Eva LongWHORIA

When did AC Slater become such a fucking dirty ass tampon? His abs would look so much hotter if he would just shut his damn dick lips already! AC said that he's jealous of Tony Parker because he 's married to Eva LongWHORIA. That's like being jealous of someone for having a bad case of hemorrhoids.

AC said, "We never dated. Unfortunately. We met a long time ago, and she was always with somebody or I was with somebody. But we hit it off and I have the utmost respect for her. Tony Parker is a lucky guy. I was in (sic) her wedding. I walked her mum down the aisle."

It looks like being a slut paid off for Eva LongWHORIA because she dodged a major bullet. If she married the cheater known as AC Slater, she would be crying into Ken Paves beweaved loins every night.

Source

Rumors have been going around the internets that Eva LongWHORIA is carrying a living thing in her body. We call it a baby, she calls it a money maker! If she was pregnant, you know she called her manager the minute she found out to start working on deals immediately. She's trying to get her first ultrasound photos on the cover of People magazine. She's probably negotiating the sale of her placenta to some crazy Russian billionaire.

Eva kept the rumors going while shopping with her husband and Robert Verdi in NYC today. Loose fitting dress? CHECK! Hand on bump? CHECK! Annoying gay in two? CHECK! The last one has nothing to do with her possibly being knocked up, but I just had to comment on Robert Verdi. Are those sunglasses permanently super glued to his fucking bald head?

It took me a few seconds to realize this was not Jessica Simpson with cocker spaniel hair. It's Eva LongWHORIA looking even more horrific. I know, I didn't think it was possible either. Is Ken Paves doing make-up now, because some no-skill motherfucker went to town on her face. I think they used every shade in the "Abortion Face" collection from Wet 'N Wild.

She looks like Tanya Mousekewitz from An American Tail dipped in Crisco. It's going to take a whole lot of Dawn dish soap to get all that grease off her face.

Here's Eva with Tony Parker at last night's CFDA Awards in NYC. She got the award for "Greasiest Chicken Bone."

Eva Longwhoria Porker was back in Corpus Christi, TX today to serve Frosties at a Wendy's she used to work in when she was a teenager. What a way to fug up a delicious Frosty!

Eva served that shit for 1 hour today to kick off the Father’s Day Frosty Weekend, an event to generate funds for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. Wendy's will donate 50 cents from every Frosty sold.

Seriously, what is up with these annoying fugs thinking they have the right to serve delicious frozen treats. Tori Spelling served ice cream last week and Eva's serving Frosties this week. What's next? Sarah Jessica Parker handing out Fudgie the Whale cakes at Carvel?

Phoebe Price has landed in Cannes! The other International supermodels can go home now, because the master has arrived. Our lady of chicken cutlets crashed the premiere of "Kung Fu Panda" today. No, PP didn't crash! She's a seat filler. An International seat filler, thank you very much. No, PP was invited....I think...I guess?

I bet you Angelina Jolie tried to get PP off the red carpet, because she was stealing her shine. That's fine. Angelina isn't the first to feel threatened by PP's utter glamour.

Even that skank bag of a woman, Eva LongWHORIA, tried her hardest to take the spotlight. Who the hell does this raccoon-eyed bitch think she is? Eva stole that shit from the costume closet of "Wicked" on Broadway. Stupid tramp! Too bad someone didn't trip her ass down the stairs. A flurry of chiffon flying down the red stairs would have made for a dazzling pre-show.

A New Orleans Hornets fan held up a huge cardboard cutout of Eva LongWHORIA during Tony Parker's two free throws last night. He missed both throws and security immediately took away the cutout. They punished the Hornets fan by making him watch Eva's movie "Over Her Dead Body" over and over again. That's worse than Chinese water torture.

I would have thrown the ball AT the Eva LongWHORIA cutout. That shit is scary.

Tony's team, the Spurs, lost against the Hornets. Blame Eva.

Eva LongWHORIA said she would love to get together with Posh and Becks for a sexy night of....board game playing?

Eva told Britain's OK! Magazine, “Tony has really been trying to get David to play board games like Cluedo, but David is not a big game player. We’re like, ‘Come on David!’”

If it wasn't Eva saying it, I would think this was code for greasy orgy. And Eva would be the worst participant in an orgy. She would whine about getting pre-cum on her hair and scream "OUCH" when more than one finger went in her dirt star. Prude.

Oh and in Britain, they call it Cluedo. We call it Clue over here. I like Cluedo better, because it has the "do" which makes me laugh. Do...Doo

Eva also talked about what her and Posh do when they hang out, “We eat! And we hang out at each other’s houses. We don’t go out that much actually. We just do normal girl things when we’re along - we have a meal and a catch up.”

Again, if this wasn't Eva saying it, I would think this was code for "we get lesbionic."

The sun was shining and the paps were out in full force! What more could Posh and Eva LongWHORIA want out of a day? The two attention whores joined forces to do a little "shopping" on Rodeo Drive yesterday. You know, because Rodeo Drive is so private. Posh brought one of her boys (Cruz or Romeo) along and he looked thrilled to be shopping for overpriced crap. He had his Coca Cola and that's all that mattered. When I was his age, Coke was like the greatest thing in the world. We never got to drink. Sometimes we would make our own Coke by mixing sugar in water. We were fucking hard up. Coke made us so happy.

Anyway, Posh really needs new hair. All these women in Hollywood are turning into guinea pigs. Even Eva LongWHORIA is starting to get guinea pig hair. I just want to lay them in my lap, pet them and feed them carrots. Guinea pigs love carrots.

First of all, conceited is such a great word. I love hearing teen girls say it, because they have their own special way of saying it. Conceeeeeeeeted!

Star Magazine reports that Eva LongWHORIA commissioned this Vanilla Rum flavored cake for one of her Birthday parties in Miami over the weekend. Edda's Cake Design made this ugly shit after they were given a picture from Eva's assistant. I love cake. I want cake to have my babies, but not this one. Shit cake! It's probably just like Eva, fugly on the outside and sour on the inside.

I'm surprised bitch didn't get one of those tacky ass Barbie cakes of herself. Who the hell wants a piece of Eva? She's probably the only one that had a piece.

It's my favorite person in the whole entire world. It's Eva LongWHORIA's nasty ass on last month's Vogue Mexico. Sorry Vogue, but even hurricane hair can't make this bitch look hot. They made her look even more like a mouse. She's just missing some whiskers. I want to throw her a block of cheese hoping she'll break into "Somewhere Out There" from An American Tail. Damn, that movie is good.