Olsens

Mary-Kate Olsen better have gotten that shit for free, because she's a dumb troll if she paid even $5 for that mess. I've seen that same shit at the Salvation Army in the "vintage prison jumpsuit" section. They probably have that exact same one. There has to have been one prison in 1970s that made their inmates wear black, shorty, satin jumpsuits. Somewhere in San Francisco I'm sure.

Here's MK trolling the night at the after-party for the premiere of "21."

Hugh Hefner needs to retire already if this little rumor is true. Hef reportedly wants Mary-Kate Olsen and Ashley Olsen to show off their no-tits and no-ass in Playboy. He asked them 3 years ago, but they turned it down. He has once again invited them to pose for the magazine just in time for their 22nd Birthday.

A source said, “Hugh thinks the twins are every young man’s fantasy. But it might not be that easy getting them agree to pose for Playboy. They’re all about high-end fashion these days. They want to do Vogue.”

If the Olsen twins are your fantasy, you need to have a little conversation with Chris Hansen and Dateline. I know they are of legal age, but you know they have the bodies of 8-year-old boys. 8-year-old troll boys! At least Playboy would save money in waxing costs, because those girls are probably as smooth as the day they were born. GROSS. I need to stop imaging these two naked. It's illegal.

Mary-Kate Olsen definitely tells her stylist to buy her the ugliest shit they can find. She hands them her black AMEX card and sends them to the dumpster. This troll is looking like Trash Heap from Fraggle Rock more and more every day. They even have the same glasses. She will put on anything. The uglier the better.

I hope she has a tight grip on her escort, because the minute she lets go she's going down. There's no way she can carry the weight of those studs.

With all that being said, she's all sorts of trashy glamour. Iron Man would be proud. Iron Troll!

Dear MK Olsen,

Arthur the aardvark would really love his glasses back. He can't see and that's not right. He doesn't appreciate you stealing them and running off to Paris. Trolls and aardvarks can be friends, but you have to return his glasses first.

xoxoThe Other MK

Here's MK at the Giambattista Valli show in Paris yesterday and with Ash at the Chanel show today. The dude sitting with MK (Lapo Elkann) is freaky fine.

MK and Ashley Olsen are putting together a coffee table about their "influences." No, it's not going to be about trolls, roadkill, billy goats and Clenbuterol. It's going to be filled with interviews with people that have "touched" the Olsens. No, Bob Saget will not be included.

MK told UsWeekly, "“Ashley and I interviewed the people who have inspired us, with the hope that they will inspire and teach others." Terry Richardson, Lauren Hutton and Christian Louboutin are just some of the people featured in their book.

The book called "Influence" will be out this Fall. I really hope there's a mirror attached to the back of the book for easy access snorting. I mean that's probably what they primarily use coffee table books for.

The police want to speak with Mary-Kate Olsen about those mysterious phone calls with her masseuse reports The National Enquirer. The police have confirmed to the Associated Press that the masseuse that found Heath Ledger, Diana Wolozin, placed 4 phone calls to Mary-Kate. It was reported earlier that she only placed 2. Diana called MK several times during a span of 9-minutes before she called 911. Police say they found the additional calls when they went over Heath's phone records. Diana called from his phone.

It's believed that Diana called MK, because she was afraid of causing a scene. MK sent over her private security detail, one of them is an EMT, to Heath's apartment.

Police want to ask MK about the calls and why she sent her security detail over instead of calling 911. DUH! She was afraid of causing some shit. There's also several rumors that MK and Heath were secretly dating, but what does that matter?

Also PageSix.com reports that Diana wasn't licensed to perform massage therapy. Performing massage therapy without a license is a felony, which is punishable by up to four years in prison. Dirty Diana. No wonder she didn't want to call the police.

UPDATE: Scratch all that. The police don't give a fuck about talking to MK. They issued a statement saying they aren't going to question her.

If you didn't tell me this was the Sundance Film Festival, I would've figured it was the AVN Awards with all the skanks, whores, sluts and prostitutes running around. I mean, what the hell is Kim Kardashian doing there? This shit has turned into Vegas for the weekend. All those whores are mostly there to get free shit and eff each other.

Reggie Bush can stay, Kim can leave. I am still having a hard time dealing with the fact that he's playing with her. Do you think he pisses on her tits? Bitch is into that! Fuck, I'd let Reggie Bush do dookie times on my titties if that's what he was into.

Here's the rest of the skanks of Sundance including Paris Hilton who thinks she's the sexiest thing since candy apple nail polish. Bitch is about as sexy as Reggie doing dookie times on my titties. I didn't include pictures of people that actually belong at Sundance, because they are all boring.

Ashley Olsen looked like she didn't just crawl out from the gutter, Jared Leto didn't look like a douche member of an Emo tribute band, Rachel "Chupacabra" Zoe didn't look like she was jonesing for virgin blood and even Rumer Willis didn't look completely unfortunate. Celebrities sure cleaned themselves up for the Art of Elysium party last night in Los Angeles.

Even Ryan Gaycrest didn't look like he just came back from a gay gang bang. They all cleaned up pretty well. Well, except for Calista Flockhart. She's starting to look like Harrison Ford's spinster older sister.

Above is a picture of Eva Green, Posh and Little Nellie from Little House on the Prairie. The three of them are on Mr. Blackwell's 48th Annual Worst-Dressed list. That old bat needs to give it up. Eva Green?! He's fucking lost it. If I was a woman....ok, if I was a biological woman I'd dress exactly like Eva. She is the most glamorous woman in the world. She should be on the best list and she should be the only one on that list. Mr. Blackwell forgot to put himself on his own list, because he's looking beat! He also included Little Nellie which is totally bizarre, but whatever. It's his party. Here's his list:

10.) Alison Arngrim: "Little Nellie of the prairie, looks like a 1940's fashion editor for the Farmers Almanac."

9.) Lindsay Lohan: "Lindsay the fashion frenzy strikes again! Lohan takes fashion to a new low."

8.) Jessica Simpson: "Forget the Cowboys. In prom queen screams, can it get any worse? She's a global fashion curse!"

7.) Avril Lavigne: "Gothic make-up courtesy the mad spatula-Fashions provided by.. The house of Dracula!"

6.) Eva Green: "Stuck in neon nightmares not fit for the sane. Fashion this loud could give Bond a migraine! A profusion of confusion from toes to nose!"

5.) Kelly Clarkson: "Her heavenly voice soars above the rest... but those belly-baring bombs are hellish at best! She may be the queen of 'Pro-Active' – but that wardrobe looks downright radioactive!"

4.) Fergie: "Another style-free 'Fergie' in fashion's hall of shame? Yes, when it comes to couture chaos, guess it's all in a name!"

3.) Mary Kate Olsen: "YIKES! In layers of cut-rate kitsch, Mary Kate's look is hard to explain... she resembles a tattered toothpick-trapped in a hurricane!"

2.) Amy Winehouse: "Exploding beehives above…tacky polka-dots below... she's part 50's car-hop horror."

1.) Victoria Beckham: "Forget the fashion spice - wearing a skirt would suffice! In one skinny-mini monstrosity after another, pouty posh can really wreck-em."

Last year's #1 loser, Britney Spears, was left off his list, because he said she needs a break. Isn't that nice of him. But EVA GREEN?! If you ask me most of the women on his worst-dressed belong on his best. At least they take chances. His best-dressed list is filled with bores like Reese Witherspoon, Nicole Kidman, Angelina Jolie, Katie Holmes, Beyonce, Helen Mirren, Katherine Heigl and some other hags.

EVA GREEN?!

Source: UsWeekly