Johnny Depp Does The Sliming
Dressed like the late-in-life French lesbian owner of an ostrich farm in New Mexico, Johnny Depp strolled onto the stage at Nickelodeon's Kids Choice Awards in L.A. yesterday and hosed everyone down with slime. I see what you did there, Nickelodeon, and Child Protective Services along with agents from The Chris Hansen Department of NOT RIGHT SHIT will be knocking on your door.
While most hos were on the receiving end of a Shrek green shower, Johnny doesn't play that mess. It took Johnny way too long to successfully snatch those clothes from Diane Keaton's closet, so he's not going to let Slimer's menstrual fluid mess 'em up. And I really feel sorry for the sick ho who Googles "slime me, Johnny Depp, slime me" and end up on this post. This is not what you signed up for when you clicked.
If you need to know the winners of this popped glow stick passed off as an awards show, you need to look elsewhere! We're all adults here (not really) and we don't look at the winners of some children's awards show! Adults don't do that! We only make inappropriate jokes about the pictures! And let's continue the theme.
Here's a few of those who showed up to that mess yesterday: Johnny Depp (and I know you're going to use the color picker Photoshop tool on that green slime), Josh Bieber, Fergie in a Lego dress, Heidi Klum with Nick Cannon, Russell Brand with Manny from Modern Family, Snoop Dogg, Selena Gomez, Wonky McValtrex (whose military trained gyno knows all about green slime), some tramps off the street, Taylor Momsen, Nick Simmons, Sophie Simmons, Willow Smith, Steven Tyler with Erin Brady and Sofia Vergara.
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@Fraggle - RESURRECTION! *Zombie Mel Blanc pops his head up from the ground and says, "This isn't Pismo Beach! I shoulda made a left a Cucamonga."
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Cartman (singing): Whenever I see Jesus up on that cross / I can’t help but think that he looks kinda hot.
Yukko
Salma and kaka are implants they paid good money to show those off
Anyways about jhonny I know someone who meet him and have a juicy story reg him, and 2 models and another actor, reg a 3 some, but it's highly confidential and cannot give details, so let's just say jhonny is creepy in person, like stare at you and not talk creepy.
EveryStrangersEyes on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 9:11pm.
I solly, Sir! I totally mixed the Mels up! My bad. I feel just awful doing that because it's always distressful when you think someone you appreciate artistically is dead.
Again, my apologies. DUH! :(
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 9:11pm.
That'll teach you for making me crave American cereals!
@becky & Fraggle...
SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP!!!.... i don't know what you two are talking about,(what? i should have to read back? that's not gonna happen!)but i just had to google Mel Brooks to make sure he wasn't dead... i hold you both responsible for interrupting my usual killing of brain cells!
OT: yep, Depp is a very pretty dude... that's all i will say about that.
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
Submitted by SugarFreeRedBull on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 9:00pm.
Haha, I SO would.
*opens mouth*
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I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Well, I felt something die,
Cause I knew that
That was the last time,
The last time
-Adele
Submitted by becky n sydney on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 9:04pm.
@Fraggle
Mel Brooks is dead?
When?
I thought he was still alive.
Do you mean Mel Blanc? (He did the Looney Tunes voices)
YIKES! Yes, Mel Blanc not Mel Brooks! Yikes, I'm makin' people dead who ain't dead yet! NOT GOOD> :(
Submitted by Bjork You on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 8:16pm.
---The only inappropriate person there was Paris Hilton, a racist, classist, frighteningly talentless, and consistently dumb whore.
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Remember when that vid came out Paris and Dicki were dancing at the club, and Paris said, "Look we're dancing like n*ggers!" And then later they said, "That black girl over there... poor broke public school bitch."
Well I tried to tirelessly to google it one day and couldn't find it. That bitch's "people" took all evidence offline (just like Rush Limbaugh got his fat ass in panties off search engines).
Why couldn't Dr. Laura remove her snatch so I can stop googling it!?
__________________________________________________
Cartman (singing): Whenever I see Jesus up on that cross / I can’t help but think that he looks kinda hot.
@Fraggle
Mel Brooks is dead?
When?
I thought he was still alive.
Do you mean Mel Blanc? (He did the Looney Tunes voices)
Hotmami - You'd stand there w/your eyes closed and let Depp slime all over you like a porn star!
Reminds me of this kids toy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXC7qZ_iWgM
SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET!
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Cartman (singing): Whenever I see Jesus up on that cross / I can’t help but think that he looks kinda hot.
Bjork You on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 8:55pm.
Submitted by Fraggle: "...Okay, what good looking men are left that I can safely lust after without worry about STD's or drugged out danger episodes."
Carrot Top
"Ba-dee Ba-dee Ba-dee, Datz all folks!"
OUCH! Even Mel Brooks speaks from the grave to say, "Rabbit Season! Duck Season!"
GOOSE!
I loooove Michael K's description of Depp's ensemble here. To me, he's starting to resemble Gallagher, that watermelon smashing "comedian." Not good. Heroin would explain everything. Put down the needle, Johnny. Do it for the kids!
Don't feel bad Hotmami, I'd still probably hit it myself, though, but would make him wear a steel-belted condom. If he's a junkie, that scares me a bit, even if he only smokes it.
And I don't have kids, but the parade of whores at a Kids' Choice award always skeeves me out. Paris Hilton? The Lardassians? Why not include goddamn Roman Polanski while you're at it.
Submitted by Fraggle: "...Okay, what good looking men are left that I can safely lust after without worry about STD's or drugged out danger episodes."
Carrot Top
Submitted by Bjork You on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 8:28pm.
I stopped it when he got arrested. It was too shit and I never, no matter how utter crap a movie is, turn it off. But I couldn't sit through the Tourist. It was so fucking bad.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 8:22pm.
I told my sis that the only two articles I read fully in that issue were about Spanx and C. Louboutin. She's probably worried.
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Just don't tell her you hang out on D Listed!
Depp has always been off with his style. Scarves, hats, the whole nine. You can go back near a decade and he dressed the same way. It's only because the man is working frequently and in the public eye more that people are now taking notice.
Here he is in 2001.
http://i.timeinc.net/ew/dynamic/imgs/030828/15597__blow_l.jpg
Another with gross hair.
http://l.yimg.com/eb/ymv/us/img/hv/photo/movie_pix/new_line_cinema/blow/...
Here he looks high as a kite. Its also from 2001
http://lh6.ggpht.com/_-5ZnhSWsDOY/RysgSrf8PbI/AAAAAAAAG7g/ujOqzDbWz5o/20...
I appreciate his wackiness. It's what definitely sets him apart from all the rest. He doesn't really give a shit.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 8:22pm.
I'm pretty sure you're alright, so long as you didn't also buy the French Beret®.
(Tying in nicely with theme of Johnny Depp, who lives in France. Who says we're OT!?)
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Come on down and collect your prize of nothing!
Fraggle I was pretending to be pure(ish) and (kinda) innocent...didn't I fool you? :)
Bjork, I can't bring myself to buy The Tourist, not even for Johnny. I just can't with Angelina.
***********************************************
I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Well, I felt something die,
Cause I knew that
That was the last time,
The last time
-Adele
Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 7:55pm.
Jana, I could see Johnny being a heroin addict, but Vanessa too? That's sad, but if true wouldn't surprise me too much, considering that neither looks like the pinnacle of health.
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this is my ''I love you '' to it. :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJNMnBhf-Ds&feature=related
it's a long one, but a good night to you all.
**************************************************
www.theanimalrescuesite.com - Click everyday to help animals in shelters
Submitted by Hotmami: "He can get it, heroin use or not. I am ashamed."
I just think Johnny might have a tiny peen.
By the way, I watched 20 minutes of "The Tourist," which is supposed to be some kind of spy thriller comedy. In fairness, I didn't stick around long enough, despite the great Steven Berkoff playing the bad guy, to find out how thrilling it could be, but I was around long enough to bear painful witness to the flat humour. Sorry, but if that's comedy, Jolie should stick to action pics and overwrought dramas. The opening is so silly, with Angelina Jolie doing her, to quote a movie reviewer, girl from Ipanema thing where she glides by and everyone, including the cops trailing her, go "aaahhhhh." And stop with the accents. Really, the film would have been better if they'd cast David Walliams and Matt Lucas.
Hotmami on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 8:18pm.
He can get it, heroin use or not.
I am ashamed.
'Ashamed' my left ass-cheek! You'd run rough-shod all over dat and so would I!
TROOF!
Submitted by precociousmagpie on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 7:29pm.
I know. I told my sis that the only two articles I read fully in that issue were about Spanx and C. Louboutin. She's probably worried.
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Just because I'm out doesn't mean I'm drinking.
@EvilShoe, @Elmo -
Yeah I remember You can't do that on TV... and when Canadian national singing icon (and new earth mother with loser wannabe rapper baby daddy) Alanis was on. That was a loooong time ago, she was just a kid, and she got slimed.
God I'm old. And drunk.
Submitted by islandgirl on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 7:13pm.
I read somewhere that the best way to remember "callipygian" is to picture the ass of a damsel on the cover of a Frank Frazetta sci-fi fantasy. It's the sort of hoity-toity word The New Yorker loves, cuz it lets you talk dirty in Greek.
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Just because I'm out doesn't mean I'm drinking.
He can get it, heroin use or not.
I am ashamed.
***********************************************
I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Well, I felt something die,
Cause I knew that
That was the last time,
The last time
-Adele
I just saw him in "Alice in Wonderland." Helena Bonham Carter stole that one; I wished that she was in every scene.
Anyway, keep doing your own thing, Johnny. (By the way, even if he's not doing it now, Depp has done heroin [like, yesterday]. I mean, please.)
The only inappropriate person there was Paris Hilton, a racist, classist, frighteningly talentless, and consistently dumb whore.
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I thought that was Kirsty Alley looking slim, but it's just Fergie.
Why the Hell is Nickelodeon having the Kardashians and McValtrexs and Russel Brands on a show for kids? Are kids the reason those assholes are still popular after all these years? Either way, this is wrong.
Goddamn, something about Depp that turns me the hell on. Jeebus. Also, Beiber or whatever is a tactical genius in his evading CPS.
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"Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by which deep insights can be winnowed from deep nonsense. Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." - Carl Sagan
"MAJOR DOUBLE NEGATIVE FAIL!" - kokoski
Why would it be so improbable for JD to be a functioning heroin addict? Lots of people go the better part of their lives addicted to H. We know back in the day he use to do lots with River Phoenix and after Phoenix died JD moved to France to get away from the scene.
People have this vision of what a heroin user should look like from the movies and believe me with a good many of them you'd NEVER know.
He and Angelina must have had some great conversations about where the best places are to score around the world because we ALL know Cunty McCunty is a functioning junkie.
Submitted by EvilShoe on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 8:01pm.
Submitted by badwolf on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 7:50pm.
Oh and that sliming thing is getting really OLD. Unless Paris and the Kardassians are the victims.
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That slime originated from the show You Can't Do That On Television, so yeah, it's old. Kids today don't even know why they do it on this mess of an award's show.
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I always wanted to be on "You Can't Do That..." as a kid. That and "Double Dare". And "Funhouse".
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Menage a NO! NO! NO!-MK
Depp gets a pass from me, he made POTC movies so his kids could watch him in something.
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Curtsy, motherfuckers! MK
Submitted by badwolf on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 7:50pm.
Oh and that sliming thing is getting really OLD. Unless Paris and the Kardassians are the victims.
_______________________________
That slime originated from the show You Can't Do That On Television, so yeah, it's old. Kids today don't even know why they do it on this mess of an award's show.
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Curtsy, motherfuckers! MK
he truly makes the best kid movies. I love him as willy wonka.
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What a friend I have in jesus, I can say that
honestly. He's not like all my other friends who really don't care about me.
Jana, I could see Johnny being a heroin addict, but Vanessa too? That's sad, but if true wouldn't surprise me too much, considering that neither looks like the pinnacle of health.
Jana on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 7:48pm.
Submitted by i_heart_jack on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 7:37pm.
"Johnny Depp a ''functional'' heroine addict along with Vanessa Paradis."
@Jana
I will not STFU. The reason I was saying so is because I had stint in France and it was known around the region he he was a heroin addict, along with his wife. Sorry to burst your bubble.
Aww krikey! Girl boner killer! Okay, what good looking men are left that I can safely lust after without worry about STD's or drugged out danger episodes".
*sigh*
Oh and that sliming thing is getting really OLD. Unless Paris and the Kardassians are the victims.
I'm not sure I like Johnny anymore. But who am I kidding, I still would at this point.
What are those ugly Kardassians doing at that event? Shit, they are reproducing like crazy. There are so many and I can't tell them apart anymore. They all have the exact same wigs.
Submitted by i_heart_jack on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 7:37pm.
"Johnny Depp a ''functional'' heroine addict along with Vanessa Paradis."
@Jana
You keep posting this every time there is a story on Johnny. Would you either post your basis for saying this or STFU.
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I will not STFU. The reason I was saying so is because I had stint in France and it was known around the region that he was a heroin addict, along with his wife. Sorry to burst your bubble.
**************************************************
www.theanimalrescuesite.com - Click everyday to help animals in shelters
Johnny Depp and Steven Tyler look like they belong together on that ostrich farm in New Mexico where they also sell crystals and do tarot readings.
"Johnny Depp a ''functional'' heroine addict along with Vanessa Paradis."
@Jana
You keep posting this every time there is a story on Johnny. Would you either post your basis for saying this or STFU.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 7:08pm.
The current New Yorker has a funny piece on the creator of Spanx: "Gwyneth Paltrow is an outspoken fan [of Spanx], and the famously callipygian television personality Kim Kardashian makes frequent requests for free Spanx. 'It just really smooths everything out,' she told me."
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Always on the cutting edge. What will they write about next, the iPhone?
_________________________
Come on down and collect your prize of nothing!
i used to love Johnny Depp, now he bores me to death
Depp used to bring the Dep (remember that hair gel?) to my chonies... but no more. He looks like he would have REALLY mild body odor, but wear too much cologne.
Oh eff it - I STILL WOULD.
__________________________________________________
Cartman (singing): Whenever I see Jesus up on that cross / I can’t help but think that he looks kinda hot.
Submitted by Fraggle:
She looks like a 40-something frau. I honestly don't understand how young people in Hollyweird looks so damned OLD for their age?
Remember when that kuhnt said, "I can't believe I'm 30! At least I still look 20!"
http://www.gifsoup.com/view/359535/bitch-please.html
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 7:08pm.
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Callipygian??? Who knew she had such good penmanship? :)
The current New Yorker has a funny piece on the creator of Spanx: "Gwyneth Paltrow is an outspoken fan [of Spanx], and the famously callipygian television personality Kim Kardashian makes frequent requests for free Spanx. 'It just really smooths everything out,' she told me."
********
Just because I'm out doesn't mean I'm drinking.
Whamo on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 6:59pm.
Sure, he might have a truck-load of dead hookers buried in the basements of his many French villas, but, nobody's perfekt!
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Hey Fraggie, are you sure they're dead?
Well, that's a creepy thought. *gulp*
Who is that porker in Spanx underpants pretending to be Marilyn Monroe?
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That would be Sophie Simmons. Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed's daughter.
Submitted by Fraggle on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 5:42pm.
mike on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 5:39pm.
I know I'm in the minority on here, but I find Johnny Depp quite creepy.
That's why chicks dig him. Creepy = Mysterious
Sure, he might have a truck-load of dead hookers buried in the basements of his many French villas, but, nobody's perfekt!
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Hey Fraggie, are you sure they're dead?