Elton John & David Furnish Present Their Son To The World
We're about to be bombarded with millions of magazine covers starring babies with their eyes closed, and Elton John and David Furnish are leading the mob with their spread in OK! Magazine. Elton and David tried to adopt two orphans from the Ukraine, but they were shut down repeatedly so they turned to surrogacy (using Elton's jizz) and that's how Zachary Jackson Levon was brought into their lives on Christmas Day. A few quotes from the article have been released, and thankfully "Over the Moon" did not pass through Elton's lips as far as I know. Crisis averted. One down, a million more to go. Here's what Elton and David had to say about being new fathers.
Elton on holding Zachary for the first time: "I've never felt anything like it in my life. You're so awestruck, I will never forget that feeling ever."
Elton on how he won't dress Zachary up in $5,000 diamond glasses and Versace onesies ("Stop lying" - Baby Zachary): "I'm ready to have a child and lavish my love on our son and not spoil him materially."
David on how their surrogate's vagina was powered by NASA: "'My God, there's the head!' Then he shot out like a rocket basically - so much so that the obstetrician sort of caught him! It was so dramatic and exciting, we didn't have time to get emotional. Like there he was, talk about fast!"
Happiness is a quiet baby friend in overalls and a white polo, but couldn't OK! have found a better picture to grace their cover? They made Elton look like a grown Howdy Doody going through a Buddy Holly phase. Elton's eyes are pulling my soul in and trying to shove it into the vortex between his teeth. Just focus on the baby in the overalls and everything should be okay.