Knocked Up

She snagged a hot piece of hunk and now she might be pregnant. Homegirl is good. Kimorazilla has reportedly been trying to get knocked up with Djimon Hounsou's baby for a while now and her hard work has finally paid off. A source told Page Six, "She's pregnant."

Kimo's rep said that he hasn't been able to get a hold of his client for five days. That's because she's busy trying to find a surrogate to carry her baby. Everyone knows trannies can't get pregnant!

Kimo has two daughters, Ming and Aoki, with Russell Simmons.

Here's some pictures from a few nights and Kimo definitely looks a little heavy in the gut. That could just be a little bloat from her female hormones.

If Kimo is pregnant than JLo better watch it! Kimorazilla will definitely top her outrageousness. Kimo will probably demand to doctors that she give birth to a giant canary diamond. Take that JLo! Kimo will name it Kelolo. Oh shit! Do you remember Kelolo from Martin Lawrence's show? She was Sheneneh's best homegirl? She was the star of that show.

I can't talk about Sheneneh without posting a clip of her. Those were the days.

Lisa Marie Presley wrote on her blog today that she was sick of the media calling her a fat pig, so she had no choice but to reveal her pregnancy. She wrote on her blog today:

" After being the target all week of slanderous and degrading stories, horribly manipulated pictures and articles in the media, I have had to show my cards and announce under the gun and under vicious personal attack that I am in fact pregnant.
Once they got a glimpse of my expanding physique a few days ago, they have been like a pack of coyotes circling their prey whilst eerily howling with delight. Starting with a London publication and then New York and Chicago all writing false defamatory degrading stories about all of the dark possible reasons I could be putting on weight. The US tabloids have been calling all day wanting confirmation on all kinds of insane theories. They couldn't wait to find out if my weight gain was because I was just overeating, in which case It would be open season and they can do the old following in her fathers sad and unfortunate demise story again or less interesting for them and probably much to their dismay, I could just be pregnant and therefore have a legitimate reason for weight gain at which point they should probably wipe the saliva off of their fangs and put them back in their mouths or they may expose the black little souls that they are.

Now that things are confirmed, hopefully they can stop all of the harassment and I can stop dodging the continuous bullets. It is unfortunate that I couldn't have announced something that is this much of a blessing and that has made us so incredibly happy under better circumstances. How they have handled themselves with this has been nothing short of irresponsible and disgusting. Pardon my seething contemptuous tone but ladies, You KNOW if you were pregnant and you felt you were expanding uncontrollably by the moment as a result and the worldwide media started badgering and harassing you for it, plastering you everywhere in an unflattering light, you would be mortified as well."

Stick a fried hamburger in your fat mouth, Lisa! Joking. Seriously, what the hell does she expect? She grew up with the media on her ass. This is a woman who married Jacko for fuck's sake! Lisa should not be upset with being called a fat pig. Who cares? You know what's worse? One of the rags said she looked like Kristie Alley. Now that's some shit to set your fingers on fire and blog about, but I guess crazy alien duchesses stick together.

VIA People

Lisa Marie Presley has confirmed to People that she's knocked up with child number three. This is her first kid with her 4th husband, Michael Lockwood. Lisa has two kids from a previous marriage. It's a pity she never had a kid with Michael Jackson. Yeah, I guess if you have to fuck in order for that to happen.

Lisa's rep said, "The couple are incredibly overjoyed." Just once I'd like to hear a rep say, "It's a band-aid baby."

Congrats to Lisa! Yet another Scientology baby will enter the world! They will grow up and rant and rave to us about the dangers of everything. I'm sure Tommy Girl is praying for a boy, so he can arrange a marriage to his Suri Cruise.

Oh Adnan! That's not a baby bump, it's pill bloat. Do I have to teach him everything? He's going to be very disappointed when Britney pops out a Cheeto covered Adderall pill in 9 months.

Star Magazine claims Britney is knocked up with another miracle. A source tells the mag, "Britney is Adnan's dream come true. He knows that if he has a child with Brit, he'll be made for life."

If it's true, I really hope the little bundle of joy gets Adnan's landing strip. That's his best feature.

Cindy Adams had this little tidbit in her column yesterday:

Boozing backstage during the Oscarcast is a no-no. But if you're pregnant Nicole Kidman it's a yes- yes. She wanted white wine. She got it

Here we go with the "should you drink wine while knocked up" argument. It's not like Nicole was doing tequila body shots. She probably saves that for the privacy of her own home. Besides if I was Nicole's fetus, I would probably need some white wine too. White wine, a blunt and a heating blanket. It's probably cold in the ice queen's ice box! She better not over do it, because then her baby will come out with three eyes and Tommy Girl will try and kidnap it. He will think it's the alien baby of his dreams! Everything Suri Cruise is not.

Nicole also probably loves boozing while her sober husband watches with juicy lips. Ha ha ha! Me drinkey winey while you drinkey juicey! Ehehehehehe!

Thanks Cindy

Page Six reports that JLo's custom hospital suite at North Shore University Hospital on Long Island is finally occupied! The suite has been sitting there empty for the past two weeks. JLo has apparently checked in and is ready to get the job done. Is she having a c-section? If Xtina's too good to push, I'm guessing JLo is waaaaaaay too good to push. JLo's just going to waltz in, have them light all her white candles, turn on her stories, snack on Bugles and tell them to let her know when they are done. But don't interrupt her during her show! Only tell her during commercial and if the baby's are crying, make sure they keep it down until commercial break! The JLo must not be disturbed.

She's finally having her babies. I've been keeping myself awake at night just thinking of all the possibilities for their names. JLo better not let me down.

Nelly Furtado is knocked up claims Star Magazine. 29-year-old Nelly who is expecting her second child with fiancee, Demacio Castellon. He's a sound engineer. She has a 4-year-old daughter named Nevis with some other dude.

A source said, "She's not very far along yet, so she's trying to keep the pregnancy under wraps."

Good. I'm glad she's knocked up. Maybe now she can stop dying her hair. She looks like a wet Siamese cat. She's totally going to look like Xtina when she was knocked up. You know...big belly and a face full of clown make-up.

UPDATE: Nelly's rep denies that shit. We'll see.

In Hollywood you're either in rehab, in the psych ward or knocked up. Those are your choices. Did Kate Hudson go with the latter? For the past week or so people have been telling me Kate is looking mighty pregnant. I haven't seen it until today. She could have had an extra beer with din din, but she's looking a little bumpy in the bump area. I don't even know who this chick is dating. Owen Wilson? She did make a movie with Matthew McConaughey and he's obviously the manliest of men. One bang on his bongo could do the trick.

Here she is channeling her mommy at the Elle Style Awards in London with Stella McCartney last night.

There may be a real Meth Baby Alert!!! Fergie might be knocked up. Page Six reports that Fergie has moved up her wedding date to Josh Duhamel, because there's an 8-ball in oven.

A source said, "She picked up a wedding dress while she was in New York for Fashion Week and wants to move the wedding up so she is married before the bump becomes too obvious." The rumor is that she will be married in the next two months.

Can you imagine this ho being knocked up? She has a weak ass bladder as it is! She will be a piss fountain! Splish splash everywhere. I hope Spanx makes diapers, because that's what this chick is going to need. She will be worse than those "squirter" chicks who have super soakers in their coochies. Oh shit. Let's not talk about "squirters." It's way too early to be discussing extreme female ejaculation.

UPDATE: Fergie's mommy called into Ryan Seacrest's show on KIIS-FM and denied Fergie was pregnant or getting married early.

Image: Wireimage

It's just the wind, but I wouldn't doubt if Kate Hudson was knocked up. I don't even know who the hell she's dating, but that doesn't even matter anymore. She could have gotten contact pregnant from Matthew McConaughey's chick. Here's Kate at the premiere for "Foolio's Gold" last night. This movie looks awful, but I love the trailer for some reason. It makes me happy seeing jet-ski racing set to the Police's "Message in a Bottle."

And while we're on the subject of everyone in Hollyweird getting knocked up, here's a funny video from Funny or Die about the issue.