Jacko

Pamela Anderson and Jacko are dating. You're probably not ready the rest of this, because you just sprayed your Diet Rite all over the monitor. For those of you that are still with me, let's go on.

Yes, the Daily Mirror claims Pammy and Jacko have always been big fans of each other. So they got their people to set something up. The date took place at the Ice Bar in Hell. No, it took place at Shutters in Santa Monica. The source said they had a few drinks at the bar together. They serve Jesus Juice at Shutters?

A witness who obviously didn't take their medication that morning said Pam and Jacko talked about their love of plastic surgery. Ha. The witness went on to say, "They were very chatty. Pamela was being her usual flirty self and Michael seemed to be responding. They are such a strange couple but they seemed to really hit it off."

Jacko and Pammy even went out a second time. Another source said they had coffee in Malibu where they talked about their kids.

Methinks these "sources" need to ask their doctor to change the dose on their medication. If Pammy and Jacko went on a date, we would know for sure, because the world would end. The day they touch lips is the day we all disappear in a cloud of smoke.

I mean, maybe these "sources" saw Cher and Alexis Arquette on a date? Now that's a believable couple!

Teri Hatcher is looking sexy hot! The Rachel "Chupacabra" Zoe Diet is really working for her! For serious! It's the Queen King of Pop working it in an Ann Taylor Loft blazer and pajama pants at the Planet Hollywood Hotel in Las Vegas last night. I think we finally know what happened to Bubbles. Jacko is wearing him on his head. Honestly, couldn't Raquel Welch fix Jacko up with a wig that doesn't look like Little Richard's merkin?

That being said, I'd hit it in a pool filled with Jesus Juice. Well, a hardcore slut likes variety and isn't afraid to try new things. All you gotta do is close your eyes, hold your breath and do it for the sake of your slutty reputation.

P.S. - Click here to see what Jacko would look like today if he didn't eff up his face.

On Sunday's episode of "The Two Coreys," both Coreys admitted to being child touched when they were 14 or 15. Corey Feldman told July's GQ (via Page Six) that it wasn't the gloved one. He said, "People can say whatever they want, but it wasn't Michael. He and I have our own issues, but that wasn't one of them. The guy that did this to me was my assistant. I was still a virgin at the time. I hadn't even had sex with a girl. So for me it was just kind of bewildering."

No wonder Jacko is going broke! He has to use his "Thriller" cash to pay off these two meth faces.

Corey went on to say, "It's something that will be addressed in my inner soul for the rest of my life, and it's something that truly affects me . . . It's just like, it happened, it's over, and move on. Let's move on to the next subject."

Yeah, let's move on. All this talk of child touching and Corey rape is making me uncomfortable. So, here's a video of Hope the puppy who was born without front legs. It will warm your heart or....make you feel uncomfortable again. Oh well, I tried!

Video VIA Cute Overload

Christian Audigier of Ed Hardy loves giving tacky ass clothing lines to crazy people! There was rumors he was going to work with Brit Brit on a t-shirt line and now he's in clothing line talks with the Queen of Crazy herself, Jacko! And no, they aren't putting out a line of straitjackets.

A source told Life & Style, “It’s still in the developing stages, but it’s going to be big. This will be a major comeback for Michael. He’s dedicating a lot of his time and money to this venture.”

What money?! He probably got a loan from Bubbles, but vendors aren't going to like it when he tries to pay in bananas.

What the hell kind of fugly ass shit is he going to design anyway? Military pants with easy access holes and special pockets to hold your Jesus Juice? "Don't Tell Anyone" t-shirts and underoos? Not right.

Forget the question. Jacko is a wax figure! Homegirl is at least 80% wax and 20% artificial materials.

Those lips! Wack-O-Wax lips should be renamed Jack-O-Wax lips in his honor. I need to stop hating. Jacko is still the sharpest dressed lady in the business. Liza ain't got nothing on this bitch.

Jacko made a surprise appearance at Christian Audigier's tacky Birthday extravaganza last night. They really should have turned off all the lights before Jacko's ass came onstage. He could have melted!

Other guests at this classy affair included Pamela Anderson, Fuggie Fug and Mena Suvari. What the hell is on Mena's head?! I think I liked her better when she looked like a younger Hillary Clinton. Now she looks like an Ellen Degeneres/Portia de Rossi morph. She needs to dump the weave.

No wonder Janet Jackson is constantly putting out shitty music and whoring herself out on every talk show. Homegirl has to pay those bills! She has the entire Jackson family on her shoulders. According to a new report in the New York Post, Janet is the only Jackson family member that's actually doing well on her own. Marlon works at a Vons and lives in a hotel. Jackie, Jermaine and Randy still live with their parents. And Jacko....well you know about him. Let's catch up with them...shall we?

Joseph Jackson, 79 and Katherine Jackson, 77

Dad hustles various girl groups in Las Vegas. Mom is still a stay-at-home housewife and the only family member in contact with Michael. Both have previously filed for bankruptcy

Janet Jackson, 41

The current family breadwinner. She bought her mom a Vegas home in anticipation of losing the family's mansion, Hayvenhurst, to foreclosure. Like their Neverland colleagues, workers at Hayvenhurst have not been paid for months.

La Toya Jackson, 52

Family turncoat who declared Michael guilty during the 1993 molestation case, she earns a living mostly in Europe and in the UAE judging beauty and singing contests. She lives with a wealthy boyfriend in Beverly Hills and has little contact with her siblings.

Rebbie Jackson, 57

The oldest, she's married to successful businessman Nathaniel Brown.

Tito Jackson, 55

Formed a blues band several years ago and plays at small venues for $500 to $1,500 a gig.

Michael Jackson, 49

On the verge of losing Neverland ranch as well as the family's Encino, Calif., home. He's hiding out in Las Vegas and repeatedly makes promises to his brothers while sabotaging any attempts by them to ply their musical trade.

Randy Jackson, 46

Does odd jobs like changing tires to support himself. He was Michael's business manager during the 2005 molestation trial but ran into serious problems with friends after he persuaded three people to take out lines of credits against their homes to help Michael pay his attorney fees and Michael stiffed them.

Marlon Jackson, 51

Lives in San Diego, where he works stocking groceries at a Vons supermarket. He fell on hard times three years ago when he was forced to leave his foreclosed home and move into an Extended Stay America hotel with his wife, Carol.

Jackie Jackson, 56

The oldest son started an Internet clothing business and is trying to produce records by his sons. Nothing has panned out.

Jermaine Jackson, 54

Splits time between the parents' Hayvenhurst mansion and his girlfriend's home in the San Fernando Valley. With more than $5 million in federal, state and other liens against him and a 1995 bankruptcy filing, he doesn't work or have a regular income.

Come on people! It's time to get back to work. Dancing with the Stars, The Surreal Life, Celebrity Fit Club could use your D-list names! Hell, they should brush off their afro wigs and do a reunion tour in Europe. They don't need Jacko for that! LaToya can take Jacko's place and no one will ever know. Janet needs a break! You know that every time she sees one of her brothers or sisters name come up on her caller id she tells Troll Dupri, "Fuck! Tell them I'm taking a shit!"

Jacko's house of (alleged) pedo sin, Neverland Ranch, will go up for auction unless he comes up with $24,525,906.61 by March 19th. Janet Jackson better start working on her next album STAT! Somebody's got to pay off that debt. Fox's Roger Friedman reports that Jacko was notified on Monday from the trustee that if he doesn't pay off the debt, his shit will be auctioned in front of the Santa Barbara County Courthouse.

Jacko will not only lose the house and property, but everything in it including furniture, carnival rides and appliances will go to auction as well. Jacko hasn't lived there since 2005 and all of his animals have also left.

I wonder if gallons of Jesus Juice are included in the auction? If it is, I'll take it. I've been dying to get my hands on Jacko's secret recipe.

There's no way I would ever sleep in that joint. It would probably feel like someone is always watching you. They probably are, because I'm sure Jacko put cameras in every room.