And Another Contract Expires....
It is a sad day for contract writers, notaries, staples and Xerox machines, because yet another one of their fine works will not get a sequel. Just a day after Joe Jonas' "Don't call me Joe Gaynus (that's a two in one right there)" interview with Details turned all of us into Aunt Bunny for a minute, Page Six is saying that there will be no more staged photo-ops between him and Ashley Greene. In a hotel room somewhere, Joe Jonas is sitting on the edge of the bed and strumming out a song about how an expiration date broke his heart.
A source (aka Ashley Greene's publicist using the email address: email@example.com) tells Page Six that Joe and Ashley's completely authentic heterosexual love affair died like the feeling in his legs after wearing skinny jeans for more than 3 hours, because of their busy schedules. Ashley is off shooting Twatlight while Joe is working on his music in L.A.
Ted Casablanca at E! News also thinks that Ashley and Joe's
PR stunt relationship is null and void, because they were both spotted solo at the same club a week apart. One witness type says Joe made it clear that he's not with Ashley anymore by doing the Jonas mating dance with a bunch of girls, "He was very flirtatious all night, and if I were Ashley Greene I would not want my boyfriend acting like that towards a bunch of hoes. He had his hands all over this girl's ass saying he couldn't take his eyes off her when she danced."
Are we sure that Joe wasn't hitting on actual garden hoes, because that would make more sense.
Contract writers can lift their weepy faces off of their keyboards, because Ashley isn't the type of fame fucker who is going to let a little thing called "failed negotiations" get in the way of her finding a love affair built for the pages of UsWeekly. I'm sure Ashley has already asked (insert the name of some famous dude with gay rumors on his back) to meet her in the conference room. Wink. Wink.
And in case you're wondering what the Jonas mating dance looks like:
UPDATE: It's confirmed. True love doesn't exist. The world only knows heartbreak. Blah blah blah