Oprah

Oprah's first dog, Sophie, passed away on Monday. What?! Close shop! We must mourn. A source at Harpo Studios told Celebrity Dog Watcher that “everyone here is really sad…Sophie was truly part of the Harpo family — as well as Oprah’s.”

13-year-old Sophie suffered from kidney failure. Last year, one of Oprah's other dogs, Grace, died after she choked on a ball. Oprah, stop leaving your anal beads around the house!

Sophie will no doubt be buried in a coffin that costs more that what we make in a month...COMBINED. She deserves it. I can tell she was a good soul just by looking at her tongue flopping out of her mouth like that.

Gracie and then Sophie? Foul play! Something tells me a certain King is involved. She just can't stand sharing Oprah!

Oprah now has two beautiful new lawsuits on her desk for two different things.

The first! Oprah is being sued by a woman who claimed the reality show "Oprah's Big Give" was her idea. Darlene Tracy pitched the idea for a show called "The Philanthropist" to Harpo Productions in 2005. Darlene's show wanted to challenge contestants to help the needy. This is exactly the same premise as Oprah's new reality baby. In 2006, Darlene tried to get the show from hitting the air, but a judge shot her down. Darlene has now hired a lawyer and filed an appeal. Harpo productions told the NYDN, "We agree with the judge that [Tracy's] claims against Harpo Productions, Inc. are without merit. We are confident that the Court of Appeals will agree that Tracy has no claim."

Darlene has a better shot at giving birth to Angelina Jolie's next adopted child then winning a lawsuit against Oprah Winfrey. That's like if I sued Jesus! Darlene better lock her doors at night, sleep with one eye open and keep a Gayle King photo near her bed. You don't eff around with Ope.

Now for the second lawsuit! Orit Greenberg is suing Harpo after she claims crazed Oprah audience members caused her to fall down the stairs. Orit said she went to a taping of the Oprah show in 2006. She was kept in a holding area with the other audience members. A staff member then instructed them to enter the studio and sit wherever they wanted. That's when all hell broke loose and people started charging the studio like...well...like they were at an Oprah show. Orit was knocked over and fell down some stairs. She blames the Harpo staff for not controlling the crowd. She wants $50,000 in medical expenses and for other shit.

Orit won't see a penny of Oprah's money. Like I said before, she's fucking Oprah! She doesn't stand a chance!

Sculptor Daniel Edwards is responsible for the Britney Spears giving birth statue and the dead Paris Hilton one. He tackles Oprah for his latest work. He calls it "The Oprah Sarcophagus." He said that he is paying homage to the closest thing America has to a living deity. Great, jack her off more. That's just what she needs.

Oprah's probably wet queefing over this one. Actually, Gayle King is probably going to buy this shit. She's going to place it in her bedroom next to her Oprah "real doll."

Source: Daily Mail

Ellen Degeneres can keep the title of TV's favorite bitch, because Oprah has her own TV channel. Another one! Oprah has reached a deal with Discovery Communications to operate the OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network. Discovery will give up its Discovery Health channel to OWN. The channel was started in 1999 has over 70 million subscribers.

Oprah will have complete control over OWN, but they are currently looking for a CEO. Please, you know she's going to give it to Gayle. Oprah said, "For me, the launch of 'The Oprah Winfrey Network' is the evolution of the work I've been doing on television all these years and a natural extension of my (syndicated daytime) show."

She went on to say, "I will soon control the world and your souls!" No, but she wanted to. What about the Oxygen Network? I know she's too good for them now, but that shit is good. Any network that produces "The Bad Girls Club" is fine by me.

The OWN channel is going to be so boring. It's going to be Oprah preaching to us 24-hours a day about how we need to listen to her ass and shit. She's right, but still. I don't want to hear it!

She just needs to run for leader of the universe and get it over with. Put us out of our misery.

Source: USA Today

Even with all that Iggy drama last year, Ellen Degeneres managed to score the top spot as America's favorite TV star. The annual poll was released yesterday and Ellen managed to push Oprah off her pedestal. Oprah has been #1 on the Harris Poll for the past five years. Here's how the rest of the list looks and my thoughts:

1. Ellen Degeneres - NO! Iggy hates her and so do I!
2. Oprah - Who?
3. Jay Leno - Ok!
4. Hugh Laurie from House - Eh
5. Jon Stewart - Ok!
6. David Letterman - Ok!
7. Stephen Colbert - A-Ok!
8. Bill O'Reilly - BARF ALERT
9. Ray Romano - Who?
10. Homer Simpson - Yes!

Bill O'Fucking Reilly?! He's about as likable as puss-spewing anal growth. Martha Stewart is more likable than him. You know as long as there's no Rachael Ray on this list then I'm ok. Oprah however is not going to like this. It's war Ellen! Oprah war.

Source: Reuters

Oprah has left Stedman out of her will! Damn, he better start secretly stashing away her crap, so he can sell it on eBay later if he needs some dough. The National Enquirer (via MSNBC) reports that Oprah's partner of 21-years is nowhere on the will. She reportedly gives most of her $2 billion fortune to charities and her children. Yeah, her children. A source said Oprah wants to adopt 3 girls and raise them alone.

The source said, “It’s something she has always wanted to do. There’s no talk of her adopting the children with Stedman — this is something she’s going to do by herself.”

Alone my ass. What about Ope's beloved Gayle King? I can see those two getting old together, running some school. That shit will be like The Children's Hour.

I believe it, because there's no way Oprah's going to go down like that. She will give half of it to the Oprah Is God Forever And Always Foundation and the other half to Gayle and her 200 dogs. Gayle deserves it. She's been sucking Oprah's ass long enough.

Thanks M.E.

"An office manager at Harpo broke his silence and his confidentiality agreement when he spoke freely about Oprah Winfrey's private life and business affairs. Keifer Bonvillain underestimated one of the world's most powerful women when he, armed with clandestinely recorded tapes, decided to write a 'tell-all' book unmasking the famed celebrity. Within days of Harpo learning about the book, two men were attempting to break into Keifer's home - presumably to get the tapes. Oprah was desperate to keep the truth from being revealed . . . The fallout was Keifer's highly publicized arrest."

Oprah's "Favorite Things" episode was on today and my favorite part of the show is when Ope tells her audience what episode it is. These women go buck-ass-wild! You would think someone just told them that their vagina is made of diamonds. Their heads practically explode and they are out for blood. Some of them even "Praise Jesus!" I guess it's like winning the lottery.

Oprah hosted the episode in Macon, GA, because they are Opaloonies down there. Macon has been Ope's highest rated city ever since she debuted.

She gave everything from $6 to cupcakes to $4,000 fridges to a shitty ass Josh Groban CD. Click here to see the entire list.