Arrests

George Michael was arrested in Berkshire, England yesterday morning after his Land Rover angrily butt fucked a lorry (British-talk for truck) on the highway. Both George and the driver of the lorry he rear-ended were not injured. The cops dragged Georgie in, because he is George Michael which means he was probably under the influence of some kind of shit during the crash. A few hours after his arrest, George was released back into the wild without being charged.

Stupid ass George barely got his license back too. In 2007, his license was suspended for two years after he pleaded guilty to driving while high as fuck.

George and cars are fucking done professionally! They don't go together. All cars should close their key holes to George Michael. We need to get George one of those play cars, so he can sit in his driveway and just pretend he's driving. Dude can even take a hit of the bad shit while "play driving" if that's how he likes to have fun.

Maybe George is getting arrested on purpose so that he can beat Pete Doherty's record.

VIA BBC

CZJ's 30-year-old stepson got in trouble AGAIN for fucking with the bad shit. Cameron Douglas was arrested on July 28th at the Gansevoort Hotel in NYC for trying to move $18,000 worth of meth to L.A. with the intent to sell. The New York Post says that the bust was part of some undercover sting operation.

Cops found Cameron at the Gansevoort where he had been living for quite some time in a room paid for by daddy. Apparently, the place looked like the "before" pictures on Clean House and Cameron was totally strung out.

This is Cameron's third time getting arrested. In 2007, he found himself in a jail cell holding his asshole for dear life after cops found liquid cocaine and a syringe in his car. In 1999, he was caught buying coke from a dealer.

This is like Traffic: The Reality Show! Let me guess, Cameron was forced to suck on the peens of old skeezers in order to keep the bad shit coming in? And a methfaced Topher Grace was there, sitting in the corner. Hmmm...Luis Guzman should probably stay away from cars for a while.

And in a gutter somewhere, both Mischa Barton and Lindsay Lohan are breathing a sigh of relief, because they have one less dealer to pay. Their lucky day!

Jeffrey Donovan from USA's Burn Notice (and that "HE IS NOT MY SON" movie with St. Angie) was busted in Miami last week for driving with the drunks. The cops didn't have to work hard to catch Jeffrey. TMZ says that according to the police report, the arresting officer was sitting in his car when he heard a loud ass screech behind him. When he turned around, he saw Jeffrey's drunk ass swerving his car to avoid hitting the cop car. Jeffrey should've just jumped into the cops lap and held his hands out to be handcuffed. I mean, really...

When the cop approached Jeffrey's window, he immediately smell the sweet scent of life's nectar wafting out of Jeffrey's breathing area. Jeffrey told the cop, "Sorry, I didn't see the red light or your stopped car." When asked if he had anything to drink, Jeffrey answered, "I had three drinks at the Fontainebleau."

The cop gave him a sobriety test which Jeffrey failed with flying colors. After the cop delivered the news that he was about to go to the clink, Jeffrey said, "The only mistake I made tonight was drinking Benadryl with 3 glasses of wine." And he followed them gem up with another, "I really think I'm only borderline and not too drunk." If I got a dildo for every time I said that last line before falling over, I'd be drowning in plastic dicks.

Jeffrey should've taken his LOL lines further. Dude should've told the cops that the truth is the wine bottle violated him by forcing its juices down his throat. And that he's happy the cop is there so that he can file a report against the wine bottle. Actually, I bet Kiefer Sutherland has already used that excuse....

Figure skater Nicole Bobek, a former U.S. Champion, was busted in New Jersey for her role in a major New Jersey meth ring! Hmmm... Nope, Tonya Harding still holds the crown as the biggest piece of hot trash who used to be a figure skater. But nice try, Nicole.

The New York Daily News reports that BoBo (I'm sure that was her dealer name) was arrested in Jupiter, FL last week and brought to New Jersey to faces charges for conspiracy to distribute methamphetamine. Nicole pleaded not guilty and is currently sitting in a cell on $200,000 bail.

The prosecutor handling the case said BoBo “played a significant role in this operation. She was actively involved in the upper echelon of this ring." If found guilty, Nicole could get up to 10 years in the chokey.

If Nicole goes to the clink, she should just tell the butchies that she once licked on Tonya Harding's pulled pork sandwich. That bit of information should keep the snatches off of her for a while. Or maybe that will turn them on even more....

Every morning I wake up hoping that there is some kind of news about Janet Wood! My wish was granted today, but unfortunately it's not good news. TMZ says that Joyce DeWitt had too many of those fizzy delicious drinks with umbrellas in them before getting behind the wheel of a car in El Segundo, CA on July 4th.

Joyce basically held up giant flag with the words "I IZ DRUNKS" written on it when she drove right through a police barricade! Not the brightest thing to do if you're driving under the influence of the sweet nectar. Bitch pulled a Chrissy Snow!

The po po smelled her drunk bref, gave her a few sobriety tests, arrested her ass for DUI and set her bail for $5,000. Come and knock on her cell door (but only between the hours of 1pm and 5pm Monday through Friday).... Sorry, it was right there and I had to take it.

UPDATE: I've added Joyce's beautiful mess of a mug shot. I think Janet was trying to recreate Phil Spector's legendary mug shot. The eyes have it!

Gary Coleman's giant ginge wife, Shannon Price (don't even mention it), was arrested at their home in Utah on Wednesday night for midget abuse and acting the fool. TMZ says that the two had some kind of argument. Shannon told Gary to go sit in the "time out" corner, but he wouldn't listen, so she locked him out of the house and refused to let him in.

Shannon then went into Gary's room and destroyed everything he loves like his favorite big boy pants, his booster seat and his Cuddle Buddy. Gary called the police and Shannon had some Dlisted-approved words for them when they arrived. According to the report, Shannon called the cop a "fucker" and then followed it up by saying, "fuck you and fuck him!" Obviously, that didn't go over well with the cops, so she was arrested and shuffled off to jail. She was later released on $1,205 bail.

For why are these two still together? Anybody who saw their wrong asses on Divorce Court or The Ty Ty Baby Show know that they HATE hate HATE each other in the worst possible way. I mean, they've never done fucky times together and Gary even threw a printer at Shannon once. If Shannon is using him for his cash, then she's the worst gold digger of all-time, because I doubt he's making major bank from selling his Gap Kids khakis on eBay.

It's a shame that they can't get along, because they really are a match in Kentucky Derby heaven. With his small stature and her horsey physique, they could go all the way!

Naomi Campbell isn't the only supermodel who can cause a bitch to sleep with a baseball bat underneath their bed! Karen Mulder can play that game too. Karen was arrested in Paris yesterday for threatening to whoop her plastic surgeon's ass. The Daily Mail says that 39-year-old Karen told her plastic surgeon to reverse a surgery, but her doctor refused. Instead of flying to Brazil to have the work done there like any normal person would do, Karen got on the phone and made threats.

A French detective (picture Olivier Martinez without pants on to make this quote more interesting) said, "She was screaming and shouting about the operation and became extremely threatening. There were repeated calls to the female surgeon who was extremely scared. The suspect is being interviewed."

Karen is no stranger to crazy. She spent some time in a psychiatric hospital after she lost it during a TV interview. In the interview, Karen said she was used as a sex slave during her modeling days and said that her father used to hypnotize her when she was little. Her father blamed her lunacy on ze drugs....

Wait. Hold up. You can end up in handcuffs if you threaten and scream at a ho over the phone!? Please don't tell Mah Boo's doorman about this.

Jonathan Rhys Meyers was arrested this past Saturday at Charles De Gaulle airport in Paris after he put his fist into the face of a waiter who refused to serve him another glass booze. I know you're thinking that anybody who denies you a sip of life's elixir deserves a beating, but JRM has a little case of the Kiefer Sutherlands. JRM was arrested in 2007 for being a drunken wreck at the Dublin airport. That same year, he shuffled off to a rehab facility to dry out. And now here he is again...

People says that a boozy JRM was trying to get a drink before catching a flight, but the bartender was not cooperating. The bar manager was called over to settle JRM down, but a brawl of words went down. A waiter came over to try and stop the argument, but he ended up getting bitch punched in the face. The police were called and took JRM to a drunk tank to sober up for a few hours.

JRM and his marble eyes will have to appear before a judge in September to answer to the charges of "voluntary violence, contempt, issuing death threats and assault." Yes, JRM threatened to kill a bitch over a little of the sauce. If it's that serious, he should carry a damn flask. Better yet, he should train in the Wino ninja art of "booze and ditch." All he had to do was order a goddamn cup of tea. When the bartender ran off to get it, he just had to jump over the bar, take a swig and jump back. There's no need to bust a ho in the face!

When you wake up in the morning, the first thing you should tell yourself is, "Pete Doherty got arrested today." You know, so you won't have a heart attack when you open up the internet and read that Pete Doherty got arrested today.

This is the second time this week that Dreamboat has found himself behind bars. The Guardian says that Dreamy was pulled over in Gloucester on suspicion of DUI. When they searched his car, they found a prayer book and a knitting kit. No, they found drugs. He was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence of alcohol and possession of drugs.

Dreamy is currently keeping it sexy in a jail cell.

Earlier this week, Dreamy was busted in Switzerland after he shot himself up with a needle in the bathroom of an airplane. They slapped him on the wrist, said "BAD CRACKIE" and then released him back into the wild.

In other news, the University of Color Me Surprised released a report today which states that water is indeed wet. Mind. Boggled.

I hope you're up on all your shots, because we're about to spend a little time with Dreamboat Doherty. You might want to hold your breath too...just in case. So, it feels like it's been forever since Dreamy took part in one of his favorite activities: getting arrested. Dreamy just loves the feeling of cold steel handcuffs around his wrists and a cavity search which ends in a half a dozen officers barfing up their innards. It's like Christmas times, so he thought he'd relive the magic for the ten millionth time.

This past Friday on a British Airways flight to Switzerland, Dreamy got out of his seat in coach, waltzed into the lavatory and got intimate with a hypodermic needle. I guess they had a wild ole' time, because Dreamy passed the fuck out right there. Flight attendants found him taking a little crack nap with the needle by his side. When the plane landed in Geneva, Dreamy was arrested, fined and released. He played a show that day and returned back to London the next.

A source at British Airways tells the Sunday Mail that they are investigating the incident and could ban Dreamy FOR LIFE.

They're not going to do that! It's all talk. I mean, how can you punish that precious face? It's like catching a toddler shooting up the wrong shit in the bathroom of an airplane. You would just shrug your shoulders, take away his toy, pat him on the head and tell him not to do it again. The same goes with Dreamy!