Beyonce

Beyonce's Pregnant?

The better question would be "who isn't knocked up?" Sources close to Beyonce claim she's pregnant with Jay-Z's baby. Sources told The Mirror that she's trying to keep her bun in the oven a secret. "Beyonce is giving nothing away. She's always been close to her parents and open about wanting a large family of her own one day."

This source also claims Beyonce and Jay-Z were secretly married in Paris last month. "Beyonce and Solange have been brought up with strong Christian beliefs. Part of that belief is to be married before having children."

It seems like every few months the same rumors come up about these two. If Beyonce was married and pregnant we would know about it. Papa Knowles would make sure of it. They would have some big ass wedding and make a big ass deal about her being knocked up. She would probably put out a CD of lullabies and design a baby line. They would milk the hell out of that baby.

She's not pregnant, she just has a new weave. Here's Beyonce and her man at the Emporio Armani and Versace shows in Milani this past weekend.

Posted by: Michael K

81 comments •

Beyonce • Knocked Up

Keep Them Away From Any Open Flames

It's Solange Knowles and that other Knowles sister underneath all that wigness. How many Barbie heads had to be scalped in order to dress the heads of these women? Thousands at least! This must stop. The senseless scalping of poor, innocent Barbies must end!

I hope these lovely wig heads stayed away from any open flames or else that joint would've lit up like the look on Tommy Cruise's face when he gets a couple of fingers in his poop shoot.

These two messes came out for the opening of Jay-Z's 40/40 club in Las Vegas last night. I am so sick of Beyonce! Solange really needs to take the spotlight away from her. Solange is a breath of fresh fug and Beyonce is just a bore. She even tried to not be soooo boring by painting one dark blue. Didn't work!

Posted by: Michael K

92 comments •

Beyonce • Hotness

The Photoshop Awards: Beyonce For House Of Derriere

That is obviously not Beyonce's body. For a quick minute I thought I was looking at a darker LaToya Jackson. Beyonce, why do you let your daddy and mama do this to you? That background looks like it was taken from one of those "Western Theme Photo Shoots" they do at amusement parks.

Source: NOTW

Posted by: Michael K

68 comments •

Beyonce • Photoshop Awards

Over Beyonce's Dead Body

Are Destiny's Child going to reunite? Beyonce, Kelly and Michelle have reportedly been inspired by the Spice Girls reunion and are thinking of working together. Inspired? More like jealous of the Spice Girls.

Kelly said, "This current spate of reunions has given us ideas. Despite what people say we are all still really close. A couple of weeks ago Beyonce did a show in Los Angeles and asked me and Michelle to join her on stage to sing 'Survivor'. The emotion was incredible and it felt so good to be back up there with the girls again. It was a real tear-jerker. The fans were crying and going nuts. It was magical. I'd definitely like us to do more stuff like that."

Basically, Kelly is saying, "I need the cash. Bitch is broke!" I don't see Beyonce doing this shit unless they change their name to Beyonce And The Others.

Source

Posted by: Michael K

80 comments •

Beyonce • Gross

Could've Been Worse?

Beyonce sang "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" for Movies Rock which aired last night. You know it wasn't as much as a roller coaster of shrills as I thought it would be. Usually Beyonce takes up to the skies and then crashes us into the ground and brings us back up with all her ooohing and aaahhhhing. She kind of tamed it down. KIND OF. I still had to turn the volume down on her ass.

That dress needs to be thrown over the rainbow for good never to be seen from again.

Click here if you're having trouble with the video

VIA ONTD

Posted by: Michael K

77 comments •

Beyonce • Girlfriend Please • YouTubes

I Need A Personal Umbrella Holder

Beyonce and other celebrities have right the idea. Holding your own umbrella is so cumbersome. I have loose wrists (NO JOKES! YOU HEAR ME!?) so a personal umbrella holder would do me good. Think of all the things you can do if you had someone holding your umbrella? You could keep your hands in your pockets, you could keep them at your side, you could slap someone and pull their hair, you could pet a dog and molest his owner at the same time, you could hold a cup of coffee and talk at the phone at the same time. It opens up a whole new world!

On the flip side, you'd have really have to trust the person holding your umbrella. They could easily play a joke on you and leave you all wet. I really wish that man did this to Beyonce. That would be funny.

Here's Beyonce, her P.U.H. and Jay-Z in Paris for Jay-Z's Birthday.

Wenn , Splash

Posted by: Michael K

99 comments •

Beyonce

Squeeeeeeeze

Tina Knowles is making her daughter, Beyonce, work hard for the beauty. Beyonce looked like she was about to bust a rib at last night's "Movies Rock" event. They probably had to sew her ass in with fish wire. She's posing like that, because she can't breathe.

Beyonce later performed "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" during the show. More like "Somewhereereeree aaah uhhhh ahhh ooooooveeeeeerrr thaaaaa uhhhhh ahhhhh raaaaainboooow uhhhhhh ahhhh!!!" No, she's not having a seizure! That's how she sings.

Posted by: Michael K

84 comments •

Beyonce

I Don't Wanna Know About You!

WHY?!!!!! Beyonce joined Sugarland onstage at the AMAs last night for a country version of her song "Irreplaceable." My ear drums are irreplaceable Beyonce and you don't seem to care!

It was truly horrendous. It was like a bad "Saturday Night Live" skit starring Amy Poehler and Maya Rudolph.

Although hearing that country bitch sing "you must not know about me" kind of made my night.

It was nice of Beyonce to recycle one of Bette Midler's old jackets from "Big Business." Beyonce thinks green.

Posted by: Michael K

2 comments •

Award Shows • Beyonce • I Don't Like Jokes • Truly Awful Music

What Is The Point Of This?

The Beyonce cell phone?! What the fuck?! Samsung unveiled the new, limited edition "B'Phone" today. Basically, the thing is a piece of junk! Her weave glue is probably worth more than that cheap ass phone. The phone does come with a song she recorded when she was a little girl.

Beyonce told Billboard, "When I was 10, I recorded a song called '632-5792' -- a phone number. It's a little embarrassing but it's cute. There's a recording of that song on the phone exclusively for my fans. I wanted to make sure people got a feel for who I really am. It's only through this phone that you can get this close to my life."

This bitch is FULL OF CACA! Beyonce stop letting Daddy Knowles pull the strings. He's making a foolio out of you! She wants her fans to know who she is through a phone?! That is soooo touching...NOT!

Bitch just wants to get paid! Let's be real!

I wonder if the phone teaches you how to lip-synch, lie your age, make sure that weave is tight and backstab your best girlfriends. Just like B!

Posted by: Michael K

129 comments •

Beyonce

Beyonce Washes The Blonde Out

Beyonce finally left the honey blonde or whatever the hell her color was and went dark. Definitely an upgrade. However, she should've stayed away from curling her hair using the Little Tykes curling iron. She has a My Little Pony 'do.

Here's Beyonce leaving the party for Diddy's new fragrance in NYC last night.