Sunday, February 13th 2011

Charlie Sheen's One-Time Porn Star Piece Is Knocked Up

And every stork just nose dived into the damn ground. Kacey Jordan, the 22-year-old fuck film star who got a $30,000 check from Charlie Sheen during his massive crack & cooch party, has found her womb full of something other than tears from her other organs, crack smoke and 31 flavors of rogue jizz. Kacey is pregnant with a fetus who rapidly developed a face just so that it could make a "FUCK MY LIFE" expression.

TMZ bought the text from Kacey's not right ass with a gift certificate to the free clinic magically got a hold of a text message that Kacey sent to Charlie Sheen telling him that she's knocked up and doesn't "think" the baby is his. TMZ's sources say that Charlie wrapped his crack dick up in a condom before humping on Kacey, but they were both so fucked up that she's not sure if they did it right. Charlie shouldn't worry about Kacy's name being added to his payroll under "baby mamas," because if any of his sperm fish managed to stumble down her crotch alley, I doubt they made it to the right place. Those jizz fishes were so cracked out that they wandered around and begged anything they came in contact with for a quarter or 25 cents. And it's not like they'd have the strength to break through an egg. If anything, they probably just passed out on top.

Charlie has yet to say anything about this, and Kacey is going to get an abortion in the next few days. In case you wanted to know. It's sort of a sad shame, because what baby wouldn't want to crawl into the kitchen and find his mother with lube in her hair, a coke haze in her eyes and a mouth that is throwing out the words, "You want some Wonder Breads, baby?"

Posted by: Michael K


Why is it that every woman in the porn industry is ugly and horse faced and has fake tits? Is that like a requirement?

ghost of gene rayburn's picture

Why does she have to go to Oregon? Maybe her punch card for the clinic there is full, so her next abortion is free.

Yeah, I'm going to he'll for that one.

I agree with what you're saying to some extent. But the fact is, women still don't make as much as men but, turn on the TV and you'll see young women who have mutilated themselves into fuck dolls (Girls Next Door, Kardashians, etc.) and do nothing but act like useless whores rewarded financially and glamorized.

It's becoming more and more difficult for anyone but the wealthy to get an education and even if you get that education, the job market isn't fair to women.

That DOES send a message to young women. Still I see what you mean about opportunistic, social climbing hos, but I tend to think women who already have some financial independence and just want MORE$$$, like the ho's Sheen tends to marry as more that. Women working in prostitution and porn at 21 years old seem pathetic. It's really hard to distinguish who's really a victim.

Submitted by Khensu Hetep on Mon, 02/14/2011 - 4:40am.

I'm in the same camp as Hotpocket. I think the "victim who sooner or later became a slut" really doesn't happen near as much as people would like it to happen. .......

It appears to me that for each Linda Lovelace who was tragically coerced into porn, there's a dozen of opportunistic, social climbing hosebags who don't give a fuck who they'd hurt in the process of gaining publicity or money. This waste of skin would apparently exploit anything (Kevin Federline's children?!) for her fifteen minutes of fame.

mynameisstolen's picture

Why is everyone on her for "using abortion as birth control". How do you know that? In her line of work, I am sure she is on some kind of birth control. IUDs, BCP and other forms are not 100%. Accidents happen to regular women, even the married ones. The right to choose is a afforded to us by the supreme court. Skanks, mothers, Senators, mid-level managers, all of us.

Kirakat's picture

all nasty whores look the same...

walker's picture

You're a whore? Well, ok. At least be a responsible whore.

walker's picture

Somebody here said that she can be as pregnant as Tila Tequila was a while back!! Yeah I hope it's not true that she is. So you go out, act like a whore, and now the baby has to pay the price?

USE PROTECTION BITCHES!

karen's picture

omg, how do you announce to the world your gonna terminate a pregnancy. i'm def pro choice, but what bad taste that is. always watch what you text or post cuz that shit can go viral. jmo

KA's picture

Submitted by Kandykane on Mon, 02/14/2011 - 9:45am.

I'm with you. I has the Monday sads. :(

KA's picture

I can't even read what this is about because that picture makes me want to vomit. SERIOUSLY what kind of FUCKED UP men like "women" that look like 10 year old twinks????? Disgusting and vile!

Kandykane's picture

Christ almighty it's 7am pst Monday morning and I'm depressed as hell already reading about this dumb fuck, possible strokes and fame whores at the grammys. Where's Antoine Dodson and Golden Voice when you need 'em.

ISprainedMyUvula's picture

TMZ has a thingy that says there's no morality clause in CS's contract so he does what he damn well pleases because he has CBS by the balls and would raise legal hell for them if they tried to hold him accountable for his actions.

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Oh and fuckay vous. - Ophelias evil twin

Stan Hooper's picture

Sugarfreeredbull: NO one wants to hear about your vulva vacuuming.

BWAAAA!!!

Great line!!

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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie

Whatever's picture

She is really disgusting looking.

The New Improved Wyle E's picture

I think my eyes just got the clap just by looking at this picture....

gross gross gross!
_________________________________________________
Wyle E

"understand that a slow red panda who nibbles pickles and does somersaults in the middle of a dancefloor is entertaining to a 7-year-old... " MK.

Class act--announce your impending abortion to the world. Uggh. The only innocent one here is the unborn baby.

Khensu Hetep's picture

Anyone who hangs out with Charlie Sheen at this point is just as low down as he is.

I'm in the same camp as Hotpocket. I think the "victim who sooner or later became a slut" really doesn't happen near as much as people would like it to happen. I sympathize for destitute women forced into prostitution or sex for money became a final option for them and they're probably the first one to tell you it isn't glamorous.

It appears to me that for each Linda Lovelace who was tragically coerced into porn, there's a dozen of opportunistic, social climbing hosebags who don't give a fuck who they'd hurt in the process of gaining publicity or money. This waste of skin would apparently exploit anything (Kevin Federline's children?!) for her fifteen minutes of fame.

Between the ones who voluntarily associate themselves with Charlie Sheen and the ones who rode on the coattail of the Tiger Woods scandal, my view of fuck tape bints is rather jaded.

I also feel that certain chicks are just going to turn into skanks no matter what. Issues or no issues, they're going to become one anyway and having said issues is just an entitlement crutch.

I suck at being a third-wave feminist but so be it.


"I'm the guardian of this land,
I'm Dracula, Prince of Walacchia.
My name is synonymous with fear and terror
which I sowed and grew and which I fed on."
-Opera IX (Under the Sign of the Red Dragon)

Of course Charlie's a scumbag. About this innocent, lost child who announced to the world her happy news of an impending abortion, I will say that my life wasn't always rainbows and lollipops, but despite it all, I managed to get an education and a career that didn't involve sucking and fucking on camera and trying to solicit money by exploiting the details of my sexcapades with some dumbass cokehead celebrity.

She has it together enough to get herself on Howard Stern. She knows how to use a computer, apparently. Unless there's a shadowy, Svengali-type in the background, forcing her to do these things for some scant amount of money? Her pimp? And I'd bet she's not pregnant, the interview requests just slowed down, so she needed a spark of interest to get the spotlight back on her. I'm not big on the victim mentality. This is the United States, there are still opportunities for most, and although I do feel sorry for some of these girls, I will reserve the majority of my sympathy for women in countries such as Afghanistan. Now there are some victims.

Kelly Ann's picture

VILE. COMPLETELY VILE.

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Ain't no cellphones in '69, man. I'm head to toe legit.

I agree too, these young girls are sad, fucked up and lost. I'm so sick of losers saying "Charlie could do better," and how she's "paid to keep her mouth shut."
Uhhh, no he couldn't, these young women could. He's a spoiled, infantile, toothless, brain damaged old crackhead, they are lost young women who still have their life ahead of them. They are the bigger tragedy, Sheen's a spoiled, drug addled, self important deluded fuck tard.

Submitted by putas on Sun, 02/13/2011 - 8:24pm.

I agree a little w/ hotmami i mean, one huge reason i leave the hookers outta my rants is i wonder if they have been so abused, damaged and fucked up in the head that they saw no other route.

Hey, I think considering how fucked up this girl is, having an abortion is surprisingly responsible. I think the bigger issue is she's so stupid she's obviously exposing herself to STD's on a regular basis. Is abortion for birth control the best method? Obviously not, but should this girl have a child? ABSOLUTELY NOT. The world is overpopulated anyway and there are millions of kids that already exist who need parents and homes. Get over it people. To me, she's not any worse than women that get pregnant for a pay check.

Publicly announcing you're having someone's abortion is "I love you" in skankanese. And just in time for Valentine's Day, awww. She shouldn't have. Can't Charlie pay his ho's to keep their mouths shut? Come on, man. Some things we just don't need to know.

I don't have a problem with someone terminating a pregnancy - but telling the world about it like it's an achievement is disgusting.

NO one wants to hear about your vulva vacuuming.

While you're at it, why don't you tell us that you're treating your new herpe blister, also?

The world NEEDS to know, ho.

sunny's picture

congratulations Kacey!!! You will make such a beautiful serene mother!!!
I am confident you will surely also win the coveted MOTHER OF THE YEAR award one day!!!!

:))))))))

huntsy's picture

I couldn't help it and I listened to the Howard Stern thing. Fuck she has problems. Karma is going to be a bitch for her me thinks.

I am wondering if Howard really thinks she is cool or just talks like that to let her talk like an asshole.

I believe she sent that text to TMZ.

Husbands_and_Wives's picture

Uh huh, she's about as pregnant as Tila Tequila was last year. I'm not sure why anybody would believe her. Give me a break.

...My darling can't you see
My heart sounds just for you my dear...

Snideychick sez:

This skank DOES NOT represent the average Oregon woman! And don't come back Kacey. Even Tom McCall wouldn't want you to visit!

And yes Salem is a craphole. Half the population are ex-cons from the state prison; the other half are politicians.

Balenciaga Bitch's picture

I saw an interview with her about the night all of this happened...she said she and charlie fucked and that he was only a 3 minute trick and the did NOT NOT use any contreception at all...
Im sure you can find the interview out there somewhere. what piece of shit...

**Time flies when you're a drunken whore.** Michael K

mountain top water drop's picture

Charlie's wishes are coming true with the first addition to his porn family... an abortion.

...

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. —Euripides

Kabee's picture

Another worthless piece of shit using abortion as a means of birth control. I am pro life but can sympathize in certain instances when the girl feels like she has no other choice. I'm talking about kids here, not grown ass women who just don't have the time or convenience for a child.

I agree a little w/ hotmami i mean, one huge reason i leave the hookers outta my rants is i wonder if they have been so abused, damaged and fucked up in the head that they saw no other route.

That said.. this one seems to court the press a little too much and i wonder if she is just a hooker to make fast cash and she is lazy. I wonder. She needs a colorist and better clothes and to walk those skinny chicken legs properly and not make it LOOK like she's been fucking for the past three days or so. You know, glide like the elegant lady she is..

Hotmami's picture

I feel bad for this girl. Idk why, I just do. Something about her just seems...sad.

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"JUST PUT IT IN GODDAMMIT!!!"

-Me, according to Jack

artsy_fartsy's picture

Wow, are we back in the 60s? You don't have to go out of state for an abortion. Going to Oregon to take care of it? Get real. I call BS on this.

Hotmami's picture

I'm also pro-choice, but I would hardly advertise the fact that I had an abortion. That shit is private...keep between you, the baby daddy, and *maybe* those absolutely closest to you.

That said, she looks like she might be ill. That body is screaming for nourishment. Jizz doesn't count.

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"JUST PUT IT IN GODDAMMIT!!!"

-Me, according to Jack

Dgrin's picture

just googled her and...while I enjoy a nice pair of small tits on a lady, her weird sternum made me think she was a ladyboy who had his junk cut but didn't have enough money left for the implants and that coming from someone who really loves small tits!

if you get past the fact she looks like a used up skanky whore her body type is sort of jail bait material,

Submitted by Mr. Mercury on Sun, 02/13/2011 - 6:18pm.

CAPPY CAPPY CAPPY CAPPY CAPPY!!!!

I missed yaz. Can you tell? You are molto bene, bellisima.

Mercurian {{{HUGS}}} to you!!!
____________

(((JUMPS ON MERCURYYYY so missed you; been offline mostly}}}} I'z counting the days til you made it back to us safely! Egypt is freeeeeeeee!!! People Power!!! This week has been so emotional for me. Thought about you. Mercury, i'm m.s. on the DL fb wall. I'll shout out to you on it tonight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by which deep insights can be winnowed from deep nonsense. Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." - Carl Sagan

Albatross's picture

This bitch is a nasty piece of work.

**********
"When people ask me what I am, I just tell them I'm 100% cunt slut." - MK, 2/8/11

Stan Hooper's picture

Knocked up by a whore. Could not happen to a better guy!! hahaha!! Who is the turd now Charlie.

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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie

Money grubbing gold diggers of the world take notice! Trust me on this; Charlie is so fucked on this one. This whore is not headed for Oregon; no one makes pics of their private text messages & distributes it to the media if they're planning on getting an out-of-the-way abortion. No, this slutty whore dropped a bomb to prepare him for what's coming next. I expect we'll be seeing a press conference very soon; her lawyer will be WHOREia allred, who immediately contacted her upon reading this story & convinced her to have the kid (if it's charlie's). Her pitch was simple: "why would you abort a child who's worth millions upfront & millions/year in child support?" If it's charlie's kid, there's no way a chick who sucks dudes off & spreads her legs for money is going to pass up that gravy train...

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"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa." - Brit's Tits

Green Tea Latte's picture

Ditto what hekki said...if it was Carlos' shed keep that bankroll for sure

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Hekki's picture

Also, it's unspeakably sad that she's seeking attention (from both Charlie and the public) this way. How would news of her pregnancy make it to the press unless it was coming from HER?

Green Tea Latte's picture

not really buying the crackhead slores story but thank goodness for legal abortions...

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Hekki's picture

THIS is one of the many reasons I'm pro-choice.
At least she has the good sense to have it "taken care of". If she was 100% sure it was Charlie's she'd be keeping it.

mike's picture

I'm sure someone else has mentioned this, but anyone could recreate this screen on an iPhone. Name one of your contacts Charlie, type a message, and it's there.

CAPPY CAPPY CAPPY CAPPY CAPPY!!!!

I missed yaz. Can you tell? You are molto bene, bellisima.

Mercurian {{{HUGS}}} to you!!!

"each night I go to bed, I pray like Aretha Franklin"..Scritti Politti's "Wood Beez"

there's nothing like listening to just a few minutes of Howard Stern to make you wonder what you are doing with your life, that you would waste any of it on Howard Stern.

he fawns over porn stars like they have invented the cure for cancer - 'wow, partying with you must be so much fun! would you fuck an ugly guy like me? you can really drink a lot, huh? wow!! fucking a woman while she's passed out - what a turn on!"

eech, talk about needing some mind bleach.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Come Back As A Flower: Songs of Stevie Wonder" - w/Mimi Fox, Akira Tana and more - name-your-price download at http://tiny.cc/u5fa8

ILovePapaSmurf's picture

Ew. She is gross.
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.

I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."

MzSassy's picture

Her scrawny, withered body is disgusting and so is she.

"People are strange when you're a stranger...Faces look ugly when you're alone." ~ The Doors

sofster101's picture

Ew.

kokoskitten's picture

This Kacey chick sounds like she may have borderline personality disorder with a sprinkling of substance abuse.

OT:I hate Lady Gaga's stupid 'shocking' stunts. It's like she wakes up in the morning and the first thing she sees becomes an 'inspiration' with some sort of social/political commentary that she makes up as she goes along. I can just see her thought process....*she wakes up rolls over and sees a space heater*...hmmm for my next red carpet I will dress up as a giant space heater and it will symbolize...ummm how man has been...ummm oppressing gays by trying to put them in a box and um a space heater gives heat which will ummm represent religion and oppression...sounds good.