Gwen Stefani

Who says you can't be a 3-year-old with hair like Billy Idol (and just a sprinkle of Flock of Seagulls)? Kingston Rossdale has proven them wrong! Yeah, yeah, I know some of you are whining about how babehs shouldn't get covered in peroxide, but beauty is pain. Ask Maddox. And I know some of you are also bitching about the pacifier in his mouth, but it keeps him from crying, because the hair bleach has BURNED HIS FUCKING SCALP!

The band members of No Doubt took a quick break from their jobs as orderlies at a local mental hospital to reunite with Gwen Stefani and perform on Today this morning. Seriously, why do they have to look like they serve tapioca pudding all day while Gwen gets to wear an outfit taken from my childhood closet (I was behind the times).

Actually, scratch that. My pants didn't look that good, but I tried! My mom wouldn't let me bleach my jeans, so I had to make do with some black pants I got on sale at May Company. I twisted them into a ball and let them sit in a bucket of bleach for a few minutes. When I pulled them out and dried them off, they looked like a rust-covered rag found in a junk yard. That didn't bother me, I still wore 'em like they cost something. Oh, the days where you just didn't give a fuck.

Anyway, back to No Doubt. So, in case you haven't heard, they are back (along with Gwen's anime donut hair). They performed a few songs on Today this morning. Click here to watch if you care.

I kind of got the feeling that Gwen was only doing this so the other band members would stop burning her voicemail up with whines about how they have mortgages to pay and shit. That being said, it still made me happy. OLD, but happy.

No Doubt is better than this and that's why their cover of Adam and the Ants' "Stand and Deliver" has kicked me in the soul as well as in the ear drums. I'm one of the lone hos who actually liked their cover of "It's My Life," but this is butchery in the first degree. Gwen Stefani just wasn't meant to sing some things and this is one of them.

VIA ONTD

I seriously screamed "It's fucking Jacinda" when I saw these pap pictures of her ass walking around with her family in Los Angeles yesterday. I had a major crush on her ass when she was on "The Real World: London." Okay, I shouldn't really call it a crush. I wanted to be her. I even put on my mom's gypsy skirts and pranced around like I was fucking Jacinda. "The Real World: London" was a bore fest, but Jacinda was hot. Too bad Legend isn't in these pictures. That would make my life.

And if you don't feel all sparkly in the loins over Jacinda like I do, I've thrown in some pictures of Gwen, Zuma Nesta, Kingston and Gavin at the park yesterday. What the fuck are these people wearing on their bodies?! It's like the Salvation Army "1 pound for $1" bin exploded all over them.

Gwen Stefani is making good on her promise that No Doubt will record a new album and go on tour. I think she made that promise like 3 years ago or some shit, but it's better late than never! On their official website, they posted this picture along with a little iChat conversation between the band members. Basically, they are going to take their shit on the road next year while working on their first album together in seven years. The last time they performed on stage together was in 2004.

Gwen has been busy making babies with funny names, putting out her own albums and working on some fashion shit.

Fuck yes. I can't wait to go to this shit. I just hope there's a bunch of 30-something hos who pay homage to vintage Gwen by wearing zipper pants, furry bra tops, suspenders and Frankenstein boots. Oh and don't forget the rockabilly hair and bindi.

Now if only No Doubt can get Garbage, Alanis Morissette, Joan Osbourne, Paula Cole, Fiona Apple, Tracy Bonham, The Cardigans and Meredith Brooks to perform with them. Actually, I think I went to a show in L.A. in the late 90s where all those bitches performed together. Aw. Those were the days when I was a little homo who really wanted to be an angsty lezzie.

Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale took their new two-month old baby, Zuma Nesta Rock, to a place called "the library" today. I've heard of that place before and I think I've seen it in movies, but I didn't know it was real. You learn something new every day.

Zuma Nesta Rock looks about as confused with his name as we are. I think he's still trying to figure out why the fuck his parents made him sound like an energy drink or a planned community in Arizona. I'm sure some of you get weepy every time you see his name, because Zuma reminds you of Zima and you're still mourning the demise of your favorite malt beverage.

At first, I thought Gwen Stefani was wearing some fancy ass couture shit, but then I realized it's that time of year when we all dress like fools or whores and get fucking wasted. Halloweenies! Yay!

Seriously though, Gwen's egg costume is probably some artsy Japanese designer crap she bought for a gazillion dollars in some underground store in Tokyo. She's so edgy. You know Solange is down in the basement making her own version out of an shower curtain and some place mats.

Here's Gwennie and her family leaving some Halloweenies party last night in Los Angeles. It looks like Gavin Rossdale is carrying his bacon costume when he really should be wearing it. FUN HATER. I bet he looked like a giant pair of labia lips.

As expected, Gwen Stefani popped out a baby this morning at Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles. E! reports that Gwen and Gavin have named their new baby ZUMA! ZUMA!!! It's not known whether ZUMA is a boy or a girl.

Zuma is an online game that I used to be obsessed with. I would play it until the early morn'! But I would never name my baby after it. ZUMA?! I mean, I could see if they named their baby Zima, because that is a delicious drink. But Zuma?!

Zuma Zuma is also the name of a drinking game I used to play! We should all play this tonight in Zuma's honor. Click here to read the directions. I would always fuck up on purpose just so I could take a shot.

Congrats to Gwen and Gavin. And my sympathies to Zuma for getting stuck with the name....Zuma.

UPDATE: People reports that Gwen and Gavin had a boy. Their rep also confirms that they have named him Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale. Say that five times fast. Zuma Nesta Rock sounds like a planned community in Arizona.

Earlier I asked when the hell Gwen Stefani was going to finally pop out her baby! Well, she's scheduled to give birth today via C-section at 10 a.m. PT. In Touch reports that she's already checked into Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles.

Unfortunately, we don't know what color panties she's wearing or what her arm pits smell like. The bitch who spilled the beans didn't offer up those important details. But they did say, "Gwen's so excited to have this baby because she gained a lot of weight during this pregnancy. She is ready to meet her new baby and get her body back." Again. Where did her fucking body go?! Why is everyone in Hollyweird getting possessed?!

I'm surprised Gwen is having a C-section. She only has to open her legs and sneeze. That baby probably can't wait to come out. She's going to pop out a second grader.

Image: INFDaily.com

Gwen Stefani is still knocked up? It feels like it's been years. She's still carrying because Gavin Rossdale is talking to E! News about their new baby's nursery. Mainly, paint colors. Celeb whoreswill talk about anything and obviously I'll post about anything.

Gavin said, "We don't know if it's a boy or a girl. Plus, we are going to put him in a black room. It'll be a goth baby so it doesn't matter if it is a boy or a girl." They don't know the sex, but they are going to put him in a black room? Someone slipped! Anyway, he's just having a laugh! They aren't going to paint the nursery black. They're just going to keep the baby in a coffin.

Besides, some dumb bitch told me that babies like black and white better. Something about how they respond to graphic, bold shit and can't see colors or something like that. I wasn't really listening because I was probably drunk. Just like I am now!