Knocked Up

Katherine Heigl is ready to start reproducing right now! She needs to consult her ovaries, because I'm pretty sure they don't want any part in bringing Heigl spawn to the world. Katherine talked to the Sunday Times about when she's going to start popping out little Heigls with her husband, Josh Kelly. Katherine said, “I think we’re both on such a career trajectory right now, it would be foolish to waste the opportunities. I think he’d prefer to wait a little more time, but I kind of wouldn’t, so I think we’ll meet somewhere in the middle.”

Josh isn't ready to deal with a knocked up Heigl. That's just a recipe for MEGA BITCH! Think about it! Katherine Heigl + Crazy Hormones - Ciggies = Insane Bitch From Hell! Josh needs to prepare his soul before he goes into the darkness.

Katherine also talked about her a career a little bit and what she thinks about being compared to Julia Roberts. She said, “I can’t help but feel that’s a little insulting to Julia Roberts. There’s not another woman who I look at and think, ‘That’s it, that’s whose career I want to have.’ I’m just me and trying to do the best I can in every decision in any given moment."

The only person that is comparing Katherine Heigl to Julia Roberts is Katherine Heigl. I've never heard of that fuckery before in my life! If this bitch is the next Julia Roberts, then I'm the next Noah Webster.

Thomas Beatie is a transgender male and he's 22 weeks pregnant. Thomas still has a vagina, but he's legally male. He shares his life with his legal wife, Nancy. Thomas gave a first person account to the Advocate on how he came to be pregnant with a baby girl.

Thomas writes, "Ten years ago, when Nancy and I became a couple, the idea of us having a child was more dream than plan. I always wanted to have children. However, due to severe endometriosis 20 years ago, Nancy had to undergo a hysterectomy and is unable to carry a child. But after the success of our custom screen-printing business and a move from Hawaii to the Pacific Northwest two years ago, the timing finally seemed right. I stopped taking my bimonthly testosterone injections. It had been roughly eight years since I had my last menstrual cycle, so this wasn’t a decision that I took lightly. My body regulated itself after about four months, and I didn’t have to take any exogenous estrogen, progesterone, or fertility drugs to aid my pregnancy."

One year and many doctors later, Thomas got pregnant with triplets, but the pregnancy was ectopic. He eventually lost his embryos and his right fallopian tube. His second pregnancy has been a success and he's due on July 3, 2008.

He said that not many people in their community know about his pregnancy. He said they have "begun experiencing opposition from people who are upset by our situation. Doctors have discriminated against us, turning us away due to their religious beliefs. Health care professionals have refused to call me by a male pronoun or recognize Nancy as my wife. Receptionists have laughed at us. Friends and family have been unsupportive; most of Nancy’s family doesn’t even know I’m transgender."

This is pretty awesome and I wish them well! They want a family and they are doing whatever it takes to get one. You can't blame them for that. Whatever works! He also makes a pretty hot pregnant dude.

I wish I could get knocked up. That would be the best. I could get as fat as I wanted, fart whenever, sleep all day, bitch at everyone and proudly eat strange shit like fries in ice cream. Ok, I do all that shit now, but at least I would have a good reason!

Visit the Advocate to read the entire article

Image VIA Towleroad

Thanks m.e.

Wait....he's holding her vagina and not her belly. OMG! She's pregnant in the vagina! The fetus probably started in her womb, but tried to make a run for it and got caught in her vagina. The crabs cornered the poor fetus and wouldn't let it out. If you happen to see an SOS flare coming out of Kat's vagina, you know who shot it. It was the poor fetus asking for your help.

Kat Von D and her soulmate of the month, Nikki Sixx, attended the launch of Heatherette for MAC together in Los Angeles last night. This is true love and by "true love" I mean they will be over in a week.

And we're off! It's time for those Fuggie Fug pregnancy rumors again. Fuggie looked a little wide in the face and belly as she left a sushi joint with Josh Duhamel last night. Just because she was at a sushi joint doesn't mean she was having sushi. I know pregnant chicks aren't supposed to eat raw fish. I order chicken teriyaki at sushi restaurants all the time. The waiter usually looks at me like he wants slap me. He probably puts his eye boogers in my meal. It still tastes delicious, so I do not care.

Everybody's getting pregnant nowadays, so why not Fuggie? It's the thing to do. I'll light a candle tonight and pray baby doesn't get her methface.

From meth bumps to baby bumps. Our little Fuggie is growing up.

No fucking joke. I was just writing a post on how I was going to take bets on when Halle Berry was going to finally shoot her baby out. Well, baby came out today! Star Magazine reports that Halle gave birth to a baby girl this morning at Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles. A source said, "Halle Berry had a 7lb 4 oz girl at 10:17am Sunday morning, March 16, at Cedars-Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles. The actress had checked into the hospital for the second time that day after feeling contractions earlier Saturday morning."

Halle's spokeswhore hasn't confirmed and we don't have a name yet. Halle seems traditional, so I'm not holding my breath for a crazy or unique name. That sucks, because the celebrity baby names have been really stale lately.

The source went on to say, "Halle was overcome with emotion when she finally held her little girl. She said everything she had gone through was worth that moment. The tears kept coming as Halle didn't even want the nurses to take her baby to clean her up and measure. It was a truly beautiful scene."

Ewww....baby jelly! I wonder what it tastes like? It's probably not bad on a little Melba toast. Ok, I'll move along. It is Sunday, so we shouldn't go there.

Congrats to Halle and her boy toy! Boy toy's work here is done. He was the best sperm donor ever.

Knocked up Lisa Marie Presley dragged her mother out of the tomb to attend the 40th anniversary celebration of Elvis' 1968 comeback special in Hollywood last night. Priscilla Presley needs to take time out from injecting her face with bat mucus to take her daughter shopping for maternity clothes. This look says "fallen Hollywood madam" and not mother-to-be. I think she squeezed her fat...I mean pregnant...ass into Heidi Fleiss' old clothes. Ugh! Lisa also coordinated with her husband. I hate when couples do that shit. Come on bitch! They look like they are modeling a brand new fashion line for Z Gallerie.

Minnie Driver told Jay Leno last night that she's knocked up with her first baby. Jay had asked the 38-year-old if she had put on some weight and Minnie responded with, "Are you calling me fat?" Oh no, let's not get into that. We already have one Lisa Marie Presley. Jay finally asked her if she was pregnant and she said, "Yes, I am." Rehearsed! Minnie said she's doing well, but is having morning, noon and night sickness.

Minnie didn't say who the father is. A Dlisted birdie told me she hasn't even told him yet. Yeah, I'm not sure if I believe that. Minnie is sort of boring and boring people tell the truth most of the time.

She needs to give up Hollywood if she isn't having twins. Having singular babies is so over. You have to go big or go home.

Minnie was on Leno to promote "The Riches" on FX. I wanted so much to have a hot, passionate affair with that show, but it never tickled my prostate. You can't win them all.

Source

Lisa Marie "I'm not fat, I'm pregnant" Presley is having twins according to Star Magazine. Lisa Marie is 4-months knocked up by husband #4, Michael Lockwood. One of the twins is a boy. She has to name him Elvis or I will never forgive her. Ok, she can name him Jacko too and I'll be ok with that. I know her heart still belongs to him.

A source told Star, "Michael told me that he and Lisa have been trying to get pregnant for about a year. He also said that they had a sonogram two weeks ago, and [one] baby opened its legs, and they saw something!' Michael was beaming." Already opening its legs?! What a tramp.

Seriously though, in vitro babies are everywhere now. I think this is Tom Cruise's doing. Angelina Jolie's growing child army is making him nervous, so he's forcing all the Scientology chicks to carry as many babies as possible. We've got a Scientology and Brangelina war on our hands. I'm just waiting to hear that Madonna is knocked up with triplets, because the Kabbalaballaaha skanks must also get in on the action.

Brittany Murphy said she's planning to have a baby with her bear daddy husband very soon. NO! Spare us. The two will celebrate the 1-year anniversary of their blessed and fugly union in April. The two told People they want a child by next year.

38-year-old Bear Daddy Husband said, "Please God, next year [we're] having a family!" Please God, don't!

They also talked about how the media and the internet have doubted their marriage, "All these ridiculous people came out and said all this nonsense when we got married, [but] thank god we had the substance and the history within that to [say], 'Yeah, whatever!'"

"We did stop using the Internet lately. No blogs. We're a blog-free couple!"

Good, so you won't read what I have to say next. Don't bring a bear baby into this world!

I shouldn't type that. Brittany isn't bad if she laid off the lip injections. It's her husband that's the problem. He's already conned her into marrying him and now he's going to con her into a baby. I hope Brit hooked herself up with an amazing pre-nup.

Thanks Mari

Yup, we've got another one.

Meat head Matt Damon and his wifey, Luciana, are expecting another baby reports People. Luciana stepped out in London with Matt last night and was obviously knocked up. Their rep said, "They couldn't be happier. They're so excited!"

The two have one daughter, Isabella, together born in 2006 and Luciana has a 9-year-old daughter from a previous marriage.

I don't even know what to fucking say. They are just so boring. That's a good thing for them I guess. They probably talk about boring things like politics, sports, all the different ways to cook chicken and draperies. Boring couples love to talk about draperies. Don't ask me why.

Sarah Larson, take a good look at your future. Luciana was a bartender when she first met Matt Damon and now she's spending her days shopping and yelling at the nannies. Lucky ass whore. On second thought, she's boring so she's spending her days cutting the crust off of sandwiches and puffy painting her daughter's names on their underwear.