I'm grateful that Brit Brit has a new song and video out, because maybe this means they'll stop playing that "Woomanizah" shit everywhere I go. I go to Duane Reade, they're playing it. I go to the free clinic, they're playing it. I'm doing sexy times, the dude is humming it. It won't leave my brain area. This "Circus" song isn't as catchy, so hopefully little babies won't be burping the chorus to it when I'm walking by.

I never really cared for the circus, so this video really isn't making me produce any panty pudding. The circus always scared me. One time my mom took us to the circus and bought us some clown flashlights or some shit. For some reason, my mom didn't want us to play with them all the time so she put them high on some bookshelf. My sister and I thought we were fucking action stars, so we climbed the bookshelf. Well, the shit came crashing down on us and we almost died! Died, I tell you! This video just makes me flashback to a huge bookshelf falling on my face. I blame it on the circus.

But there is lions in this video and I like those! Although, Chester is going to be fucking pissed off as shit that she didn't use cheetahs instead. That was dead wrong.

Click here if you can't see the video above

VIA ONTD

The world's oldest stash of weed has been found in China! Surprisingly, it was not found by my stoner cousin who could sniff out shake in between couch cushions. The dude has skills. Anyweedy, scientists found almost 2-pounds of the good shit in the 2,700 year-old grave of a man in the Gobi Desert.

After a series of "tests" (aka they had a bowl party) scientists determined that shit was not just used to make clothing. They were smoking it up. That shit is the real ancient Chinese secret.

Did the scientists also find a 2,700 year-old Taco Bell in the area, because I don't know how those bitches smoked up without devouring two Pintos 'N Cheeses afterwards.

And I'll race all of you to China! The scientists will totally buy it when we say, "Um...I dropped my stash in the Gobi Desert 2,700 years ago. I heard through the grapevine that you might have it?"

Source

Thanks Ray

I wasn't home last week, so I didn't get to see the first episode from the new season of The Real Housewives of Orange County. I watched both new episodes last night and it's nowhere near as hot as The Really Not Housewives of Atlanta, but it's a suitable distraction until Kim and NeNe come back into my life.

This season they added a new gold digger: 30-something Gretchen who is engaged to a wealthy old ass Kenny Rogers look-alike. Gretchen is a skilled gold digger who knows exactly how the game is played. She swears on her tacky diamond watch that she's not just with him for his money and that she really loves him. She admits that she wasn't really attracted to the rich pepaw at the beginning, but she slowly fell in love with his "personality." I speak fluent gold digging talk and "personality" just means "checking account." She's my people.

As much as I could grow to love Gretchen for her "personality," I wouldn't shed an invisible tear if she left the show. Next week, one of the housewives says goodbye to the show forever. I doubt it's Gretchen, but that's my fucking wish.

Vicki can't go, because she's a bitch and she looks like Droopy Dog's mom after a bad chemical peel. Her face makes me feel better about myself. Jeana can't go, because her son Shane is fucking hot. Laurie can't go because she makes me laugh until my penis farts when she tries to cry. Seriously, she bawls, but no tears come out of her Death Valley face!

The truth is, Laurie's probably leaving the show. She's going to say that she's so busy and has to take care of her crackhead son. Blah. Blah. Blah. When in fact she just has to go away to get another face transplant. That's the truth.

And there's no way Tamra can leave. That show will crumble without her. She is my hands-down favorite ever! The clip below is just one reason why I adore her. When Gretchen says she's been divorced before, Tamra asks her if she left her first husband because he was poor. I love that bitch!

What superstar is so addicted to Botox that she now has a botox specialist on her staff? The last time that the specialist's services were needed she flew them 5000 miles to freeze her face. (Socialite Life)

The easy guess is the Botox queen Nicole Kidman, but I wouldn't call her a superstar. My guess is Vadge!

Which singer is terrified that her ex has intimate mobile phone footage of her in the sack? Mind you, she's hardly an angel herself as she has some similar shots of him. (3am Girls)

Blaaaaake how could you?!

Evan Rachel Wood doesn't completely look like a welfare version of Dita Von Teese anymore (but she still looks scary) - Just Jared

Adriana Lima's titties magically grew - Egotastic!

MiserAlba in a dress made out of leftover Xmas wrapping paper and old ornaments - Hollywood Tuna

Famewhore Posh Beckham says she's not a famewhore - Lainey Gossip

Jamie Lynn Spears could have accidentally sucked her baby out! - IDLYITW

Lil' Rod Stewart and his giant wife (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Vadge takes her scary mask face to Argentina - Popsugar

I hope A-Rod will be very happy in his new prison cell - Hollywood Rag

Don't bitch knows that if you get too close to Akon, you'll get knocked out? - Towleroad

I need the bronze partout - Cityrag

A horsey with a tiger tattoo! That's funny.

I've never seen Alanis Morissette's tiger tattoo, so it could be old as fuck, but I like almost everything about it. If I was ever to get a tattoo, that's what I would get. However, I would have to change some things. The sultry tiger should be laying on a velvet settee, with a top hat on his head, a white rose under his paw and a pipe in his mouth. Oh and Spaghetti Cat should be in the background. That would make her tattoo completely perfect!

Here's ScarJo's superfan at LAX yesterday.

Jessica Simpson was so inspired by a documentary on the religious masterpiece The Da Vinci Code that she now wants to study theology. Did the sky suddenly go dark for a quick second? That was God rolling his eyes.

Jessica told Marie Claire (via P6), "I've been contemplating taking a college course in religion. I love religion. I remember whenever the book 'The Da Vinci Code' came out, the Discovery Channel did this three-night piece on it that I TiVoed and then watched eight times."

This might not be such a bad idea. Then she can read the lost commandment: "Thou shall not open your mouth if your name is Jessica Simpson."

And since Jessica is so inspired by documentaries, someone should get her "Grizzly Man" for Christmas. Maybe that will inspire her ass to go live in the wilderness forever.

We all suspected that Priscilla Presley's face is covered with the skin of fetuses, but now we have picture proof! At last night's "Road to a Cure" event, Priscilla smelled fresh newborn baby blood in the air and immediately traced the scent back to David Archuleta. The look in her eyes is terrifying! She can't wait to crush down his baby teeth into powder and smother her body with it.

Luckily, David has his crazy tween fans on speed dial and he was able to get them to crawl out of their mom's basement TV room to fend Priscilla off using their screams and garlic salt.

David wasn't completely safe, because a few minutes later Ryan Gaycrest also attacked him on the red carpet. David really shouldn't leave his daddy's side. There's scary monsters everywhere.

Kanye West responded to Stephen Colbert's "Operation Humble Kanye" with the question above.

Asking the question "Who is Stephen Colbert?" is like asking "Who is Spaghetti Cat?" Everyone knows who Stephen Colbert is. Kanye is just scared. Scared that he will be dropped down by El Colbert!

Don't forget to help Stephen's mission to take down Kanye by using your ex-boyfriend's credit card number (you better have remembered to write down the security code too) to purchase Stephen's Christmas album on iTunes today at 5pmEST.

P.S. - Kanye's CAPS lock button must be broken....or on strike.

Source: Kanye's Twitter VIA Videogum