Pamela Anderson

Everything about these pictures scream: LAST CALL! But really, it's nothing new. During every fashion week from here to Bakersfield, the free clinic messiah rises from a puddle of 100 proof vomit and closes Richie Rich's fashion show. Because nothing makes people run for the exit like Pamela Anderson's vag. Seriously, Pamela should rent our her services. When you've got a party guest (aka one of your cousins) who just can't take a hint, bring Pamela's vag out and he'll scatter faster than a hooker running from the po po's siren.

Here's more of Pammy looking like the janitor just woke her up with his broom. Terrell Owens also walked during the show last night, and we're going to need a few mammalogists to tell us what kind of creature is on his head.

It seems like it was just yesterday (it was practically yesterday) that Pamela Anderson was signing bottles of her perfume Malibu at Rite-Aid in Pennsylvania. So far that is the most glamorous event of 2010! But apparently, Rite-Aid isn't good enough for Pamela anymore, because she's now signing at SEARS! Well, smell HER! Actually.....don't, because I'm pretty sure the surgeon general issued a warning against that.

So if you happen to be getting an oil and filter change at any of these Sears, simply head on over to the perfume department, put on your Hazmat suit and present your receipt and perfume bottle to Pam. After she inspects it closely and punches a hole in it, she'll gladly sign it for you with a smile!

(Thanks to Tracy who wants everyone to know that she gets e-mails from Sears and will be first in line on Saturday)

Just when I was about to cover last night's SAG Awards, I came across these amazing pictures of Pamela Anderson promoting her fragrance Malibu at a Rite-Aid in Ardmore, Pennyslvania. DING! DING! DING! We have a winner for the most glamorous event held on January 23, 2010! This picture should accompany the definition of the word "glamour" in Webster's Dictionary.

Do not throw any shade towards Pamela, because does Saks Fifth Avenue sell personal lubricants in addition to having its own pharmacy? I think not. I mean, wouldn't it just make your life if Pamela autographed your bottle of Valtrex?

Free clinics everywhere will be on high alert this weekend, because Pamela Anderson is back out on the prowl. Radar reports that Pammy's trailer park love affair with electrician/surfer Jamie Padgett has come to an end. The two had been bumping genital warts for the past year, but Pammy decided that her vagina needed something different to slurp on.

A source said, “Pam made it pretty clear she is no longer dating Jamie and that she was looking for a new love interest. She didn’t have anything bad to say about him and described him as a ‘sweet guy’ and that she hoped they would remain friends. Her ex-husband Tommy Lee was jealous of Jamie and Pam’s relationship and he had given their two sons Brandon and Dylan some surfing lessons.”

Jamie poked out of his CDC-ordered contamination tent and told Radar he didn't know if he was still with Pamela. Jamie said it was up to her.

Basically, Pamela used Jamie and she's done with him now that he's finished crossing her wires. We all know that Pamela is having trouble finishing the renovations on her house, so my guess is that she got Jamie to do electrical- work for her pro-BONE-o. All plumbers should beware, because Pammy is coming for them next.

This holiday season, Pamela Anderson is entertaining the children of London in a panto production of Aladdin. A CHECK IS A CHECK! Thunderbird and MD 20/20 doesn't grow on trees, you know?

In case you couldn't tell, Pamela is playing the Genie. Of course you couldn't tell! What the hell kind of genie rides around on a surfboard covered in Glamberace's ass glitter and dresses like...well...like Pamela Anderson going to pick up her boys at soccer practice. Although, the bloated camel toe is a nice authentic touch.

Hopefully in this production Aladdin slips on a rubber glove before he rubs on the genie's lamp.

Pamela Anderson left a book signing in Los Angeles last night carrying Kevin Spacey's favorite reading/humping/licking/masturbating material.

You know, I'm not sure why Pamela Anderson really needs this book in her trailer library (aka a basket next to the toilet). If she wants to see a big dick that can turn a no-no into a NO!NO!NO!REALLY!NO!, she just has to open up her family album and flip to the chapter labeled: "Tommy 1995." And if she wants to see a giant penis of a different variety, she can flip to the chapter labeled: "Kid Rock 2001."

Here's more of Pamela Anderson, her Bible of Big Dick and Hugh Hefner at a signing in L.A. last night.

Pamela Anderson's pool and Brooke Hogan's grill now have something else in common. Not only are they both owned by hos whose brains have been damaged by peroxide and "deep thoughts," but now they are both covered in platinum. Yeah, nothing will bankrupt you faster than a pool covered in platinum tiles.

In a new documentary that aired in the UK, Pamela Anderson gave viewers a tour of her unfinished Malibu mansion. Pamela is currently living it up in a trailer while construction crews work to finish her Casa de Hep. Even though Pamela has denied that she's broke, she admitted that construction on the house is over budget by millions of dollars. Pamela still has to fork over $800,000 to finish that shit up. Part of that is to blame on the fact that Pamela is covering her pool with platinum tiles. Pamela said, "This is where the magic happens. I'm tiling the floor with platinum - that's expensive."

Pamela said that when she's done with the project, she's going to unload that bitch like a cum shot out of Tommy Lee's dick hole, "I'm going to sell it. I hate it. People commit suicide over constructions. Relationships break down over constructions and I can see why. It rips your heart out."

Who does Pamela think she is?! A Saudi prince?! A character on Beverly Hills Teens? Teresa from The Real Housewives of NJ? I mean, PLATINUM POOL TILES?! Really, Pamela, there's less expensive ways to make yourself look like a major asshole (i.e. like running around on catwalks half-nekkid).

Here's the soon-to-be newest member of The Foreclosure Club promoting Peta's anti-seal hunt campaign by dry sexing a plushie seal outside of Ontario's legislature building in Toronto.

At the Hollywood Style Awards on Sunday, Pamela Anderson showed up with a 9-year-old girl who spent the entire night holding her train and tending to her needs. The girl's name is Adelaide Gault and she's the daughter of some famous make-up artist-type. According to Page Six, guests were shocked to see Pamela treat the little girl like a damn slave. Who does she think she is? Kathie Lee?!

One guest said, "She didn't even have her own seat and had to sit at Pamela's feet, where people nearly stepped on her to get to the stage. The girl looked uncomfortable and kept tugging on her dress to get her attention, but Pamela waved her away. And, after she presented David LaChapelle with an award onstage, she shouted 'daughter' in front of the whole auditorium, and slapped her leg like she was calling a puppy. The girl rushed up to grab her train."

Not only was the poor girl forced to pull Pamela's train (FREE CLINIC ALERT), but imagine having to stare into Pam's toxic abyss? The girl was probably left confused, because Pam's coochie coo kept smacking at her. It was trying to say, "HEEEEELP MEEEE!," but the open sores in its mouth made it hard for it to get the words out. That girl will never EVER be able to eat a gryo with extra yogurt sauce again.

On the other hand, I like Pam's way of thinking. Kids are so damn lazy these days. We need to put them to work. You're probably straining your wrists while sipping on that cup of coffee right now. Imagine having a child at your side who can hold that cup for you and bring it to your lips whenever you get thirstay. It would make life so much easier.

And you know that little girl used Pam's dress to escape from her 2nd floor bedroom window later on in the night.

(Image: Adriana M. Barraza / WENN.com)

You won't be seeing Pamela Anderson working the daytime shift on the ho stroll anytime soon (wait till next year), because she claims she isn't broke like a Real Housewife. Uh. Huh.

Last week, a few contractors went running off to Star Magazine complaining about how Pamela has yet to pay them for work they did on her Malibu Home. According to reports, Pamela owes a total of $1.2 million to contractors and the State of California for unpaid taxes. Well, Pamela says the only broke thing is her face, because she's doing fine in the financial department. But she is going to "investigate" the claims made against her. Pamela issued this statement to OK!:

“These reports are crazy and I cannot believe this has become a media issue. I am actually touched at how much concern has been expressed for me over this. It is true that I am in a dispute with some of the contractors working on my home. This is because after paying millions of dollars to build the house I continue to get bills from the contractors. My lawyers are reviewing the work done to see if the bills are fair. If they are, they’ll be paid. If they aren’t, they won’t be."

“I am just sorry this contractor went to the press, especially when I was working out of the country. I did not speak publicly about this before because I had no desire to embarrass anyone who worked on my home and whose work and bills are now part of arbitration. On a separate issue, mistakes may have been made in calculating taxes owed and we are now in the process of ensuring that any taxes owed are paid. Unfortunately there are tax liens. However, I’m financially secure and I want to thank everyone who expressed concern for me based on these rumors.”

Yeah, I know what she means by "reviewing the bills." Bitch is going to roll up all the collection notices, stuff them with the good shit, light 'em up and smoke herself out. I love it when bitches pull that "I'll have my lawyers review it" shit. Pamela, hike up those raggedy snatch flaps and get on the ho stroll! Stop playing!

Pamela Anderson debuted her new "fashion line" with Chris Crocker Richie Rich in New Zealand, and here's a few more pictures from the show.

Even Richie Rich passed the dick out when Pamela "accidentally" dropped her whore cloth revealing her overworked 500,000-mile nalgas. In the words of my favorite crackhead from Atlanta Frankie: This was a MAN DOWN CODE 10 situation!

Don't ask me what the hell kind of raggedy ass fashion line this is, because I don't see any clothes. Maybe Pamela is trying to tap into the low-budget hooker demographic. I mean, they do need something to sort-of cover up their tittays for when they are running away from the police after getting caught sexing up a trick in the back of a pick-up. This will do it.