Elderly

Clint Eastwood was enjoying a wonderful dinner at Madeo when Lindsay Lohan and her crew of misfits crashed the joint. Clint was not pleased. She was probably ruining his potato soup. That's what oldies eat, right? Anyway, Clint started glaring at her table. A witness told OK! Magazine, "I heard him tell his friend, 'She brought all those paparazzi. Fifteen of them. Did you ever think we'd see the day with all this? I'm going out the back door so I don't have to deal with all that."

Screw Lindsay for ruining his potato soup! I'm sure he had to eat his tapioca pudding at home too. What a bitch. I'm surprised he didn't throw his "Go ahead, make my day" line at her. If he did she probably would've been on her knees. Well! She's a slut. She can't help it. When sluts hear the word "head" they immediately get on their knees and go to work.

Jack Nicholson claims he has a killer pick-up line that always works. Jack said, "You walk up to someone you like and you're feeling relaxed, they think, 'Oh, here comes the shark' and you say to them, 'When did you get pregnant?' You will have somebody off balance after that particular line."

In Hollywood that little line will backfire, because most of those chicks are knocked up.

All Jack has to say to me is, "Hi, I'm Jack Nicholson. Do you want to fuck in the car or the men's restroom?" I'd immediately put down my Long Island Iced Tea and head to the john. I think everyone should eff Jack at least once in their life. Yes, the dick probably doesn't get completely hard, but who cares? He's Jack Nicholson!

It's the wild hogs! Bruce Willis and Sly Stallone went on Letterman last night and they all jumped on their motorcycles and rode off into the moonlight. Actually, I just think they just sat there on their bikes a little bit and road to the corner. They didn't get their mommy's permission to go past the block. It's all fun in games until one of their Viagra pills kicks in and leaves with them with a spooge mess all over the seat. Seriously, motorcycle engines know how to massage the prostate the right way.

If those briefs were any higher they would be touching her chin. They might as well thrown her in a one piece. Fuck, they should've thrown her in a scuba suit. I'm expecting some expert retouching for this movie. Kim Cattrall was on the beach in California shooting scenes for "Sex and the Oldies." They are probably going to do some CGI shit on all those cronies to make them look young and sexy. Yeah she has oatmeal thighs, but she's 51. They like oatmeal at that age. Oh to be a celebrity! Having a camerea zoom up on your nastiness. Oh well, bitch earned it.

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