Who in Chris Hansen hell thought it was a cute for Shawn Johnson to say, "It makes my taco pop!" in a national commercial?! Shawn, needs to keep her taco to herself! They probably asked Nasty Nastia to do that commercial, but she knows very well that her taco doesn't pop. It coos.

And for the record, Ortega sauce makes my taco dry heave. Wait. Do I even have a taco? I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. Too many innuendos make me dizzy.

VIA TMZ

The hottest coochie coochie in the business was out with her husband in Hollywood last night. They were walking around some parking lot. I think that's how a lot of old folks spend their time. They dance around in parking lots, talking to strangers.

Charo is legend and I would ride down the rainbows that come pouring out of her chocha, but why did she wear those shoes with that top?! The better question is: "Why do I give a donkey's dong?!"

And her husband is basically over it. He looks like he's ready for an oatmeal bath and a warm beer. Over it. He's thinking, "If I have to hear her say 'coochie coochie' one more fucking time...."

P.S. - Yes, it is a very slooooooooowwww day.

Woe is Saint Angelina. Not only does she have to rule the world, but she also has to raise her child army and keep up a house the size of Parasite Hilton's snatch. Even with the help of nannies, all that work has drained Angie Jo and she's been forced to seek medical attention. That's what Now Magazine (via entertainmentwise) claims anyway.

A source said, "She's in tears up to three times a day and so tired that Brad's found her collapsed asleep in the bath twice. She's been working around the clock, breast-feeding the babies and trying to get them to sleep. But as soon as one of them drops off, the other wakes up for another feed. She's also not eating very much right now and blames that on being busy. The doctor says that she needs more calories to gain strength and ensure that her breast milk is healthy."

I find this hard to believe. First of all, the twin chosen ones already make every meal for their family. I mean, they are Le Cordon Bleu trained gourmet chefs after all. Second of all, Maddox doesn't need to be taken care of and he pretty much rules Zahara and Pax. Third of all, Shiloh lives in an ivory tower in a land far, far away, so she's not even a problem.

And she collapsed in the bath, because she accidentally caught a glimpse of her holy image in the mirror and passed out.

What did John Lithgow wear to rehearsal today? You know, he is the star of that play Stepford Katie is in. I've been posting pictures of her tattered robot ass every day, so I thought I'd give John a bit of attention. He sort of looks like Santey Claus on summer vacation in Florida. He's so cheery! I bet John always has peppermint sticks on him and giggles like an Elmo doll when you poke his belly.

And because I have to, here's some pictures of the weepy robot shuffling into rehearsal wearing Tommy Girl's Sunday afternoon dustin' dress!

Gay face alert! It's the dudes from the new "90210" - Boy Culture

Sir Ben Kingsley kissing an evil troll (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Blake Lively forgot to wear pants - Hollywood Tuna

Mena Suvari is naked and looking like a hood rat - Egotastic!

Wives, hold on to your husbands. Sienna Miller might be single - Lainey Gossip

Jessica Biel is totally carrying a Timberbaby. Gross - Just Jared

Another "Fast and the Furious" movie?! - Towleroad

Nasty tattoos on a bunch of nasty ass skanks - Cityrag

Jack Black and Jessica Simpson should get together - Hollywood Rag

The American Kath & Kim still looks terrible - Popsugar

Source

Thanks Elizabeth

We already know that the Empress of Lucite can float on sand, bring flowers back to life and cause angels to faint, but did you know that she's also a phenomenal actress? A true thespian. Above is a clip from her STARRING role on "Renegade" in the late 90s. The clip starts out as a brokedown porn movie, but it all changes when the luscious and elegant Shauna Sand comes on the screen. It's like Bette Davis has come back to life in the form of the most gorgeous woman in the world. The starts out as something out of a dime store Skinemax flick. It quickly changes to a scene from "Now, Voyager." The emotion! The layers!

It's obvious why Shauna isn't one of the most celebrated actress of our times. Actors and actress who are made of hate don't want to share the stage or screen with someone that will make them look like acting school drop-outs. It's really a curse being Shauna Sand.

Here's the always ravishing Shauna wearing her exquisite lucite heels while feeding the children in some third-world country last night.

The angel pussy from China is not going to be happy that Posh Beckham jacked its signature look! Posh is going to an angry e-mail that says: "meow, meow, CUNT, meow, meow." Yes, pussies only know how to type the words "meow" and "cunt." Angel Pussy is going to fly over to England and scratch her eyes out.

Posh wore this angel pussy outfit while whoring out her fashion line in Manchester. Later that night, Posh left a restaurant with a bunch caca in her ear. Hopefully, she saved that ear junk for later. It would make a nutritious snack and bitch needs all the protein she can get. Although, it's probably just fake tan diarrhea. Bitch, fix yourself!

Vadge cannot be bothered with petty shit like putting on clothes while going through airport security. She's Vadge! She can do whatever the hell she wants.

Yesterday, at an airport in German, Vadge breezed through the metal detector wearing a "Dancing Queen" robe, clip-on bangs and sneakers. At least she kept her memaw crotch covered.

If one of us wore this shit, airport security would tackle us to the ground, spread our cheeks and check our no-no holes for anything illegal. Wait. I'm wearing a bathrobe the next time I go to the airport.

And I'm surprised Vadge's powerful vagina didn't set off the metal detector. It is made out of titanium.

John McCain has just chosen some chick named Sarah Palin as his running mate. She's the governor of Alaska or something like that. I don't know her deal. I think she's anti-anything fun. But that's not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about her beauty pageant past!

Sarah was Miss Wasilla 1984. She won second place in the Miss Alaska contest, but was voted Miss Congeniality. Miss Congeniality basically means you're homely but you smile a lot. Sarah played the flute during the talent portion. THE FLUTE?! It's Alaska! Shouldn't she have skinned a trout or danced with a grizzly bear? No wonder she lost. I did a quick search on YouTube, but couldn't find shit from the pageant. I'm sure shit will come up in the next few days.

And and I thought Heidi Montag was locked as McCain's VP?