Jennifer Lopez
Thursday, September 13th 2007
No
Does Jennifer Lopez think she's Kanye West or something. Those glasses should have never been invented. Actually, hand me those things JLo so I can cover my eyes and not have to look at your shit anymore. They aren't even expensive looking. That shit looks like it was done with a bootleg bedazzler from the Sunday Swap Meet.
Below are pictures from JLo's new album "Brave " which comes out October 9th. Didn't she just have an album out? Quit it! Stay home and make babies.
Source: ONTD
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Wednesday, September 12th 2007
Just Knocked Up?
Jennifer Lopez pregnancy rumors are once again in the air. A few Dlisted readers wrote me a couple of weeks ago to tell me she was knocked up with twins! MediaTakeOut is reporting that at her fashion show last night all the backstage talk about her pregnancy. She also wore a dress that seemed to hide her bump a little bit. I see bump, but is she carrying those twins in her ass? That's where all the meat is! Let's hope baby Lo looks like its mommy and not it's daddy. A baby skeletor would come out looking like that CAPTION THIS cat!
Here's JLo at her "Just Sweet" show last night in NYC.
Thursday, September 6th 2007
You Didn't Do It Well
This is what happens when you have too many egos, too many cooks in the kitchen and way too much money. JLo's video for "Do It Well" is a complete boring mess. Bitches were trying to hard to make JLo look like something she's not. JLo saving slave children in a night club? Who the hell came up with that! She's been watching way too much Dateline NBC. Daryl Hannah she is NOT!
I do love baby hairs on a chick though.
Source: ONTD
Thursday, August 9th 2007
Someone's Gonna Have To Get A Second Mortgage On Their House!
JLo was awarded $545,000 from husband #1, Ojani Noa, for his plans to write a tell-all on her big ass. Ojani was shopping a book he called, The Unknown Truth: A Passionate Portrait of a Serial Thriller, which would've detailed his first sexual encounter with JLo as well as her filandering while they were married.
That title is so stupid! That's the best he could come up with? The least he could do is name it, "My Life With Big Butt."
The court-appointed arbitrator agreed with JLo's attorney that this tell-all violated their settlement agreement where Ojani agreed not to disclose details of her personal life for money.
The award consists of $200,000 in compensatory damages for breach of the Lopez-Noa settlement agreement; nearly $300,000 in attorneys' fees and almost $48,000 in arbitration costs.
You know after hearing this decision, Ojani immediately called JLo and asked if he could borrow $545,000.
And DAMN! JLo was so hot back in the day. That lip liner and lip gloss makes me want to call her "La Whisper." Homegirl probably kepts razors in her hair just in case. She's too good for that now.
Source: People
Friday, July 27th 2007
JL'Orange
Bitch why are you orange?! Not a cute look for JLo. She was a mandarin mess at last night's "El Cantante" premiere. Stick a duck leg up her ass and serve her up! Oui oui!
Skeletor looks hot though...hahaha...NOT!
With JLo it's either hit or miss. I would forgive the tan line if the dress didn't look like it came from Endora's closet.
Wednesday, July 25th 2007
Lip-Syncing Extravaganza!
JLo confirmed yesterday she will go on her first ever concert tour with Skeletor. The tour will launch this fall in Atlantic City, NJ and travel through North America and Puerto Rico.
This is going to be a lip-syncing mess! At least I hope it is. Have you ever heard JLo sing live?! It's like hearing those dogs that have had their vocal chords remove try to bark. If you haven't heard that sound before, be grateful.
Speaking of dogs, Skeletor is looking like a chihuahua more and more each day. I'm not talking about those cute, furry ones either (Yes there is such thing as cute chihuahuas so such your asses!) I'm talking about those beat down ones that smoke crack.
Tuesday, July 24th 2007
Can't Wait For This Bomb
JLo and Skeletor attended the premiere of "El Cantante" in Puerto Rico last night. The movie comes out in a couple of weeks and is said to be a real turkey. Thanksgiving is coming early!
JLo looks hot though, I guess. Skeletor not so much. Someone should also let them know that it's not OK for them to smooch in public. It probably makes babies cry.
Thursday, July 5th 2007
The Booty Rat Tour Of 2007
Us Weekly has learned that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony will hit the road together this Fall. After the August 3rd of their film "El Cantante" the pair will tour the country and play major arenas.
A source said, “They each will do their own Spanish and English songs and duet.”
I'll be down for this as long as they are using the same vocal technology as the Spice Girls for JLo. Homegirl sings like a deaf cat in heat.
At least Skeletor will be easy to transport. They make coffins really light these days.
Thursday, June 21st 2007
Oh, It's JLo!!
JLo pulled out her favorite robe and popped out that "open mouth" pose at the launch of Lorraine Schwartz's "Monkey" collection last night at Monkey Bar in NYC. Thankfully, Skeletor was nowhere to be seen. He was probably in Bulgaria feasting on the blood of a virgin.
I'm not understanding that hair creation, but I don't think I'm supposed to.
Tuesday, May 8th 2007
The Jennifers
Who the hell wasn't at last night's Costume Gala in NYC?! Jennifer Lopez, Skeletor, Jennifer Hudson, Andre Leon Talley, Jennifer Garner, Valentino, Jennifer Connelly and Paul Bettany are all below for your viewing pleasure. Jennifer G and Jennifer H look lovely.
JLo once again goes overboard looking like a man in drag from the 20s. Sometimes she should just play it a little simple. Jennifer C looks like she doesn't give a fuck! It's like Pebbles Flinstone all grown up and working a street corner!
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