Oprah

The Queen of Everything and her pet lezzie, Gayelle King, are currently on vacation in Italy. The Italians around Oprah should really be on their knees, bowing down in her presence. I'm sure they will be executed later for not following the rules.

Stedman didn't come along, because the sound of Oprah and Gayelle's scissor slapping keeps him up at night and he's a total bitch if he doesn't get his 8 hours. Besides, all Oprah and Gayelle plan to do in Italy is eat, eat, eat, eat, eat and eat! And I'm not talking about food eating. Although, I'm sure there will be plenty of that too.

Naomi the Terrible showed up to Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday dinner last night even though she's been banned from presenting at tomorrow's concert in Hyde Park. Mandela let Naomi come as long as she sat at the kid's table and didn't talk to anybody. Naomi showed up with her new boyfriend, Marcus Elias. New boyfriend did a good job of hiding the bruises on his face because you know Naomi beats his ass.

Other guests at Mandela's birthday dinner included Oprah, Neil Diamond, Forrest Whitaker, Chelsea Clinton and a bunch of other hos. And who the hell does Oprah think she is? Karl Lagerfeld?!

The almighty Oprah has once again topped Forbes magazine's list of the biggest celebrity cocks aka The Celebrity 100 list. Oprah needs to pull a Katherine Heigl and ask to not be considered for this kind of shit. We already know that she's the most powerful and richest living thing on earth. It goes without saying. I'm pretty sure that part of the taxes I pay go directly to Oprah. It's the country's way of thanking her for being so fucking awesome. Blah!

Other whores on the list include Brad Pitt (#10) and Angelina Jolie (#3). You know Angie is walking around with her copy of Forbes telling Brad that she owns his ass once again! Brad lowers his head and hands over his balls again. Angie gave them back to him after he knocked her up with twins. At least he got to spend a little time with them.

The list ranks whores based on wealth and fame. Here's the Top 10 with what they reportedly made last year. Gross, grosser and grossest.

1. Oprah - $275 million
2. Tiger Woods - $115 million
3. Angelina Jolie - $14 million
4. Beyonce - $80 million
5. David Beckham - $50 million
6. Johnny Depp - $72 million
7. Jay-Z - $82 million
8. The Police - $115 million
9. J.K. Rowling - $300 million
10. Brad Pitt - $20 million

Visit Forbes to see the rest of the list

Oprah has announced to the world that she's just started a 21-day diet detox. Oprah is going vegan for 21 days which means no animal products. That means fish too. I'm sure Gayle King has a lot of questions for her bff.

People reports that Oprah is also banning caffeine, sugar, gluten and booze. Booze?! How is that even possible? What is the point of living!? Wait, does rubbing alcohol count as booze? I heard you can get a quick buzz from that shit.

O was inspired by Kathy Freston's book Quantum Wellness. She plans to blog about the entire process.

She wrote on her website, "This 21-day cleanse gives me a chance to think about [eating] differently and see what my attachments are to certain kinds of foods – and what I'm willing to do to change. Don't know if I'm going to feel better or worse, but I'm willing to try to see if my body at least feels differently."

She's already enjoying nasty crap like strawberry rhubarb wheat-free crepes.

I would go on a 21-day detox too if I had someone cooking all my meals for me and wiping my nasty ass when I get the runny runs.

Sorry Oprah, it's too late for you. Tommy Girl's gay alien clutches have already gotten to you!

Why is Tommy Girl looking at Oprah like she's a 10-inch dick? How the hell high are they? The altitude is obviously fucking with Tommy Girl's alien brains, because he looks like he wants to deep throat Oprah.

Oprah is thinking, "Save me Gayle."

The only person that needs saving is the poor sucker that took this picture. That bitch is probably permanently traumatized by the coming together of these two enormous egos.

Above is a picture from Tommy Girl's interview with Oprah which airs this Friday on her show.

Source: UsWeekly

I have no idea what Tommy Girl is whispering into Oprah's ear in the picture above. My guess is that he's telling her Xenu has a big dick. So......as you know, Tommy Girl is returning to the scene of the couch-jumping incident. Oprah will interview Tommy in two-parts. YES! Two-parts of crazy. The first part will air this Friday and features an already taped interview at Tommy's Telluride, CO. estate.

E!'s Marc Malkin reports that Oprah said they talk about Scientology, the couch-jumping incident and Tommy's crazed Matt Lauer debacle. Oprah also said that Tommy gave her a ride on his "snowmobile." How exciting. NOT.

I really hope Oprah also throws water on Suri to see if she malfunctions.

The second part of the interview will be taped at Oprah's studio in Chicago. That shit will air on May 5th and the focus will be the 25th Anniversary of "Risky Business."

I'm not expecting much from this two-part mess. It's going to be watered down and highly edited. Who cares about his stupid ass snowmobile? I want to see his Xenu butt plug and Scientology sex dungeon. They should have brought Jenny Jones out of forced retirement to conduct this interview. That bitch asks the tough questions. Where the hell is Jenny Jones anyway?

Tommy Girl's crazy ass is returning to the Oprah show. Tommy hasn't been on the show since 2005, when he freaked everyone out by declaring his fake love for Katie Holmes. Oprah's fugly leather sofa-thing was never the same again after it was violated by Tommy.

MSNBC's The Scoop reports that the show will most likely air during May sweeps. The focus of the show might be the 25th Anniversary of "Risky Business."

Sources claim that other celebrities have been invited to the taping and it will be an "A-list affair."

They better make Tommy Girl recreate "the tighty whities scene." Even Oprah's audience of middle-aged horny cougars won't be able to contain their laughter.

Speaking of laughter. Tommy Girl's cackle mixed with Oprah's cackle will make us all certifiable.

Oprah's expose on puppy mills aired today and she dedicated the episode to her "one true love" Sophie. Oprah played a lovely montage video of Sophie her servants worked on. Oprah said she had not seen it yet, so you know what that means.......spidery tears! For serious! Her false eyelashes must be sealed with liquid nails.

I admit that I felt the intense urge to squeeze out a wet one from my beady eye, but it didn't happen. I did feel a little warmness in my chest, but that could have been from my Mexican lunch.

The one thing I realized after watching this touching tribute to Sophie is that I want a montage video of my own when I bite the big one! We all should have one. I can't count on the lazy whores in my life to put one together, so I'll do this myself. It will be set to Foreigner's Cold As Ice. That seems fitting and it might make my movements in the montage video look more graceful.

Oprah will dedicate an entire show to her late dog, Sophie. When I first read the headline, I thought Oprah was going to have a memorial show for her dog with a special performance by Celine Dion singing "My Heart Will Go On." Unfortunately, that's not the show Oprah is dedicating to Sophie. It totally crossed her mind though. The show dedicated to Sophie will focus on investigating those shitty fuck puppy mills.

Oprah said, "Sophie gave me 13 years of unconditional love. She was a true love in my life." The other true love is Gayle. Sorry Stedman.

The show will air on Friday. Lisa Ling will travel into mills to see the horrific conditions. Oprah said the show is "for anybody anywhere who loves a dog, has ever loved a dog, or just cares about their basic right to humane treatment." Sophie was purchased from a breeder, but Oprah said she would only adopt a pet from a shelter from now on.

I hope Oprah sent Paris Hilton a special copy. I also hope Oprah releases the names of the puppy mills, because you know the Oprah crazies will launch a Heather-Mills-style attack on them.

Source

Thanks M

Gayle King has moved into a penthouse in NYC under the name of Oprah's dog Sophie. Sophie recently kicked it for that doghouse in the sky, but her name lives on in Gayle's own doghouse. Page Six reports that the $7.1 million penthouse was purchased under the name Sophie's Penthouse LLC. It has three bedrooms, 31/2 baths, a large living room/dining area, and a 768-square-foot wraparound terrace. Damn! Oprah's whores live large. Spitz doesn't have anything on the O!

Sophie's Penthouse LLC has a nice ring to it, but Oprah's Bitch LLC would have been more fitting. That company name is probably already taken by Dr. Phil.