As Detective La Toya predicted CENTURIES AGO, Dr. Conrad Murray was charged with involuntary manslaughter in the death of Michael Jackson. Prosecutors believe they have enough evidence to prove that Connie unlawfully killed MJ by over-medicating his ass with Propofol and other drugs.

The documents state that Connie "did unlawfully, and without malice, kill Michael Joseph Jackson ... in the commission of an unlawful act, not a felony; and in the commission of a lawful act which might have produced death, in an unlawful manner, and without due caution and circumspection."

E! says that Conrad will plead "not guilty" to the charge. If convicted, Connie could get up to 4 years in the chokey. Or if the court is feeling evil, they could throw him in a locked room with the big scary butchie bitch in the picture above. She's the one in the black t-shirt who could break a strap-on just by thrusting her crotch at it.

Here's Connie and the Jackson family (sans Janet) arriving at the court house today.

We all need a break from the long-haired dead rat on Brad Pitt's chin, so here's a picture of Brangelina back in the olden days before they were Brangelina. And waaaay before the News of the World caused the ozone layer to melt by reporting two weeks ago that the super force known as Brangelina was dead.

That story was picked up by CNN, MSNBC, Fox News and every single one of your family members who drove you to reach for the straitjacket by asking, "Did you hear....?" Well, Brangie is trying to officially kill the rumor by suing the News of the World. I don't have a copy of the History of Brangelina Bible close by, but I think this is the first time they have ever sued a tabloid.

The BBC reports:

In a story published on 24 January, the paper said the couple would separate and had agreed the division of assets and custody of their children.

The couple's lawyer, Keith Schilling, called the "widely republished" allegations "false and intrusive".

He added the paper had failed to meet "reasonable demands" for an apology.

He said the pair had also asked for a retraction of the allegations, which had subsequently been "widely republished by mainstream news outlets".

You better believe Brangie is going to sue NOTW out of house and home! Then when the NOTW's newly homeless and hungry children are crying on the sidewalk for a crumb of bread, Brangelina will swoop by in their Saint Mobile and adopt every single one of them. And when they win a Nobel Peace Prize for saving the children of impoverished tabloid editors, they will forgive the News of the World with a full heart. That will win them another Nobel Prize.

The Super Bowl as seen through the eyes of Tommy Girl - Mattchew

Boobs courtesy of Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler - Popsugar

Marisa Miller's teeny tiny ass crack - Hollywood Tuna

Carrie Underwears didn't get the memo that head-to-toe white only looks hot on Elvis - Lainey Gossip

Draggy Justin Timberlake still looks more feminine than Jessica Biel - Towleroad

Even more nakedness from Love Magazine - Egotastic!

Blake Lively in a bikini (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Suri Cruise is starting to grow and it's freaking me out - Just Jared

What in the name of the Regal Beagle is Jenna Jameson wearing? - Hollywood Rag

Lindsay Lohan is not only full of collagen, but she's also full of shit - Celebitchy

Vampire Beeeeeeehl is giving us some leg - I'm Not Obsessed

Blah..blah...blah... But when they are going to make a movie out of Dear John the TV show starring Judd Hirsch? - SOW

Shit your grandma says about Jersey Shore - Cityrag

Dolph Lundgren knows how to open a show - Holy Moly!

Keira Knightley's stalker looks like a stalker - ICYDK

A famewhoring Kardashian always gets its shot - Socialite Life

Don't threaten us with a good time, Carey Hart - Popbytes

The Kitty Halftime Show from last night's Puppy Bowl is just as entertaining to watch while completely sober. I can type that with confidence, because I just watched it again while not under the influence of sugar wafers (there was a special) and hard lemonade. This also lets me know that I have a touch of Susan Boyle in me, because this is like porn to her. This is her Q-Tip.

Since we're on the subject of halftime shows, here's the full video from the OTHER halftime show starring Pete Townshend's pepaw pouch.

Maddox won't even shake that hand. Hell, he won't air kiss it! That strange hand just needs to leave its offering at Maddox's feet and BE GONE!

So yesterday was supposed to be Maddox and his pet billy goat's play date at the Super Bowl, but of course St. Angie had to fly in on her angel-drawn chariot and crash the party! Angie Jo joined Maddox and Billy Goat Brad in a private box to bless the Saints. And while in their private box, Brad and Angie were all over each like Aniston and her Pillow Person. They even kissed on the lips!

Of course, this is just the latest song in the never-ending dance-off between the Brangeloonies and the Brangeh8erz.

One half is saying (these are real comments from a real website): "Maybe they should tell Maddox that he should be happy too!! He looks sad, while his psyco mom and smelly dad are just looking for the cameras to put on a show!! What losers!!!"

And the other half is screaming: "It’s sad that haters hate them but that’s okay because love loves them. These photos are pure because they are in a private suite and generally the windows are tinted in some sky boxes. I promise you they did not know some photog decided to snap intimate moments of them throughout the whole game."

"Love loves them" has become my new favorite laxative of choice.

The only thing these pictures really tell me is that Angie really has a lot of restraint. How can her mouth get that close to Brad's goat beard without chewing it off?

OK! Magazine is saying that manskank A-Rod has replaced Kate Hudson with Cameron Diaz as his part-time fuck partner. Apparently, A-Roidy and Cameron dry humped and slobbered on each other at a Super Bowl party in Miami on Saturday night. Where was the dog catcher with a garden hose when we really needed one?

The witness-type said that a drunk ass Cameron was freaking on A-Rod all night, “A-Rod and Cameron have been totally hooking up. They were having a great time. Cameron was grinding on A-Rod.”

Cameron Diaz should not be grinding on A-Rod at some party. Cameron shouldn't even be at a party to begin with. Cameron should be at the doctor's office to figure out why her face looks like a week-old pizza slice that has been reheated in the microwave. Bitch's face is melting! Although, grinding on A-Rod could be the cause of that.

Here's A-Rod and Cameron posing with two leather daddies on Saturday night. Tommy Girl must have let out an after-butt-sex queef while this picture was taken, because Stepford Katie looks like she's in the middle of a face seizure.

It goes without saying that my favorite ad from last night's Super Commercial Bowl 2010 was Betty White's commercial for Snickers. Betty White is like bacon. Her presence makes everything better. That being said, Snickers did get it a little twisted. Betty White could murder a herd of Khloe Kardashians just by flinching, so I didn't appreciate that "you're playing like Betty White" line. More like you're NOT playing like Betty White.

The rest of the commercials paled in comparison, but let's talk bout a couple of them anyway. Google's ad was at the top of a bunch of lists. While watching this mess, I couldn't help but think that Hollywood is going to turn this into a feature-length romantic comedy starring Tom Hanks as the Googler and Meg Ryan as the French girl. You've Got Google In Paris!

Oprah and Letterman's sequel to their 2007 ad also starred Conan O'Brien's dream killer. The commercial is more entertaining if you picture all of them pantless. And also if you picture Gayle King munching on Oprah's Frito-Lay pie.

Click here to see the rest of the commercials. The theme of the night was the balls-less man! Is Kate Gosselin producing commercials now?

On Friday there was a rumor going around the block that Lindsay Lohan threw a drink at SamRo during a fight at some club. Well, today there's a new story about how SamRo threw her fists at HoHan's face. This is what happens when Michael Lohan and fan fiction meet.

A source (aka The Bagina Basher of Long Island) close to both SamRo and HoHan tells Radar that there's some lezzie domestic violence shit going on. The source said, “One time I saw her [Lindsay] and she had a large welt on her head. She told me that Sam beat the (bleep) out of her. She also said that Sam even punched and choked her one time.”

It doesn't help matters that SamRo moved into LiLo's apartment building, “It’s so twisted. They’re not together, but they are. I never thought I’d ever say this, but I really do feel sorry for Lindsay. She is just lost. She’s alone. She has no friends to turn to.”

While I'm sure the two have whooped each other over the last line, I don't know if I completely buy this. I just tried to envision LiLo as Sophia and SamRo as Harpo from The Color Purple, and it didn't work. I even pictured LiLo giving the "All my life..." speech to Pooty. Does not compute.

This rumor sounds like something that came out of Michael Lohan's ass during one of his more intense bowel movements. But if it is true, throw SamRo in the clink! Actually, SamRo surrounded by butch puss doesn't sound like much of a punishment. Throw her in White Oprah's basement instead!

During a drag show in Brazil a few days ago, Beyonce slipped on Michelle Williams' career and aaaaaaaaaalmost busted her ass. I need a refund. I had the laughs locked and ready to go, but Beyonce's triple decker ass did not hit the stage. Just when she was about to go boom, her wig spread its wings and saved the day. Damn.

It sucks for us that Beyonce's nalgas didn't kiss the stage, but it's good for Solange. Because when Beyonce falls, the ceiling in Solange's basement drops down 2 inches.

via ONTD

A few months ago, Playgirl went web-only, because it's easier for dudes to click a mouse than turn a page while masturbating. But they roared up printer again just for Levi. The magazine promises all nude "pix," but just like the (NSFWish) internet spread you're still not getting peen. Not even a tip. We get a handful of pit muff. You can develop a case of blue eyeballs all over again! However, I will give Levi a few nipple pinches for his "Someday I Will Be Senator" pose and bronzerface.

And in case you missed it, here's the picture of Sarah Palin and her Alaskan telepalmpter at the Tea Party Convention in Tennessee over the weekend. The note on her hand does not say, "Pick up Levi's Playgirl." It says: "Energy", "Tax" and "Lift American Spirits." Sarah learned that trick from Piper obviously.

Honestly, who cares. The President uses a teleprompter, Sarah Palin uses a 4th grade cheat trick, and Michelle Obama stores all of her speeches in her intergalactic eyebrows of the universe. We all have our ways.

But you know what we really should be ranting and raving about?! The fact that there was a Gaylord tea party this weekend without oiled-up go-go dancers in spandex, poppers and the presence of Gay Al Reynolds. That is the REAL travesty.

via Gawker, TMZ and HuffPo