Jennifer Lopez

It's an airbrushed to hell JLo with her twins, Max & Emme, on the cover of People Magazine! This is what $6 million (allegedly) gets you! The new issue hits stands tomorrow and promises 12 pages of JLo, Skeletor and their babies. People made a good call and kept Skeletor off the cover. This isn't a Halloween issue. They also take us inside the twins' nursery? Which one? I bet you anything JLo had a fake nursery made up, so she doesn't look that crazy. The real nursery is covered in solid gold, diamonds, furs and elephant ivory.

It's always hilarious when celebrities put their newborn babies in magazines. Babies pretty much look all the same at that age.

They probably went with this picture, because every time JLo went to hold them they started crying. Well, I'm sure this is like the third time she's seen them! They want the nanny.

Page Six reports that JLo's custom hospital suite at North Shore University Hospital on Long Island is finally occupied! The suite has been sitting there empty for the past two weeks. JLo has apparently checked in and is ready to get the job done. Is she having a c-section? If Xtina's too good to push, I'm guessing JLo is waaaaaaay too good to push. JLo's just going to waltz in, have them light all her white candles, turn on her stories, snack on Bugles and tell them to let her know when they are done. But don't interrupt her during her show! Only tell her during commercial and if the baby's are crying, make sure they keep it down until commercial break! The JLo must not be disturbed.

She's finally having her babies. I've been keeping myself awake at night just thinking of all the possibilities for their names. JLo better not let me down.

JLo is about to give birth to her twins any day now and she's already causing drama at North Shore University Hospital on Long Island. JLo has a suite designed specially for her and only her. Nobody else is allowed to use it until she's done with it.

A source told Page Six, "No one's even allowed in there until she gets here. It's just sitting there for her." The hospital has also reportedly beefed up security and have already went through several "code pink" drills in case of a possible kidnapping.

I bet this is just the tip of the iceberg. JLo is capable of so many ridiculous things. I wouldn't be surprised if she asks the doctors and nurses to color coordinate and to play her CDs during birth. I would advice against playing her CDs though. If the babies hear her music, they might not come out.

JLo is hoping to have her baby on Valentine's Day, so she can make the magazine deadlines! Always thinking ahead. MSNBC's The Scoop reports that JLo already had the February 14th date planned out. A source said, “She didn’t just like it because of the obvious correlation, which is sweet, but she also was happy that it ... would easily make the deadline for the weekly magazine covers.”

The source went on to say that JLo is hoping to have a photo shoot with her twinsies in one of the three new nurseries. She reportedly paid $120,000 for each nursery. The nurseries are equipped with imported furniture from France and “some of it has 18 karat gold on the legs and knobs. The rooms will even have crystal chandeliers.”

Who needs magazine covers? That is so old-fashioned She should just live stream the entire event. You just know this bitch is going to be in full hair and make-up with good lighting, white candles and her own music playing. She's just going to lay there checking her Blackberry while they c-section her ass. Then she will get up, wipe her mouth, glance at the babies, smile and demand a steak dinner.

Ever since JLo got knocked up, I've been waiting for these pictures. She is ready to blow! Skeletor and JLo looks hilarious together. They look like Edna and Wilbur Turnblad from "Hairpsray." I just want to hear JLo say, "All ratted up like a teenage Jezebel!"

I'm surprise she can even walk. They should've just thrown her ass in a shopping cart. She's probably such a bitch too! I can picture her screaming at Skeletor for not saying "bless you" when she farts.

I fucking love it. I hope JLo stays pregnant forever!!

Here's these two at Maddona and Gucci's Malawai and UNICEF benefit last night in NYC.

Wenn, Splash, Wireimage

JLo dragged her unborn twin babies to the Marchesa fashion show in NYC today. Skeletor joined her. JLo looked gorgeous in a short blue muumuu. It looks like a tablecloth. JLo's doing a good job of hiding her shit. I mean she's JLo and she's having twins! Her ass should be in another timezone. She's probably wearing like 10-pairs of Spanx. She cut them off at the thigh, so nobody would notice. Her face looks more pregnant than her body does.

Skeletor is looking...dare I say....no...I won't say it.

Wenn

JLo's daddy confirmed that she's having twins. Duh! In vitro babies. David Lopez was on the Spanish language show Escándalo where he said, "Yes, twins. The thing is in my family, my sister also had twins, so it's a hereditary thing."

Escandalo is the hottest name ever. I hope JLo names one of her babies that. David also talked about how he bought the babies a bracelet to protect them. He said, "In Puerto Rico it's custom to buy an azabache [black stone] bracelet for babies to protect them from the evil eye, it's part of our culture."

The evil eye? He's totally talking about Skeletor.

Source

JLo may or may not have had her twins. There are rumors that she had her babies yesterday at North Shore hospital in Long Island, NY. The rumor is she had a boy and a girl via c-section. Whatever the case may be, The Scoop reports that JLo had custom hospital gowns made for the occasion.

She had four pastel-colored couture hospital gowns and a matching robe made for her by DearJohnnies.com.

She probably can't fit her juicy ass in a regular hospital gown, so she came prepared. I feel jipped by this whole JLo pregnancy thing. It feels like she's been pregnant for an hour and there haven't been any good pictures. I was hoping to see her ass grow to epic proportions. It's not fair.

JLo hasn't popped her twins out yet, but Star Magazine claims they know their names. Over a week ago JLo's mommy, Guadalupe, picked up two gold-rope baby ID bracelets with the names Max and Emme on them. She got that shit from Genesis Jewelers in Yorktown Heights, N.Y.

Name change! I doubt JLo is going to name her son the same name as Xtina's son. I will also be disappointed if this is the names they go with. I'm expecting JLo to give me some tacky ass names. I'm thinking Armando Diddy for her boy and Concepcion Ben Affleck for her girl. They can also decide to give the kids their names, JLo and Skeletor!

JLo's baby shower was today in NYC. I'm sure this is one of many. Homegirl is reportedly having twins. Her shower was thrown by one of the producers of "Maid in Manhattan." Guests included her mother, sister and Diane Sawyer. Yeah, I doubt JLo is going to pull a Nicole Richie and donate her shower gifts to charity. Bitch probably registered at Tiffany's, Cartier, Fendi, Chanel, Ferrari and the Bentley store or some shit. I seriously can see her registering for a car for the "babies." Hey, she takes what she can gets!

Do you think they played the "guess the candy bar in the diaper" game? They totally did. I would love to see those wanna high-class broads play ghetto baby shower games. I really wished someone would put real poop in JLo's diaper. She would be like "Damn! This chocolate is good. Is this some French candy bar shit or something? Imported shit. Damn!"

Splash