Kate Hudson

Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong started a pap frenzy yesterday when they went out to lunch with Golden Hawn in Santa Monica. Goldie Hawn is used to meeting all of her daughter's fuck buddies. She probably calls Lance "FB #546." She only came to lunch because she likes the restaurant's vodka gimlets. And because her scary lips needed air or they will deflate.

Lance also couldn't wait to show off his totally awesome douchehawk. Dear Lance, every teenage boy from the late 90s called. They want their hair back.

Lance Armstrong and Snow White's missing dwarf are still going strong. She needs to reward herself with a huge scoop of bubblegum ice cream, because this is turning out to be one of her longest relationships. His too. I hope they get in hours of fuckey fuckey times, because their expiration date is nearing!

Should we even bother giving them a couple name? Yeah, why not? I'm thinking NutKat or StrongSon. Both of those sound like gay leather bars. Perfect!

Here's Lancey and Kate leaving dinner in NYC last night.

Lance Armstrong has been knocking his ball against Kate Hudson's yes-yes hole for all of 10-seconds and they are already hanging out with each other's kids. Kate and her son, Ryder, joined Lance and his kids in Toronto this weekend for a charity bike ride. On Saturday, the whole crew went out for ice cream.

Damn, those children must be confused. I hope Kate and Lance don't expect them to learn names. They should just say, "Honey. This is Boyfriend #315, but you can call him 315 for short."

Below are more pictures of Kate with her son in Toronto. And yes they use the same hairdresser and the same flat-iron. I've also thrown in pictures of the boring duo going to an Iron Maiden concert in NYC last night. Iron Maiden. Enough said.

Gross. They already annoy the fuck out of me and they haven't even been together for a month. I'm surprised they've lasted this long. Can't they just keep their nastiness indoors and spare us all! Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong arrived in Monaco together for the Formula 1 Grand Prix.

The two sluts bags left their hotel today and got on a boat. Unfortunately, the boat didn't sink. I know, such hate. I can't help it. This is what they do to me.

Kate really needs to spend a few hours in the mirror, examining her laugh. Bitch looks fug when she laughs. She looks like she's smelling a rancid fart that she created. We all should examine our laughs in the mirror. Shit, I have spent many a night working on my "laugh face," "eating face" and "yawn face."

Here's more pics of Kate and Lance skeezing it up in Monaco.

Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong are still slutting it up together. They have taken their act to Cannes! People reports the two were "dancing and kissing" at the Dolce and Gabbana party last night. A source said the two were dancing to old Madonna songs. HOMOS! Vintage Madonna makes Lance thinks of Jakey Poo. Can you imagine these two dancing? It's probably like watching two chickens mating.

The source said, "They were beaming at each other. So cute." Beaming?! That's called being "drunk as fuck !"

Another witness told UsWeekly, "While they were chatting, I'd notice that Lance would have his hand on the small of Kate's back, or his hand on top of hers."

He was holding down her hand, because she kept trying to grab his nut.

I give these slut whores one more week together. Kate gets around and so does Lance. Two whores don't make a right.

Kate Hudson split up from Owen Wilson a few weeks ago and she's already boinking another dude. Well, you can't keep the vagina vacant too long or it gets sour! According to People, Kate spent this weekend with Lance Armstrong in Austin, TX. The two had dinner on Friday and Saturday night. A witness said, "They looked like they were having fun." Having fun? That means she's having his baby.

A source told The Daily Mail that Kate is very happy with Lance, "Kate and Lance have been dating for a couple of weeks. She thought it was funny when people were writing recently that she was engaged to Owen because the reality was that they had split again and she was secretly seeing Lance. She and Lance are both physical, passionate people – she's never been happier."

Lance is close friends with Owen. Both of them also used to date Sheryl Crow. I'm telling you. All these Hollywood skanks date each other. Next week, Kate will be dating Sheryl Crow and Lance will be back with Jake Gyllenhaal. Those two are soulmates.

Owen Wilson finally woke up from his 2-month walking coma. People reports that Owen and Kate Hudson have split up - AGAIN. The two started dating in 2006, but then they broke up and started dating again 2 months ago. There were rumors that Owen popped the question, because Kate was spotted wearing an engagement ring. The ring was a prop for her movie "Bride Wars."

A source close to Owen said it was a bad breakup for him, "Owen said it was a tough one. He definitely doesn't want to dwell on it. He wants to put it behind him." A source close to Kate said, "She feels dumb thinking it was so serious." A source close to me said, "Who gives a rat's fuck hole?!"

Now Owen is free to date Jennifer Aniston or Reese Witherspoon. Kate Hudson is free to date John Mayer or Jakey Poo. I mean, they all date each other. It's like one big boring key party.

Owen Wilson is planning to marry Kate Hudson a year after he tried to off himself over their break-up. Yes, commemorate one tragedy with another! The News of the World reports that Owen proposed to Kate in Miami and wants to marry her next year. The Florida humidity must eff with some of these people's brains. Owen marrying Kate? Aniston and Mayer?

A source told The News of the World, “Kate supported Owen during his low patch and that proved to him she’s the woman he wants to be with for ever. He picked out the ring and went for the biggest one he could find. He was nervous about proposing but Kate was thrilled and the whole thing was really emotional.”

Screw Kate! Owen should marry his one true love, Woody Harrelson! Nobody understands him the way Woody does. Mary Jane can be the maid of honor and a hookah pipe can be the best man.

Kate Hudson looked like he was having some sort of wardrobe malfunction during the London premiere of "Foolio's Gold" today. That's what the bitch gets for stealing one of Blanche Devereaux's dresses. It's too small for her ass. Kate needed an extra pair of Spanx to suck her in even more. Matthew looked like he tried to help her, but that stoner isn't much help.

Somebody go throw some sand, sweat and pig blood on Matt. He looks too clean and that obviously makes him uncomfortable. Shit, throw some patchouli on him! That crap reeks like butt oil. It does and don't try to tell me otherwise, hippies.

It tortures me to say this, but Kate Hudson does not look that bad with Smurf sperm all over her head. I bet Jokey was the lucky Smurf. He looks like a massive shooter. Kate should consider keeping it. It's like when you put blueberries on bland oatmeal. It kind of makes it interesting for a second.

Here's Kate in Boston today shooting the romantic-comedy "Bride Wars." I can't wait for the sugary gross trailer. All those romantic comedies use some kind of sappy oldies song for their trailer. I'm thinking Bride Wars is going to use "You Can't Hurry Love." Totally.