
Congratulations boys!
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It sounds like I'll need to be drunk, stoned and suffering from a minor concussion to deal with this fuckery. MK - November 2008
That kid hit the jack pot just by being born.
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"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
— William Goldman
Wish them the best. Hope they adopt a few, too. Lots of special needs kids who would benefit from the help some rich-ass parents could buy for them.
I wish them the best of luck. Parenting is hard work, but totally worthwhile.
Congrats to the baby for getting rich daddies. Congrats to David for being one of the rich daddies. Congrats to Elton for still being a cunt.
Congratulations & much joy to the new family.
All kids need is love and they do not care what gender provides it.
Elton John adopting a Ukrainian baby is like Edina Monsoon adopting a Rumanian baby (actual plotline from AbFab).
The main difference is that Edina adopting was just a joke within a dream.
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I was entirely unaware of how sucky it would get.
- Gautama.
Hilarious.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by Stoney on Tue, 12/28/2010 - 9:42am.
Kids need to learn they can't just pick up any ole pastry with their grimy germed-up hands and play with it in the grocery store. I'm going to buy that and eat it, so keep your hands off it, walk by the cart in a behaved fashion and stay out of the adults' way. Some of us have actual things to do instead of waiting until you finish your window-licking bread waltz.
Brought to you by Stoney's Parenting 101. LOL!!! :)
You sound just like me... Before having kids LOL
What, don't hate. I'm not going to pop a baby out til I'M 81...I've got shit to do til then. The nursing home can help with the birth and all of the overwhelming tasks that come with taking care of a baby. Whatevs! By then I should have two steel hips, strong birthing fodder.
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19 Cats and Counting!
THE FULL RELEASE LOOP
What the underlying loop inside all of this really is
1974 someone used satellite time and brain cephalics (same thing), to view me, in 19764
The sound of the BR
I always feel sorry for chidren that have meenie parents. They're so little and defenseless and have no clue why they're being treat badly. I hope Elton n is dood are sweet and wonderful to their new little one. :)
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"This is straight up fuckery."
His Holiness MK, 9/03/08
What a lucky kid.
Hey, Mizro!!
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Ho hum.
While I love infants, after 2 years old, I cant stand them anymore, especially bratty ones, I know a few nice ones that are well mannered and were taught and trained well, they're bearable, but the yuppie kids in my area, you actually wanna beat with a shovel.
Im happy for John and his hubby, good for them if thats what they wanted.
Submitted by suckandfuck on Tue, 12/28/2010 - 9:17am.
Submitted by MudTurtle on Tue, 12/28/2010 - 9:12am.
uummm...this person is joking, right???
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Excuse me, the number of babies that get raped by adopting gay parents is never a joke.
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Besides, babies are easier to cornhole than white tigers, ask Siegfried & Roy. ************************************************************************************************ Butt-head: This sucks more than anything that has ever sucked before.
By the time Levon is ready to argue over his curfew, Elton won't be able to tell time anymore.
I hope Levon turns out to be a skirt-chasing, rugby-playing, chartered accountant, so the parents can fret over where they went wrong.
I've NEVER had enough energy for a baby-why the hell would you want that at 62???
JMO of course , but I really think that a daughter would fit better with 2 gay men. I just do. Something about little girls adoring their daddies ... I would think it might be a bit confusing for a little boy to understand the two dad household .. I'm not trying to sound ignorant - trust me - I GET it. But girls tend to accept and understand the "gay" thing a bit better. A boy with 2 gay moms ... might work better.
AND the age factor is kinda huge. The one dad being 48 isnt so bad - but Elton is a pepaw at this point. He might want to leave a video message for all the life's lessons his son will need to learn ... cause daddy Elton probably wont be around to explain it to him.
Congrats, I guess. Poor David, he'll have two demanding creatures to look after. It definitely depends on the maturity of the parent when it comes to kid rearing.
Submitted by Meowrr on Tue, 12/28/2010 - 10:17am.
I would like to know how the heck they got little Levon to come out on Christmas Day like the character in the song, because to yank him out just for that reason is all kinds of wrong, in my opinion.
Good point. Maybe that's when it happened, by chance, and they decided on the name after? But you can schedule a C-section at term pretty much whenever you feel like it.
Congrats to them! I would like to know how the heck they got little Levon to come out on Christmas Day like the character in the song, because to yank him out just for that reason is all kinds of wrong, in my opinion.
I would yell at my kid to put down the bread, nobody likes mashed bread.
well, the kid will lack for nothing, but I wonder why elton waited so long.
I'm the same age as his husband,and I'm a grandmother for chriss'sake.
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We can make weapons out of these candy canes.
Go ahead, suck it til it's pointy.
I was raised by older parents and I had a happy childhood. I believe older = more settled down, wiser. Way better than having children too young in any case.
that bitchy mom in the grocery store doesn't seem to realize her little slut is going to grow up one day & slap her silly ass in assisted living & never come to visit...just sayin.
"not so fast tom ryan..."
Everyone's mad at their parents for one reason or another. Either they are old or divorced or abusive or favor one child over the other or used drugs or told you you were stupid or they cheated or made bad financial decisions or forced you to play the clarinet. That's just life. Of course, without your parents you wouldn't be here at all.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by urmomma on Tue, 12/28/2010 - 9:48am.
Submitted by Stoney on Tue, 12/28/2010 - 9:42am.
Some of us have actual things to do instead of waiting until you finish your window-licking bread waltz.
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*licks stoney's bread and waltzes off*
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Ahahahahhaa..*rubs Stoney's bread in my armpits* *licks Stoney's face for good measure*
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Being the child of older (albeit not rich, famous, and gay) parents, I can give testimony to the fact that it sucked and I hated it. My parents were much older than everyone else's, my sisters were about the age of other people's parents, I felt like an only child, and to this day my sisters and I are not close, emotionally, physically, or in age. This is why when people in their 40s and 50s want to have kids I just shudder. I've been that kid, and it was not a great experience.
Submitted by El Bastardo on Tue, 12/28/2010 - 9:47am.
OH CRAP! Hahahahaha. Somethings wrong with you!
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At least I don't lick baby turds like Elton Gay and Whatever The other one's name is that no one cares about.
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Submitted by Stoney on Tue, 12/28/2010 - 9:42am.
Some of us have actual things to do instead of waiting until you finish your window-licking bread waltz.
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*licks stoney's bread and waltzes off*
They will have the best nanny I am sure...just like Mary Poppins all proper and shit.
Submitted by suckandfuck on Tue, 12/28/2010 - 9:46am.
Submitted by El Bastardo on Tue, 12/28/2010 - 9:42am.
Hahahaha! How old were you?
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23.
OH CRAP! Hahahahaha. Somethings wrong with you!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMhO0Kfl5Ck&feature=related
Submitted by joe shmoe on Tue, 12/28/2010 - 9:32am.
I break out in a cold sweat when people start screeching and walloping their children in public. If your kid is being an obnoxious brat, then get outta there, deal with privately and spare everyone a humiliating spectable. If your young child is hollow-eyed with exhaustion because you've been dragging them around the mall for hours and they've missed their nap or it's way past their bedtime, then FFS, take them home and let them sleep, arsehole. Whacking them over the head and yelling at them doesn't generally improve the disposition or behaviour of a very tired child.
Oh and if your little kid wants to waltz with a bagette in the grocery store, enjoy the moment and don't be a frickin' killjoy.
Brought to you by Shmoe's Parenting 101.
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Couldn't have said it better myself. And it's worse during the holidays, I try to avoid malls and shit as much as I can, but recently I've seen a new trend in poor parenting: when your very small kid starts crying, whether it's justified or just a small kid tantrum, IGNORE THE CHILD. Last time I saw that crap I almost slapped the parents, two lazy cunts having ice cream and calmly gazing at the walls. Makes me want to scream "THEN WHY DID YOU HAVE THIS KID?!"
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"Two hands working can do more than a thousand clasped in prayer."
Submitted by El Bastardo on Tue, 12/28/2010 - 9:42am.
Hahahaha! How old were you?
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23.
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.