Eva LongWHORIA

A New Orleans Hornets fan held up a huge cardboard cutout of Eva LongWHORIA during Tony Parker's two free throws last night. He missed both throws and security immediately took away the cutout. They punished the Hornets fan by making him watch Eva's movie "Over Her Dead Body" over and over again. That's worse than Chinese water torture.

I would have thrown the ball AT the Eva LongWHORIA cutout. That shit is scary.

Tony's team, the Spurs, lost against the Hornets. Blame Eva.

Eva LongWHORIA said she would love to get together with Posh and Becks for a sexy night of....board game playing?

Eva told Britain's OK! Magazine, “Tony has really been trying to get David to play board games like Cluedo, but David is not a big game player. We’re like, ‘Come on David!’”

If it wasn't Eva saying it, I would think this was code for greasy orgy. And Eva would be the worst participant in an orgy. She would whine about getting pre-cum on her hair and scream "OUCH" when more than one finger went in her dirt star. Prude.

Oh and in Britain, they call it Cluedo. We call it Clue over here. I like Cluedo better, because it has the "do" which makes me laugh. Do...Doo

Eva also talked about what her and Posh do when they hang out, “We eat! And we hang out at each other’s houses. We don’t go out that much actually. We just do normal girl things when we’re along - we have a meal and a catch up.”

Again, if this wasn't Eva saying it, I would think this was code for "we get lesbionic."

The sun was shining and the paps were out in full force! What more could Posh and Eva LongWHORIA want out of a day? The two attention whores joined forces to do a little "shopping" on Rodeo Drive yesterday. You know, because Rodeo Drive is so private. Posh brought one of her boys (Cruz or Romeo) along and he looked thrilled to be shopping for overpriced crap. He had his Coca Cola and that's all that mattered. When I was his age, Coke was like the greatest thing in the world. We never got to drink. Sometimes we would make our own Coke by mixing sugar in water. We were fucking hard up. Coke made us so happy.

Anyway, Posh really needs new hair. All these women in Hollywood are turning into guinea pigs. Even Eva LongWHORIA is starting to get guinea pig hair. I just want to lay them in my lap, pet them and feed them carrots. Guinea pigs love carrots.

First of all, conceited is such a great word. I love hearing teen girls say it, because they have their own special way of saying it. Conceeeeeeeeted!

Star Magazine reports that Eva LongWHORIA commissioned this Vanilla Rum flavored cake for one of her Birthday parties in Miami over the weekend. Edda's Cake Design made this ugly shit after they were given a picture from Eva's assistant. I love cake. I want cake to have my babies, but not this one. Shit cake! It's probably just like Eva, fugly on the outside and sour on the inside.

I'm surprised bitch didn't get one of those tacky ass Barbie cakes of herself. Who the hell wants a piece of Eva? She's probably the only one that had a piece.

It's my favorite person in the whole entire world. It's Eva LongWHORIA's nasty ass on last month's Vogue Mexico. Sorry Vogue, but even hurricane hair can't make this bitch look hot. They made her look even more like a mouse. She's just missing some whiskers. I want to throw her a block of cheese hoping she'll break into "Somewhere Out There" from An American Tail. Damn, that movie is good.

Mario Lopez took his friend, Eva LongWHORIA, out to lunch yesterday and presented her with a Cartier necklace for her 55th Birthday. That bitch isn't worth it! I hope Mario pulled a fast one on her and bought that necklace at Claire's, but put it in a Cartier box. She wouldn't know the difference.

I also can't stand Eva's laugh. I can hear it through the pictures. It sounds like one of those cackling witch dolls. I bet she snorts out mocos when she cackles.

She's just doing this shit in public, because she wants Tony to get jealous. Methinks he's too busy screwing other hos!

Riddle me this. When you Photoshop the hell out of a person, shouldn't you try to correct their bad features? Why the hell did they make Eva Longoria look even more like a rat? She looks like she knows the secret of NIMH. Throw that rat a piece of cheese to gnaw on. Here's some shots of Eva from Bebe's new Spring 2008 campaign. She just needs to drop the clothes and this would be a perfect Miami Vice-themed Playboy shoot. Aren't we done with this 80s shit yet? I am over it. Let's move into the 90s now.

Splash

Eva Longoria said she grew up being the ugly duckling in her family, because she had black hair and dark skin. This dumb bitch said, "I was the darkest one of my family. I was the only one with black hair and the only one with dark skin. All my sisters were light blondes with hazel eyes. They used to call me ugly duckling."

Eva said her nickname was "ugly duckling" and she was bullied in school for it.

Did this ho go to Supermodel High, because there's no way she was the ugliest girl in school. If she was an ugly duckling in high school then she's still an ugly duckling now, because she looks basically the same.

I think it's a hispanic thing. Some of my hispanic cousins pack on the powder to lighten their skin, because they think that's what is beautiful. They don't want to be dark for some reason. They also wear green contacts and dye their hair lighter. Dumb bitches! I tell those skanks they look like Michael Jackson with an orange wig on. Not a good look.

Here's forever ugly Eva at her dumb movie premiere last night with her parents and Nicky Sheridan.

Source: Daily Mail

Eva LongWHORIA is out pimping that shitty movie she's in about a dead bitch haunting the girlfriend of her fiancee. Think Blithe Spirit, but with a no-talent whore in it. This movie should have went straight to BETA. Yes, I know BETA doesn't exist anymore. That's the point.

That shit comes out on Friday, I think. I've been reading the reviews and all the critics seem bothered by the fact that her character's name is Kate Spencer. Not very Latino. Eva probably came up with that shit herself.

Anyway, Eva said that if she died she definitely come back to haunt her husband Tony Parker. She said, “I would sabotage every relationship he is in. I would not let him move on, I’d just lay in bed and watch him. He’s not doing anything without me. I’d be like if I’m going to the afterlife you’re coming with me.” Shit, she's haunting him while she's alive.

Here's Eva at the Ken Paves (so typical) in Los Angeles today with her mother.

Source

Ok, I guess Eva LongWHORIA looked alright at the SAG Awards tonight, but it's hard for me to admit it. She could wear a gorgeous dress made out of real twinkling stars and she would still look like a hag. She's like a little mole and I just want to whack her. Whack-a-mole! Best game ever.