Alec Baldwin Has A Little Advice For Charlie Sheen
In a piece for the Huffington Post, Alec Baldwin writes about how he was basically shanked in the back and thrown out of the Jack Ryan movies by a beady-eyed, insecure studio executive who wanted to put a bigger box office star (see: Ben Affleck) in the role. Because of this experience, Alec has taken Charlie Sheen into the back room, sat him on a plastic crate and given him a "Trust me, I Know" speech. Basically, Alec is spitting a whole lot of realness into Charlie's face. Alec's advice to Charlie is to drop the lawsuit and lick on some troll nuts to get his job back. Take it, Alec:
You can't win. Really. You can't. When executives at studios and networks move up to the highest ranks, they are given a book. The book is called How to Handle Actors. And one principle held dear in that book is that no actor is greater than the show itself when the show is a hit. And, in that regard, they are often right. Add to that the fact that the actor who is torturing their diseased egos is a drug-addled, porn star-squiring, near-Joycean Internet ranter, and they really want you to go.
Granted, it didn't get real until you insulted them. And your suit may have real grounds.
But you know what you should do? Take a nap. Get a shower. Call Chuck. Go on Letterman and make an apology. Write a huge check to the B'Nai Brith. And then beg for your job back. Your fans demand it. You will never win because when you are as big a douchebag as some of these guys are, they have no choice but to snuff you. (Do you secretly want to get snuffed? So you can go back and make movies?)
Sober up, Charlie. And get back on TV, if it's not too late. This is America. You want to really piss off Chuck and Warner Brothers and CBS? Beg for America's forgiveness. They will give it to you. And then go back. You are a great television star. And you've got the gig. As I learned from closely observing Tony Bennett so I could impersonate him on SNL, this is supposed to be fun.
P.S.... buy Cryer a really nice car.
Alec makes a good point. The point being: Charlie needs to take a fucking shower. Preferably, a shower deep inside the nearest mental hospital, but we'll take what we can get. The thing is, Charlie is insane for ruining a gig that pays $1.2 million an episode. Who the hell ruins that shit? You have to be on the edge of NUTS to screw with your own money.
Charlie's ego is viciously humping on his crazy gene, and until someone turns the hose on those two, bitch is never going to take Alec's advice.
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The real victims of this asshole rants and stupidity are his co-stars;especially the kid that plays the son. How sad he lost a constant gig because some cracked out douche bag couldn't get his shit together after 20 years.
Man, I love this guy Alec. What a man, huh? That picture right there is a REAL man.
Fuck you, Charlie Sheen!
http://fffff.at/tinted-sheen/
lulz
I thought Harrison Ford took over the Jack Ryan franchise - maybe not. Anyway, yeah, Baldwin was incredibly good-looking when he was younger. In fact, they made fun of this on 30 Rock during one of the Jon Hamm episodes. Jack was trying to explain to Liz why the Hamm character always gets preferential treatment by explaining that he's in "the bubble" of his handsomeness, as Jack himself used to be. He shows the skeptical Liz a photo of himself as a young man and she almost passes out.
Just Google his name and look up the images. He was really pretty, so much so that he dragged his less-handsome brothers along with him to fame (hence Cher from Clueless's line, "All right, he's kind of a Baldwin," meaning that the guy was cute).
As for his advice to Sheen, it's pretty ballsy, especially when he uncovers the unsavory machinations of Hollywood producers.
Deadspin just put Charlie Sheen's phone number on their website. Khensu or anyone with some good advice should call him.
Here's his number:
310) 975-5732
I haven't tried it but someone please call him and let me know if it still works!
I am not a fan of SNL or Alec Baldwin but I know he isn't crazy (maybe angry) so points for points.
I would like to see Charlie Sheen hit rock bottom and be sent to clown boot camp where he can explore his crazy behind a new mask which is a truly scary scenario especially if he is able to spawn himself a new career in the horror genre.
Submitted by precociousmagpie on Sun, 03/13/2011 - 11:17am.
Submitted by Fraggle on Sun, 03/13/2011 - 9:59am.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, that was great. I forgot about the dog-kissing part in "Greenhilly". Thanks for digging those up! Alec sure looked good back then. I worry about his heart nowadays. (RIP Phil Hartman.)
You're most welcome! The part where the dog tongues Alec Baldwin gets me in stitches every time. I miss Hartman too. :(
Submitted by Fraggle on Sun, 03/13/2011 - 9:59am.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, that was great. I forgot about the dog-kissing part in "Greenhilly". Thanks for digging those up! Alec sure looked good back then. I worry about his heart nowadays. (RIP Phil Hartman.)
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You think Honey Badger cares? Honey Badger don't give a shit.
To recap some of the SNL greatness of Baldwin:
http://vimeo.com/8469965 (sorry, couldn't find Greenhilly in English but it's still funny as hell).
http://www.hulu.com/watch/18883/saturday-night-live-canteen-boy-and-the-...
http://www.hulu.com/watch/1487/saturday-night-live-tony-bennett
http://www.hulu.com/watch/3524/saturday-night-live-inside-the-actors-stu...
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x7mrym_saturday-night-live-glengarry-gl...
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/nprs-delicious-dish-schwedd...
Alec is the man. CHarlie should listen and heed this wise advice, but probably won't.
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"I'd hate to have to go around thinking of health & shit like that." Keith Richards, 1997
Submitted by GlitterKitty on Sun, 03/13/2011 - 3:14am.
You must have missed the city center then, with our lovely 15th Century Town Hall. A shame, because I actually think you would have liked that. Maybe next time (I can always give you a tour).
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Submitted by precociousmagpie on Sun, 03/13/2011 - 12:00am.
Alec Baldwin will always get a free pass from me if only for his ridiculous SNL skits. He is SPECTACULAR on that show. One utterly retarded skit he was in from many moons ago, called "Greenhilly", was just some complete silliness with him playing a preening, WASPy something-or-other, and all I remember about it was that it was totally dumb and made me laugh really hard. I love him.
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Aah, yes, the skit where he makes out with everyone in the cast, including Phil Hartman and a (literal) dog.
His column was freaking awesome!!! Great advice! Charlie won't take it! But I will!!!
Great life lesson here! Everyone is replaceable!! That means jobs, marriages, friends.. So value what you have!
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
Oh we are still going on about what he said to his daughter years ago? Admittedly it wasn't great but the sort of private anger that furstrated parents can yell when driven to the edge by their admittedly crazy exes (yes you Kim). That's not a free pass, but also not a reason to be down on him. The advice he gave actually shows humility, good sense and self awareness. Baldwin is amazing on tv, sucked up the shit and went on with it. Why hate that?
MickyHolland, Gouda cheese is amazing, the town.. Not so much (I drove through it, may have just been a bad area). Holland however is fucking ace.
I love Alec Baldwin SO much. He is right and he is the man.
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Sun, 03/13/2011 - 2:17am.
I agree. I think that the taboo associated with saying certain things have really increased people's desire to say certain things because they consider that rebellious. Here in America, people love to pull the "reverse-discrimination" (which doesn't exist, because there is no "reverse" hatred) card.
†
"I'm the guardian of this land,
I'm Dracula, Prince of Walacchia.
My name is synonymous with fear and terror
which I sowed and grew and which I fed on."
-Opera IX (Under the Sign of the Red Dragon)
*certain*
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Who are you calling silly cow?
@Khensu,
Political correctness is sadly mistaken for diplomacy nowadays, that's true. Us Dutch have been muzzled for so long - not being able to talk freely about cetain groups of newcomers that undermine the very essence of our society - that some of us have developed a serious case of Tourettes syndrome. Being able to speak your mind freely is the greatest good. Doing so wisely is too.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Sun, 03/13/2011 - 1:51am.
While I agree with you, and am by no means anywhere close to being blunt, I just really am frustrated with Charlie Sheen now.
That being said, the tactlessness thinly disguised as brutal honesty annoys the fuck out of me. In some cases, it's necessary, but in most it's unwarranted and "brutally honest" has simply become the uber politically correct-term for asshole.
†
"I'm the guardian of this land,
I'm Dracula, Prince of Walacchia.
My name is synonymous with fear and terror
which I sowed and grew and which I fed on."
-Opera IX (Under the Sign of the Red Dragon)
@Khensu
But in the end cautiousness can make for a more civilized world. The Dutch have a habit of being overly direct bordering blunt, and sometimes that's far from pleasant. A bit of diplomacy never hurt anyone, relentlessness does.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
I'm sorry but he made this statement way too cautious, like he was too worried about how Sheen would react.
I wish someone would just tell Charlie Sheen, plain and simple, to just shut the fuck up, get over himself, that his "goddesses" are using him, nobody envies him, he's an embarassment, and only pathetic people need to pay their "friends" to tolerate them or get their "friends" high enough to tolerate them...especially when they're loaded with cash for simply playing a sanitized version of themselves on television. Really. THAT I would like to hear.
†
"I'm the guardian of this land,
I'm Dracula, Prince of Walacchia.
My name is synonymous with fear and terror
which I sowed and grew and which I fed on."
-Opera IX (Under the Sign of the Red Dragon)
Submitted by Dirk Diggler on Sat, 03/12/2011 - 10:17pm.
"Well, I just read his Wikipedia article where they say he's a "vegetarian." I very much doubt this is true since all vegetarians that I know look pale, thin and sickly (...)"
Laughed out loud, REALLY loud. You make us vegetarians sound like Martians in a classic 1950's sci-fi movie. I've been dodging meat and fish for some twenty years now, and I can assure you that I look like a healthy Dutch dirndl, rosy cheeks and all. It must be all that Gouda I'm eating.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Alec Baldwin will always get a free pass from me if only for his ridiculous SNL skits. He is SPECTACULAR on that show. One utterly retarded skit he was in from many moons ago, called "Greenhilly", was just some complete silliness with him playing a preening, WASPy something-or-other, and all I remember about it was that it was totally dumb and made me laugh really hard. I love him.
Kim Basinger is a psychotic whore.
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You think Honey Badger cares? Honey Badger don't give a shit.
WhiskeyTango wrote: "booze adds a lot of calories, too"
Right. He probably overcompensates and eats everything, anytime and anywhere, as long as it's not meat!
I could totally bring Alec's hotness back with my health and diet regime, and, yes, he would have to eat meat. ;p
I'm a vegetarian by proxy.
I eat vegetarian animals.
I don't eat meat-eating animals. That's a no-no.
lulz
Submitted by Dirk Diggler on Sat, 03/12/2011 - 10:17pm.
Well, I just read his Wikipedia article where they say he's a "vegetarian." I very much doubt this is true since all vegetarians that I know look pale, thin and sickly -- whereas Alec is obviously no stranger to breakfast sausage. Any insight?
Maybe he eats a lot of junk food? I had a roommate in college who was a veg and she was pretty overweight...she was a very good cook, but really into baking too...and so ate a lot of cookies and cakes and such. don't forget that booze adds a lot of calories, too.
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"I'm like a tree, I feed the branches of the people." - Kanye West
Submitted by stake_spike on Sat, 03/12/2011 - 5:10pm.
Submitted by Kerfuffles on Sat, 03/12/2011 - 5:03pm
Me too! LOL. I know he's been in a lot but to me he will be Jack from now until forever. Jack's actually made him likable.
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EXACTLY. He better be showering Tina Fey with gifts because she saved his public image.
Well, I just read his Wikipedia article where they say he's a "vegetarian." I very much doubt this is true since all vegetarians that I know look pale, thin and sickly -- whereas Alec is obviously no stranger to breakfast sausage. Any insight?
Hum... You could crack an egg on that hair. Alec needs softer hair and, more importantly, a healthier lifestyle.
Alec is dead on.
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Facebook: Triston Negreaux
http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe to Heaux Confessionals©
Maybe it was a good idea that his 1.2 million dollar an episode gig was ruined. He was in fact spending much of it on BRIEF CASES full of cocaine. BRIEF CASES.
"Put that crackpipe down. Crackpipes are for closers."
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"I'm like a tree, I feed the branches of the people." - Kanye West
I know I'm showing my age with that movie but if any of you want a really good movie to watch whenever there is nothing else on, I'm telling you, get that one. It's one of those movies I only think about when I'm reminiscing, but it's definitely an old favorite.
Alec Baldwin fucking rules. He pulls off comedy--including live comedy, the toughest of all to do--drama, voice-overs, and movies well. Thoughtless little pig comment aside, he's the man. Oh, and imo he's still hot.
Charlie ought to listen to him, but he won't. He's too far gone in crackland.
Can't even imagine the ratings the first new 2.5 Men would garner with CS back in the fold.
Listen to Alec Baldwin, Charlie.
Team Take a Fucking Shower and a Practicality Check!!
Alec knows what the fuck is up. Many of us do. Just do it. This IS America. Home of the free, brave and opportunity. Second chances are a given in this great land. Run with it. We are all born superstars. Most importantly, and notwithstanding, we are NOT granted the innate rights to superstardom. That means you must fucking work to build and RE-BUILD, if necessary, those rights. We all have it within us.
Do it for the kids, if nothing else. This, right here, is probably your last vote of confidence from ANY of us, Alec included.
fking edited, shit!
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"Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by which deep insights can be winnowed from deep nonsense. Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." - Carl Sagan
kate773,
Yeah, that was the song. I get all wet in the eyes too. LOL at the neighbors, that was funny. The whole movie was good.
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Curtsy, motherfuckers! MK
Submitted by EvilShoe on Sat, 03/12/2011 - 8:33pm.
Submitted by kate773 on Sat, 03/12/2011 - 7:14pm.
She's Having a Baby is fucking hilarious! The parents at the end of the bed during sexay times with hard hats and flashlights "You're doing it wrong!"
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I always cry at the part where she's having the baby and that Kate Bush song comes on "This Woman's Work" I think? Oh man, that kills me every time.
I like the neighbors.
"You haven't done a thing to get ready for this party!"
"I washed the dog!"
"You BURNED the dog!"
Submitted by Mr. Mercury on Sat, 03/12/2011 - 8:31pm.
....and don't forget "Married to the Mob", where he played Frank de Marco, aka "The Cucumber".
"Seymour!! You said you'd never get married until you bought me an iron lung!"
Holy crappoli on a cannoli! Totally forgottabowt dat!
OT note: Mr. M., I hope all is well with you and yours...((hugs Mr. Mercury with all her might)).
I don't care what Kim Bassinger thinks, I love Alec Baldwin!
Submitted by kate773 on Sat, 03/12/2011 - 7:14pm.
She's Having a Baby is fucking hilarious! The parents at the end of the bed during sexay times with hard hats and flashlights "You're doing it wrong!"
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Curtsy, motherfuckers! MK
Submitted by Mr. Mercury on Sat, 03/12/2011 - 8:31pm.
Submitted by kate773 on Sat, 03/12/2011 - 7:14pm.
You forgot Thomas the Tank Engine.
What?! I'm a mom! lol
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Curtsy, motherfuckers! MK
Submitted by kate773 on Sat, 03/12/2011 - 7:14pm.
How can you not know Alec Baldwin besides 30 Rock? Lets review:
The Hunt for Red October
Beetlejuice
Glengarry Glenross
The Getaway
The Marrying Man
The Departed
The Cooler
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....and don't forget "Married to the Mob", where he played Frank de Marco, aka "The Cucumber".
"Seymour!! You said you'd never get married until you bought me an iron lung!"
@ kate773
"The Hunt for Red October" is such an awesome movie, I've seen it so many times! Sean Connery is in it too.
Oh yeah he was just in It's Complicated, with Meryl Streep. Loved it.
I have his SNL Collection DVD and it is awesome. I think the reason he's so funny is that he is game for anything, no matter how stupid he looks.
Prelude to a Kiss wasn't too shabby either. :))
How can you not know Alec Baldwin besides 30 Rock? Lets review:
The Hunt for Red October
Beetlejuice
Glengarry Glenross
The Getaway
The Marrying Man
The Departed
The Cooler
And that's just off the top of my head.
Anyone remember She's Having a Baby? He was Kevin Bacon's player best friend in that. Totally smokin'. And I adore that movie anyway. He was also in Working Girl. But those were bit parts.
But he's also been on SNL a million times.
Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Sat, 03/12/2011 - 7:02pm.
An egomaniac giving a high and crazy egomaniac advice. That ought to go well.
His ex-wife outed some of his maniacal rants but there are always two sides to every story and I'm sure Kim isn't all innocent in that either. Honestly, I don't think it's pretty rare for 'normal' people to be attracted to the fame game.
OT - sort of - just finished watching the last SNL Chris Farley hosted. It's weird because it's hard to watch Farley without feeling a little sad even though I've never met the guy. I doubt many people will feel that way about Charlie when he's gone. He's just so in-your-face obnoxious and arrogant.
ITA :( Chris seemed like he had a big heart, was utterly likable and lovable from what his co-stars said of him and was probably a lonely soul whereas Charlie has been a privileged, self-indulgent snot from early on and I find absolutely no redeeming qualities about him (not that he couldn't try and clean up his act and be a decent human being and change people's minds about him but I have my doubts).
Submitted by beakers bitch on Sat, 03/12/2011 - 7:01pm.
Schweddy Balls!! "If you order now, you'll get a Schweddy Ball Sack just in time for the holidays."
LOL! I love the stuff he did in SNL...especially with Canteen Boy. He was at his hunky, hilarious best.
Responding to the posts down there wondering what else he's done, holy crap, he's been in a ton of movies. Without cheating and looking at his IMDB page, the first one that came to mind was Beetlejuice for some reason, lol.
Funny that, because he totally changed his dark good looks for Beetlejuice. He's definitely an A actor.