These Three Will Terrorize Us Forever!
The Jersey Shore whores are about to be launched into Italy to shoot the fourth (and probably final) season of their cinematic gonorrhea rash of a show, and they were supposed to disappear into the dark oblivion after that. The beasts crawl out of the earth's open sore from Hades, wreak havoc on our people and then slither back into the underworld once the damage has been done. That's what we all learned mythology class (I never took mythology class)! That's how it was supposed to happen.
I mean, JWoww is supposed to use her fortune to open up a roadside strip club/dog boarding/elegant boutique and eventually get sent to prison for dog sex trafficking (Whoring out dogs to other dogs, of course. She's not a total monster). Pauly D is supposed marry the Guidette of his dreams, get really fat and get a job as a night manager of a check cashing place. And Snooki is supposed to lead the Ewoks in a battle against the Imperial shield generator. They aren't supposed to be on our TVs anymore. Oh, but they are! USA Today says that MTV has picked up pilots starring Pauly D, JWoww and Snooki! The gruesome details:
MTV has just announced two Jersey Shore spinoff shows.First is The Untitled Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi and Jenni "JWoww" Farley Project. Viewers will get to see how Snooki and JWoww "deal with life and love" in 12 episodes.
The second - The untitled Paul "DJ Pauly D" Del Vecchio Project - will follow Pauly D's "jet-setting and often hilarious life on the road as one of the country's most in-demand DJs." MTV has ordered 12 episodes.
Both of the reality projects will begin production later this year and are slated to air in 2012.
Our only hope are the Italians! They can lure them under the Tower of Pisa and then make it lean ALL THE WAY. Yes, an icon of Italy will be destroyed forever, but that's a small price to pay!
• 
Wood Dragon, that is not a fair statement. I have lots of friends and family in NJ, who are nothing like these turds.
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And if you don't love me now, you will never love me again
I can still hear you saying you would never break the chain
If there is Karma in this world. We will get a earthquake and resulting Tsunami off New Jersey. My dad used to tell me that Jersey was the asshole state, I never knew what he meant until I watched these idiots for like five minutes.
If you've ever been around real Italians from Italy, you will find this group so disgusting.
Dumb as he may be I'd slap Pauly Ds pickle around any day or night!
Submitted by YeahOkaay on Fri, 04/08/2011 - 6:23am.
fuck all you cunts that hate these guys.
they have gone through a lot of shit, so instead of runnin your mouth how bout you shut it.
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just WHAT have they "gone through", that they didn't get PAID for?
You defending them proves your intelligence level, you fucking dumbass schmuck.
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And if you don't love me now, you will never love me again
I can still hear you saying you would never break the chain
PaulyD can terrorize me anytime. He's adorable.
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I've written a letter to MK...saying...I...love...youuuuuu.
wow. brilliant. Even dh laughed and he hates this shit.
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Thu, 04/07/2011 - 6:51pm.
I'm in the UK and I don't watch TV, so I'm safely out of the reach of Jersey Shore, and I only know which one is snooki.
Kind of fortunate really, because a couple of years ago I sat through TWO episodes of Paris Hilton's British BFF. One of my brain cells subsequently went crazy and proceeded to execute mass genocide on all the others using a potent mix of anthrax and plutonium radiation.
I haven't been the same since.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Your poor, poor brain Lucifer! At least you aren't here in the US, where we have obviously lost all our brain cells.
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One minute you're crying on their shoulders, the next minute you're using your tears as lube to ride that shit and fuck the hurt away.- The Brilliant MichaelK- 3/10/11
ARGH!!!!!!!!!
I can't stand these people and yet they give them MORE TV shows???
This is the end of civilization in America.
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One minute you're crying on their shoulders, the next minute you're using your tears as lube to ride that shit and fuck the hurt away.- The Brilliant MichaelK- 3/10/11
what kinda place serves rice and silver jewelry at the same time? WTF?
i would do things to pauly d, nasty things. as for jwow and snooki's show, it might be watchable but jwow isn't interesting at all when she's in a relationship, which she always is, so i think she will make the show boring. snooki is a one trick pony w/ no depth and i can see her antics getting old really quick.
I hate all these fat ass Jersey Shore bitches.
whenever i see images of them or people like katie price i always think about luke wilsons 2006 movie "idiocracy" a shitty film where he awakes 500 years in the future and discovers a society so incredibly dumbed-down that he's easily the most intelligent person alive. Sometimes i think this is some evil Disney government brainwashing shit. oh well at least i had an education so i can mourn it being somewhat worthless if you want to have a own TV Show. but I´d rather stab myself softly with a feather than having a reality show though.
also reminds me of Kris Kardashians interview: "How many shows do you have?"
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"You are fucking bitches! This is my prom!"
ha ha, nice Margaret Cho quote tommyboy
Karl Lagerfeld is a murderer!
I am embarrassed to know that this is the holy trinity of crap that we,as a society look to for our entertainment and role models for our kids and for society in general.The only reason these three are famous is because YOU MORONS continue to watch them and take their picture and buy into this load of unintelligent wasteful stupid crap. Where is the real talent in the world today? Why is Snooki even famous? I never thought I would admit to this but I long for the days when Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie were out smoking weed and getting arrested nightly. At least that was somewhat exciting.Where is MY reality show? Why cant I be on TV and earn unjust millions of dollars for being a douchnozzle? Show me where to sign,I will gladly let cameras film my pathetic life if I can cash in on it.
Andre,could you bring me my fan,,could you bake it in a cake or stick it up your ass or something? I must have my fan RIGHT AWAY"
fuck all you cunts that hate these guys.
they have gone through a lot of shit, so instead of runnin your mouth how bout you shut it.
Pls no more of them...
I can't really hate on Pauly. He's pretty funny and makes that show. I'm just glad Mike didn't get one.
Submitted by Heather Hansen on Thu, 04/07/2011 - 8:56pm.
With all due respect, you are exactly the kind we at the shore like to call "Bennies". The trashy city folk who give Jersey a bad name! Next time, remember to pick up your trash from the beach!
Nothing *really* personal. Just calling it like it is. Bennie, go home!
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'With all due respect, Heather, fuck you. You don't know me, nor my manners, which are impeccable. I never leave my trash anywhere, and I'm the type who will pick up after morons who do.
You are exactly the kind of person we city folk like to call assholes -- passing judgment with zero pertinent information.
And I haven't been near the Jersey Shore in 20 years...which, if you could read properly, you'd have realized.
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"I stumble,then fall into a coma." -- Oscar Levant, when asked what he did for exercise.
I grew up in Philadelphia and we went to Ocean City, NJ. It's a nice, old fashion boardwalk beach town. They don't even serve alcohol in the restaurants I think. I haven't been there in probably 15 years though, so I don't know if it's changed a lot since then.
I've never seen this show, I don't even have cable, but based on pictures andwhat little snippits I've seen, I'd totally bang Pauly D.
@loopy..i totally watched that kim porn and i so dont recall the golden shower but i remember had it on fast forward cause it was sooo slow and boring so maybe we fast forwarded that part....
why is hollywood making idiots like these and the kardashians famous....
OMG, at least kim took a golden shower to get famous.
the jersey shore fucktards havent even got a sex tape.
Submitted by DDT on Thu, 04/07/2011 - 8:01pm.
Honestly, in the episodes I've seen, Pauly D did not get enough airtime. He seems like he could be very funny and likeable. It will be interesting to see if HE's interesting enough to carry a show on his own.
A Snookie/J-Woww show - meh. I lived it already -- with WAY cooler people.
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I totally agree- Pauly D is funny as hell, never starts trouble and isn't a total moron. Can't wait for his show. As for the others, all I have to say is that these people make way more sense and get into less fights and backstabbing than ANY of the "Housewives" shows, not to mention Bad Girls Club or any of those dating game reality shitfests.
The people who watch and love this Jersey Shore idiocy are the same people who shelled out $100+ to see Charlie Sheen's live "show."
As someone once said, no one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
Submitted by GraveyardCrow on Thu, 04/07/2011 - 7:10pm.
My late first husband and I used to rent a house in Ortley Beach for a week or two every summer. OB is one town over from Seaside Heights, where the show is filmed.
We were in our mid-20s, but we stayed the fuck away from the clubs and the people who hung out in Seaside. At night we would go to the amusement park because it was silly and trashy and fun, with the usual puke-inducing rides.
That was in the mid-80s. There weren't as many assholes there then as now -- or maybe we were oblivious to them. We just went to the Shore because it was a cheap vacay for NYC folk like us, and Ortley was a nice, quiet family beach. We were punks anyway, so we didn't fit in with that Jersey Shore club scene.
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Aw Graveyard, it sounds like you had some sweet memories with your late husband, thanks for sharing them. When I see these idiots in the future, I'll dispel my rage at their uselessness by thinking about how people like you and your hubby visited the same places and didn't act like them. Thanks for providing a counter-point.
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♪♫ Not gonna peepee my bed tonight...♫♪
Submitted by zomay on Thu, 04/07/2011 - 10:07pm.
TheBreakdown on Thu, 04/07/2011 - 5:57pm.
I have been watching E! to learn Turkish (do not judge me, sluts!) and I am appalled at how triflin and stupid these goddamn Kardashians are, and they have what, 5 shows on TV now?
There IS no God!
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Even in a foreign language, the worthlessness of the Kardashians can still infuriate. Famewhoring truly is the language of all mankind.
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♪♫ Not gonna peepee my bed tonight...♫♪
Submitted by jim on Thu, 04/07/2011 - 5:41pm.
HEAR IS A FUCKING IDEA! TAKE YOU KIDS UP FROM IN FRONT OF THE FUCKING TV AND TAKE THEM TO A PARK, THE BEACH, A PETTING ZOO OR SOME OTHER SHIT OUTSIDE! THESE FUCKING SHOWS ARE POPULAR BECAUSE MOST PARENTS ARE LAZY AND HAPPY THEY DON'T HAVE TO DO SHIT WHILE THEIR KIDS BRAINS MELT FROM WATCHING THIS SHIT! THIS IS WHY COMPLETE FUCKING LAME SHOWS LIKE 'DANCES WITH THE FUCKING F-LIST FUCKHEADS' IS POPULAR, SO THESE FAT FUCKING PARENTS CAN SIT ON THEIR FAT, STAIN RIDDEN COUCHES EATING WHILE WATCHING SOMEONE ELSE 'DANCE'...FUCKING LAME. THIS FUCKING COUNTRY IS FALLING APART!!!! I NEED A BEER....
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I have never been more aroused then I am right now. Please Jim, tell me you're single.
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♪♫ Not gonna peepee my bed tonight...♫♪
This picture could so easily be a caption this photo.
TheBreakdown on Thu, 04/07/2011 - 5:57pm.
I have been watching E! to learn Turkish (do not judge me, sluts!) and I am appalled at how triflin and stupid these goddamn Kardashians are, and they have what, 5 shows on TV now?
There IS no God!
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HA!! Watching E for schoolastics!!
:D xoxox
"cinematic gonorrhea rash of a show, and they were supposed to disappear into the dark oblivion after that. The beasts crawl out of the earth's open sore from Hades, wreak havoc on our people and then slither back into the underworld once the damage has been done."
OMFG HAAAA!!!
Pauly is really funny in interviews, but I can do without the rest of them.
There was recently a blind-item about a "star" "overseas" who filmed a commercial and was so racist behind the scenes that those involved had to apologize for him (or her) . Could this be the reason there's no 3rd spin-off? The "untitled Situation" show?
This show is total scahdenfreude, but I'm over the novelty of laughing at these pathetic pube crabs.
I like these three and humbly admit I'd most likely watch their spin offs
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"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
— William Goldman
When will this abominable blight on humanity cease?????
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"I'd hate to have to go around thinking of health & shit like that." Keith Richards, 1997
I think that this show has these high ratings because there is nothing else on. But, on the upside to all of this sucky TV, I have watched much more news and educative TV than I would had TV not become this sucky.
These people may make millions for doing nothing, but they will never be as respected as someone who has earned an education, and/or someone who excells a career which requires intelligence and marketable skill . No amount of money can buy that.
Remember in the 90's when people said "hey, its the 90s right?"
PS. Pauly D looks like a seriel killer here.
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" it must get exhausting trying not to punch that face every time it smiles" -Father MK DListed
Submitted by GraveyardCrow on Thu, 04/07/2011 - 7:10pm.
"There weren't as many assholes there then as now -- or maybe we were oblivious to them. We just went to the Shore because it was a cheap vacay for NYC folk like us..."
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With all due respect, you are exactly the kind we at the shore like to call "Bennies". The trashy city folk who give Jersey a bad name! Next time, remember to pick up your trash from the beach!
Nothing *really* personal. Just calling it like it is. Bennie, go home!
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" it must get exhausting trying not to punch that face every time it smiles" -Father MK DListed
Submitted by GraveyardCrow on Thu, 04/07/2011 - 7:10pm.
"There weren't as many assholes there then as now -- or maybe we were oblivious to them. We just went to the Shore because it was a cheap vacay for NYC folk like us..."
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With all due respect, you are exactly the kind we at the shore like to call "Bennies". The trashy city folk who give Jersey a bad name! Next time, remember to pick up your trash from the beach!
Nothing *really* personal. Just calling it like it is. Bennie, go home!
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" it must get exhausting trying not to punch that face every time it smiles" -Father MK DListed
Submitted by mbar on Thu, 04/07/2011 - 8:41pm.
It's all the fucking old people that make this retarded show a hit. I'm 24 and I've never watched this shit. I don't even watch TV. It's the old farts that are having a mid-life crisis and want to feel young again that are making this show a hit.
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Speaking as an old fart in the middle of a mid-life crisis I object to your assumption and have yet to see any of the ladies in my knitting circle with a 'bump' hairdo.
As for my theory as to why this effluence is so popular - I can only hope that it is being watched by people who are laughing AT them rather than WITH them.
And I'm going to hold onto that thought as the world crumbles into overly tanned, greased up oblivion.
I'm glad we agree that the show is shit! :D
It's all the fucking old people that make this retarded show a hit. I'm 24 and I've never watched this shit. I don't even watch TV. It's the old farts that are having a mid-life crisis and want to feel young again that are making this show a hit.
Honestly, in the episodes I've seen, Pauly D did not get enough airtime. He seems like he could be very funny and likeable. It will be interesting to see if HE's interesting enough to carry a show on his own.
A Snookie/J-Woww show - meh. I lived it already -- with WAY cooler people.
In conclusion, I will paraphrase Dennis Leary: Two words: Eric Nies.
Submitted by TheBreakdown on Thu, 04/07/2011 - 5:27pm.
In this day and age, I would hate to even be a parent. How can you tell them to go to school and get an education, when as soon as they turn on the TV, they are inundated with dumb-ass skanks who make millions because they are celebrated for sucking cock on video and/or ridiculous antics?
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Breakdown, I couldn't agree more. There were stupid cunts getting famous for doing embarrassing shit when I was a kid back in the 90's as well (though nearly not as many as today), and what my parents did was try to show me how pathetic they were. I occasionally babysit a friend's kid (she's 9) and she already knows who those people are. The worst bit? She thinks they're cool. I asked her "would you like to be made fun of by everyone? Called stupid bitch on the street because, well, you do act like one? How about never being respected or taken seriously? How about never being able to get a job because you didn't study and spent your time making a fool out of yourself on TV? Do you think those idiots will still have any money left when people get bored of them? Because most people already are bored of them". After chewing her ear for a while, she asked me some questions, I was honest and I think she doesn't think those people are so smart and hip anymore. That said, being a kid, you gotta have those conversations all the time, because when they go to school... most of the dumb little brats will still idolize Paris, Kim and this Jersey wretched lot.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish.
Oh sorry, Lucifer Sam, I misread your post. I thought you'd written that you didn't know which was snooki.
Sadly, it's become nearly impossible NOT to know who she is. If her stink has reached the UK, the world really is fucked.
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"I stumble,then fall into a coma." -- Oscar Levant, when asked what he did for exercise.
Thank you, UltraBaroque.
And to Fucking_Classy: BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! Bang-on!
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"I stumble,then fall into a coma." -- Oscar Levant, when asked what he did for exercise.
Love your VU avatar, GraveyardCrow.
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Don't fuck with me fellas. This ain't my first time at the rodeo.
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Thu, 04/07/2011 - 5:15pm.
I can smell the greasy bacon rinds just looking at that picture. Any man who would fuck that thing in the middle needs to just cut his cock off and kill himself with it.
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I always read your EEEVIL rants with Kate Moss' voice, it just makes the caustic bitchiness all the more sweet. Carry on!
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish.
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Thu, 04/07/2011 - 6:51pm.
I'm in the UK and I don't watch TV, so I'm safely out of the reach of Jersey Shore, and I only know which one is snooki.
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The little thing in the middle -- the thing that looks kind of like some joker stuck a trucker's hat on an extremely large, hard turd? -- that's snooki.
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"I stumble,then fall into a coma." -- Oscar Levant, when asked what he did for exercise.
My late first husband and I used to rent a house in Ortley Beach for a week or two every summer. OB is one town over from Seaside Heights, where the show is filmed.
We were in our mid-20s, but we stayed the fuck away from the clubs and the people who hung out in Seaside. At night we would go to the amusement park because it was silly and trashy and fun, with the usual puke-inducing rides.
That was in the mid-80s. There weren't as many assholes there then as now -- or maybe we were oblivious to them. We just went to the Shore because it was a cheap vacay for NYC folk like us, and Ortley was a nice, quiet family beach. We were punks anyway, so we didn't fit in with that Jersey Shore club scene.
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"I stumble,then fall into a coma." -- Oscar Levant, when asked what he did for exercise.