Posh & Becks

Posh Beckham sucks on her gloved thumb for the newest Marc Jacobs ad. I don't want to see Posh sucking on anything. It automatically makes me think of the things she might do to David Beckham and that makes me sad. Becks is probably about that big too. He's all nuts.

Posh' vagina must really get toasty for Marc, because she'll do anything for him. The Posh on the toilet picture is coming any second now.

Madam Tussauds set up this truly sad kissing booth with Posh & Becks at the Cherry Blossom soccer tournament in DC for one day only yesterday. As you can see, it wasn't that popular. They should have set up a soccer goal and allowed people to try and knock the Posh figure down. There would have been a line all the way to Baltimore.

They got the Posh figure all wrong. She's missing the "I just smelled a fart" scowl. She looks so serene here and almost human. It's pretty sad when you're wax figure looks more human than you do.

Kissing wax Posh would probably be a lot like kissing the real thing. They both will leave you with a waxy film on your lips.

David Beckham was the fifth man in history to earn his 100th cap for England. Whatever that means. The entire Beckham clan attended the game in France for this momentous occasion.

Becks told reporters (read it in a Mickey Mouse voice for the full effect), "I'm very proud. Reaching 100 caps doesn't happen every day but, like I said before the game, I am hoping it is not 100 and out. I want to carry on playing for my country. Having my family and all the fans there was incredible and to get the reception I did from both sets of fans when I came off was amazing."

Blah...blah...blah....did one of the Beckham boys put a booger on Posh's head or not? Knowing this little tidbit could seriously make my hour. Posh wouldn't even notice. There are so many layers of fake tanner on her skin that not even a bullet could pierce through.

Kate Beckinsale can be really hot sometimes. She's usually broccoli boring, but then she says shit like "she would rather eat vagina than sushi." She also is not afraid to dress like a high-class call girl for dinner and I can appreciate that. I love everything from her fake horse man to her expensively cheap dress. Kate and her husband joined Posh and Becks at STK in West Hollywood last night. The waiter should have brought her a plate of pussy.

And just for shits, below are some pictures of Fred Savage, his pregnant wife and the hot homo from "American Gladiators" at the same restaurant.

The sun was shining and the paps were out in full force! What more could Posh and Eva LongWHORIA want out of a day? The two attention whores joined forces to do a little "shopping" on Rodeo Drive yesterday. You know, because Rodeo Drive is so private. Posh brought one of her boys (Cruz or Romeo) along and he looked thrilled to be shopping for overpriced crap. He had his Coca Cola and that's all that mattered. When I was his age, Coke was like the greatest thing in the world. We never got to drink. Sometimes we would make our own Coke by mixing sugar in water. We were fucking hard up. Coke made us so happy.

Anyway, Posh really needs new hair. All these women in Hollywood are turning into guinea pigs. Even Eva LongWHORIA is starting to get guinea pig hair. I just want to lay them in my lap, pet them and feed them carrots. Guinea pigs love carrots.

David Beckham still plays soccer for the L.A. Galaxy. I forget about that every now and again. Becks is seen here protecting his dick from a free kick during a game last night.

I think I found my calling. Why should Becks and the other dudes have to worry about protecting their own shit? I can do it. Their big head should be on the game while their little head is in my hand. I would be the best dick protector of all-time. I think I would go down in history. A hurricane, tornado and earthquake could hit at once and that dick would be as healthy as ever. Hell, Brit Brit Spears could attack me with an umbrella and I would still keep a gorilla's grip on that shit. And I would do it all with a smile! I need go down there and fill out an application STAT!

Posh & Becks were spotted stocking up on sex toys on a recent trip to The Pleasure Chest in Hollywood. A source told The Sun that the two were giggling and cracking jokes while browsing for dildos and lube. They left the store with massage oil, personal lubricant, a Cyberskin vibrator, a leather braided cane and a padded black collar and restraint.

A source said, “They seemed to know exactly what they wanted and after asking an assistant where items were, they grabbed what they came for.”

It was a gift for Tommy Girl and the twink he keeps in the Scientology safe room below his house. I still don't think Posh and Becks have sex. Posh is probably afraid that too much fucking will make her pussy fat. You can't wear skin-tight skinny jeans if you have a fat pussy.

David Beckham has been named as the new face for Sharpie. You just know thousands of cholas everywhere are planning to jump Posh, so they can steal her man and a lifetime supply of their favorite lip liner.

The HBIC of Sharpie said, "Like the Sharpie brand, David embodies individuality and creative expression. He is the rare athlete who transcends nationality and sport to command worldwide attention, making him the perfect ambassador for Sharpie marker users who are as passionate about the bold mark of a Sharpie as they are about the colors, variety and almost limitless uses of the product."

I'm praying Posh will take those free Sharpies and embrace her inner chola. I know it's there. Here's hoping we'll soon see Posh with Sharpie eyebrows and lip liner. On a serious note, why didn't Sharpie get Ms. Krazie?! Ms. Krazie could have definitely elevated their brand from office tool to daily beauty product.

Since we're on the topic of cholas, here's a video every damn bitch and their chola grandma has been sending me.

I might have to get a second Tivo and that's really fucking pathetic. I might as well gets 50 cats and change my time to Bertha while I'm at it. I'm destined to be an old maid.

The reason for my second Tivo? Posh Beckham is in talks to do a reality show for Fox called "Fashion Nightmares." The show is based on Gordon Ramsay's "Kitchen Nightmares" which became a big hit over here.

Posh would travel around the country helping people with bleak fashion sense. A source said, "They want her to visit some boutiques and beauty pageants in real backwater towns and to try to whip them into chic shape."

Posh in a backwater town?! Those are the magic words right there.

Source

If you don't want to know who the winner of Project Runway 4 is then avert your eyes from this post. Oh and good luck, because the winner's name is everywhere. Yeah, I have to do that or I'll get e-mails from some bitchy ass queen telling me to swallow razors for exposing the winner's name to them. Some people!

Anyway, I'm so glad this shit is finally over. I feel so much joy when a reality show finally ends, because those things usually go on for way too long. I'm over it by the time it's over. However, I just saw the ads for Top Chef and it starts next week. Damn you Bravo! Damn you for making me watch these shows.

Now for the winner's talk. I was actually rooting for that conceited piece of hot ass, Rami. As Nina Garcia would say, I felt his collection was the most "cohesive." Ugh, I hate when Nina says "coheeesive." I knew Jilly didn't have a chance in fashion hell after I saw that hideous gold dress come down the runway. You know, the gold dress that looked like it was taken from the Pussycat Dolls' closet? Offensive.

I also pretty much knew Christian was going to take this shit. The whole season was set up for that. If I never see a ruffle again, I'll be a happy puss. I wish him luck, but I hope I never have to see his guinea pig hair on TV again. I can't take hearing the word "fierce" again. I just can't. I'm all "fierced" out. Wait, I do watch America's Next Top Model. FUCK. There's no escaping the fierce!

The real winning moment of the night for me was hearing Posh talk again. I love hearing her voice. It's like watching a wax figure come to life. It's fascinating. I really wanted Posh and Heidi Klum to break out into a duet of Heidi's "Wonderland, Wonderland."

Here's pics of Christian and the losers at last night's wrap party.