George Clooney

Page Six has a little update on everyone's least-favorite robot call girl who fucked up the chance of a lifetime. Sarah Larson has moved on from George Clooney and is dating some Las Vegas promoter who goes by the name of Joey Vanas. Yup, that tidbit is about as interesting as your first morning piss. Although, the first morning piss is pretty great.

However, Page Six also claims Robot Call Girl cheated on Clooney in Las Vegas. She's a double-booker! Isn't that a hooker no no? A rebel call girl! A source said that while she was with Clooney, she "came to Vegas for a weekend and cheated on him with a media mogul." Oprah! How could you do that to Clooney?!

What was Robot Call Girl supposed to do? It's not like Clooney was lubing up her parts. I'm a little curious as to who this "media mogul" is. Although, the better question would probably be: "Who in Las Vegas hasn't tapped her hardrive?"

If your a reporter and you're interviewing Brad Pitt, if you don't ask how the chosen ones are doing, a curse will be placed on you. I'm pretty sure of it. At a press conference for "Burn After Reading" in Venice, Brad was asked how the chosen ones are doing. He said, "The twins are fine." He then raised his glass of holy water, toasted and took a sip. Half of the room fainted.

When Brad said they were fine, he really meant, "They can speak 10 languages, they are on their way to finding the cure for cancer and they just qualified for the Olympics in 2012. They will compete in every single event."

George Clooney, who was also at the press conference, was asked the question he always gets asked. When is he going to get married and have kids? He said, "I am so surprised to hear that question. This honestly is the first time I've ever been asked that question. I'm getting married and having children today." Brad added, "And until then, I'll be sharing mine with him." Seriously, they should just get married to each other already.

Here's the two old goats at the Venice Film Festival today. Brad, please burn that hat after wearing. Thank you. I also threw in some pictures of my favorite ginge shemalien, Tilda Swinton.

The ink on Sarah Larson's final invoice is barely dry and George Clooney has already moved on! That's what Page Six claims anyway. A source told them that Georgie started dating some other chick months before he dumped Sarah's mannequin ass.

The source went on to say that George knew he was going to cancel Sarah's contract, but kept the relationship going, so that she could get a little more shine in the spotlight. He thought it would help her "career." Yeah, her career as America's #1 ho.

Clooney's new piece has been described as blonde and in her mid-30s. Hmmm...blonde....,,in her mid-30s? Wait! He's totally dating the woman of his dreams, Brad Pitt! I know Brad is 40-something, but in dark lighting he could pass for 30s. Angie Jolie better tell Maddox to get his guns out. It's war.

Seriously, Georgie's spokesbitch responded by saying, "How does one as public as George secretly date anyone?" He's been secretly smashing dudes for a long ass time and has pretty much gotten away with it. It ain't hard to keep secrets. That's what S&M dungeons are for!

Sarah Larson reportedly got some titty sacks put in early last month. Above is a picture of Sarah in March and then Sarah late last month. Fake chichis! A source told In Touch that Sarah's new ones could have had something to do with George Clooney breaking up with her ass.

A source said, "George really didn't want her to get the boob job. She asked George if she could do her recovery at his house and he agreed."

She probably should have realized things weren't heading in the right direction when George said, "Don't get fake titties, but do you mind having a dick installed instead?" Poor Sarah. So pretty, yet so dumb.

The source also said Sarah didn't find out about the break-up until she read it in the media. That's bullshit! Sarah can't read!

Sarah isn't letting a little break-up get her down. She's moving on to bigger and better things, "She likes her new body so much that she would consider posing for Playboy. Now that she's famous, she'd never go back to cocktailing."

Oh, she'll go back to "cocktailing" eventually. But now that she's a famous ho, she can up her price!

Now that Sarah Larson has lost her position as George Clooney's #1 call girl, she's been sent back to the ho factory aka Las Vegas. A friend told FoxNews that Sarah never saw it coming. Sarah isn't the shiniest dildo in the sex store, so she wouldn't see "it" coming even if "it" busted on her face.

The friend said, “She thought they were getting married. Instead, she got dumped. She’s really upset. Devastated. She’s totally heartbroken and doesn’t deserve this. It came out of nowhere. They had made all these plans.”

Sarah had her shot at trapping Clooney and she failed. Epic fail! This was an easy case. Even if they didn't do sexay times together, she should have found other ways. Sarah should have sent one of her hot gerbil friends to seduce Clooney into dumping his pepaw load into a frozen condom. Voila! Instant baby!

Wait, Richard Gere is the one into gerbils, right? Fuckity fuck! I always confuse those silver foxes.

Oh well, Sarah Larson will be showing off her mannequin vagina in Playboy before the end of the year. Believe it!

It's back to the ho factory for Sarah Larson! InTouch is reporting that George Clooney has dumped his call girl of over a year. A friend told the magazine that Sarah has moved out of his Los Angeles home.

A source close to George said, "George is relieved to be single again. He thinks Sarah is sweet and that is why it was so hard to break up with her. The truth is that they had little in common and he just doesn't want to be tied down." Oh, I'm sure Georgie loves to be tied down. Tied down, gagged and stuffed. Just not by her.

Georgie's rep only said, “I can only confirm that we have never commented on George's personal life.” And I can only confirm that Georgie's rep is a smart ass!

Sarah done fucked up! Bitch was supposed to follow my detailed instructions. All she had to do was get knocked up! Shit, she could have even lied to him and said she was carrying his child! Go out and get pregnant by the local homeless man and pass the baby off as George's. Pull some scandalous shit to secure your future!

What the hell kind of fucked up gold digger is she? I'm embarrassed for her. She gives all us shameless sluts a bad name.

Sarah Larson is addicted to "Rock of Love." I knew she was one of those classy call girls and not the trashy kind. Sarah said that when she fucked herself up in a motorcycle accident, she glued herself to marathons of the show. She even got George Clooney addicted.

She told Harper's Bazaar, "We caught ourselves rooting for someone or getting frustrated. And we were like, 'This is sad.'" Sad?! Sarah probably knows half of those twats from working the ho stroll with them. Sarah would be on Rock of Love if she wasn't licking Clooney taint.

Sarah's biggest credit is being a contestant on Fear Factor, but she said she would not have dated George if he was also a reality star. "If George had been on a reality show, I don't think I'd have talked to him. It would have been like, 'That's nice.' "I don't know. He still wants to date me, and I ate a scorpion." That's exacty why he did choose her, because if she'll put a scorpion in her mouth, she'll put anything in her mouth. Georgie totally likes it dirty. That being said, Sarah is turning out to be one of the smartest hos in Hollywood.

Here's Sarah at some event for Giorgio Armani the other night. Last year, Sarah was probably getting groped by Giorgio the bus boy at the bar she worked at and now she's clicking champagne glasses with Giorgio Armani.

Seeing new pictures of Sarah Larson with George Clooney still surprise me. I'm waiting for him to send her back to the Bunny Ranch or wherever the hell he found her. All I know is that this is going to be a major bill for George Clooney. Sarah Larson doesn't come cheap! Vivian Ward, eat your hooker heart out!

What Sarah needs to do is stop fucking around and get with the gold digging program already! The bitch needs to get knocked up or go home!

The Clooney and his lovely Sarah celebrated his 47th Birthday last night in NYC. 47? He doesn't look a day under 60! That being said, I'd let him cum in my ear. It's probably like porridge though, because that's what pepaw sperm is like. So I've heard....

George Clooney is once again talking about Brangie. George is the world's #1 Brangaloonie.

Georgie told Heat Magazine that hanging around Brad and Angie's 10 thousand kids makes him not want to have children of his own. "Even one kid running around my villa makes me nervous, so I'm definitely not a candidate for father of the year! If I need to surround myself with children and feel like I have this big extended family, I can always call Brad and Angie and ask them to stay with me, just to remind me why I'm so happy without."

Although, he won't be asking them to stay with him in Italy this Summer. "I really don't have enough space for all their children. Also, Brad and Angelina need a security deal of about 20 guys wearing dark suits and carrying walkie-talkies, and that tends to attract attention."

Screaming children don't bother me. That's what cupboards, duct tape and booze are for. I use those things on myself! Not the children! What do you take me for?

George just needs to chop his nuts off already. He's made it loud and clear that he doesn't want any babies. Get the snip, because Sarah Larson is setting her trap.

Source

Sarah Larson talks! And she talked to the Las Vegas Review Journal about the night she met her meal ticket, George Clooney. Sarah said she first met eyes with George a while ago, "It was on his birthday three or four years ago at Whiskey at [Vegas's] Green Valley Ranch." She served cocktails at the joint at the time and had a boyfriend.

A few years later, George came to Vegas for the Ocean's Thirteen premiere and started asking around for her. Sarah said they "hung out" and the rest is history.

Asking around for her?! More like he called up the escort agency and asked for their top shelf robot.

Sarah quit her job as a cocktail waitress and recently signed with a Los Angeles based modeling agency. She said Georgie is supportive of her career, "Your boyfriend better be. If they aren't, you gotta kick 'em in the butt and walk away."

Oh please! This bitch is acting like she's the one buying her own ten thousand dollar dresses and flying herself to Italy. Homegirl is sucking Clooney's ass lips for a luxurious lifestyle and there's nothing wrong with that, but be honest. I bet Clooney's ass lips taste like duck!

I still can't get over the fact that she actually talked during this interview. That's going to cost Clooney extra.