Last season on American Idol, Paula Abdul was either a) drunk the whole time, b) hopped up dolls on the whole time or c) retarded. I'm going with either a or b. Well, Paula claims that she's never been drunk her life. WTF?!

“Last year, when no one understood what I was saying, and even though I’ve never been drunk in my life, I’m accused of filling my Coca-Cola cup with alcohol. Yeah, that was really fun for me!"

Let's assume she's telling the truth, then homegirl has a major problem with the pills. Because that was not a sober individual on AI last season. Maybe she's getting high from the hairspray fumes or from Simon Cowell's pec sweat...but she was definitely not sober.

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Unfortunately, yes. Sylvester Stallone scared Mexicans yesterday during the premiere of Rocky Balboa. If I could turn back time I would first bring back Jello-1-2-3 and then I'd stop Sly from butchering his face up.

Britney Spears' label, Jive Records, is denying the rumors that they've dropped her ass and have stopped funding her latest album. There were rumors that the label wasn't digging Britney's current image and wanted to unload their baggage. The label also isn't happy with the tracks that she has recorded. A source said that an announcement from Jive would come any day now.

However, a rep at Jive denies all of this saying, "Jive's relationship with Britney is fine. She continues to be one of our biggest worldwide artists and we remain 1,000 percent committed to her career."

Britney seems to really care what her fans and others think. She's posted a letter before on her website defending her partying ways. She's done it again. This is her latest:

" Dear Fans,

It has been a while since I've addressed you personally here on my official website. The last couple of years have been quite a ride for me, the media has criticized my every move and printed a skewed perception of who I really am as a human being. Behind every decision I have made in my public life there always seems to be an apparent contradiction. I have come to terms with that which is why I usually don't pay much attention to it.

The last couple of years have been very enlightening for me and now that I've had the time to be "me," I've been able to sit down and think about where I want to go with myself as an entertainer with absolutely no strings attached. I am now more mature and feel like I am finally "free." I've been working so hard on this new album and I can't wait for you all to hear it and to go on tour again! I would like to exclusively tell you that I am working hard to release the new album sometime later this year, but the date is of course not certain yet. I look forward to coming back this year bigger and better than ever, and to also reaching out to my fans on a more personal level. I noticed today that one of my biggest fansites is shutting down soon and I want you all to know that I do understand all the reasons that went behind making that decision, and I am sad to see it closing. If I were you I'd be unhappy too if I had to read what I've been reading every day. But trust me, I get it. I know I've been far from perfect and the media has had a lot of fun exaggerating my every move, but I want you all to know that I love my fans so much, and I appreciate everything you have done for me, so Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!

Love,
Britney"

ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME! That's all she talks about. Never is she focusing on being a mother or anything like that and YES I'm criticizing you, ho! Deal with it. Learn to love it until you change your ill ways. I'm all for going out and being a drunken mess, but homegirl has issues deeper than that. First of all, she needs to moisturize the puffy and second she needs to stay at home and watch Cinderella III with her kids. That's just me.

Oh and will she please change the frame around her e-letters! That one is fug!

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Above is a clip taken from Vh1's now defunct late-night show, Late World With Zach*?, showing a pre-Britney KFed dancing like a beautiful snowflake alongside the show's host. Who knew KFed had such grace? No wonder Britney fell in love with sensitive and talented creature.

VIA BWE

Take a moment from not eating trans fat to vote for December's HS of the Month! We've got Padma Lakshmi from Top Chef, Religious hotness Joel Osteen, flat-chested Pandora Peaks and should-be-pulitzer-prize-novelist Danielle Steele

I know I said it would be announced today, but I lied. Will be announced tomorrow y'all!

Old people alert! Billy Corrigan of Smashing Pumpkins and Courtney Love attended the L.A. premiere of Freedomwriters aka Dangerous Minds 2 with Hilary Swank and McDreamy last night. Billy and Court are a match made in bloated heaven! I mean they should fart into my car. It would provide gas for days. They are puffy! Hills is horse hot as usual.

Dita Von Teese apparently will serve her husband of only 1-year, Marilyn Manson, divorce papers today at a Los Angeles recording studio. Sources say that Dita filed right before Christmas, but couldn't find Marilyn to deliver him the bad news. Dita's citing "irreconcilable differences" as the reason for divorce.

The two were married last December after dating for seven years. Friends of Dita say that she's tried to make it work, but Marilyn is a drunk and doesn't seem to even notice when she's not around.

A source said, "She loved him so much, but he has too many demons. He can't even communicate with her at this point. She tried to tell him she was divorcing him, but she can't even get him on the phone. She moved out of the house and he hasn't even noticed."

Homegirl is better off. I thought they were kind of a hot couple, but it makes that his ass is all sorts of screwed. Dita can keep her MAC all to herself now.

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"No, I'm not gay. I know these rumours are out there ... I'm cool with the fact that they exist, I mean this is about fantasy. Certain people are going to have certain fantasies, if someone wants to imagine me with a woman, or a man or one of each that's cool with me as long as you keep watching the show."

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Last night was the premiere of Code Name: The Cleaner which stars Cedric the Entertainer, Lucy Liy and Nicollette Sheridan. Surprisingly, it's not going to straight to DVD. It's about....oh like you care! Nobody's going to see this trash. Lucy Liu looks seriously hot even though she has a wonky eye working overtime. Nicollette looks like...well like Nicollette.

Harvey Price, son of Jordan and stepson of Peter Andre, was badly burned on New Year's eve in his own home. There was mystery surrounding the reasons for the accident. It now seems that Jordan was busy around the house when Harvey went into the bathroom and crawled into the bath tub then turned on the hot water and scalded himself. Hiis right leg was stripped of skin below the knee and friends say Jordan is afraid he will be scarred for life.

Harvey was fully clothed when he got into the tub and it's unclear how long he was in there before being discovered. Jordan and Peter are still at the hospital where he is being treated. Harvey is also partially blind.

Doesn't she have nannies taking care of his ass? I mean he's part blind and suffers from other mental and physical issues. She should have someone fulltime looking after him? Unacceptable! But accidents happen and I forgive Jordan. Ha.

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