Johnny Depp Does The Sliming
Dressed like the late-in-life French lesbian owner of an ostrich farm in New Mexico, Johnny Depp strolled onto the stage at Nickelodeon's Kids Choice Awards in L.A. yesterday and hosed everyone down with slime. I see what you did there, Nickelodeon, and Child Protective Services along with agents from The Chris Hansen Department of NOT RIGHT SHIT will be knocking on your door.
While most hos were on the receiving end of a Shrek green shower, Johnny doesn't play that mess. It took Johnny way too long to successfully snatch those clothes from Diane Keaton's closet, so he's not going to let Slimer's menstrual fluid mess 'em up. And I really feel sorry for the sick ho who Googles "slime me, Johnny Depp, slime me" and end up on this post. This is not what you signed up for when you clicked.
If you need to know the winners of this popped glow stick passed off as an awards show, you need to look elsewhere! We're all adults here (not really) and we don't look at the winners of some children's awards show! Adults don't do that! We only make inappropriate jokes about the pictures! And let's continue the theme.
Here's a few of those who showed up to that mess yesterday: Johnny Depp (and I know you're going to use the color picker Photoshop tool on that green slime), Josh Bieber, Fergie in a Lego dress, Heidi Klum with Nick Cannon, Russell Brand with Manny from Modern Family, Snoop Dogg, Selena Gomez, Wonky McValtrex (whose military trained gyno knows all about green slime), some tramps off the street, Taylor Momsen, Nick Simmons, Sophie Simmons, Willow Smith, Steven Tyler with Erin Brady and Sofia Vergara.
• 
Whoa, did Paris gain weight? She looks like caca.
And of course the ubiquitous Lardassians preening and posing, argghhh.
Who is that porker in Spanx underpants pretending to be Marilyn Monroe?
I despise Nickelodeon. Bleah!
_________________________
Come on down and collect your prize of nothing!
this is a kids show, right??? So why the fuck is a coke whore like Parasite there?? Parasite looks horrible by the way, and I am very glad to report that! And the Whoretrashians...there are no NBA players there...Kim must be looking for the next man or kid to pee on her, I guess...all the rest..damn Taylor Momsen looks at 45 and the rest just ridic....except for Johnny he is eternally hot!
Josh Duhamel looks like a douchebag.
..
.
---------
"Charlie you fucking bitch, let's work it out" - High Fidelity
Also I have to say... I've watched Modern Family, and the boy in the picture with Russell Brand, the one who plays Manny, has THE WORST comic timing. Everyone else on the show is funny, but the lines they write for him aren't that funny half the time and he just doesn't pull them off.
What the heck is Parasite Hilton doing at that show anyway? What has she done in the last couple of years that has ANYTHING to do with children? WOW. She is NOT aging well.
What the heck is Parasite Hilton doing at that show anyway? What has she done in the last couple of years that has ANYTHING to do with children? WOW. She is NOT aging well.
boooored
This whole mess is not even really worth commenting on. Johnny Depp stopped being hot almost ten years ago.
Willow Smith as the female tweener version of Rocky Horror...
Notice that Sophia Vergara can manage to cover up her chichis around children, where her large-chested cohorts like Selma Hayak and Kim Kardashian cannot.
seejaneclick on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 6:18pm.
Wonky is getting fat.
She looks like a 40-something frau. I honestly don't understand how young people in Hollyweird looks so damned OLD for their age? I'm gonna be 45 and I still get carded and in the stupidest venues of all places like "sushi bars" for cryin' out loud (where the Japanese women are ageless themselves). I'm mixed with so much genetically diverse racial make-up that maybe my looks just confuse the fuck out of people because I'm not racially homogeneous in the sense of looking like 'one' race and therefore I'm probably kind of threatening looking by not being too strongly tilted in any genetic direction. I'm the ultimate mutt. lol!
Paris is looking old these days.
Glad to see that Taylor wore pants.
***********************************************
I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Well, I felt something die,
Cause I knew that
That was the last time,
The last time
-Adele
Wonky is getting fat.
Submitted by madam s. on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 5:49pm.
Who put this thing together?! I mean, granted I only know about half the people listed... but the ones I DO know are pretty much across the board older c and d-list people. What relevance do these people have to kids?
***************************************
The thing about c-list and d-list stars is that they NEED dummies to know who they are. Dummies that will run around chanting their names JUST becuz they were on a stage and all sparkly and IN PERSON! Becuz only dummies know that seeing sparkly "stars" in person, on stage makes you very special! If you touch one?! Super special! Autograph?!? - dummies know you may as well die becuz there is nothing left to do in life after you get the autograph of a D-List star! Well - nothing left after seeing ANGELINA close-up which is the only reason they carry on at all. Dummies will buy backpacks, pencil cases and key chains with your face on them! Dummies will watch your dumb show and make dumb collage signs with hearts and stars and MORE PICTURES OF YOU! Dummies will stand around for HOURS holding these signs for NO REASON! They'll do it until even smart people want to know who you are. Just to know WTF is going on.
Now - I don't really like calling children dumb but they are. Even the smartest child is a big dummy and will fall for any schtick you lay out for them. And I'm sure that people like the Kartrashians are fully aware that if you snag 'em young, you can keep them for life. No matter how many gas stations you run around in barefoot while flashing your coochie they will LOVE you. For EVER.
♥ Threadkilla!
Every nation ridicules other nations, and all are right.
~Arthur Schopenhauer
COME TO MAMA!!!!
***********************************************
I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Well, I felt something die,
Cause I knew that
That was the last time,
The last time
-Adele
madam s. on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 5:49pm.
Who put this thing together?!
Going on a hunch, I'm going to guess it's the same people who brought you the letters "D" and "B".
Sound it out, chirrens!
DOUCHE...BAG!
Owning a library card does not a Yoda make.
sybil,
Sorry that I moved my post that you responded to! Haha... I couldn't deal with the gazillion typos.
Submitted by Madame S:
And seriously, Steven Tyler?! He is like a scary, scary ancient elderly person that terrifies little kids.
****************************
LMAO Madame S!!!!!
mike,
Frankly, I think he's become a bit of a caricature of himself which is always unfortunate. I think he's fun when well-cast in campy and lighthearted movies, and that's about the extent of it.
Submitted by mike on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 5:40pm.
I know I'm in the minority in here, but I find Johnny Depp quite creepy.
______________________________________--
Is it because he's doing Bill Murray's pose from "Caddyshack", of watering plants while ogling the middle-aged female golfers, and you're a straight guy? ;)~
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
I love Johnny Depp (physically if I ever got the chance) but his pretending to accidentally look like a late life french lesbian with superfluous facial hair annoys me.
He must spend hours preening in front of a mirror, tweaking the scarf, trimming the stache, making sure the beret is at an appropriately jaunty angle.
I'm afraid the lovely Johnny is seriously in the 'try too hard' basket.
Sorry Johnny, time to accessorize a little bit less.
mike on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 5:39pm.
I know I'm in the minority on here, but I find Johnny Depp quite creepy.
That's why chicks dig him. Creepy = Mysterious
Sure, he might have a truck-load of dead hookers buried in the basements of his many French villas, but, nobody's perfekt!
;p
Yaknow? I think Johnny Depp is channeling the recently diseased comedian "Gallagher" in this stint. All that is missing is a giant wooden mallet and a big ol' watermelon!
I know I'm in the minority in here, but I find Johnny Depp quite creepy.
Who put this thing together?! I mean, granted I only know about half the people listed... but the ones I DO know are pretty much across the board older c and d-list people. What relevance do these people have to kids? I can't imagine children would even know who these people are seeing as most are their parents' age and even older. And seriously, Steven Tyler?! He is like a scary, scary ancient elderly person that terrifies little kids. Not to mention he's an embarrassment overall, even in the adult world. Well, Johnny Depp aside... it looks like it was a parade of embarrassing people.
The chick in the blue is Gene Simmons' daughter Sophie, who's about 16, I think. Her mom was hauling her ass around to fashion shows when she was 14 and old men were hitting on her.
_______
Think of all the amounts of dick butter, ass jelly, nose dingles, taint cream and pit wine he has produced. (MK)
Parasite's picture looks like a misplaced mother : "Kids! Kids where are you!? Momma has to get on the freeway!". She's got arm cellulite.
Saffron Monsoon: " When you get to that age, the meat slides off the bone like a well cooked chicken."
Johnny Depp a ''functional'' heroine addict along with Vanessa Paradis. Looking good!
**************************************************
www.theanimalrescuesite.com - Click everyday to help animals in shelters
Submitted by Fraggle on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 5:07pm.
Depp is one man I'd commit a night of carnal sin for. *shame-face*
---------------------------------
I saw him first!
No shame in enjoying a thing of beauty....
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Taylor Momsen's SHOOOOS!
I think they're hot and have something similar in my closet, but not in front of the kids. Come on now...
@IslandGirl
"Hahaha, can you imagine being in that audience? My ears are ringing just thinking about it."
===============================================
Ha! It sounds like it should be the 10th Bolgia of Hell in the revised version of "Inferno". ;)~
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Paris is starting to look haggard. I mean REALLY look haggard
Those 70s cork shoes. Mine had a little nail always poking up from the insole to stab my foot.
**************************************************
"... a kidney stone that was expelled by the mind of M. Night Shamalamadingdong ..."
More mean stuff :)
I don't know who big blue is but she looks like shit from her first chin down and those shoes look orthopedic. Whoever long blond ringlets raccoon is she needs to get extensions that match her short peroxided locks and poor kid is looking more like his fug dad Gene every day, already gone are his fresh good looks! That is all. For now.
I actually like Josh hair like that
I actually love the lego dress
Deb on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 5:02pm.
I'd just like to add that Johnny Depp is probably the best "influence" on kids of the whole lot.
Depp is one man I'd commit a night of carnal sin for. *shame-face*
And furthermore, GET OFF MY LAWN, ya damn KIDS!!
*hikes up mom-jeans-edible-thong* Datz right and turn down that durned loud music when my hearing-aid is on Spinal Tap's 'eleven' volume dad-gummit.
Submitted by Deb on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 5:02pm.
And furthermore, GET OFF MY LAWN, ya damn KIDS!!
---------
Hahaha, can you imagine being in that audience? My ears are ringing just thinking about it.
*polishes walker and ear horn thingy*
I LOVE that the woman in the blue dress got her SPANX exposed by the wind. Now everyone's got a picture of her girdle...LOL
---------------------------------------
"All Those Who Wander Are Not Lost."
I'd just like to add that Johnny Depp is probably the best "influence" on kids of the whole lot.
And furthermore, GET OFF MY LAWN, ya damn KIDS!!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Lucifer_Sam on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 4:58pm.
I love Heidi Klum and Seal together.
Same here, but, genetically these two made some hybrid fugs of epic proportions for two fairly good looking people.
Like Bruce and Demi...'tis a mystery. Go figure that out???????
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 4:57pm.
Submitted by islandgirl on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 4:54pm.
Who is that in the blue dress with the gaping maw?
-------------------------------------------------------
Some fat fuck hoping someone would throw a burger in her mouth to win a prize.
---------
Wait, I know it's not Oprah. OK then, Kirstie Alley?
Hey Hey Hey!!! Leave New Mexico alone!!!
Who's the big bitch kissin on Steven? He doesn't look too thrilled. Glad to see that France is finally rubbing off on Johnny, cute little beret!
I love Heidi Klum and Seal together.
Submitted by islandgirl on Sun, 04/03/2011 - 4:54pm.
Who is that in the blue dress with the gaping maw?
-------------------------------------------------------
Some fat fuck hoping someone would throw a burger in her mouth to win a prize.
Why would anyone want their kid near Paris Hilton?
Side note: I'm debating if I want to order Wrestlemania or not. I have only a few minutes to decide... *sigh*
--------------------------------------
"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.
I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."
What a motley crew, aside from the Delicious Mr. Depp. And if he raided Annie Hall's closet, at least he's wearing something DIFFERENT. Steven Tyler has been raiding Steven Tyler's closet from 1973 for 28 years now. So over Tallarico.
Hey, when did Russell Brand become the new Tim Allen? How does one go from fucking anything with or without a pulse to starring on some award show for kids?
That question also goes to: Paris Hilton,
Snoop Poopy-Dog (I love Snoop, but COME ON!)
and The Kardassian Zeros.
No doubt that the unfortunate looking Simmons progeny is Gene's boy.
(I keed! He's actually cute in a dorky, ugly-duckling way.)
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Who invited Wonky to the party?
Who is that in the blue dress with the gaping maw?
This is just too much for me to take in all at once.
If anyone deserves to be slimed, it's Russell Brand. And I know Willow Smith is only a child, but why is she dressed like a day shift hooker?
And the Kardashians AND a Hilton were there? Oh, right, because they're all philanthropic and stuff.
So many questions.