Olsens

Yesterday, I talked about how seeing the Olsens smile makes me feel uncomfortable and uneasy. Well, watching and hearing one of them talk is worse! Mary-Kate Olsen was on Letterman last night to promote that Wack movie or whatever it's called. It looks like that little evil troll got a hold of some of the bad stuff, because she looked stoooooneeeeeed. She said she was just "tired," but that's what all stoners say when they are stoooooned. I also couldn't take my eyes off her yellow baby fingers. They looked like tiny bananas. And her voice is like that of an evil California troll with a bunch of taffy in its mouth.

She talked to Letterman about a bunch of boring shit like sleeping on a bus to Nashville for her birthday and how she went to high school with Spencer Pratt. Letterman seriously despises Spencer and is plotting his downfall. Yeah, what downfall? You can't fall from the bottom.

Anytroll, MK would probably be fun to smoke out with. She'd giggle the whole fucking time. You'd tickle her and play with her banana fingers. She would eventually let the evil takeover and she'd put a spell on you. That would be the end of you.

Here's MK saying "prune" outside of Letterman yesterday.

When evil trolls smile, something bad is going to happen. Mary-Kate Olsen has been smiling too much lately which means the end of the world is near. She's already set up her safe shelter in a tree trunk underneath a bridge and filled it with dead squirrels and big girl shoes.

MK showed her evil troll teefs at the premiere of "The Wackness" in NYC last night. This is the same movie where 22-year-old MK makes out with 64-year-old Ben Kingsley. Sir Ben told People, "She was completely in charge."

For Sir Ben's sake, I hope MK didn't use tongue. Feeling baby lizard tongue go down your throat will eff you up for life.

ONTD posted a bunch of pictures of MK Olsen, Nicole Richie, her tampon boyfriend and a bunch of other twats at some birfday party. A flannel themed birfday party. How in dyke hell are they going to throw a flannel party and not invite SamRo and HoHan?! SamRo has a special pair of boxers for parties like this.

The party also featured a pinata, most likely filled with crack rocks and Hoodia. These whores should have really considered throwing a bubble bath party instead. These greasy skanks look like they could use a wash or two...or....three....or ten thousand.

I feel for that dog.

A friend of twin trolls, Ash and MK, claim they say the word "prune" while getting their picture taken to achieve the perfect pout.

Another source could not confirm this explosive new tidbit of information. They told OK! (via MSNBC), “It could be true (that they say prune) but unfortunately I can't say — they like to keep their personal lives personal. They do care about their smiles though. Mary-Kate has slightly thinner lips and more of a playful grin, while Ashley tends to go for a full-on pout. It has been the obv(ious) way to tell them apart for years.”

They probably chose the word prune because that's the only thing they eat all day. The source could have also heard wrong. They were really saying the word "poo" because their laxatives were starting to kick in.

The glamour twin trolls known as MK and Ashley Olsen are turning 22 this Friday and Peta wants your help in creating the perfect Birfday gift. Peta has asked sluts to send the Olsens a piece of their hair with the note, "Please, use my hair instead of the animals'. Happy birthday." Sucio! Wait, does pubic hair count? I can't promise that there won't be a dead crab on it, but that's their problem!

Peta, who has devoted an entire website to "The Trollsens" said, "Mary-Kate and Ashley are old enough now to know that fur doesn't grow on trees. We hope that on their birthday, they will take a moment to think about the many animals who won't live to see another birthday thanks to the twins' abominable taste in clothes."

Methinks that on their Birfday they are going to eat a couple of cows, skin a few rabbits, stuff a few raccoons and whip a few kittens. They will do all of this while laughing at Peta.

Seriously, those Olsen bitches will probably take your hair, make a wrap out of it and wear it over their chinchilla fur. I'm going to send those greasy ass trolls some soap and shampoo instead!

Source

Seeing people fall down makes me laugh, but watching an evil troll hit the ground is hilarious. It's no joke though. Whoever made MK's troll ass fall down last night will pay dearly. They probably woke up with their dick permanently in their ass and face covered in warts. Those diabolic Olsen trolls know black magic! Dark-sided!

Celebrities have kibble for brains, so they will wear whatever some insane gay stylist tells them to wear. Some of these pictures below are proof of that. You are smarter than this. Just say no!

Naomi Campbell wasn't the only foolio to wear genie/MC Hammer pants to the CFDA Awards last night. Maggie GyllenHAG did too and the results have given me a headache. She looks like Rhoda and Hammer's bastard child.

Hammer pants will never be cute! They should be banished for eternity along with diaper shorts, skorts and dickies! You can add your own suggestions in the comments. I'm still dizzy from Maggie's fugness.

I'm seriously making thumbnail #5 my new wallpaper. Maggie is making sure to keep very still. If she moves just a little, Posh Mantis will sense her fear and attack!

I've also noticed that Posh hardly ever poses without her hands on her hips. If she removes her hands, the top half of her body will collapse!

Below is also some Ashley Olsen. She's smiling! You know it's going to be a good day when you see a troll smile. Or maybe it's going to be a bad day, because she secretly knows the evil that's coming our way.

A spokesbitch for the Olsen trolls has denied the rumor that an evil barista at Starbucks has secretly been trying to fatten them up. The rumor is that a former barista at a Starbucks in NYC's West Village regularly put whole milk into the twins' Grande nonfat lattes instead of skim milk.

A source told OK! (via The Scoop), “The barista thought the Olsens were too thin, so whenever they ordered their usual drink, he would replace the skim milk with full-fat."

This explains everything. No wonder the Olsen trolls look obese.

I bet evil barista also used to work at Starbucks in L.A. I'm sure he regularly replaced the whole milk in Brit Brit's frapps with whole meth. Makes sense.

Ok, you can laugh a little bit. This hot troll intentionally wanted to look like she was sweatin' to the oldies. Seriously, this is Richard Simmons' Sunday lounge outfit. He wears this while laying on his lanai with his "companion" and their 5 Pomeranians.

Mary-Kate Olsen has found another way to completely erase any ounce of sex appeal she had left in her. She has also shown you what to wear to a bar if you don't want greasy dudes hitting on your ass. They will laugh at you instead, but at least your genitals will be protected.

Here's MK at a children's charity event in NYC last night. I bet you the children cried like they've never cried before.

There's nothing creepier than a masked troll! The Olsens are going to come out of your walls tonight to steal your breath. If this happens, ask them what 2+2 is! Trolls are dumb fucks and easily tricked!

Ashley and Mary-Kate joined a group of masked ladies as they made their way through the streets of Los Angeles collecting the souls of children. No, they were part of some wedding party and apparently didn't want to be photographed, so they wore masks. This is the same wedding She-Hulk and Justin went to.

It might not be such a bad thing if this mask trend sweeps Hollywood. At least we won't have to see their fugly faces and hear their annoying voices anymore. Wait....then what will I make fun of? Scratch that.

Here's a video and some more pics of these creepy trolls! I also included a masked picture of Tom Cruise in Vanilla Sky. It's totally where they got their inspiration from.