La Bruja IS The Real Housewives Of Miami
I meant to cover this yesterday, but needed more time to fully shake off the paralyzing state that La Bruja's dark magic beauty left me in. Better late than never! The Real Housewives of Miami has turned out to be the equivalent of sucking on a margarita lime left at the bottom of a cup. I get a quick buzz or two out of it, but mostly it's just watered down acid.
I mean, in this past episode, they devoted an entire chapter to Larissa Pippen taking her 16-year-old brother to buy a Toyota. They literally test drove a Toyota and that's it. I kept expecting Larissa's brother to bring the theatrics by ramming the SUV into a drag queen pushing a purple stroller filled with chihuahua puppies. Or I thought maybe the sales dude would make an extremely uncomfortable and pedoriffic joke about the stick shift. But nothing. They just test drove a stupid Toyota!
The producer was like, "Oh, yes. This is going to be RIVETING SHIT! We'll show Pippen Boringstocking test drive a Toyota with her brother, because this is something that most of America has never experienced!" This really is REAL LIFE and I don't want to see that shit. It's too real.
But the margarita lime buzz came when the stunning Cuban witch who puts the EEEK in chic graced the screen. Marysol Patton and her piece ventured into a den off of Tatooine to visit with the ravishing Elsa the Hutt. Marysol must've warned her boyfriend to not make eye contact with Elsa, because he got out of there alive. Once you stare into the double eyes of Elsa, she'll wrap her tongue around your neck and peel off your skin with her eyes. You'll love ever painful minute of it, because who doesn't want their flesh wrapped around a human cauldron of beauty?
Thanks to a few glasses of Lucifer blood (tiger blood is for pussies), La Bruja was on fire! No, I really think the hot lights sparked a flame on her face and they had to snuff it out with a fire extinguisher. Don't worry, La Bruja didn't notice at all.
I swear, when La Bruja raises her brows, the clouds jump. And when her face goes silent, I just want to hold her close and serenade her with a stirring rendition of "Little Egypt."
The producers of RHOM need to stuff that stale tamale with heaping servings of LA BRUJA. Just change the name to The Real Bruja of Miami already, because she IS the show.
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Kndall....
I agree 100% with your comment.
My 13 year old sees the crap shows and fodder that stands for news for what it is....distractions. Meanwhile, the average american citizen is being raped by the corporations and politicians who are in the corporations' pockets:(
See how those MF'rs rammed that bill through the Winsconsion gov't to take away collective bargaining rights for government workers?
-yeah. These are the people who enforce the laws, take care of us in a emergency, put out our fires and teach our children....
Our country is fucked. My heart goes out to my son and his generation. I'll be fucking dead or babbling nonsense in a nursing home.
Sorry to go off topic. My co-worker showed me this woman (at least I think this the person you are reffering to) and she is really scary...my co-worker says she looks like an alien.
Charlie on how his veins are completely crack free now: "News-flash. I am special and I will never be one of you. The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning. My success rate is 100%!"
I want her as my mother...SHE ROCKS!!!!
Elsa is a wonderful woman who would never have paper flowers in her house. This is why she's my Reality TV Star of the Week.
http://realityranker.com/?p=1528
I like Marysol, the daughter. She seems like a nice person which cannot be said about most of the rest of the cast. Especially that obnoxious Chrissy! Now I know how high school "mean girls" turn out. They become mean women complete with all of the teenage mannerisms and "ohmygods!"
I understand why she needs to stay sloshed, though with those Tijuana-special lips, it's amazing that the wine doesn't dribble down her chin as she utters her inanities.
The lesson learned is never go to a 3rd world country's free clininc for plastic surgery - no matter how cheap it is.
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"His faggy coffee shop poetry reading glasses will go over well in prison. I expect to see them on cumonglasses.com". ~ Dlister Provolone
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Proof this country's going to hell.
Extreme bread & circus crap to keep the masses distracted..
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When did Iggy Pop get a television show?
No No No No No
Listen....when these two "ladies" speak...they make the same slurping sound....and their lips look just like when I come out of the dentists office after having 15 shots of Novacaine slammed into my mouth with that humongous stainless steel 10 inch needle!!!!
But this is glamour??? This is beauty & sophisticated wealth?????
Fuck....I'm going BACK to the dentist and paying him to send me home with a month's supply of novacaine shots so that I too can be this elegant, regal, sophisticated & SEEEESSSSSSSYYYYYY (that's sexy to you unregal & unsophisticated people)
oops posted in wrong place - it wasn't my fault though!
MK nailed it, when he wrote "she puts the EEEEK in chic" I was trying to 'splain to my daughter how hideous this woman's face is, and now I know what to tell her.
*chanting as always*
Most of these women on the Real Housewives franchies are the most stuck up, selfish and materialistic whores you could imagine! Still, it makes for FUN TV! LMAO.
"People are strange when you're a stranger...Faces look ugly when you're alone." ~ The Doors
What a bunch of boring fucks.
Like mother,like daughter. Plastic surgeried nightmares.
That guy can do better than that fish lipped whore and needs to tell her to fuck the fuck off and get the fuck outta there.
If that is indeed the work of a plastic surgeon his/her license should be revoked. She doesn't even look human. However, she is drunk most the time so I'm sure she doesn't give a shit. Also, What is with the inflated lips on these housewives? Its ridiculous. I'm curious to know if anyone has kissed lips that have been inflated. Is it like kissing an inner tube?
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"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
— William Goldman
Her face FREAKS me the fuck out. I can't even look at it. She looks like those people that have face transplants.
Wow, that was really disgusting. That tipsy little trolls face is certainly not biodegradable, and will be around long after we are gone. The daughter's apprenticeship is going well, and her face too will be the source of many daymares for unsuspecting persons. Never watched one of these shows, and will continue on that wise course.
The amount of plastic in that picture is enough to kill off the world's entire dolphin population.
Won't somebody think of the dolphins!?!?
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"I'm like a tree, I feed the branches of the people." - Kanye West
I don't watch any of these housewive shows - but I just have to ask who the hell can sit and watch a face like that for more than a few seconds? What a freak show.
For some reason I just can't get into RHOM. I don't know if it's because it's so hard to understand those Cuban accents or the fact that the Beverly Hills series was so good, the Miami ladies just don't do it for me. I can't stand Larsa and Christy, they are so incredibly arrogant and immature.
Submitted by LaChaylo on Thu, 03/10/2011 - 11:02am.
@ fishsticksfan Sorry, my dear! *hands fishy ginger ale and crackers*
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LMAO *burp*
@ fishsticksfan Sorry, my dear! *hands fishy ginger ale and crackers*
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"Dreams are only a cheap marketing ploy for Disney products, which are stomped out by reality upon reaching adulthood." Jazzfish_77, 03/01/2011 - 8:29pm.
You can't tell me that this beast looks at herself in the mirror and thinks she's attractive.
Hell, *I* look better than she does after waking up with three hours' sleep and bags under my eyes.
Who willingly makes themselves look like this?
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
LaChaylo, that just upset my stomach.
She totally reminds me of this:
http://www.morphthing.com/celebrity/1805495-Michael-Jackson-and-Gollum
Que viejita baracha! La Bruja is the Cubana Jackie Stallone.
I love it, "I doan drink much, but when I do I feel good."
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
The only part of this show that I've seen was when that lady didn't know it was a half day of school for her kid, and she was getting boozed up with her friends at lunch when the school called. She called and ordered her bf (NOT the kid's father) to go pick the kid up and the other ladies acted like the bf was a massive dick for not wanting to leave work in the middle of a week day while she was getting boozed and forgetting about her little kid....who was stranded.
btw Marysol is on he fast track to look like La Bruja ...trust she cannot move her face to save her life.
btw Marysol is on he fast track to look like La Bruja ...trust she cannot move her face to save her life.
"I hate to tell you but most things look good on me." That could almost be my new siggie, but it sounds so much better with the accent...
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"my brows could subtract that WTF look on your face so move along"
Where do they find these freaks for these shows?
I've refrained from watching this shitstorm but that lady needs to sue somebody. The fuck? What did she look like before if this is the after??
Ok, enough pontificating, I need some liquor.
-LOVE ANDERSON
This old lady looks like she was in some freak accident that made her face look like that. It's beyond bad plastic surgery. I can't believe she actually paid someone to make her look like that.
www.theanimalrescuesite.com - Click everyday to help animals in shelters
www.petfinder.com - Enter your zip code & find pets available in your area for adoption.
I woke up this morning and felt how La Bruja looks. Its definetly a do not leave the house day.
You'd think the daughter would be TERRIFIED of plastic surgery just from taking a good look at her freak of a mom, but NOOOOO! Bitch looks just as busted, ridiculously pinched nose, duck lips, facelift and Thor only knows what else.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish.
I saw El Bruja last night...hilarious! I say less Larissa and her stuck up ass...more El Bruja...she is a stone mess...and I love the way Phillips starts sweating when she says she is a witch...too damn funny!
Except for Jabba the H(ot Sl)ut here, Miami could prove as boring as the DC one.
Why must TV subtitle the speech of anybody with an accent? To test myself, I covered up the bottom of the screen with my finger, and still I understood everything Elsa said, in English ("I didn't marry a gringo to have paper flowers!) and, for good measure, in Spanish too ("no puedo actuar...")
She's awesome. I'm not gonna watch that whole show, so keep the Elsa clips coming!
Those two don't even resemble human beings anymore. That older woman looks like the monster from the black lagoon in a Barbra Streisand wig. How can she not be suicidal everytime she looks into the mirror? I guess she doesn't get the opportunity to look into one since they all burst into millions of pieces when she tries to use them.
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Rrridiaouw woo oo rrri-ou!
HOLD ME!!! I'm skeeered
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"Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me."
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
I WANNA GO BOWLING W/ THIS BEAUTY
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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
Marysol (the daughter) made a comment in the first episode about not believing in plastic surgery.
I think everyone spit out a whole "bitch, please!" She's obviously had a nose job (a very bad one at that) and a metric FUCKLOAD of injectibles.
She is a Cubano version of Julie Masking.
I feel sorry for the guy, he seemed so uncomfortable.
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www.theanimalrescuesite.com - Click everyday to help animals in shelters
ONYX SORCERY! MASTERFUL DARK DIAMOND WARLOCK!!!
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
i wanna see La Bruja on the big screen,somebody please make it happen!
I love her.
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"Bye, Whore" -MK
Larissa is proof that women use men for money. Her husband is so ugly. She is a high class call girl. Marysol's mother is what happens when someone with very thin older skin tries to look young again. She should have settled for just looking great for her age. I actually like Cuban Barbi. She is kind of funny. The Dark haired latin woman is gorgeous. Christy has no brain. IMHO
is this real life?
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"poor jacko, trying to struggle thru this world with one eye and the womenz just keep fucking his shit UP!" snowpiece 11/25/09
"I will re-name jackhat, PantyClaus." 12/16/10 BRADIFUL BITCH
I liked (i.e., hated) the Funny Stuff Is Happening soundtrack from the 60s.
Marysol already is like her mom, just with a softer accent. Instead of washing my hands, I'd climb out the bathroom window and flee.
Hatchet-Faced Frankenstein's!!!