Ashlee Simpson
Tuesday, December 18th 2007
They Totally Share Clothes
What the hell is on Pete Wentz's head? Is that a hood/scarf combo thing, an ill-fitting hoodie or a long scarf wrapped around his head? Whatever it is, it's fug. I like the idea of a hood/scarf combo thing. That's sort of like a dickie and dickies are way hot.
Here's Pete and Asshole being extra homo in NYC last night.
ShareThis
Monday, December 17th 2007
Public Displays Of Attention
Ash Simpson and Pete Wentz fugged up Madison Square Garden on Saturday night. They attended a Knicks vs. Nets game. The Nets lost. I bet you Ashlee was cheering them on killed it for them. The Simpsons should not be allowed near sports events!
Pete also denied the rumor that he was not invited to the Simpson's for Christmas, because Papa Joe doesn't like the fact that Pete has kissed dudes. Pete said, "I think Joe gets a really bad rap in the press. He's always been nothing but nice to me. He even called me to let me know he expects me to show up for Xmas. So there's no truth to that."
Of course he invited now! Ashlee is also turning into her sister more and more every single day. Bitch already has "won't-shut-her-ugly-mouth-itis." Close your mouth! Just cause daddy likes it open doesn't mean the world does!
Tuesday, December 11th 2007
Makes Sense
OK! Magazine claims Rumer Willis and Ashlee Simpson are new best friends even though Rumer used to date Pete Wentz. Yup, Pete has weird taste. Obviously, he gets off on chins. Ash and Rumer were recently seen together at Central in Los Angeles.
“They danced together the whole time. If there was any jealousy over Pete, it’s certainly gone. They seemed like best friends.”
Hopefully, Ash was giving Rumer some plastic surgery advice. Although, I'm not sure plastic surgeons can shrink heads.
Wednesday, December 5th 2007
Papa Joe Ruins Christmas
Papa Joe ruins everything! Star Magazine reports that Joe has straight-up banned Pete Wentz from Christmas at the Simpsons house this year. Apparently, Joe doesn't like the fact that Pete has kissed other dudes on the mouth. Joe is a former Baptist preacher. You know what that means.
A source told Star, “Joe was skeptical about the relationship from the start. There is a rumour that Pete tried to commit suicide, but with the news of his possible bisexuality, Joe blew his top.”
More like blew his load. You know Papa Joe swings that way too. He's just afraid that with Pete around for Christmas he's going to be tempted to play a game of "Santa goes down the chimney." His dream come true is a Pete and Ash threesome.
Ashlee apparently was upset, but agrees with her daddy's morals. That's right Ash! You better listen to daddy or he will blow the lid on your lip-synching. Oh, too late. On your nose job! Oh, too late too.
Monday, November 26th 2007
Whine...Whine...Whine....
A band called Neurosonic has written a song making fun of Asshole Simpson's lip-synching debacle on SNL called "So Many People." Pete Wentz is defended his chick and sent a cease and desist letter to the band reports Page Six. The group ignored the letter and are still performing the song.
I'm going to send a c+d to the band for a different reason. The song sucks and hurts my ears and others shouldn't have to go through the same pain! I'm also going to send a c+d to Pete Wentz for shooting that sex scene with that chick from Hell's Kitchen. It should never be seen again. Then I will send a c+d to Papa Joe for fathering Asshole and Chestica Simpson and barring them from ever being seen or heard from again.
Click here if the video above isn't working
Saturday, October 13th 2007
Tweezer Magic
Asshole Simpson's rep has denied that the 23-year-old uses botox to smooth down wrinkles in her forehead and make her eyes look wider. Her rep says it's the magic of the tweezer.
"Ashlee has never had Botox in her life. She credits her eyebrows to her makeup artist who is a whiz with the tweezer."
She may not get botoxed, but she should look into it. That nose job is falling fast and maybe a few ounces of snake venom would pull that shit back up. While they are poking at her they might as well Botox her fucking lips shut too. Oh, both lips! We don't want anymore Simpsons in this world!
Source: Us Weekly
Friday, October 12th 2007
Killing The 80s
Ashlee Simpson had a Birthday party a couple of weeks ago and it was 80s themed. You know it actually looks semi-cute and semi-fun, but coming from these twats it looks like a house of annoying. Pete Wentz looks stoned as hell! He's looking at me like I'm a french fry pie!
I will say that Jessica Simpson looks hot. Bitch should keep that looks. 80s hair is definitely the way to go. The higher, the better.
Monday, October 8th 2007
A Couple That Flat Irons Together, Stays Together
Aren't they precious? Pete Wentz looks like he takes more time in the bathroom than Ashlee Simpson. You know I'm on the fence with Asshole. There was a time when she was definitely the hotter of the Simpson skanks, but now she looks soo.....generic. Something's not right about her. Papa Joe has hypnotized her.
Oh and don't ask me what that light bulb is that Pete Wentz is holding. It reads "Burmp" when it really should read "Turd."
Here's Ass and Pete at Moveline's Hollywood Life Style Awards last night.
Tuesday, September 25th 2007
I'm Sure You Were "There" For Her
Joe Simpson talked to FoxNews about why his little plastic dumplings, Chestica and Asshole, aren't like Britney, Lindsay and the others.
He said, "We have a real family. You can’t just put these kids out in the world and they’re on their own. I can remember a time when Jessica was singing at Madison Square Garden and her outfit ripped before she went on. We were there for her."
Um....Papa Joe probably weakened the thread so her dress would rip. I'm sure he was there for her. By "we" he means his fingers.
He also confirmed that Chestica's next album will be country music.
"Willie Nelson really likes her," he said. "We’re going to go down there and really get into it."
Get into it?! A threesome?! OH HELL NO. I gotta go wash out my eyes with bleach. I just didn't read that.
Thursday, September 13th 2007
Ashlee Simpson Needs To Give It Up
Asshole Simpson needs to give up music for good. Yesterday, the single off her third album was released. The song is fittingly enough called "Murder" because it basically murders your eardrums.
Ass sounds like she has a dick in her mouth through the whole damn song. She's also trying to sound all International and she's about as International as IHOP.
This song makes anything by Britney Spears sound like music from the angels.
CLICK HERE to listen to it
3 sec ago
10 sec ago
33 sec ago
46 sec ago
49 sec ago
1 min 1 sec ago
1 min 18 sec ago
1 min 38 sec ago
1 min 39 sec ago
1 min 50 sec ago