Leave It To Charlie....
All those "Charlie Sheen Goes to Rehab" headlines are wrong, because the motherfucker isn't going anywhere to try to brush off his thirst for crack, the sweet nectar and other fun stuff. Charlie doesn't go to rehab, rehab goes to Charlie! TMZ reports that Charlie doesn't want nosy hos leaking (the first time in history he's ever been opposed to a leaky ho) all the details of his rehab stay, so CBS and Warner Bros. found him addiction expert that will live in his mansion and help him to get clean.
Well, I guess it might be distracting for other patients when Charlie Sheen's critiquing porn in his room at 3am and loudly complaining that the cream in the cream pie doesn't look authentic, so he's just being conscientious.
TMZ also says that Charlie's at-home rehab treatment will take 3 long months, which means Two and a Half Men will be dark for that long, which means that the crew will have to look elsewhere for a check.
But fear not for those crew members! Now that Charlie is doing the rehab equivalent of the DIY gastric bypass kit, they just have to temporarily get jobs as porn stars, hookers, hernia masseuses or drug dealers if they don't want their income affected. I mean, they already know Charlie and CBS knows their direct deposit information, so the job transfer should go smoothly.