It's Oscar Time!

Okay. I haven't seen all the hos, but so far this bitch has the hottest dress. Cate Blanchett knows how to choose them and how to wear them! Perfect! More hos after the jump! Get a kayak! It's the greatest singer in the WORLD, Celine Dion. She galloped on in the Oscars and is ready to party. Damn, I love her ass. EWWWWW! Judy Jetson wants her jacket back. Doesn't JHud realize that when she wins, she will be caught in celluloid wearing that trash forever? A gown with pockets and a metallic shrug?! Stop with the theatics. Ugh, they should make her not win. Wedding dress from the 80s!!!!! That dress doesn't fit right, but look who it's fitted in. Cameron Diaz....it even hurts me to type her name! Aliens in the house! You know John Travolta wanted to wear that dress, but it's against Scientology rules to be a fruit cake in public. That dress is all sorts of fug. Only Donatella Versace should be wearing gaudy trash like that! What the hell is Jessica Biel there?! This is not the People's Choice Awards! Did Dress Barn have a clearance sale? Fug all around. THIS IS THE REAL STAR OF THE RED CARPET! Sally Kirkland never lets a gay bitch down! Look at this ho. This is Britney Spears in like 3 years. Bitch is hot! Wonder crazy ho! If Marc Anthony isn't Gollum, I don't know who is?! JLo looks hot, but that dress belongs on HBO's Rome. Someone rip her wig off! Latin pocket hotties! Diego Luna and Gael Garcia Bernal. I closed up to Gael, because he's the hotter one. Too bad they are like four feet tall. Portia de Rossi equals hot, but that hair is busted. Crimped dreadlocks is NOT HOT! I hope her and Jodie get caught making out in the back row. Jodie Foster let Ellen be the only lesbian with pants on. She's probably wearing Armani as usual. I can't make fun of this ALLEGED dyke. Battle of the cheese faces! Honestly, what is wrong with Mary Hart's face?! It's playing tricks on her. Nancy O'Dell's wonk eye is working overtime. Does Maggie Gyllenhaal have the downs? No, I'm serious. Totally the fugly sister and the OTHER sister. Her dress looks like one of those Oscar knock-offs from ABS. You know the cheap versions of the real ones. Why don't Joan and Melissa retire already?! They look like first class members from the Titanic....NOW. Corpes all around!