Madonna

Last night in Bucharest, Vadge got booed. For some of you, that little tidbit might be enough to keep you smiling in the soul for the rest of the day. So go with it. For the rest of you, Vadge got booed, because she told Romania that they need to stop discriminating against gays and gypsies. Tramps and thieves are still okay, I think.

Anyway, not everyone was loving Vadge's words and some showered her with boos. They need to watch out, because Madonna is bumping it with Baby Jesus! Baby Jesus could destroy them all with his sexyfaces and killer poses.

Speaking of Baby Jesus, whoever booed at Vadge should've saved it for this audacity below. In case you haven't seen it, here's a 15-second preview for Vadge's new video "Celebration" featuring Baby Jesus and Paul Oakenfold. At first, I booed, then I laughed, then I dry heaved, and then I don't really remember what happened after that. Paul Oakenfold's moves did not agree with my stomach. They should stamp a surgeon general's warning on this shit.

VIA MTV

Yesterday in Italy, Vadge celebrated her 51st birthday by taking all the mouths she feeds out for a little boat road to a big yacht. Once they got the yacht, Vadge changed into her sexy granny swimsuit and made out with Baby Jesus in front of everyone. When Vadge sucked the life out of Baby Jesus, everyone's stomach shriveled down into a raisin and then fell out of their asses. But hey, it was Vadge's birthday, so she can make people feel vommy if she wants to!

And Vadge's old-timey parasol isn't just decoration, vampire zombie skin cannot be directly exposed to sunlight for more than a few seconds. So don't make fun! But seriously, this whole thing looks so fucking bizarre. I mean, Vadge's veiny log arms, her swim shorts, Baby Jesus, the fluffy white dog, all those children, the old timey parasol.... It's like I'm watching a David Lynch movie while on shrooms.

Vadge spent a little quality time with her other child in Milan last night. Vadge took Baby Jesus to Dolce & Gabbana's restaurant Gold where she spoon fed him pureed bananas while gently singing "Choo! Choo! Open the tunnel!" They don't have high chairs at that restaurant, so Baby Jesus had to sit on Vadge's lap.

You know, I still can't get over Vadge's face. HER FACE! It's smoother than Baby Jesus' nalgas. Although, if she doesn't quit it she'll really look like a Kylie Minogue crust filled with roids and boiled cartilage.

As for the last thumbnail below, nothing says #1 fangays like felt hearts and shellacked dingle berries. I love how the dude in the hat clearly lost a bet.

Last night, Vadge opened the latest leg of her "Sticky & Sweet" tour at London's O2 Arena. This is the same joint where Michael Jackson was supposed to play a bunch of shows. Vadge honored MJ with a small tribute during her show.

In the tribute, one of her dancers dressed up as Michael Jackson and danced around while Vadge posed in the background. At the end, Vadge broke out her British ringmaster voice when she said, "Let's give it to one of the greatest entertainers the world has ever knooooown!"

I'll admit that when I heard Vadge was going to pay tribute to MJ in some way, I did get a little tingly. I thought Vadge would recreate her amazing performance of "Billie Jean" complete with her gorgeous 80s slutty wedding dress and dancers in white denim vests. Now THIS is a tribute:

What in the Donnie Darko tranny candle Hell is this?! Seriously, if you put a pair of tinfoil bunny ears on a brand new candle, it would look more like a human being than this. Maybe they wanted Vadge to look like she belongs in a pink box on the shelf of a Toys 'R Us? And fingers really shouldn't look like tiny plastic uncut dicks.

VIA The Frisky

Vadge, Rocco, Lourdes, David and her gang of nannies, assistants and gays arrived in London yesterday to prepare for the arrival of the newest member of the family: Mercy. According to UsWeekly, Mercy popped into London this morning after leaving her native Malawi last night. Vadge sent a private jet, a nanny, a child nurse and one of her assistants to pick up her newest baby friend.

I know you're casting a judgmental gaze upon Vadge for not going to Africa to pick up her own daughter, but don't! First of all, at least Vadge didn't send Mercy by FedEx like I thought she would. Second of all, Mercy probably told Vadge that she'll meet her in London. That way Mercy can easily sneak a few cocktails in on the plane before coming face to face with her new mother. Homegirl knows what she's in for.

P.S. - That precious poodle in the pink shorts is giving me fevah!

While Madonna is awaiting for DHL to deliver her fifth child, her fourth child is in Brazil selling his goods for a dollar during Sao Paulo Fashion Week. Baby Jesus used to make my nipples chirp, but now the thought of Madonna's callous clit rubbing all over his face has made my entire body go limp for him. Oh, who am I fooling? I'd still whistle "I Don't Know How To Love Him?" into his peen hole.

That fugpack Baby Jesus is wearing is going to come in handy. Those front pockets provide him easier access to Vadge's Replens whenever she screams for it.

After eating their breakfast of deep fried money, three judges in Malawi shuffled into court this morning and granted Vadge's adoption of 3-year-old Mercy. As you know, they originally shut down Vadge, because she had not lived in the country for at least 18-months. She appealed and threatened to feed them to her roidy cooze monster, so they really had no choice. The mattress stuffed with money she sent them sealed the deal.

The judges also fingered Vadge's b-hole by saying she has improved the lives of the children in Malawi with her organization. And then gallons of roid smegma came gushing out of her flooding the upper part of Manhattan. Oh yeah, Vadge isn't even in Malawi. She's still in NYC! The baby snatcher has no plans to travel to Africa to pick up her trophy!

According to People, Vadge is going to send a private jet to pick up Mercy. I guess FedEx wouldn't pick up on the weekends.

That's that. Money talks and the baby walks!

Remember how Vadge was denied adopting little Mercy, because they said she needed to have lived in Malawi for at least 18-months? Well, that was all just a silly mistake, because suddenly three appeal judges have allowed the adoption to go through! The African baby snatcher WINS! Your child is NEXT!!!!

The Sun says that two judges have already turned in reports stating that the adoption should go ahead and the third judge is right there with them. They will announce their decision this Sunday in court. Vadge's lawyer already gave her the news.

The judges apparently agreed that the 18-month rule is "out of date." I wonder when it suddenly became out of date? Before or after the rhinestone-covered Bentley, solid gold toilet and suitcase of money arrived at their doorsteps?

Well, this is good news for Baby Jesus. Rocco and David always give him shade in the playroom, because he's the new bitch. At least he has someone to play with now.

Ass-Roidy's former and current fuck time friend almost crossed paths this weekend at the Polo Classic (aka The Hot Ginge Appreciation Party), but one of them made sure that didn't happen. Kate Hudson, who is currently whispering sweet nothings into A-Roid's dick hole, did whatever she could to stay away from the EVIL VADGE!

When Kate first arrived, she sat in the front of the VIP section, but she quickly shuttled her ass to the back after she heard Madonna and children (that includes you, Baby Jesus) had just arrived. One guest told Gatecrasher, “Kate was completely intimidated by Madonna. She clearly didn’t want trouble and decided to keep a low profile for the rest of the match. I didn’t even see Kate Hudson again after Madonna arrived. She ran away! But if I were dating Madonna’s ex, I’d be scared, too!”

Another guest said that Vadge didn't even lay one queef over the presence of Kate Hudson and her stuffed jelly donut face. The other guest said, “Madonna literally didn’t care. She showed up with no makeup, a dowdy denim outfit and her hair pulled up in a ponytail. She doesn’t need to compete with Kate, because she will always be Queen Bee.”

Queen Bee? Ick. Nast. Regina George, she ain't!

I hope that while Kate Hudson was hiding out in the back, she found some fucking dignity. I mean, hiding from Vadge and taking a dildo to A-Roid's ass in the same week?! Although, it's a good thing she doesn't have any balls, because if she did, Vadge would've sniffed 'em out and swallowed them whole anyway.