Tara Reid

Tara Reid tried her best at last night's Grammy parties, but still came up looking like a Las Vegas bridesmaid. She almost had me until I got to the pink eyes. I guess that's to distract from the blood-shot eyes she will probably gain later in the night after downing a few dozen Red Bulls/Vodkas. I mean you know that's all she drinks.

In other Tara news....she's really disgusted at Joe Francis' behavior on the Howard Stern radio show. Joe told Howard that Tara is basically dead fish in bed. At a pre-Grammy part Joe tried to talk to her but she turned around and said, "Get away from me! Never talk to me again!"

That act was just for the cameras I'm sure. She probably gave him a hand job in the bathroom.

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Joe Francis went on Howard Stern this morning to talk about his possible lawsuit against the creators of ParisExposed.com. Joe said he was not part of the leak and he doesn't believe Paris is either. Howard used this precious time to ask Joe about who's hot in bed and who sucks. Joe has claimed to have banged Paris, Lindsay Lohan, Tara Reid and Kimberly Stewart.

Joe claims that Paris gives the best head. When Howard asked him who gave better head, Lindsay or Paris? Joe said, "Paris." LIES! Joe also said that Tara Reid was the worst only saying, "...well I only used protection with her, so maybe that made it less pleasurable..."

He says she more or less just layed there like a dead fish. He said Paris was really good in bed, but after her herpes condition was leaked onto ParisExposed.com he won't be tapping that anytime soon.

"Well I don't plan on having sex with Paris again, especially after seeing the medical documents on the site."

Please! He's just trying to be nice to that piece of trash. I've seen her sex in action and I've seen sexier moves from a squirrel trying to bury his nut.

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Tara Reid looked like a porn star getting ready to film her big scene in a dirty version of The Great Gatsby while she attended the Magic Millions Raceday in Australia yesterday. A poor bird had to give his feathers up for this piece of trash?

Tara Reid has been brought to Australia by producers of the Magic Millions racing carnival in order to bring a little glamour to the event. Glamour?! I think instead of glamour, they brought unknown STDs to their country. Oh well.

Tara found time in her busy partying schedule to swim with the dolphins at Sea World. I hope the dolphins wore protection.

Tara said, "It was one of the most magical moments of my life . . . I'm on a total high. I think this will be my favorite experience – this is just amazing."

When asked about his experience, the dolphin said "I have warts on my damn a-hole! WARTS ON MY A-HOLE! Who's going to love me now? They paid me overtime for this, but still! My life is over! What was magical for her was a nightmare for me!"

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I can't judge Tara Reid's overall appearance anymore. I just can't. Whenever I look at her, my "fug vision" immediately turns on and all I say is a big ball of plastic and cheese. She's in Australia now and is seen here at the Magic Millions party today. I guess she looks ok...NO NO NO...she looks heinous!

This is Tara Reid: 20, 12, 8, 9, 5, 4, 7, 1....

This is Me: Are you seriously mentally retarded? No, honestly.

Click here if you can't see the video above.

Thanks Rikki

Tara Reid is currently sunning her Jaba-the-Hut tummy in St. Barts in preparation for Celebrity Big Brother in London next week. Tara seems to be a lock to join the house and compete in a prize for charity. In case you don't know, the show puts 7 "celebrities" in a house where they are voted out by viewers each week. The last remaining ho wins a prize. David Hasselhoff, Sarah Harding, Lil' Kim and KFed are also rumored to live in the house.

I hope that Tara gets drunk enough to reneact that "bottle in the coochie" thing Kinga did a few seasons ago. Click here if you haven't seen it. Some ho Kinga gets really drunk and effs herself with a wine bottle. I'm sure Tara is going to one up her by getting DPed by a Swiffer wet jet and a pumpkin.

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Tara Reid exposed her frankentummy yet again in St. Barths yesterday. Why hasn't the government done something about this? They really should deport her ass and her stomach. I mean, that thing looks like it has a brain of its own and will eat and kill everything in its path. That being said, scrambled eggs for breakfast!

Tara Reid must've scared thousands when she bared her frankentummy in the Caribbean over the weekend. I mean didn't she say that she fixed that thing? It doesn't look like she did. I know she's broke, but I'm sure the Humane Society will lend her the dough to get that fixed. It's obscene!

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You don't fool me Tara Reid. One minute your ass is falling down drunk in London and the next minute you're trying to be some effin Ava Gardner type at a movie premiere. I mean the movie premiere is Black Christmas not like Casablanca or anything. Stupid ass. Yes, she looks pretty but next week she'll be caught doing nut shots off some frat dudes.