Arrests

SORRY, woops, I mean, sorry for all the caps. It's the Kanye West in me. According to TMZ, Kanye was arrested at LAX today for excessive CAPS use. No, he was arrested for wearing that outfit. No, he was really arrested for felony vandalism.

While at the American Airlines terminal (he doesn't have a private jet?), a pap started taking pictures of him. Kanye wasn't feeling very photogenic, so he snatched the pap's camera and smashed it on the ground.

TMZ started filming it with their own video camera when Kanye's assistant tried to stop them. The camera dude and Kanye's assistant started fighting over it. The assistant won and he threw the camera to the ground, breaking it. Kanye then tried to get the tape from TMZ's guy.

Kanye and his assistant are currently being booked.

Oh....shit! I can't wait for the epic blog posts from Kanye to follow. You better stand back when Kanye starts blogging, because his angry ass words will probably smash your screen to bits. I'm afraid his poor MacBook Air might not survive. It's already entered into the witness protection program. It knows what's coming.

Just the other day I was wondering what was going on with one of my 90s crushes, Bryan Abrams from Color Me Badd. Well, the dumb bitch is in jail for beating up his girlfriend and threatening to kill her. Ooooooooooo! I Wanna Beat You Up! I'm just going to throw in random titles of Color Me Badd songs in this post, so bare (typo, but I'm keeping it) with me.

TMZ reports that cops were called to a restaurant in Oklahoma City last Friday, because Bryan allegedly punched his girlfriend in front of everyone. Cops say he was noticeably drunk, reeked of alcohol and was slurring his sentences. All 4 Booze!

Bryan's girlfriend claimed he verbally threatened her by saying, "I'm a kill you! You and me! You and me!" How can Bryan go from singing "I Adore Mi Amor" to screaming "I'm gonna to kill yo ass"?

Bryan is still in the clink on $4,000 bond.

That's a damn shame. Color Me Badd was the shit. I wore out the cassette tape and then later bought the CD. Bryan was always my favorite, because he had some seriously skinny eyebrows. And they matched his skinny stache. He must have been tweezing like crazy. Obviously, he didn't keep that shit up.

Sigh. Oh well. We'll always have this:

Bijou Phillips skipped on down to jail yesterday to bail out her half-sister, Mackenzie Phillips. Mackenzie is in jail on $10,000 bond because she tried to get heroin and coke past security at LAX. Mackenzie turned Bijou's ass down, saying she didn't have any money to pay her back and just wants to sit in jail.

Mackenzie knows what's up. If she allows Bijou, a Scientologist, to bail her ass out, she'll go straight to Tommy Girl's detox center. In three months, she'll be wearing pegged jeans and bottle-feeding Leah Remini's 4-year-old daughter. What's worse? Sitting in jail or listening to Leah Remini speak? You decide.

TMZ has a few more details on Mackenzie's arrest. While going through security, Mackenzie set off the metal detector. A TSA employee started to pat her down, but Mackenzie became weird and wouldn't cooperate. They sat her down and that's when balloons and baggies of the bad shit fell out through her pant leg. Okay, maybe Stepford Katie's pegged jeans would have come in handy in this case. But this case only! The TSA also found 34 syringes in her bag.

After she was arrested, a police officer performed a strip search and found her arms covered in track marks. She was asked if she had Diabetes and she responded, "No, I am healthy except for my drug problem." Mackenzie should have used the Tatum O'Neal excuse instead of admitting the drugs were hers. She should've said, "Um....I'm researching a part. The movie is called 'The Tatum O'Neal' story."

Here's more of Bijou and some lady outside the jail yesterday. I think I bought my first joint from the lady Bijou is with. Her name was Bea and she smelled like Hamburger Helper.

UPDATE: Bijou bailed Mackenzie out this afternoon! She'll be in Tommy Girl's clutches by dinnertime!

Marcel Vigneron, the runner-up of Top Chef 2, was busted in Laguna Beach this past Saturday on suspicion of drunken driving. The foam lover was originally stopped for speeding, but the officer quickly realized bitch was wasted. He was arrested and later released on $2,500 bail.

Even though he spent most of Saturday morning in jail, Marcel still managed to show up to the Pageant of the Masters later that night. Drop and reload!

I have a serious question. How in the hell does Marcel keep his hair like that at all times? It always looks like he just got a shot of electricity in his penis hole. When he sticks his head underwater, his hair probably doesn't even get wet. He comes out looking just like that. His hair is filled with FOAM!

And since we're talking about Top Chef 2, does anybody have any naked pictures of Sam Talbot? It doesn't hurt to ask.

Source: OC Register

Julie Cooper from "One Day at a Time" tried to get bags of coke and heroin through LAX this morning, but was caught and busted. This is it!

48-year-old Mackenzie Phillips was making her way through security at Terminal 4 when the TSA stopped her to be screened. They found baggies and balloons of the bad shit in her carry-on. TMZ reports that baggies contain heroin and cokey. She's still in custody right now.

MacKenzie has had a long ass history with drugs. I thought she was over that mess! I mean, she even played a drug counselor on "Beverly Hills 90210." MacKenzie needs her own personal Counselor Ellen Marks. "Celebrity Rehab" here she comes! That's if she doesn't go to the chokey.

I even get the shakes while going through security when I have a bottle of shampoo in my carry-on. What was she thinking taking balloons of heroin through that shit? Well, obviously she wasn't. I don't know, but this makes me sad. Schneider, come take care of this child!

Tila Tequila's current partner in pussy, Courtenay "Nay Nay" Semel, was arrested in Las Vegas on Tuesday night for slapping some dude outside of Pure nightclub at Caesars Palace. TMZ reports that Nay Nay slapped a security guard in the back of the head while making her way out of the club.

Caesars Palace's security detained her ass and called the police. When the fuzz arrived they cited Nay Nay for being a fugly ass attention whore who needs to go back into the forest to collect more nuts for winter. Seriously, for being a gayelle, the ho looks like her face is filled with juicy nuts. Anylezzie, they cited her for battery and released her back into the wild.

I seriously deserve a pussy pie to the face for posting about this hag! She obviously hit that dude just so she can get a little attention and I'm falling right into her lezzie trap! Smells like boiled oysters and burnt chestnuts .

Christian Bale may not be charged for allegedly "pushing and shove" his mommy during a fight last month in London. Christian was arrested after some nosy bitches called the cops on him. It was reported that Christian's mommy and sissy were trying to get $200,000 for him and he wasn't having it. He denied that he ever touched them in a meanie way.

The Sun reports that if Christian tells the cops he's guilty, he will get a caution and avoid court. If he doesn't, the cops can still charge him.

A caution? That is so polite! So if he says he's guilty, the cops will just say, "Ah! That's kay love! Just don't do it next time. Would ye fancy some tea now that we've settled that?" Or they might just say, "HA! We tricked the Batman! Off to prison ye go - for life!"

UPDATE: Christian will not face any charges. He's officially off the hook. BLIMEY!

Do any of these twats in Hollywood have semi-normal parents? Hayden Panatroll's daddy, Alan, was arrested this morning for allegedly hitting on her mom. He is no Hero. Sorry, I couldn't resist.

TMZ reports that Alan and his wife, Lesley, were at a party with their daughter earlier in the night. At the party, Alan became jealous after he saw Lesley talking to some bitch. He felt she was "disrespecting" him. Does Alan think he's in "Sleeping with the Enemy" or some shit? Fuck. I can't stand that shit. I had a boyfriend who would yell at my ass for even talking to trees (which happens often when I'm drunk).

Alan and Lesley's fight continued at home where he allegedly slapped her. The police were called and he was arrested at around 3am. He's currently being held on $50,000 bail.

Alan gives me that "I'll tickle your genitals while lying to your face" vibe. And he probably freaks out at Hayden's mom when all the canned goods in the kitchen cupboard aren't facing forward.

File this under: I need to see video footage of this STAT! UsWeekly reports that 19-year-old Nikki Blonsky from the "Hairspray" movie and her daddy were arrested at Providenciales International Airport in Turks and Caicos. They were reportedly involved in some major brawl with a lady.

It all went down when the lady wanted to take one of their seats at the airport. The Blonsky family had their luggage on the seat and refused to move it. That shit is my pet peeve. That's when things got physical.

The woman's injuries must have been major because she was immediately flown off the island to Miami. Oh god. Nikki sat on her, didn't she? I know, I know, but you were thinking the same thing. Slap yourself with melted Snickers!

Nikki was charged with actual bodily harm and her father was charged with grievous bodily harm. Can they also charge her with busting out my eardrums during "Hairspray"?

It gets even more bizarre, Bianca Golden from "America's Next Top Model" was also somehow involved in the fight. Her family lives on the island. TyTy Baby would be so proud!

Nikki was in court this morning wearing a neck brace.

This is some random shit! You see what leaving your bag on an airport seat does?!

UPDATE: TMZ reports that Bianca from ANTM was also arrested. Bianca's mother was the one who was flown to Miami to have her injuries treated. Nikki's dad, Carl, is still in jail for allegedly beating down Bianca's mom.

The fight started because Nikki's family was saving 5 seats and Bianca's family wanted them. It got so bad that one of Bianca's family members even bit Nikki's foot. Nasty. Toe jelly in the mouth!

Nikki and Bianca were both released on bail. VIDEO NOW!! Please!!!

The mega dick bag known as Shia LaDouche was arrested on suspicion of felony DUI this morning in Hollywood. This wasn't just your regular DUI either. This dumb douche could have killed someone.

According to TMZ, Shia made an illegal left turn in front of a car at the intersection of La Brea and Fountain. This caused the other car to hit Shia at which point his car rolled. Or as Brit Brit would say "roled." Apparently, Shia was clearly drunk at the scene.

The victim and Shia were both taken to the hospital. Shia seriously injured his hand and will need surgery. Hopefully, he didn't fuck up his jack off hand. Actually, it doesn't matter. He's not going to need his jack off hand in jail.

Shia's passenger suffered a minor head injury. The victim is currently being treated for minor injuries as well. Right now, the police are deciding whether or not to book him on felony DUI or misdemeanor DUI. Either way, he should be charged with being a first class FUCKTARD.

Shia was arrested last year for being a drunken mess at a Walgreen's in Chicago. So Shia getting a DUI isn't much of a surprise.

The thing is, I am trying to like Shia, but he's letting the gene known as "doucheness" take over.

UPDATE: Shia is one lucky douche. TMZ reports that he won't be charged with felony DUI, but he will be charged with misdemeanor DUI. He's currently in surgery having his left hand fixed. His female passenger and the male victim had minor injuries including bruises and shit.