It Was All Ashlee's Fault!
I knew it. Ever since Ashlee Simpson broke the house that Hot Topic built by filing for divorce from the Emo Chia Pet, Pete Wentz, he's been crying out a waterfall of sad tears that has sucked every bit of moisture from his hair and left the top of his head looking like a Kardashian's unshaven armpit. Ashlee's side put the blame on Pete by saying she wanted to live a simple life with their son Queens Shere Khan, but he continued to travel the world with his band. Now Pete's side is putting their gayliner on extra thick and heading into battle against Ashlee. They claim that as their marriage started to crumble like her vocal cords whenever she tries to sing, she stayed out until dawn.
A source tells UsWeekly that Ashlee regularly used her chin to muddle mojitos and other boozy beverage for hot skaters in San Clemente. While Pete was away, the chin did play! The source puts it like this, "Ashlee has been out late partying for the past few months. Pete would constantly check in on Ashlee, and he'd have his friends call the house and her cell to make sure she said she was where she said she was going to be. He felt like he couldn't trust her."
And there's more! A different source tells Popeater that Papa Joe has once again stuck his fupa (I mean that both figuratively and literally) between his daughter and her husband. Papa Joe loves it that Ashlee is single again and he has her right where he wants her, "Joe is doing nothing to encourage Ashlee to give the marriage another try, if only for the sake of her son. Joe likes being the only man in his daughters' lives and is happy that Ashlee has moved back into his home [in Encino, Calif.], just like Jessica did after she announced she was leaving Nick. Joe got rid of Nick, and now he is saying goodbye to Pete."
Ashlee Simpson is as dumb as Jessica Simpson's toilet for moving back in with Papa Joe. If Ashlee boozed a lot while she was living with Pete, then she's going to stay DRUNK while living with Papa Joe. Bitch is going to have to down a full-bottle shot of boric acid every time Papa Joe shimmies into her room, drops his chonies and declares, "Look! Thanks to a bottle of black RIT, I've got a Pete Wentz 'do down there too!" And really, Papa Joe is going to do that every hour on the hour.
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Submitted by Sexy Pants on Fri, 02/18/2011 - 11:30am.
I am not surprised, nor do I give a fuck. Let's all take a moment of silence for the poor child, Bronx Mowgli. Gah, what a stupid fucking name.
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This!^^^^^
He can't even shorten it to his initials without inducing as much or more embarrassment.
co sign with everyone who feels the sads for yonkers rudyard
But what's happening with little Manhattan Tarzan? Are they fighing over custody? Papa Joe won't want another male in the house regardless of how young. Now if they had birthed out a girl....
Huh?? Fall out Boy is still touring? And people actually pay money to go see them? My soul is abashed with such revelation.
jt
I mean, who cares which of these idiots regularly floated face up in a vat of the good stuff - the main thing is that finally, Ashlee can get back to her GLORIOUS career. it must suck to constantly watch lip-syncing bitches on TV get all the attention!
Sadly, Ashlee's love for cocaine is the only interesting thing about her.
Submitted by momofalana on Fri, 02/18/2011 - 10:37am.
Wentz is pulling some SERIOUS David Berkowitz! Anyone old enough to remember that charmer?!
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He DOES look like David Berkowitz! They should have named their kid Son of Sam.
Sadly, I think Ashlee's in trouble with some drug. My guess would be meth or any pharmy version of meth. I hope she can pull it together for the sake of her child. Maybe Pete parties too but I get the feeling that he's got his shit under control. Good thing one of them does. Watch, in the near future there will be a custody battle, crazy antics on Ashlee's part and (hopefully) a stay in rehab for her.
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"And people try to tell me that God wasn't high on the good shit when he made this place" -by angel_i
I just can't with that hair. It makes me want to scrub a dirty pan with it.
Poor little Staten Island Bagheera.
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"I'd hate to have to go around thinking of health & shit like that." Keith Richards, 1997
First, get a Dominican Doobie for dat hair Papi! Ay Dios mio! Or some olive oil geez!
Second,I feel sorry for poor Manhattan Baloo :(
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'' The Master would not approve! ''
I am not surprised, nor do I give a fuck. Let's all take a moment of silence for the poor child, Bronx Mowgli. Gah, what a stupid fucking name. Poor child. He didn't ask to be brought into this Hot Topic/Sk8er Boii lifestyle. I hope he outwits all their asses (shouldn't be that hard) and comes out on top! With a new name! Like...Bronson Pierre!
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I mean, we should ALL look like Richard Simmons at least one time in our lives-MK
I think she's got a substance abuse problem, and that he likes the guys. They bore me so I have no idea why I came in this thread, except that the pure poetry of genius that is this line drew me in: "he's been crying out a waterfall of sad tears that has sucked every bit of moisture from his hair and left the top of his head looking like a Kardashian's unshaven armpit". *wipes tear*
Submitted by little_rascal on Fri, 02/18/2011 - 11:00am.
remember how right after their wedding Pete Wentz was on Howard Stern's show and told THE WHOLE WORLD that he and Ashley enjoy anal sex? What an asshole (literally and figuratively).
LMAO @ "Queens Shere Khan"! We're running out of boroughs, MK!
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oh my god I remember. What a fucking useless, pointless, private thing to say all out there on national tv. I'm damn embarrassed for them, sheez. And lol at MK. And peeps better stop massacring my childhood town! lmao @these two dropouts.
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"Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by which deep insights can be winnowed from deep nonsense. Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." - Carl Sagan
Submitted by momofalana on Fri, 02/18/2011 - 10:37am.
Wentz is pulling some SERIOUS David Berkowitz! Anyone old enough to remember that charmer?!
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Nice! I was vibing a Shia Labeouf/John Favreau thing but you nailed it down with the SOS reference!
Come on, Pete. You can do better with your mudslinging. Halle could give you some pointers...the key is to call your ex a RACIST ABUSIVE LUNATIC HATER!!!!11
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"I'm like a tree, I feed the branches of the people." - Kanye West
Doesn't surprise me that it was her fault.
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
I think it's pretty obvious that the boozy gene runs rampant in the Simpson genes. I'll bet Papa Joe is a recovering alkie.
Submitted by caprica six on Fri, 02/18/2011 - 10:46am.
I look at these two 9th graders and I can't imagine "hot, steamy" anything with them. They thought marriage was a fucking "playdate". God, I fking hate that word 'playdate'.
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Caprica, remember how right after their wedding Pete Wentz was on Howard Stern's show and told THE WHOLE WORLD that he and Ashley enjoy anal sex? What an asshole (literally and figuratively).
LMAO @ "Queens Shere Khan"! We're running out of boroughs, MK! Poor little Bronx Mowgli, I bet when he grows up he'll change his name to Mike or something.
Conniving bitch gave him a Van der Graaf generator for Christmas.
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"I'm so fucking hungry I could eat my own leg." Johnathon Schaech
Mabel!!
Happy to help!!!!
woo woo!!
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
Ashlee is a fucking cokehead. I hope Pete gets the kid and changes his name.
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"I can't believe I am going to be 30! I am freaking out- at least I still look like I am 20"
-Paris Hilton
riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
QUEENS MADE ME DO IT!!!! lol
I look at these two 9th graders and I can't imagine "hot, steamy" anything with them. They thought marriage was a fucking "playdate". God, I fking hate that word 'playdate'.
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"Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by which deep insights can be winnowed from deep nonsense. Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." - Carl Sagan
Submitted by ravynskye on Fri, 02/18/2011 - 10:38am.
@Mabel
If this is still open by tomorrow, I'll chip in a little bit for the cause! <3 (Can't do it today, as I don't get paid until late tonight, and can't deposit anything in the bank until tomorrow.)
We need more things like this for us LGBTQAers.
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Echo that - gotta wait for my paycheck to clear, I'd still love to give.
Great job, D-Listers! Thanks for letting us know about this, Ms. Hodges!
Submitted by momofalana on Fri, 02/18/2011 - 10:37am.
Wentz is pulling some SERIOUS David Berkowitz! Anyone old enough to remember that charmer?!
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You mean Son of Sam - the neighbor's dog told me to do it!
@Mabel
If this is still open by tomorrow, I'll chip in a little bit for the cause! <3 (Can't do it today, as I don't get paid until late tonight, and can't deposit anything in the bank until tomorrow.)
We need more things like this for us LGBTQAers.
Wentz is pulling some SERIOUS David Berkowitz! Anyone old enough to remember that charmer?!
MoMoFalana
MoMoFalana
Ch-ch-ch-chia divorce!
Talk about Asslee & Chestica having some type of Electra complex. Papa Joe went from preachin' to pervert meddling dad. Lucky girls!
Something is seriously not right in that family.
Mabel,
Great job on the fundraising! Please use the extra money for a disco ball and glitter. Or 2 extra shiny tiara's for the Prom Queens.
Post photos! I'd love to see what the place looks like after it's been D-List-i-fied. :)
Britney is Meryl Streep of music compared to this brood. Can't stand them.
Congrats to Mabel who's avatar has always scared me ;-). Every gradeschool teacher who ever beat my knucles with a ruler looked like Mabel Hodges.
Submitted by Mabel Hodges on Fri, 02/18/2011 - 9:58am.
wtf?! Somehow I missed this (either at work, drunk, or offline). Damn. I am so happy for this. A few peeps (like 2 peeps) ask me why I love this site over all others, and I always say, "them bitches really do care".
Congrats! If it is still open by this weekend, I'll add a little sumfin-sumfin too. Woot to the cause!
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"Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by which deep insights can be winnowed from deep nonsense. Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." - Carl Sagan
Thank you for saying so! Everyone here made it happen. And God bless you, too!!!
Yipppee!!!!!
So......Very....GAAAAAYYY!!!!!!! If you haven't seen it, go to the link and check it out! YOU GUYS ARE DOING THIS!
http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/jess-cohen/gagv-youth-big-gay-prom...
and wait a minute.....
....the fuck is going on with Pete Wentz's hair??!
Submitted by Mabel Hodges on Fri, 02/18/2011 - 9:58am.
This is how gay you all have made The Big Gay Prom:
....$1,621!!!!!!! Our goal was $1,500, but you people made it GAYER!
It was already so very gay. And now it will be the gayest in the land! This is spectacular!!!
THANK YOU AGAIN, DONORS!
Love,
Mabel
xoxoxoxo!!
ROCHESTER, NY BIG GAY PROM 2011 -- HALL OF FAME DONORS:
Evil Shoe
Terri
IslandGirl
Kimberly
Eileenie McMeanie
Mr. Mercury
Kathleen
Sonah
Sookie
Albatross
SpiceD
Rosespring
Sonne
Kokoskitten
Thats_Real_Mature
Kelli
LunaChick
Michael K
Phoenix
Joe Shmoe
Queenie BK
Snarla
S&F
Prefer Not To Say
Jon W
Mabel Scares Me
DH
Gen
Whole Lotto Luv
LongIslandLolita
JayHawks97
UltraBaroque
CathlicSchoolGirl
Momus The Sarcastic
Little Rascal
Hexe
Cookie-Slore
V V
Beb
Clairey Claire
Dee
Stan Hooper
Evil Shoe
Atomic City! - New!
Miamibartendress! - New!
http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/jess-cohen/gagv-youth-big-gay-prom...
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Mabel, congratulations on reaching and exceeding your goal! God bless you. xoxoxo
She expected him to give up his career? Anyone who can chop off their face the way she did is not too bright. I like his hair better natural. The thought of a guy with a flatiron is a huge turnoff. He just needs a good cut.
petey looks like he could use some moisturizer on that hair...
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i lift things up and put them down...
This is how gay you all have made The Big Gay Prom:
....$1,621!!!!!!! Our goal was $1,500, but you people made it GAYER!
It was already so very gay. And now it will be the gayest in the land! This is spectacular!!!
THANK YOU AGAIN, DONORS!
Love,
Mabel
xoxoxoxo!!
ROCHESTER, NY BIG GAY PROM 2011 -- HALL OF FAME DONORS:
Evil Shoe
Terri
IslandGirl
Kimberly
Eileenie McMeanie
Mr. Mercury
Kathleen
Sonah
Sookie
Albatross
SpiceD
Rosespring
Sonne
Kokoskitten
Thats_Real_Mature
Kelli
LunaChick
Michael K
Phoenix
Joe Shmoe
Queenie BK
Snarla
S&F
Prefer Not To Say
Jon W
Mabel Scares Me
DH
Gen
Whole Lotto Luv
LongIslandLolita
JayHawks97
UltraBaroque
CathlicSchoolGirl
Momus The Sarcastic
Little Rascal
Hexe
Cookie-Slore
V V
Beb
Clairey Claire
Dee
Stan Hooper
Evil Shoe
Atomic City! - New!
Miamibartendress! - New!
http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/jess-cohen/gagv-youth-big-gay-prom...
lol @ rasc, who knew Pete was Lenny Kravitz ugly, white lil brother!
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"Rawb looks a little BUTTERY!!" Jacko 2/16/11
I prefer "Staten Island Baloo".
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twerk those stumps!
Okay, so now that we have "done it" (and it was soooooooo goood, too! ;) someone has had the Big Idea to make the Big Gay Prom even GAYER!!!
Thanks to people like Evil Shoe (whose coming for dinner, which is simmering as we speak, at 6pm, right?), Atomic City and Miamibartendress the Big Gay Prom is reaching even gayer proportions.
If you want to help make the prom even gayer than it already was going to be (throws shade at the person who is going to wear a glittery body-suit), like, maybe they can hire a real band instead of a dj....then head on ovah to the donation page. We will freak Jessica's Freak fo sho!!
Jess has already issued this statement:
"I am completely over the moon about this! (okay, I added that part) .. I am just in awe of the generosity!!"
http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/jess-cohen/gagv-youth-big-gay-prom...
all I want to know is what happened to both of these people looks wise??
I mean Pete's hair looks like he stood in front of a mega leaf blower and Ashley is starting to look like a young Courtney Love...pale skin, yellow hair, scrawniness and all.
Geez....its a shame!
...Ashlee regularly used her chin to muddle mojitos and other boozy beverage for hot skaters in San Clemente.
Hahahahahaha!
These two have been completely forgotten about since they got married and named their kid after one of Disney's three dwarfs, or whatever it was.
Submitted by sugar free on Fri, 02/18/2011 - 9:31am.
this is one celeb divorce that does not need his and her camps. hate to break it to 'em, they are not in the least bit interesting or remotely close to being on the radar of celebs people give a shit about.
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Well said. "What's his Face" and "Sister of..." are nobodies. Who gives a shit about their divorce?
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
LOL @ "his head looking like a Kardashian's unshaven armpit".
MK, thanks a lot, now you made me wonder if it looks just like Khloe Sasquatch's pubic hair. Ewwwww hahahaha
*dies laughing at Whamo's comment*
Pffffffffffaaaahahahahahhaahahahahaaaaa
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"This is straight up fuckery."
His Holiness MK, 9/03/08