Well, not Matt Damon himself, but his wifey had a baby. You know what I mean! People confirms that Matt's wife, Luciana, popped out their second baby in Miami today. They named her Gia Zavala. So she's either going to be a mobster's wife, a tough-talking manicurist or a troubled supermodel.

Matt's spokesbitch said, "Everyone's doing great. She is a healthy baby girl." Just add another chick to the Damon household. They already have two daughters, Isabella and Alexia.

Congrats to these two pieces of boiled broccoli! At least new baby Gia will sleep well since she's living in the most boring house in America.

And you already know how I'm going to end this post. MORE BABIES!!! I'm seriously going to open my window and scream, "BABIES ARE TAKING OVER THE WORLD. RUN!!!"

The supreme deliciousness known as In-N-Out is on the cover of Paper Magazine. Oh, and Lily Allen is on the cover too. She probably didn't even take a bite out of that shit. She just posed with it and then threw it in the garbage. It's not right. It's not okay.

Lily also had an interview with the magazine. But who cares about that?! Well, in case you do, here's bits of it. Read that shit while I lick my computer screen.

Lily on drugs: "I'm not gonna say I'm never gonna do drugs again. I just know I'm not a good person on drugs."

Lily on being drunk as fuck during an awards show: "I can't believe I got in that state...Because it is totally not in my repertoire to do something like that. I'm actually a bit of control freak"

Lily on music: "I wake up every day and think I'm actually pretty bad at it. I work hard at getting better. But if this record flops, I'll probably go back to school. I've always liked architecture."

I've had enough! Will someone please just Fed-Ex me a double double! I don't care if it's moldy or covered in E. coli. I've eaten worse!

That person who won a bunch of trophies at that one contest in China is on the new box of Corn Flakes. He will also be on the box for Frosted Flakes in September. He's already said that Frosted Flakes is his favorite cereal in the world.

This has apparently pissed off a few nutritionists. They're upset because Frosted Flakes has three times the sugar as Wheaties and only a third of the fiber. They think he should be on the cover of a Wheaties box instead. What do they know? They need to sit in a big bowl of Frosted Flakes and shut the hell up.

I don't eat Corn Flakes anymore, but I used to be addicted to that shit. I would eat them with everything. I would even use them to make extremely ghetto nachos. I would sprinkle shredded cheese on top of a bowl of Corn Flakes and microwave that shit. Mmmm...I could go for a bowl right now.

On another note, since Michael Phelps shaves his pits, does that mean he waxes his dolphin fin area too? No pubies on a dude always freaks me out. I don't like to rumble in the jungle, but I like a little something down there.

"Desperate Housewives" creator Marc Cherry has already admitted that Eva LongWHORIA is trying to have a baby. Let's face the cold, hard truth - Eva is knocked up. She already looks like she's buying her clothes from KMart's maternity section. It's obvious. Although, it looks like she's carrying her new baby in her chin and not in her belly. Great, now her fetus gets a front row seat to all her yammering.

I can't take all these babies! It's too much. Tonight I'm going to have nightmares about millions of babies crawling all over me, sticking their fingers up my nose, barfing in my ear and biting at my hair. BABIES!!!! They're making me crazy and I don't even have one!

Babies are taking over the world! They are everywhere! Soon, the streets will be covered in green diarrhea and animal crackers! Okay, rant over....for now.

Jennifer Garner has just announced the obvious: she's knocked up with her second child. Band-aid baby anyone?

Jennifer confirmed the news to Access Hollywood, "We’re so excited, obviously.” I bet she smiled through that whole statement. She probably even smiles when she sleeps. Hell, she probably even smiles when she poops. I mean, who smiles while taking a shit?! Jennifer Garner does.

And in EVEN MORE BABY NEWS, Ben Affleck's main girl, Matt Damon, might have a new baby in his arms tonight. The Miami Herald reports that his wife is currently in labor. Right now. Yeah, there's no such thing as privacy anymore. Sorry.

BABIES! BABIES!!! BABIES!!!!!

Beer-loving tranny alert! Since Jessica Simpson is so fucking country now, she's decided to be the spokeswhore for a Dallas-based beer called Stampede Light Plus. By the looks of their ad, Stampede is trying to cater to country tranny porn stars with swollen pussy lips. FUG!

Not only will the big-tittied frog appear in ads for the beer, but she will also take 15% stake in the company. Oh, Stampede Light just fucked up by announcing that little tidbit of info. It that doesn't scream "Boycott Stampede Light," I don't know what does.

Stampede Light is apparently filled with vitamins to support an active lifestyle. Beer with vitamins? No fucking thanks. I'll stick with getting my daily dose of vitamins from a glass of Sunny D, thank you very much.

Jessica released a statement, but I'm pretty sure she didn't write this shit. "As an entrepreneur, I am always looking for ways to diversify my portfolio with good ideas and good people. Yes, I work out and take care of myself, but I also like a cold beer once in a while." Diversify her portfolio? She can't even say portfolio.

I wish someone would stampede all over that bitch's face. And no, I don't mean you Papa Joe. Pull your pants up.

Source

What in Clay Gayken hell is this shit all about?! Ricky Martin's publicist has confirmed that he's the father of twin boys! This came out of nowhere!

Ricky's new babies were born a few weeks ago with a little help from a surrogate mother and a turkey baster. You know Gayken is sitting somewhere, rocking his new baby, rolling his eyes and saying, "Girl, please! Don't try it!"

Ricky's spokeswhore issued this statement: "The children, delivered via gestational surrogacy, are healthy and already under Ricky's full-time care. Ricky is elated to begin this new chapter in his life as a parent and will be spending the remainder of the year out of the public spotlight in order to spend time with his children."

Um...hasn't he been out of the public spotlight for at least 5 years? Seriously, babies are just popping out left and right! This is obviously the thing to do. Maybe I should get one of those baby things? Naw. I don't like baby vomit in my martinis.

Congrats to Ricky! I can't wait to hear what he named them. If he didn't name one of them "Escandalo," I'm going to slap him with a rubber vagina. And you know that shit would gross him out.

Source

Thanks Ali

85-year-old Leda Smith of Point Marion, PA is not about to let some punk ass bitch fuck with her home! On Sunday afternoon, Leda was chilling in her home, probably smoking a bong and listening to Wu Tang, when she heard some bitch breaking into her house. Leda said her neighbor's home was recently robbed, so she had been keeping a .22-caliber revolver near her bed.

She went on to say, "I just walked right on past him to the bedroom and got my gun. I said 'What are you doing in my house?' He just kept saying he didn't do it." Leda then made the 17-year-old robber call the police while she kept the gun pointed at him. She ordered him to hand her the phone so that she could report his ass. With the 911 operator on the line, she instructed him to lie face down on the floor with his legs spread. She continued to the point the gun at him. This memaw doesn't eff around. I guess watching all those episodes of "Barney Miller" really paid off.

The 17-year-old was charged with attempted burglary and related offenses in juvenile court.

Leda said she found the whole thing "exciting." Granny got a taste for the gangsta life and now she's not going back! She also said, "I just hope I broke up the (burglary) ring because they have been hitting a lot of places around here." I hope all the criminals of Point Marion, PA heard that loud and clear. There's a new head bitch in charge and her name is Leda Smith.

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Aubrey O'Day loves herself ...and peroxide... and Wet 'n Wild cosmetics. She obviously doesn't love bathing - Just Jared

Megan Fox adjusts her money makers - IDLYITW

Audrey Tatou is in a bikini!!! - Egotastic!

A Carmen Electra and Kim Kardassian skank fight - Hollywood Tuna

Duffy is still waiting for her payday - Hollywood Rag

Raggedy house painter or Kiki Dunst? - Popsugar

Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams are back together. Yay? - Lainey Gossip

Trannycat Doll in a two-piece (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Are Rafael Nadal's butt muscles too big? - Towleroad

They don't call her HoHan for nothing - Cityrag

Thanks Adrienne