Well, This Is A Shock

David Arquette has pretty much been seven shades of DRUNK AS FUCK ever since his marriage to Courtney Cox was stabbed in the heart, so nobody's really pushing out an ounce of shock over the news that he's checked his shit into rehab on New Year's Day. To be fair to David, most of our livers probably crawled out of our assholes and took a cab to the nearest rehab clinic on New Year's Day. Yup, that's what fell out of your ass. It wasn't an old condom. Relieved, right?

So anyway, they're going to wring the sweet nectar out of David's pores, take a million Biore strips to his greasy ass face and get him all cleaned up. David's spokeswhore confirms the news to People and a source added this:

"He is in there for drinking and depression, not hard drugs. Rehab was inevitable. He is dealing with a broken heart. He can't handle all the changes in his life. All his inner demons came out."

All his inner demons came out?! That sounds like me on the toilet after drinking well tequila and Taco Bell's $5 box. And for real, I feel for David's roommate. You know David's ass. The bitch CAN TALK about his problems! He goes on and on and on and on and on. David's poor roommate is in there trying to keep off the bad shit and he's got that loud ho crying out a river of WAH WAH WAH about all his damn problems. David's roommate will definitely learn in a quick minute how to make a mild-altering drug out of toilet rust, paint chips and carpet fibers.

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by valterchaves on Fri, 01/14/2011 - 2:02am.

He kept his mouth shut for a l-o-n-g time as per Courteney's wishes. She did not want to go public on the separation. They separated around the time the tabs were speculating that she was cheating with her co-star. David kept quiet until he felt forced to come out and defend himself when that chick he had banged started blabbing. Of course, he only slept with that chick months after the break up when Courteney had given the OK for them both to see other people. David knew that Howard Stern would give him an open forum and the chance to speak honestly. Best to you David.
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Submitted by Centaurious on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 10:23pm.

I can't imagine fucking Courtney Cox.

She probably just drones on about decorating and spits out paint ships and carpet samples when she comes.

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"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Marjorie Ingall

Submitted by madam ex on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 1:52pm.

Aww I always liked him, I hope he gets better, even though he's a bit crazy, but thats kinda what I like about him, and I loved them together. SAD!

Submitted by kacky on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 10:52am.

Celebs would have a better chance for recovery if their spokeswhores would quit with the excuses already. "It's not hard drugs." "It's an allergic reaction." Everyone knows you need to own it in order to stop.
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You're on your own in finding a recipe for sliced cheese.

Submitted by muffintops on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 10:45am.

this guy needs to man up and deal with growing up. he's not 25 anymore.

Submitted by caprica six on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 9:51am.

Aw fk, let the dude just work out his shit. We've all been there. I kindof feel for him. He's not really a spotlight whore, except for some acting out in since the summer, but some of that behavior is to be expected w/ marital probs. Hope things work out for him.

But if he keeps coming in and out of rehab, then it'll be another snark matter.

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“There is no use trying," said Alice, "one can’t believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven’t had much practice," said the Queen. "Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

Submitted by Bowchickawawa on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 9:45am.

Not hard drugs, just alcohol? That is very comforting and a such big relief. Not!!
News flash...alcohol is a hard drug. Alcohol addiction can be pretty hardcore. One could actually die from alcohol or benzo (valium, xanax and other downers alcoholics like) withdrawals. The "hard drugs" such as heroin, coke, meth and crack will not kill you during withdrawal. You may feel like you want to die but you won't. I just love how publicists sugarcoat shit. Just because alcohol is legal doesn't mean it's benign.

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"And people try to tell me that God wasn't high on the good shit when he made this place" -by angel_i

Submitted by NitWitty on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 9:14am.

Courtney, you in danger, Gurl!
Them Arquette's are gonna' get together and put some bad voodoo ju-ju on your ass.

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"Just wait till one of their children disappear. They won't be calling me fake then!" The classy "Medium" Allison DuBois

Submitted by The Mad Catter on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 8:34am.

What a fucking pussy.

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THE FULL RELEASE LOOP

What the underlying loop inside all of this really is
1974 someone used satellite time and brain cephalics (same thing), to view me, in 19764
The sound of the BR

Submitted by P.T.Bull on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 8:34am.

The dark side of celebrity--when you bang the dog, everybody knows about it. My own crises and failures were embarassing and regrettable, but at least they didn't make the news.

I could give a mosquito's pecker what this guy's issues are. Its all about me.

Submitted by Joe Dabb Babbalucci on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 7:41am.

David Arquette is a total fuck-up whose attention starved. Look at his attire. Look at his "acting." He's pathetic. I cannot see why Courteney even married him. He's a joke. She got tired of living with a child who'd never grow up.

He may end up like Corey Haim if he doesn't see the light.

Submitted by snowpiece on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 7:37am.

All his inner demons came out?! That sounds like me on the toilet after drinking well tequila and Taco Bell's $5 box.

ahahahahhaah MK thanks for making my first day back a lil easier!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxxo

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""A must-see! Hary Potter better watch out once the weather gets nice"
Larrie D" LORY
"NOTHING will EVER stop me from my know-it-all antics!" Stoney

Submitted by No Words on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 7:32am.

I feel really sorry for him...I am sure he is taking this breakup hard. Good for him for going into rehab.

Submitted by guest on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 7:29am.

courtney turned him into a such a girl. hope his rehab stint is with dr. drew & they'll air it next season....not.

"not so fast tom ryan..."

Submitted by joe shmoe on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 6:27am.

I appreciate the fact that his rep was truthful and didn't spew out some public relations b.s. about him being 'dehydrated' or 'exhausted'.

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Pourtant, dans toute la Botte, pas une call-girl qui ne rêve d’être recrutée pour une partie de « bunga bunga » avec Silvio. «

Submitted by letinstar on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 6:16am.

arquette is a mess...but i feel bad for him...i just know living with courtney cocks could not have been easy...
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Just wait til your ball sack is jangling around your knees like santa's bells and your brows are meeting your eyelids -stolen from: Urfugginjokin on Holy Moly on 10/13/10

Submitted by Ford_Prefect on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 2:14am.

I wonder how much booze ol' Dave was pounding while living with the Harpy?

Me thinks he's been abusing for a while.

Good luck Dave, get your shit to get, and WORK THE PROGRAM!

~*Lets go to my room pig!*~

Submitted by Dolly_D on Mon, 01/03/2011 - 12:10am.

A recent betrayal was discovered on my f-ing bday that involved
a long time friend and my fleabag partner of 6 years. Yah, I hit the bottle hard and had a pity party - FOR ONE NIGHT!

So reading about David made me snap. At very least for his daughter whom I'm sure doesn't need to have public knowledge of his shit and shenanigans.

Now its time to get on with it. The best revenge is to look after oneself and not self-destruct.
(Mind you, I'll probably still key his car and throw dog shit on her doorstep)

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"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
— William Goldman

Submitted by kndall44 on Sun, 01/02/2011 - 11:57pm.

Hey Dave, Jen Aniston's single and hungrrraay!!

Submitted by Spoiled on Sun, 01/02/2011 - 11:45pm.

He kept his mouth shut for a l-o-n-g time as per Courteney's wishes. She did not want to go public on the separation. They separated around the time the tabs were speculating that she was cheating with her co-star. David kept quiet until he felt forced to come out and defend himself when that chick he had banged started blabbing. Of course, he only slept with that chick months after the break up when Courteney had given the OK for them both to see other people. David knew that Howard Stern would give him an open forum and the chance to speak honestly. Best to you David.

Submitted by Message In A Bottle on Sun, 01/02/2011 - 11:23pm.

I'm sorry but I have somewhat of a hard time feeling very sorry for this guy with the way he has been so fucking public about his marriage. He should've gone to therapy to deal with it in the first place instead of Howard fucking Stern. I certainly wouldn't invest time into anyone that couldn't keep private matters private and aired it to the world.

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If you shoved a vuvuzela into a dog's ass and asked him to fart into a fan, the sound he produces would be more pleasant to the ears than this shit! - Michael K

Submitted by moonmaid on Sun, 01/02/2011 - 10:47pm.

I actually kinda feel sorry for him. At least he had a reason for falling apart. I mean, I have more respect for a man who falls apart when his marriage ends than one who is on to the next 20 year younger model within 5 minutes.

I wish him well. Always thought they made a cute odd couple.

Submitted by lastdiva on Sun, 01/02/2011 - 10:44pm.

We've all been where he is. I wouldn't wish it on anyone during the holidays. Get well soon then snatch it back and hold it.

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"don't even try shitting on my rainbow!!" ~ Fucking_Classy

Submitted by cocoebert on Sun, 01/02/2011 - 9:57pm.

He sounds like a man who loves his wife. Best of luck to him.

Submitted by Dolly_D on Sun, 01/02/2011 - 9:28pm.

Fucking pussy boy. Rehab needs to hand him a new set of balls.

I'm just fed up with these self-absorbed numb-nuts.
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"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
— William Goldman

Submitted by Living dead girl on Sun, 01/02/2011 - 9:41pm.

He is truely heartbroken. Hope he can get his shit together. I like him.

Submitted by Terri on Sun, 01/02/2011 - 9:23pm.

why can't he be on Celeb Rehab. Now that would be worth watching!

Submitted by magdalene on Sun, 01/02/2011 - 9:18pm.

poor drunken muppet...

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Sun, 01/02/2011 - 9:11pm.

I am glad he could stop himself, and check in to rehab. I know he loves his little Coco, I am sure he wants to get better for her.

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and I'm not sorry, it's human nature.
-Madonna

Submitted by GrlBhvingBadly on Sun, 01/02/2011 - 9:07pm.

"That sounds like me on the toilet after drinking well tequila and Taco Bell's $5 box."

Haha shit combine that with Lime Mexican Grill and Pei Wei after News Years drinking and taking adderall. Ima have bubble guts for days...

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"It really is the simple things in life that give you a reason to take your pants off during a work day." -- MK

Submitted by Hotmami on Sun, 01/02/2011 - 9:02pm.

I can't muster up any snark here. I feel for him.

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And I hear your words that I made up. You say my name like there could be an us. I'd best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love, I'm the only one in love.
Adele, "Heart to Stone"

Submitted by angel_i on Sun, 01/02/2011 - 8:56pm.

Aw! I can't hate on this guy. Dealing with depression and, really in this case, self-medication can be (as they say) a lifelong battle. He jumped in before he got too fucked up. Took the first cue. And, well, at least it proves his relationship wasn't plastic which, in these end days, is kinda heartwarming.

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