Knocked Up

 

Most of you won't give an eff, but Michelle was one of my favorite contestants during her season of America's Next Top Model. She was the girl that almost died from sort of flesh-eating disease. Yeah, that girl. Well, TMZ r eports that she's knocked up with Johnny Fairplay's baby! Johnny was the dude on Survivor that lied about his grandmother dying, so he could gain sympathy.

 

Johnny said, "Michelle and I couldn't be more happier [sic] and I wouldn't LIE about that!" Michelle is apparently around 17-weeks along.

 

Strangeness. I thought Michelle was lesbionic! Oh wait...she still is! That makes sense then on why she would hook-up with that woman.

 

 

The elegant and gorgeous Jodie Marsh married this past Sunday live for MTV cameras. Jodie was a part of a reality show called "Totally Jodie: Who'll Take Her Up The Aisle?" or the more appropriately titled "Who'll Take Her Up The Ass?" Anyway, she married Matt Peacock at her parent's home. The bride wore SLUT red. Duh! Click here to see the stunning ceremony.

 

Now that 28-year-old Jodie is a married woman she thinks she might be knocked up! Oh God help that fetus. On her latest MTV Diary Jodie tells her new husband, "I think I might be pregnant! “Would you be pleased? I’m getting old. We should wait because there’s stuff I want to do.”

She continues to talk to Matt, “I’m so broody babe, i’d stop taking the pill tomorrow and get pregnant. I’m just desperate. If I’m pregnant now by accident I would keep it and be over the moon.”

Desperate is right! Jodie getting pregnant is like Paris Hilton getting pregnant. Actually, Paris would probably make a better mother and I'm not even kidding. Jodie would dress up her baby in thong bikinis, feed it booze and drop it left and right. Looks like Britney found a new playdate! 

Thanks Kirsty 

 

TMZ reports that Halle Berry is knocked up with Gabriel Aubry's baby. Halle was due to film "Tulia" in October, but shooting to be postponed. Sources claim she's 3-months along.

 

Halle was due to reunite with her "Monster's Ball" co-star Billy Bob Thornton.

This would be 41-year-old Halle's first baby.

 

Both of these bitches are so hot, but two hots don't always make a hot. Sometimes two hots can cancel each other out and bring the fug out. I'm just saying!

 

There's also rumors that JLo is knocked up. All these damn babies! They are taking over the world!

 

 

 

 

Bridget Moynahan popped out a boy today in Los Angeles. Tom Brady is the daddy and Tom is currently dating Gisele Buttchin. While Bridge was knocked up he began seeing Gis.

 

Bridge's spokeswhore told People Magazine , "Mother and baby are doing well."

 

No name was announced, but maybe GotoHellGis Moynahan Brady would be a proper name.

 

Now we just need Salma Hayek's hot ass to pop one out or two or three or four or five!

 

 

Foxy Brown entered a Manhattan court this morning, yes dressed like that, to listen to a judge demand that she go to jail for violating her probation. Foxy is apparently 3-months pregnant and engaged, but that didn't stop the judge from immediately putting her in jail until her next hearing.

 

Foxy was on probation for assault charges, but two incidents in the past two weeks violated that. A source told TMZ Foxy's face was "priceless" when the female judge handed down her sentence.

 

So let me get this straight...Foxy gets thrown in the clink, but Lohan is most likely not going to serve more than 4 days for using cocaine while driving?

 

And Dreamboat Doherty violates his probation on a daily basis and he's still not in the big house?

 

Don't get me wrong, Foxy is a crazy bitch and belongs there...but so do the rest of those skanks!

 

 

 

I thought this bitch already popped one out. No, she's still knocked up.

Charlotte Church is also planning a water birth, because they are "all the rage." Um, they were all the rage about 5 years ago.

 

Charlotte's mother said, “Charl’s friend had a water birth recently and told her how fab it was, so she’s decided to go for it. Birthing pools are all the rage at the moment and there are lots of benefits too.”

 

They better get a birthing lake, bitch is HUGE! Can you say cankle city? I shouldn't laugh, I thought it was Britney from the back at first.

 

Charlotte also said that she's "happier than a pig in shit."  No need for me to take that one. She's handled it herself.

 

 

Source

 

 

 

 

According to Cindy Adams , Foxy Brown was overheard telling people at the Bed, Bath & Beyond in Manhattan "I'm getting married in September. I'm pregnant."

 

Hmmm.....pulling a Nicole Richie are we? Foxy is in more trouble with the law after she lied to cops. She was pulled over and allegedly kept spelling her name wrong and giving an incorrect birthdate, so that cops would not be able to find her in their system. She told them she didn't have her drivers license on her when it fact it was suspended. She was arrested, booked and given a court date.

 

Foxy is also in trouble after she reportedly beat her neighbor down with a Blackberry early last week.

 

Foxy with child is nothing to joke about! It's totally her 'get out of jail for free" card.

 

 

 

Could Halle Berry currently be housing one of the most cutest celebrity babies on the planet? Possibly....if you believe The National Enquirer . They claim that she's two months pregnant with Gabriel Aubry's spawn. Halle is reportedly scared about any complications that her diabetes may cause.

 

A source said, "She's wanted a baby for so long. But at the same time she's scared because she is very aware of the complications that having diabetes can cause during pregnancy. She's doing everything possible to make sure her baby is born healthy."

 

Halle's work schedule is reportedly being shuffled around to make way for her Spring bundle of joy.

 

Yeah Spring works for me. Nicole and Xtina are bringing Winter babies...that leaves Spring right open! There's not many slots left, so it's good she's getting in now.

 

I'm also naive in thinking that her baby will be a hot piece of baby cuteness. Sometimes two hots don't make a right!

 

 

 

 

File this under: TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. According to OK! Magazine Lindsay Lohan might be knocked up. They claim that one of Lindsay's friends has to reason to believe she's expecting a kid, but they aren't sure who the father is. They also said this isn't her first pregnancy scare.

The friend thinks that she isn't in rehab at all, but is hiding out over her pregnancy. Lindsay is reportedly supposed to be seeking treatment at a rehab facility in Sundance, Utah.

 

Let me guess, is this the same friend that sold pictures of her doing coke in a bathroom? Yeah, probably.

 

I call bullshit, but anything is possible with this piece of mess. If it is true that baby better be praying for a miracle.

 

The Insider however claims Lindsay is IN rehab and they spoke to someone who just got out when Lindsay was going in. They claim she "looks like shit." AHAHA! Yeah, that's one way to describe her.

 

 

 

 

It was just a matter of time before the "NICOLE RICHIE MIGHT LOSE BABY" stories started to surface. Star Magazine claims that Nicole was rushed to the hospital fearing that she might lose her unborn baby. Sources claim Nicole started bleeding and immediately freaked out and made Douche Madden rush her to the hospital. The doctor apparently assured Nicole that her baby was safe, but told her to eat more. Uh...huh...

 

A source said, "Nicole was bleeding so much, it was really scary for her. They found out she's suffering from both a hormonal and nutritional deficiency."

 

How much is a lot of blood to Nicole Richie? She probably hasn't had a period since 2002, so any amount of blood probably freaks her out! I'm sure it was normal spotting, but chick isn't used to seeing blood come out so she freaked.

 

She's gonna pass out when Thumbelina is born!

 

That picture is a couple of months old, but I love it when Nicole covers her face. She looks like such a fool! If I was her carrier I'd walk her into an open ditch and laugh!

 

Image: Splash