Pamela Anderson

Pamela Anderson's pool and Brooke Hogan's grill now have something else in common. Not only are they both owned by hos whose brains have been damaged by peroxide and "deep thoughts," but now they are both covered in platinum. Yeah, nothing will bankrupt you faster than a pool covered in platinum tiles.

In a new documentary that aired in the UK, Pamela Anderson gave viewers a tour of her unfinished Malibu mansion. Pamela is currently living it up in a trailer while construction crews work to finish her Casa de Hep. Even though Pamela has denied that she's broke, she admitted that construction on the house is over budget by millions of dollars. Pamela still has to fork over $800,000 to finish that shit up. Part of that is to blame on the fact that Pamela is covering her pool with platinum tiles. Pamela said, "This is where the magic happens. I'm tiling the floor with platinum - that's expensive."

Pamela said that when she's done with the project, she's going to unload that bitch like a cum shot out of Tommy Lee's dick hole, "I'm going to sell it. I hate it. People commit suicide over constructions. Relationships break down over constructions and I can see why. It rips your heart out."

Who does Pamela think she is?! A Saudi prince?! A character on Beverly Hills Teens? Teresa from The Real Housewives of NJ? I mean, PLATINUM POOL TILES?! Really, Pamela, there's less expensive ways to make yourself look like a major asshole (i.e. like running around on catwalks half-nekkid).

Here's the soon-to-be newest member of The Foreclosure Club promoting Peta's anti-seal hunt campaign by dry sexing a plushie seal outside of Ontario's legislature building in Toronto.

At the Hollywood Style Awards on Sunday, Pamela Anderson showed up with a 9-year-old girl who spent the entire night holding her train and tending to her needs. The girl's name is Adelaide Gault and she's the daughter of some famous make-up artist-type. According to Page Six, guests were shocked to see Pamela treat the little girl like a damn slave. Who does she think she is? Kathie Lee?!

One guest said, "She didn't even have her own seat and had to sit at Pamela's feet, where people nearly stepped on her to get to the stage. The girl looked uncomfortable and kept tugging on her dress to get her attention, but Pamela waved her away. And, after she presented David LaChapelle with an award onstage, she shouted 'daughter' in front of the whole auditorium, and slapped her leg like she was calling a puppy. The girl rushed up to grab her train."

Not only was the poor girl forced to pull Pamela's train (FREE CLINIC ALERT), but imagine having to stare into Pam's toxic abyss? The girl was probably left confused, because Pam's coochie coo kept smacking at her. It was trying to say, "HEEEEELP MEEEE!," but the open sores in its mouth made it hard for it to get the words out. That girl will never EVER be able to eat a gryo with extra yogurt sauce again.

On the other hand, I like Pam's way of thinking. Kids are so damn lazy these days. We need to put them to work. You're probably straining your wrists while sipping on that cup of coffee right now. Imagine having a child at your side who can hold that cup for you and bring it to your lips whenever you get thirstay. It would make life so much easier.

And you know that little girl used Pam's dress to escape from her 2nd floor bedroom window later on in the night.

(Image: Adriana M. Barraza / WENN.com)

You won't be seeing Pamela Anderson working the daytime shift on the ho stroll anytime soon (wait till next year), because she claims she isn't broke like a Real Housewife. Uh. Huh.

Last week, a few contractors went running off to Star Magazine complaining about how Pamela has yet to pay them for work they did on her Malibu Home. According to reports, Pamela owes a total of $1.2 million to contractors and the State of California for unpaid taxes. Well, Pamela says the only broke thing is her face, because she's doing fine in the financial department. But she is going to "investigate" the claims made against her. Pamela issued this statement to OK!:

“These reports are crazy and I cannot believe this has become a media issue. I am actually touched at how much concern has been expressed for me over this. It is true that I am in a dispute with some of the contractors working on my home. This is because after paying millions of dollars to build the house I continue to get bills from the contractors. My lawyers are reviewing the work done to see if the bills are fair. If they are, they’ll be paid. If they aren’t, they won’t be."

“I am just sorry this contractor went to the press, especially when I was working out of the country. I did not speak publicly about this before because I had no desire to embarrass anyone who worked on my home and whose work and bills are now part of arbitration. On a separate issue, mistakes may have been made in calculating taxes owed and we are now in the process of ensuring that any taxes owed are paid. Unfortunately there are tax liens. However, I’m financially secure and I want to thank everyone who expressed concern for me based on these rumors.”

Yeah, I know what she means by "reviewing the bills." Bitch is going to roll up all the collection notices, stuff them with the good shit, light 'em up and smoke herself out. I love it when bitches pull that "I'll have my lawyers review it" shit. Pamela, hike up those raggedy snatch flaps and get on the ho stroll! Stop playing!

Pamela Anderson debuted her new "fashion line" with Chris Crocker Richie Rich in New Zealand, and here's a few more pictures from the show.

Even Richie Rich passed the dick out when Pamela "accidentally" dropped her whore cloth revealing her overworked 500,000-mile nalgas. In the words of my favorite crackhead from Atlanta Frankie: This was a MAN DOWN CODE 10 situation!

Don't ask me what the hell kind of raggedy ass fashion line this is, because I don't see any clothes. Maybe Pamela is trying to tap into the low-budget hooker demographic. I mean, they do need something to sort-of cover up their tittays for when they are running away from the police after getting caught sexing up a trick in the back of a pick-up. This will do it.

Pamela Anderson is broke down in more ways than one. Apparently, Pamela has the creditors knocking at her door and burning up her phone. Pammy is probably doing all the shit we do when the bill collectors come to get paid: hide in bushes, pretend not to know English and offer to lick their peen holes for payment.

According to Star Magazine, Pamela owes nearly $1.2 million to contractors for work they did on her Malibu mansion last year. They want their money! Jay Bruder of Bruder Construction said Pam owes his company $674k for "for labor and materials and subcontractors to remodel main house, construct foundations for guest house.” Jay added, “A lot of people are owed a lot of money." Jim Brown, whose company also worked on Pammy's house, said, “Putting food on the table isn’t easy in this economy. When someone doesn’t pay their bills, it’s that much harder!”

The California Franchise Tax Board is also waiting to see a check from Pamela for $252,360.

Pamela obviously isn't spending her hard-fucked cash on clothes, so all of her money must going to keep her eyebrow game in check. Having the eyebrows of a cholita villain who sometimes dabbles in meth during the twilight hours doesn't come cheap! I guess it's time for Pamela to hike up her roast beef hash curtains and leak another sex tape! I didn't mean that. OH GOD, I didn't mean that.

While Pamela's creditors can't feed their children, she's off in New Zealand debuting her new fashion line with Richie Richie. Um. We should all file a class-action copyright infringement lawsuit against Pammy for stealing our fashion designs from when we were 6-years old. We all wrapped a sheet ourselves and pretended it was a dress. If ho had a dime, she'd be hearing from my lawyers: Scooby Doo & Associates.

And they should have had six cranes holding up that bunk ass sheet dress, because if it dropped, hundreds of eyeballs would have DIED.

Pamela Anderson and Suzanne Somers came blonde to blonde outside of Nobu last night while they were both on their way out. Suzanne was probably telling Pamela that if she eats plenty of bioidentical hormones and Somersweet, she can kick that Hep shit. Or something. You know how Suzanne is. When she gets started on that shit, she won't stop.

And Pamela kept her mug down the whole time, because she didn't want to look straight into the face of a piece who is 20 years older than her and is still hotter. Seriously, Suzanne is getting ALL OF IT. Although, Pamela gets an A for her eyebrow game.

Here's more of Pamela Anderson (who is looking like a wayward beach hooker who will give you a dry handjob under the pier for a half-smoked joint) leaving Nobu with Krissy Snow.

You know, one of my life mottos is "You're never too old to peddle that pussay," but Pamela Anderson is doing it wrong. Someone Fabreeze her ass down, because the desperation wafting off of her is starting to reek! AND those eyebrows. I cannot condone that kind of fuggery. It looks like she painted them on with a BIC and not a Sharpie. How dreadful! Somebody give her a caramel square and a cup of Sleepytime tea.

At least Pamela Anderson flashed her moth-eaten crotch for a good cause. Pammy was one of the guests at last night's Life Ball, an annual AIDS charity event in Vienna.

Katy Perry, Sister Sledge, Eva Longwhoria (FOR WHY?!!!!), Fran Drescher, Bill Clinton, Richie Rich and Amanda Lepore also mingled among the rainbow-covered unicorns. Put on your sunglasses before you look at these pictures or else you might get glitter in your eyes.

99.9999% of the meth-faced lot lizards on Cops look fresher and sexier than Pamela Anderson, so what more is there to say? The only way she would look better is if she had a giant F- from the Environmental Health Department stamped on her forehead. Oh, wait. I'm supposed to say something nice. Okay...um...

Well, Pamela's face reminds me of the time I got really boozed up at Christmas on some rancid egg nog. I ended up passing out face first in a puddle of my own vom on the bathroom floor. When I woke up a few hours later with a face covered in egg nog barf, I looked into the mirror and all I could do was laugh to keep from crying. It really was the best Christmas ever, so thanks to Pam for bringing that beautiful memory back. See, that's nice!

Here's a rotten piece of salmon at the opening of a stripper/steakhouse in NYC last night. Yup, she really showed up.

File this under: The crackpipe calling the hep stick WHITE TRASH. That made no sense, but just take a bong hit and roll with it. My one brain cell is on Saturday mode.

So, Courtney Love took a break from barfing up all her whippit-infused schizo thoughts on Twitter, to talk to Page Six about the current state of Pamela Anderson. CLove said, "Pam Anderson doesn't even have a credit card. And she lives in Paradise Cove -- which is in Malibu, but it's a trailer park in Malibu."

Doesn't Courtney Love have a credit score of like negative infinity, because "mysterious thieves" (aka her nostrils) ransacked Kurt Cobain's estate and stole millions upon millions of dollars? Court can't even get one of those fake credit cards they send you in junk mail. And if she did, you know that crazy would try to use it! CLove needs to stop! You know that bitch is temporarily living in the septic tank under the toilet in Pamela's Malibu trailer. Stop putting on airs!

Peta's main hooker, Pamela Anderson, has been booked to bring her skankness to the opening of a strip club in NYC. A strip club that is also a steakhouse. A steakhouse serves meat. Meat comes from slaughtered cows. Pamela claims to get sad in the face when a cow gets it. Oh well, IN THIS ECONOMY, a bitch has got to do what a bitch has got to do to make money to buy her UGGS...which are made out of sheepskin. Pamela puts the HO in phony.

Peta quickly issued a statement to TMZ defending their biggest prosty:

"Pam is not a host but may be attending as an invited guest, and since steakhouses nowadays have some of the best salad bars and veggie options around, we're sure she'll find plenty to eat should she attend."

Oh, Peta. Don't shove a big piece of tofu in my mouth and call it juicy steak. It doesn't really bother me that Pam is whoring herself out at meat market, but I don't know if it's a match. I mean, do they really want their steakhouse associated with a giant chunk of rotten beef? Pam is not USDA-approved.

I know I'm gayer than one of Adam Lambert's dingles, but do dudes really like their pussy with a side of juicy beef. I like surf and turf, but not like this! I guess when you order medium rare beef curtains you have to be specific!

And how long do you think it will take until Heather Mills becomes a featured entertainer at this joint?