Arrests

Batman was arrested yesterday for assaulting his mommy and everyone's got a story to tell about what he really happened on Sunday night. Christian Bale's mommy and sissy issued a statement saying they weren't going to talk about it. They said they didn't personally call the police, but they aren't going to give anymore statements because "it's a family matter."

The Daily Mail claims Christian completely flipped out on Sunday night after his mommy insulted his wifey. A source said, "Christian was stressed, but he didn’t lay a finger on anyone. Instead, he flew off the handle and cussed his mother. He just got very loud because his mother was saying some very outrageous things about him, and his wife."

The source said that Christian's marriage is in trouble and his relationship with his mother sucks, so it just all came to a head that night. Christian has already denied the assault allegations.

TMZ also has a story about Christian freaking out on the set of "Terminator 4" last Friday. He apparently screamed at the cinematographer, "I will kick your ass." Meh.

Basically, Christian has a temper, his family might be annoying, they had a very loud argument, someone called the police, he was arrested, he was released and that's that. It just sounds like a typical episode of "Cops," but with British accents. So an extremely classy episode of "Cops."

Also, did you know his mommy used to be a clown? I'm not sure if that means anything or not, but now I picture her dressed as a sad clown during their entire argument.

Christian Bale has been released from jail after being questioned by police for more than four hours. Batman bailed out, but he has to return in September for more fun. Christian was arrested earlier today after his mommy and sissy filed an assault claim against him last night.

TMZ reports that Christian might have been arrested for verbally assaulting his mom. Apparently, in England there is such thing as Class 4 and 5 verbal assault. Class 4 is verbal assault with "an intent to cause alarm."

Fuckity fuck! You can get arrested for yelling at a bitch? If they have that shit here, I'm doomed. Death Row, here I come!

UPDATE: Christian's spokesbitch released this statement to People: "Christian Bale attended a London police station today, on a voluntary basis, in order to assist with an allegation that had been made against him to the police by his mother and sister. Mr. Bale who denies the allegation, co-operated throughout, gave his account in full of the events in question, and has left the station without any charge being made against him by the police. At this time, there will be no further comment by Mr. Bale."

Yesterday, Christian Bale's mommy and sissy filed a complaint at the police station in London claiming Christian assaulted them on Sunday. The po-po decided to hold off on questioning him last night, because Christian was at the London premiere of "The Dark Knight." A source told The Sun, “It was a very difficult situation but it would have been wrong to have wrecked the premiere over a complaint which we don’t yet know is founded in truth."

Stupid celebrities and their special treatment! If it was you and it was your wedding day, they would have dragged your ass out of there before you even had time to say "I do." And they would have tasered you in front of everyone!

TMZ reports that Christian was arrested today and taken in for questioning.

Holy mom beater, Batman! Yeah, I know, I know. I'm sure you can come up with something better. Have at it!

Did you know Christian's stepmommy is Gloria Steinem? So it would be pretty fucking ironic if he turned out to be some sort of woman beater.

Here's some pictures of Christian looking confused and constipated at his London premiere last night.

DMX was arrested again. Maybe he's just not satisfied with his mug shot, so he keeps trying to get it right. He was busted at a mall in Phoenix yesterday for allegedly giving a fake name and Social Security number to a hospital in order to get out of paying medical bills. This is his 6th arrest in almost 3 months.

DMX, real name Earl Simmons, used the name "Troy Jones" and didn't pay a $7,500 bill. Well, he couldn't pay it because he's too busy getting arrested! Give a bitch a chance. And how the hell did the billing bitch not notice DMX from all his mug shots. I would've said, "Hey D! I'm a big fan of your work and by 'work,' I mean all your mug shots!"

He was arrested and booked. Bond has not been set.

The sheriff of Maricopa County said, "He's back in jail again. I don't know why judges keep letting this guy out. Every time he goes in there, he gets out on bond. I'm hoping this is the one time he's going to pay the penalty for his offense"

Click here to see all of DMX's past mug shot. Can we get a smile next time, D?

Source

One of my life's goals is to get my picture taken by the police department. When my time finally comes, which it will, I want to know what to expect. Do you get more than one shot? Do they say "say cheese"? Is there a little birdie over the camera? Do they give you a proof sheet and allow you to choose your best shot? Do they have red eye remover? I always get red eye. Seriously, I have so many questions.

They must give you more than one shot, because how did Khloe Kardashian end up with a decent mug shot? She needed to "smile with eyes" more. Other than that, it's pretty good. TMZ also claims she's 5'10" and 145lbs. We'll let Khloe believe that. The scale really read, "Get off me, bitch!"

Below is Khloe partying with her sister Kim last night. They threw her a "Girl, You're Going to Jail!" party. You know how Kardashian trash does it.

Chyna's long-lost daughter, Khloe Kardashian, turned herself into police this morning to begin serving her 30 day sentence for violating her probation. 24-year-old Khloe was arrested last March for DUI. She was given probation and was told to complete a booze education program and community service. She did none of that, so a judge ordered she-hulk to 30 days in the clink.

Khloe was surrounded by her skank family and cameras as she arrived at the Van Nuys court house this morning. TMZ reports that Kim and company dropped Khloe off and then went to eat. They know this shit is going to last a quick minute. Khloe is currently at Lynwood.

She will be out before I hit the publish button on this post.

Khloe is probably already the HBIC of Lynwood. The minute she stomped into the mess hall, the light fixtures started shaking, plaster started breaking off the walls and every bitch in there immediately bowed down to her. That giant bitch is scary!

Douchebags getting tasered is like laughing gas to me, but Josh Brolin and Jeffrey Wright getting tasered makes me sad. If only Josh was in his Dubya costume. Then I'd be laughing until my throat fell out and my dating life would be over. Well, I always have a-ho.....forget it. Seriously, this shit ain't funny.

As you know, Josh and Jeffrey were arrested in Shreveport this past weekend for their involvement in some bar brawl. A part of their arrest was caught on cell phone video and it shows some gross shit.

The video reportedly shows Jeffrey getting tasered and pepper sprayed several times by the cops as he lay on his stomach in the street. TMZ reports that several officers cursed Jeffrey out and used the the "N" word towards him. Josh was trying to control the situation, but ended up getting pepper sprayed in the eyes. The video hasn't been released yet, but you know it's coming.

This is why the cops always scare the fuck out of me. I talk a big talk, but when the cops come around, I become a 4-year-old girly with a speech impediment.

And how the hell are those cops going to taser, pepper spray and curse at Jeffrey?! Obviously they never saw Basquiat.

Expect a groveling, fake ass apology from these dumbass cops in 3...2.....

Piece of trash and royal mess, Andy Dick, was arrested at 2am this morning in Murrieta, CA on drug possession and sexual battery. The po-po arrested him at a parking lot near the Buffalo Wild Wings restaurant. That restaurant sounds fucking delicious. One of the wings probably called the police, because Andy tried to stuff them up his ass.

I just looked at Buffalo's menu and they have something called "Buffalitos." Do I want to suck on that or eat it? Or both? I'm not sure.

According to the Press Enterprise, Andy is still in the clink and his bail has been set at $5,000. They should do everyone a favor and set his bail at infinity. Infinity plus two.

And just for shits, click here (NSFL) to see a picture of Andy's jailhouse outfit. Seriously, don't click on that.

UPDATE: TMZ reports that the cops responded to call of some bitch pissing in a parking lot. When they showed up, they found Andy in a van. He was busted for allegedly touching the breasts of a 17-year-old girl and pulling her top down. Cops found weed and Xanax in the pockets of his pants.

I need a sponge bath after looking at his mug shot. That 17-year-old is going to need massive amounts of therapy.

Thanks Sarah

Unfortunately, it's not that slut Kim Kardashian, it's her younger sister Khloe. Although, they really should do a DNA test on Khloe, because methinks she's Chyna's long-lost secret daughter. Look at that hunk! She could bench press a single family home.

TMZ reports that Khloe Kardashian will report to jail this Friday for violating her probation. Last March, Khloe got a DUI and was put on probation. She was also sentenced to community service and a booze education program. Khloe didn't complete either of those things, so the judge sentenced her to 30 days in the clink.

Kim Kardashian has already taken to her blog and wrote, "Khloe is ready and willing to serve out her sentence, no matter how long and where, and have this resolved. I urge people to learn from the mistakes of others. Please drink responsibly and it's never acceptable to drink and drive!"

First of all, Khloe will probably serve a quick minute. Second of all, if she has to serve more than a quick minute, she'll still do fine in jail. Bitch was built for prison! Some of us are too fragile, dainty and innocent for that shit, but Khloe looks like she could knock a bitch out with just a flick from one finger.

And if she really wanted to, she could probably bend the jail cell bars and walk the hell out of there!

Well, the dude who is playing Dubya in a movie got arrested.

Josh Brolin looks so calm and happy for a dude that was just busted in a drunken bar fight. Piece of trash! That bitch was arrested yesterday morning during a bar fight at the Stray Cat Bar in Shreveport, LA. Stray Cat Bar?! This shit is so cliche.

Jeffrey Wright was also busted along with 5 others. Josh, Jeffrey and the 5 crew members are in Shreveport filming "W" for Oliver Stone. Josh Brolin plays Dubya. You know he told the cops, "Bitches! I'm the President of the Motherfuckin' United States. Bow the fuck down!"

I'm sure Ellen Burstyn who plays Barbara Bush was also in the bar fight, but she did a lap dance for the cops and they let her go.

It all started when cops were called to the bar because one of the "W" crew members was causing a scene. They arrested him for public intoxiation and resisting arrest. Josh and Jeffrey stepped in and that's when things got a little wild. The cops had to call in for back up and they were arrested.

Josh and Jeffrey bailed out and are now back on the streets. Below are the mug shots of the others. Cherilyn Young's mug shot has made my morning. And Jeffrey Wright is totally thinking, "And what, motherfucker?!"