Kate Hudson

It tortures me to say this, but Kate Hudson does not look that bad with Smurf sperm all over her head. I bet Jokey was the lucky Smurf. He looks like a massive shooter. Kate should consider keeping it. It's like when you put blueberries on bland oatmeal. It kind of makes it interesting for a second.

Here's Kate in Boston today shooting the romantic-comedy "Bride Wars." I can't wait for the sugary gross trailer. All those romantic comedies use some kind of sappy oldies song for their trailer. I'm thinking Bride Wars is going to use "You Can't Hurry Love." Totally.

Things between Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson are getting serious.....again. Seriously stupid! Owen's shrink needs to change up his medication, because obviously it's fucking up his judgment. Gatecrasher reports that Kate is apartment hunting in NYC and wants Owen to live with her.

Friends say she's ready to settle down, "She is ready to nest and has even been talking about having more little ones. She is relieved to be more settled again. She really felt as if she were testing her limits going out while she and Owen were separated."

Testing her limits? That bore! Heavy petting on the first date is probably Kate's idea of testing her limits.

Here's Kate shooting her new movie "Bride Wars" with Anne Hathaway in NYC yesterday. The movie is about two best friends who are battling it out, because they are getting married on the same day. The title should be changed to "Bride Tards," because why can't one of them just change their wedding date?

Pregnant or just a little bloat? Yeah, I don't think she's knocked up either. Kate Hudson is just suffering from a little thing called "skinny fat." I suffer from that awful condition too. One time I had skinny fat in a bad way, so my mom told me to stick my ass up and force the farts out. She said that would ease the belly bloat. I didn't want to tell her that sticking my ass up in the air wasn't going to solve my skinny fatness. If that was true, I'd be a fucking twig. My ass is always up....oh forget it....too much information.

Here's Kate in Miami, hopefully getting a tan.

I usually can't stand Kate Hudson, but she has redeemed herself with me. Kate was recently asked how she feels about being compared to Katherine Heigl. You know, because both are blonde and dumb with the initials K.H.

Kate said, "Who is she? Oh, that girl in 27 Dresses? I just don’t think about that stuff.”

What a bitch! She knows exactly who Katherine Heigl is. That's right Kate. You tell them. There's only room for one no-talent K.H. in Hollywood.

Here's Katherine Heigl....I mean Kate Hudson....looking knocked up in Miami yesterday.

Not this shit again. Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson are back at it according to reports. Apparently, Owen was seen leaving Kate's house last week and returned later in the day. The two broke up last May and have been linked to other people since. Let's see....Kate is supposedly dating Justin Timberlake who is supposedly dating Jessica Biel. I think the next natural thing to happen is for Owen and Timberlake to date. Then the slut world of Hollywood can continue to rotate.

I hope Owen has learned his lesson with Kate. She makes him do awful things to himself. Yes, she does. Besides I doubt it was Owen leaving her house. It was probably Ellen Degeneres. Ellen and Kate are totally fucking.

File this under: They probably got the names mixed up! Page Six reports that Kate Hudson and Justin Timberlake have been seeing each other for about a year. Kate has been linked to Owen Wilson and Dax Shepard the past year. Justin has been linked to She-Hulk Biel.

A source said, "Kate is very private and refuses to be seen with him in public. She doesn't want to be humiliated like Cameron Diaz was when he dumped her. But they talk every day on the phone and see each other often." Reps for both Kate and Justin deny they are dating.

What the hell? Do reporters and writers just draw names out of a hat and decide who will be dating this week? Kate and Justin do make sense though. Both of them are probably the most annoying bitches on the planet. Maybe their annoying personalities would cancel each other out?

Hudson better beef up her security. She-Hulk Biel isn't going to like her woman being linked to another chick. She's going to throw a car at her ass or something. Hudson better watch out.

In Hollywood you're either in rehab, in the psych ward or knocked up. Those are your choices. Did Kate Hudson go with the latter? For the past week or so people have been telling me Kate is looking mighty pregnant. I haven't seen it until today. She could have had an extra beer with din din, but she's looking a little bumpy in the bump area. I don't even know who this chick is dating. Owen Wilson? She did make a movie with Matthew McConaughey and he's obviously the manliest of men. One bang on his bongo could do the trick.

Here she is channeling her mommy at the Elle Style Awards in London with Stella McCartney last night.

It's just the wind, but I wouldn't doubt if Kate Hudson was knocked up. I don't even know who the hell she's dating, but that doesn't even matter anymore. She could have gotten contact pregnant from Matthew McConaughey's chick. Here's Kate at the premiere for "Foolio's Gold" last night. This movie looks awful, but I love the trailer for some reason. It makes me happy seeing jet-ski racing set to the Police's "Message in a Bottle."

And while we're on the subject of everyone in Hollyweird getting knocked up, here's a funny video from Funny or Die about the issue.

No, this isn't a shoot for Drakkar Noir. It looks like a setup for a cheesy 90s men's cologne. It's some shoot for that new movie Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey are in. At least Matthew bathed and covered himself for the occasion.

It's so hard to hate Kate when she looks like Goldie Hawn circa 1975. I love '75 Goldie.

Wenn