Woe Is Pete Wentz
Ever since Ashlee Simpson filed for divorce from Pete Wentz, he's been as sad as the entire flat iron community when he turned his back on them and went totally organic. Pete has been ripping the ass of his skinny jeans apart by getting on his knees and begging Ass to not let their marriage drown in the pool created by his Emo tears. Pete wants his Asshole Simpson back....but she has already moved on. Cold Asshole is cold. So is mine actually, but for a totally different reason.
A source tells Radar that Ashlee and Pete were living completely different lives. Ashlee stayed home with their son Staten Island Baloo while Pete was out softening colons all over the world with his music. The source went on to say, "Pete has been crying a lot to her about this. He is crushed, and does not want it to be over. Ashlee is done, she loves him, but she's ready to move on. When he traveled for work, she had a lot of time to think, and in the end she just felt happier without him. They married really young and have grown apart, she just wants to focus on her child and her career."
ASHLEE SIMPSON IS A HORRIFIC MONSTER! How can she just sit there and watch the emo clown cry drops of Maybelline tar and not feel a thing?! Ashlee's heart is as icy cold as Jessica Simpson's metabolism. Ashlee is going to regret this. She will miss putting a lighter up to Pete's eyeliner pencil every morning. And she will definitely miss grabbing a tub of Crisco and a chainsaw to get Pete out of his skinny jeans every night. Who's going to entertain Ashlee by tucking his peen between his legs and dancing around like a swan before tickling her on the bed (you know that was their idea of a hot Saturday night)?! And put down your hand, Papa Joe! That question was not directed towards your side of the room!
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Is that an Afro or a Jewfro?
I'm still blown away by the fact that with that stupid flatironed hair Pete Wentz looked about as ethnic as the Mayflower Madam.
No wonder Ass wants to divorce him. She can honestly claim, "He's not the man that I married."
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"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Marjorie Ingall
Think of how many flat irons had to die so his hair could be straight as a board. It's really quite a travesty.
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"I'm like a tree, I feed the branches of the people." - Kanye West
The second I heard Ashlee liked to get stuffed up the ass with dick, was the second I for sure knew that Pete Wentz was in to man-holes.
BUY A FLOWBEE &
SUCK IT UP
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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
I'm not a fan of either, but honestly I think he can do better, and she can do taller.
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Google me, tramp.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Albert-Kai-Lu/1822227818
Ashlee Simpson wasted (aka, showing her true, delusional sense of entitlement and severe overestimation of how cute she thinks she is):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRCPkfxbzIo
Well, at least they won't create another genetic disaster. Hopefully we won't be subjected to "look what nasty douchebag Asshole is dating now!" updates.
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19 Cats and Counting!
THE FULL RELEASE LOOP
What the underlying loop inside all of this really is
1974 someone used satellite time and brain cephalics (same thing), to view me, in 19764
The sound of the BR
"she's ready to move on"
Umkaaayyyy...
What is she, in junior high?
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This is bs, noone chokes up over a Simpson. When she had the baby he was all over the place cavorting with strippers, so I think he's cheating.
Marriage should be one time only. I got married in -89, and after 22 years we are still in love. Maybe because our first child was born two years after we got married, not two months.. Btw, Pete looks like Adrian Monk..
what was the blind item about a singer who had to watch out for someone in the band stealing her husband? cuz that could totally be this. freakaziod chin-simpson got pissed cuz hubby bear was "acting erratically" and screwing his new female band-mate...or mates... mister mister likes the both ways. lil miss who married for the "knocked up career in the shitters" got the sads when her fame ticket was too busy screwing everyone but her emaciated body and decided to fame-vorce to a)feed her celebuspawn idels and b.) feed her megafreakzilla paris-hilton-crab-wart-coke-herpes-mega alcoholic-nobody with a famous sibling complex-chin surgery-hpv=no more ugly kids syndrome. ugh, wasted too much time on this nobody rant. still cant stop hating these sad people. poor kid. he'll prolly change his name to jason stern. anything to get away from these sad sacks.
Aww, he's cute. I'd be happy to console his ass with my wiener.
...'Maybelline tar'....maybe it's the 4 or 5 grey goose martinis I had after work but that's pure fu*king poetry MK...bravo...
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...the judges on 'Cupcake Wars' need to get a life...
HAHAHAAHAHHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAAA
edit: Also this
Who's going to entertain Ashlee by tucking his peen between his legs and dancing around like a swan before tickling her on the bed (you know that was their idea of a hot Saturday night)?!
LOL.
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“Pete wants his Asshole Simpson back…"
Submitted by shandi on Fri, 02/11/2011 - 7:51pm.
AMEN, shandi!
Also, don't get married just because someone gets pregnant. Sometimes people who sort of planned to anyway decide to because they're pregnant, but DO NOT GET MARRIED FOR THAT REASON. All you're gonna do is divorce in a few years when you realize your teen crush isn't the right marriage partner.
She's not dumping him for any reason. She's just dumping him because daddy remembered that oh yeah, she has no career. So she dumps her hubby, writes a "breakup" album, and tries to become famous again.
I think everybody in Hollywood, gay or straight, should be given the option of getting married ONLY ONCE. Just once! If they break up, too bad. They're never allowed to get married again unless the marriage partner dies. Maybe they'd only get married if they MEANT IT then.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Submitted by becky n sydney on Fri, 02/11/2011 - 8:10pm.
Submitted by Mr. Mercury on Fri, 02/11/2011 - 6:50pm.
Petey needs to embrace his inner bear. Chop that brillo pad off his head down to about 1/4 inch, let that Paul Bunyan shit sprout and find himself a nice Daddy who can make him forget about whatshername.
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Sounds like someone just volunteered! :)
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Bwahahahahaha! You might be correct! I would be sure to give him at least five bucks a week for his allowance, if he does all his chores.
"each night I go to bed, I pray like Aretha Franklin"..Scritti Politti's "Wood Beez"
I never got the impression she was all that into him. He seemed like he was more famous at the time, she was on the wan and she married him because she was pregnant. It was more teen angsty emo love, not true, head over heels love. Just my opinion.
Submitted by tonicbitch on Fri, 02/11/2011 -
Well apparently Jessica's douche is demanding she go on a diet
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lol-from the link:
"Eric Johnson is a former professional athlete and a vegan. Jessica Simpson is currently retarded and eats like a zombie who just walked into a daycare."
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"my brows could subtract that WTF look on your face so move along"
"she just wants to focus on her child and her career."
What career? As a lip syncher who can't synch to the background pre-recorded tape, and instead does a dumbass doofus dance on live TV? I guess asshole simpson has joined BLOWhan living in the land of delusion...
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"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa." - Brit's Tits
HER Career? What career? Why should she have a career unless you are talking about being the red-headed waitress on the closing shift of Denny's.
There is more to this story than we know. She left so fast. Something happened.
AGirl - john travolta cares... he wants to help him ressurect his career.
Isn't this the same guy who said in an interview that he was afraid to answer his door because he thought people were coming to kill him?
Isn't this the same chick who got into a fight in a Toronto McD's over nuggets?....
Kids these days!
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UPDATE! No-one gives a shit!
-Tourette's Guy
And who cares about this asswipe, exactly?
Submitted by Mr. Mercury on Fri, 02/11/2011 - 6:50pm.
Petey needs to embrace his inner bear. Chop that brillo pad off his head down to about 1/4 inch, let that Paul Bunyan shit sprout and find himself a nice Daddy who can make him forget about whatshername.
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Sounds like someone just volunteered! :)
Does anyone else remember him talking about their sex life on Howard Stern? He said he liked anal. Sad that's all I remember about these 2.
Oh wait. And something about watching Ashlee take it in the mirror.
CAREEEEEEEEEEER OLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Staten Island Baloo!!!!!!!! Hahahahahaha!!!
I do feel sorry for little Bronx Mowgli, having those 2 assholes for parents.
Shorter version: Pete's continued financial independence from Papa Joe and the Simpson's money meant she had no real control over him.
He doesn't cheat (apparently), doesn't abuse her, doesn't neglect her, and works to provide for her, himself and her child....
Sounds like grounds for divorce to me!
I think Asshole knew when she married him that he was a musician that tours for a living. If she didn't like it, she shouldn't have gotten married. I'm SO sick of Hollywood people getting married and then divorcing for stupid reasons. DON'T GET MARRIED UNLESS YOU MEAN IT! Otherwise, it just cheapens marriage in general.
I've been married 20 years this June. You don't just give up when there are problems.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Go cry emo kid.
There are stages to this. When he gets over being shocked and hurt, he'll move on to anger. He'll realize she's just making up some lame-ass excuse to be single again, because nobody from that family can maintain a healthy relationship.
.
.
.
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Own it or shut the fuck up. ~ MK
That's not a "jewfro". Pete's mum is part native Hawaiian.
Staten Island Baloo....LMAO!!!!!!!
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"Michael K is Nahla's baby daddy!"-Halle Berry
"Submitted by LaChaylo on Fri, 02/11/2011 - 7:10pm.
This was as good as it was going to get for her. I know she can't be envying Jessica's love life."
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Well apparently Jessica's douche is demanding she go on a diet or else. I don't think things are going to end well for her either. What is it with these girls and the idiots they pick??
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Pearls of Wisdom from JJ - "If ass-holes could fly, you guys would be an airport"
Submitted by mike on Fri, 02/11/2011 - 7:09pm.
Sockie!!! I haven't seen you in forever!
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*jumping off hamper into Mike's arms* Catch me, damnit!!! Hi! Mike! Been busy, giving the MIL hell every damn day! Me love it!!
Happy to see you!
OT: Sad hair.
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
Submitted by snowpiece on Fri, 02/11/2011 - 7:07pm.
Sock-Monkey ahahaahahahahahahahahaahah
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*sock monkey hugs & smooches* Hi! Snowpiece!
Well, hell...that fucking thing looks alive! hahaha!
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
This was as good as it was going to get for her. I know she can't be envying Jessica's love life.
he looks like he's about to blow chow!
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"I truly believe that I was born to be a dumb grouchy stoner slut, and I am slowly becoming a bigger one each and every day, so thank you."MK
"WE ATE POSICLES BITCH LAY OFF!!" Jacko
Submitted by Sock-Monkey on Fri, 02/11/2011 - 7:02pm.
There's gotta be something living inside his baby fro. Me see a little hand...
Sockie!!! I haven't seen you in forever!
Not Impressed, ITA.....it just takes time to heal from a broken heart. That's the only thing that helps. It takes some people many years to recover if they're sensitive, not sure that's the case with this one though.
Did he steal that tshirt from asshole's dirty hamper? Kinda reminds me of the ones they give you for free if you buy a book in the romance book section at the fucking bookstore. Weird.
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
"Without you I'm just me" Good grief....
Sock-Monkey ahahaahahahahahahahahaahah
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"I truly believe that I was born to be a dumb grouchy stoner slut, and I am slowly becoming a bigger one each and every day, so thank you."MK
"WE ATE POSICLES BITCH LAY OFF!!" Jacko
His hair looks like what happens when you leave the home perm on waaaaay too long. As for Ash, her career ended with that infamous SNL ho-down. Seems to me like she's being a bit selfish in this.
There's gotta be something living inside his baby fro. Me see a little hand...
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
I was a young divorcee and it does suck ass. I was married at 22 and divorced by 25. A broken heart, the military, and lots of drinking is not a good combination. With that, I like his T-shirt.
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Iron does the body good.
Submitted by kieranx on Fri, 02/11/2011 - 6:36pm.
I'm holding firm here, and I don't care how much shit I get for it.
I'd hit it, hit it hard, and rub calamine lotion on my thighs afterward from the jewfro burn
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No shit here; you made me chuckle.
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Water Ran
Submitted by nightowl on Fri, 02/11/2011 - 6:41pm.
I love how both Simp girls already have 2 divorces under their belt well before they're 30
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You would think that Jessica would have told Asshole NOT to listen to daddy Joe when he tries to talk her into divorce since he fucked her life up when he talked her into divorcing Nick.
He looks like Buckwheat with tattoos and a beard.
ubmitted by nightowl on Fri, 02/11/2011 - 6:41pm.
I love how both Simp girls already have 2 divorces under their belt well before they're 30 and when they started out, they were all about remaining virgins 'til after marriage.
Pfft, that's how fundamentalists (or at least non-Mainline Protestants) roll. Don't believe me? Check the divorce rates for most of the South and lower Midwest.